When There's Nothing
by bellonaa
Summary: Annabeth, the valedictorian, has an eating disorder, and Percy, the swim team captain and her ex-best friend, is the only one who notices. A story about the way we look at ourselves and the way others look at us, too.
1. DISCLAIMER

**DISCLAIMER: Do not read this story if hearing about any sort of eating disorder is going to be triggering to you in any way. Do not. Turn around, okay?**

**I wrote this as a way to think through my own personal experiences with an eating disorder. It is very detailed, and this is not the typical story where the person with an eating disorder is saved and fixed in a single chapter.**

**Eating disorders are a very real and frightening mental illness that affects millions of people. They are not a trope to be used in fiction. They are not to be taken lightly. They need to be treated with care and respect.**

**This is my personal perspective of one way that an eating disorder may manifest itself. Do not assume that this story represents the experience of everyone who has/has had anorexia, binge-eating disorder, compulsive exercise, etc.**

**I wrote this story as a way to reflect on my personal experience, not to define anyone else's. This is not an easy story to write and it is not an easy story to read. Do not expect this story to help you work through your own personal eating disorder.**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**


	2. White Boys of the Month

**WHITE BOYS OF THE MONTH**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Dreams by the Cranberries**

* * *

_For breakfast today_, Annabeth thought, _I ate two pieces of toast (200 calories), two tablespoons of peanut butter powder mixed with water (50 calories), a banana (~100 calories) and a drizzle of honey (~50 calories). _She boarded the subway and took a seat next to the door, resting her hands comfortably in the pockets of her favorite blue fleece. _And lunch… lunch will be good._

She stared out the window at the dark walls of the subway. Not many people were on the subway- at least not this part- this early in the morning, but she enjoyed getting up early and getting to school. It was just like every other morning- get up at 5:30, immediately eat breakfast, pack a lunch, grab her backpack and homework, and jet out the door before anyone else was awake.

As the subway rumbled through Brooklyn and into Manhattan, Annabeth's thoughts wandered to the rest of the day. Did she promise Piper to do homework after school? Hmm… maybe not.

When the rail slowed to a comfortable stop, Annabeth saw a familiar figure board in the same car, at the other door down. Annabeth tried to sink into her seat, hoping they wouldn't see her but- they scanned the car, and gave her a little wave, and started walking towards her.

"Hey Annabeth," Percy Jackson gave her a tight smile, then slid into the seat across from her. "How's it going?"

"I'm good…" Annabeth replied slowly, giving him a once-over. His messy black hair was sticking out everywhere, and his eyes were dark with exhaustion. His black skinny jeans were sprawled across his seat and the ones on the other side of him. "I didn't know you took the subway."

Percy shrugged. "I do, just never this early."

She nodded. "I guess you do live nearby."

He gave her another little smile. "Yeah, you haven't been over to my house in a while, have you?"

Annabeth's face grew a little warm. "Yeah. God, it has been a while. When was the last time- middle school?"

Percy nodded. "Sounds about right."

They sat in silence for a moment before Percy reached inside his backpack and pulled out a folded paper towel. He unwrapped it, revealing three blue chocolate chip cookies, and he immediately began to bite into one. "Cookie?" he gestured to her, still chewing.

Annabeth resisted the urge to giggle, while her heart rate jumped a little bit. That had to be… two hundred or three hundred? Maybe if she didn't eat lunch. "No, I'm okay. But thanks."

Percy frowned at her. "Are you sure? It's been a while since you had one of my mom's cookies."

Annabeth smiled. "Yeah I'm good." She glanced away from Percy's slowly retreating hand. "A cookie? This early?"

"Nothing like a healthy breakfast to get the day started."

They gave each other yet another small smile. Annabeth could almost see middle school Percy right now- troublemaker features, skinny, sharp sea green eyes. And the eyes had stayed, but even Annabeth had to admit that Percy wasn't that gangly little kid anymore. Now he was tall, and his once unruly black hair now swept nicely across his forehead. If he was wearing a t-shirt, you could see his toned biceps (from constant swim practices). Even though he was wearing a hoodie, Annabeth glanced at his shoulders, thinking (for just a moment) about how nice his arms were.

"You excited for second semester?" she asked.

Percy shrugged. "I mean, we're not seniors yet, so there's not really much to look forward to."

Annabeth nodded, feeling the conversation dying. This was the same, basic question she asked everyone she went to school with if she wasn't friends with them. She could feel it- she and Percy would soon get off at their stop and walk the half block to Good High School, then retreat to their separate groups of friends. "Well, if you look on the bright side, there's the SAT," she said sarcastically, giving him a slightly raised eyebrow.

Percy's mouth dropped open. "Oh, of course Chase. How could I forget? Even better than prom."

Annabeth smiled, sinking back into her seat. "You're right. So much better than prom." She was half expecting him to say something like _but you'll get a 1600 no question _or _but you don't even need to study, _but he didn't, thank God.

And then the conversation was over. Percy put his headphones in and closed his eyes while Annabeth stared out the window, watching as passengers got on and off. When they finally reached their stop, she shook Percy awake. "Thank God for you Chase. What on Earth would I do if I missed first period algebra 2-"

"Oh, you know you're excited for Mrs. Dodds."

Percy groaned.

Just as Annabeth expected, the moment they arrived at school their brief moment of friendship was over and they retreated to their own little spheres of the school. Percy waved goodbye as he went over to talk to Will Solace, the Stoll brothers, Jason Grace, and a few more members of the swim team. Annabeth wandered off to find her friend Thalia before their first period AP Physics class together (a low chance because Thalia never came to school early) and nearly ran into Luke Castellan as she turned a corner.

"Hey, Annie!" Luke's face lit up in a grin as he saw her. "How are you doing?" He pulled her into a hug and Annabeth's heart beat a little faster.

"I'm good!" She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and hoped the heat in her cheeks wasn't a blush. "How- how are you? Did you finish up all your college applications over break?"

Luke was a year above Annabeth, and perfect at nearly everything he did. He was first in the class, Student Council Treasurer and President of National Honors Society, nationally ranked in policy debate, and almost certainly headed to the Ivy League school of his choice come August. It didn't hurt that he was cute, too.

Luke nodded. "Yeah. I sent them off to Yale and Stanford and all the others, but you know everywhere I applied." Annabeth nodded. She could list them off, if he asked. "But fingers crossed!"

"Of course!" Annabeth smiled. "I can't believe you're going to be gone so soon. I'm going to miss you."

Luke gave her a friendly smile. "I'm going to miss you too, Beth. You gotta take care of student council for me when you're elected President for next year."

Annabeth blushed even harder. "I don't think so."

Luke furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you kidding? You're a shoe-in."

She gave him a smile. "Thanks Luke." The blood pounded in Annabeth's head. _He really thought!_

"I better get going Annabeth- gotta meet with Reyna about something. Talk soon!"

"Sounds great. Bye Luke!"

He took off down the hallway, and Annabeth glanced after him. He was tall and graceful, dressed in a navy sweater. Annabeth even liked the back of his head.

"Morning."

Annabeth nearly jumped out of her skin. She turned around to see none other than Thalia grinning at her. "Did I scare you?" she asked.

Annabeth gave her a little glare. "No."

Thalia raised her eyebrows. "Whatever you say. Talking to Luke?"

"Yeah. Just for a second."

"Was he bragging about all his acceptance letters?"  
"No," Annabeth gave Thalia a little glare. "There's more to him than that, and you would know if you guys ever talked anymore."

Thalia shrugged. "But what if I don't want to talk to him?"

Annabeth let the subject drop, knowing she wouldn't get anywhere with Thalia. Besides, she was happy that Thalia was here with her, instead of with her other friends. It wasn't that Annabeth didn't like Zoë, Phoebe, and Bianca, but she was nothing like them. At all.

The two slid into the third floor science classroom, which was unlocked. Their teacher, however, an oddball named Mr. Perris, was nowhere to be found.

"So, how was your weekend?" Annabeth asked Thalia as they took their seats in the back of the class.

Thalia shrugged. "Alright. Went to some pretty good shows with Zoë on Saturday, but then it was family day on Sunday." Thalia didn't need to say anything more to make Annabeth cringe. Family day for Thalia sounded like complete hell. Her weird businessman dad, her jock little brother, and Thalia- together, for three court-mandated hours.

Annabeth offered her a weak smile. "At least you get to graduate in six months."

Thalia shrugged. "How about you?"

Annabeth shrugged. "Didn't do too much."

"Are you still going to SoulCycle?"

Annabeth shook her head. "No, I didn't want to keep paying the membership, but the classes at the rec center close to my house are still pretty good."

Thalia leaned back against the wall and put on her headphones. "Maybe I'll come with you some time."

_No, you won't, _Annabeth thought as Mr. Perris finally came into the classroom.

* * *

By the time the bell for lunch rang, Annabeth had already finished her food. She ate her carrot sticks, hummus, and PB+J tortilla in AP Physics, because, well- she got hungry. By lunch her stomach was growling, but she didn't have any money to buy anything from somewhere around campus.

She trekked across the street with Piper and Leo to Whole Foods to look at the free samples. Annabeth had met Piper in freshman year English and instantly liked her. Leo was kind of an addition- at first, she hadn't been sure about him, but had come to really enjoy his company.

The three of them sat in the upstairs seating while Piper ate a piece of pizza and Leo complained about the disaster that the robotics team was becoming.

"The freaking President can't just decide to go to Mexico for a week when we're coming up on the _biggest competition of the year_-"

"No, absolutely not Valdez. Please continue telling me about this world-threatening matter," Piper nodded earnestly.

Leo huffed. "Shush, Beauty Queen."

Piper gave him a glare, which didn't really work at all, because like Leo said- Piper was a beauty queen, whether or not she wanted to admit it.

"Are you going to get anything, Annabeth?" Piper asked.

Annabeth shook her head. "I already ate."

"Are you guys on to work on the APUSH chapter after school?" Leo asked. "I won't do it if you aren't there."

"You're just going to distract us, Leo," Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Besides, I don't think I can."

Piper frowned. "Why not?"

A bubble of guilt formed in Annabeth's throat, but the lie slipped out smoothly. "I have to babysit my little brothers. Helen asked me this morning."

Piper frowned. "That sucks. I feel like she makes you do that all the time."

Annabeth nodded. "Sucks ass. But, Piper, how's it going with Jason?"

Piper immediately perked up. "Well, he talked to me today during passing!"

Leo groaned. "I can't believe I have to listen to this. Just talk to him."

Piper poked him. "Actually, since you're friends with him, you should ask him if he likes me."

Leo gave her a sly grin. "No."

Piper frowned. "Pleeeease. I'll buy you lunch for a week."

"Tempting. But I choose to protect Jason's honor instead. Sorry Piper."

"Well then. Can you tell me if he still likes Reyna?"

"No."

"How far did he and Reyna get?"

"Yeah," Annabeth said, egging Piper on. "Which base?"

"Yes, important question."

Leo rolled his eyes. "Why don't you ask Thalia? That's her younger brother."

Piper shook her head. "Absolutely not. Thalia would do that for Annabeth, but not for me."

Annabeth glanced at Piper. "I don't think so. Why don't you ask her?"

Piper furrowed her brows like she wasn't sure. "Well, I just want Leo to do it. Leo, please ask him if he likes girls who wear really tight stuff or not."

"_Jesus, _just talk to him and I'll tell you anything you want!"

Piper grinned. "Deal."

Leo groaned.

Unluckily, Piper and Leo then turned their binoculars of romantic scrutiny towards Annabeth. "So, Annie-"

"Leo, for the last time-"

"Fine, Your Majesty Ms. Annabeth Chase- does that work?"

Annabeth laughed. "Much better."

"Any crushes? Any potential prom dates?"

"Because prom is five months away, so I already need to know who I'm taking."

"Stop avoiding the question," Piper gave her a knowing look.

Annabeth sighed. "Well, there's nothing new besides Luke." Piper and Leo gave each other a quick glance. Annabeth gave them both a look. "What was that look?"

Piper gave Annabeth a look. "Well, I'm sure you know that we're not exactly his biggest fans."

"Same as Thalia. Seriously, I know you think he's arrogant, but why do you guys hate him so much? He's not that bad."

Leo furrowed his brows. "How do you not see it? He's entitled. He walks around like he owns the place and he's kind of a dick. He's constantly asking people where they want to go to college just so he can tell them that he's applying to 6/8 of the Ivies because _Harvard just isn't for me _and _Columbia is a little too close to home _or whatever-"

"Sounds like you've been paying quite a bit of attention to Luke Castellan," said Piper, raising her eyebrows suggestively. "Are you sure you don't have a crush like Bethie here?"

"At least I'm not crushing on White Boy of the Month from January 2016, Jason Grace," Annabeth joined in.

"Sorry to break it you, Annabeth, but Luke _never even got to be white boy of the month. _He's that annoying," responded Leo.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

Thank you for reading!


	3. Dr Chase Tries

**DR. CHASE TRIES**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Good to You by the Avett Brothers**

* * *

Annabeth hopped on the subway after classes had ended, hoping that Leo and Piper wouldn't keep pressing to hang out after school. She didn't have to lie to them- who cared if she was going to the gym? But part of her felt ashamed.

She got off one stop earlier than usual to walk a little longer to the rec center. Even though it was January, Annabeth loved the cold. She pulled her jacket a little tighter around her and took long, quick strides towards the local rec center. The sky was thick with light gray clouds, reminding her of the fog that perpetually hovered over San Francisco in the mornings. Annabeth missed living in San Francisco- she was there for her eighth grade year, when she decided to try out living with her mom after a particularly bad fight with her dad. Even then, she missed New York City way more than she thought she would.

As she walked, her thoughts wandered back to her conversation with Percy this morning. They hadn't talked in at least a few years- to be honest, she had kind of forgotten. They had been inseparable in sixth and seventh grade after they became friends at summer camp, but ever since she had been back from San Francisco, they had become different people who focused on different things. Eighth grade was the year Percy got really into swimming, when he got a lot faster and began to compete at a more competitive level. She knew he was getting scouted by UC Berkeley and UT Austin and a few more- all top swimming schools. That was the year when Annabeth fell in love with architecture and history. They had fun in middle school, but they were just so different now.

She finally reached the rec center and walked in, briefly scanning the familiar entrance. She smiled at the desk attendant, swiped her member's card and headed straight to the locker room to change into the workout clothes she had stuffed at the bottom of her bag. Annabeth chose her usual locker, quickly took off her jeans, and shoved her boots under the bench, glancing behind her so that no one would have to see her change.

As she slipped her jeans off, she couldn't help but cringe. It didn't feel like she'd lost any weight. She didn't stop her hand from sneaking down to her hip and grabbing the fat that jutted out where it shouldn't.

Annabeth took a deep breath and put on her workout shorts, thankful for the shapelessness they brought her body. One day soon, hopefully she'd be able to wear the spandex shorts like everyone else at the gym. She put on her sports bra and a loose tank top before tossing her hair into a ponytail and taking the stairs two at a time back up to the cycling room. Her class (45 minute HIIT with Ares) didn't begin for another fifteen minutes, so she had some time to run to the weight room and do some abs.

Annabeth dragged her mat to the far corner of the weight area, far from the many meatheads hogging the machines. She pulled out her favorite routine (ten minute abs she found somewhere on the internet) and began to do the moves in quick succession, lying flat on her back with her arms behind her head: double leg lifts, bicycle crunches, static L-holds, and a few more she had long since memorized.

As Annabeth was finishing up the final move (1 minute shoulder plank with hip dips) someone came and invaded her separate area, drawing her out of her focus. "Hey! I didn't know you worked out here."

Annabeth suddenly dropped, resisting the urge to glare at the person who interrupted here. "Hey Jason. How are you?"

Jason was about to start a workout- his sleeveless purple tee wasn't yet dripping with sweat. "I'm alright. Swim practice was cancelled because they had to drain the pool- something about a bunch of freshman in beginner swimming? So Percy and I came here to work out. You live in the area?"

Alarm bells flashed in Annabeth's head. One awkward conversation in a day she could take- but two? She glanced at her watch. Thank God her class started in four minutes.

She jumped up, not caring she stopped fifteen seconds short of her minute of hip dips. "I actually gotta run to a spin class. See you around Jason!" She speedwalked off, just giving Percy a little wave and a very quick hi-bye when he tried to talk to her as he entered the weight area.

Annabeth took a breath of relief when she finally entered the cycling room and found her favorite bike near the back. People were beginning to file in, but the four o'clock class wasn't that popular, especially because it was taught by Ares, an incredibly difficult instructor. Annabeth liked the challenge, though, or at least tried to.

From the glass walls of the cycling studio, she could see Jason and Percy in the weight area, beginning to use a few kettlebells for squats. She let her eyes trace Percy's athletic arms and calves, barely sheened with sweat, before she dragged her eyes back to Ares, now barking at everyone in the class from the front of the room.

Annabeth walked out forty-five minutes later on unsteady legs. Her face was bright red and extremely sweaty. Part of her wanted to stay and use the weights for a few minutes but Jason and Percy were still there. She wiped her face off with her towel and descended the stairs to get back to her locker.

The women's locker room was now crowded- both with people from Annabeth's class and others heading in or out of the gym. Conversation and laughter echoed through the locker room walls, but Annabeth put her head down and walked quickly towards her cubicle. She wanted to change as quickly as she could so that no one (herself included) had to look at her arms or legs.

She couldn't help it, but as she passed the other women, she couldn't help but glance at their bodies, making mental notes of herself in comparison. My arms will never look like that. She grabbed a pair of sweats and hurried to the bathroom to change.

In the safety of her own stall, Annabeth let loose a deep breath and pulled off her sweaty shorts and a sports bra. She was still taking deep breaths from that last all-out interval Ares had them on- which reminded her, she needed to check her calorie count. Glancing at her FitBit, she was pleased to see she had burned 496 calories more than when her class started. Good- it fit her target metric. She needed to burn at least 10 calories for every minute she spent on the bike, and she always aimed for more. HIIT classes with Ares hit the goal every time.

A little pleased with herself, she quickly began thinking of what she would eat for dinner when she got home. The boys had soccer practice, so Helen would be picking them up and wouldn't be home until at least 8. Her dad was a little more sure. Even if he was home, he would likely just suggest they order in something that only he wanted to eat before he would spend the rest of the night reading The New York Times and watching CNN while Annabeth did homework.

Annabeth thought this perfectly normal, in fact, it was what she was used to. Piper and Thalia's family both ran the exact same way- their parents were probably home less than her dad.

As she walked up the stairs, she did remember someone who had something different. Percy- of course. He had the perfect mom. Sally Jackson had family dinner every night. She was a writer. She made blue cookies.

It was one of those moments where a tear struck Annabeth's eyes for no reason, and she had no reason why. Did she miss Sally? Did she miss her mom? Did she wish her mom was like Sally? She took a deep breath and walked up the stairs.

Of course, at the top of the stairs she found Percy and Jason, just having finished their own workout. Both boys had sweat through their athletic shirts and had friendly, good-natured smile on their face. Damn, Annabeth thought, this is one of those moments where I regret being a recluse for the entirety of freshman year because if I had just stayed friends with Percy-

Then maybe Sally Jackson could be some sort of mother to her again. Because Athena was on the other side of the country, and far too busy for her daughter unless she got into Stanford or Yale or Columbia, and Helen wasn't a mother to her at all.

"Hey Annabeth!"

Annabeth charged up the stairs, barely registering Percy, and nearly sprinted out the doors to get as far away from Percy Jackson and memories of Sally as she could. Why couldn't she see Luke on her morning subway ride or at the gym? Why Percy?

It was wistful thinking, but Annabeth decided to stop at Trader Joes to see if they had any free samples. She was exhausted, but she knew just a little food would pick her up. Of course, there were no free samples, and she ended up ogling the bakery instead.

If I could, she thought, I would get a chocolate glazed doughnut, and then a cream filled long john. A pint of peanut butter ice cream and whipped cream.

It took her awhile to get through Trader Joes, as usual. It was only the realization she still had to do her AP US History work (that she should've done earlier, with Piper and Leo) that got her walking the last few blocks home. She checked her FitBit again, but she hadn't burned any significant number of calories since.

When she walked in, Annabeth was expecting to give a quick hello to her dad before making dinner (one whole wheat tortilla with dijon mustard, sliced turkey, and lettuce with carrot sticks), taking it to her room, and taking the rest of the night to do homework, watch some food videos on YouTube, and then go to bed around 12 or 1. What she was not expecting was for her dad to be cooking.

He had the overhead speaker playing R.E.M., a band he loved in high school and something he used to listen to with Annabeth when she was younger. He was humming along with the songs while he danced around the kitchen, tasting whatever was bubbling away on the stove. A kitchen towel was thrown over his shoulder and an apron was tied around his waist. Oh no, thought Annabeth.

"Hey dad," she said warily. "Whatcha up to?"

"Hey honey!" he said brightly, turning around to greet her. "Helen is taking the boys and the rest of their carpool to Noodles, so I thought I would make us some dinner. Haven't done it in a while, you know. How was your day?"

"Fine," Annabeth replied. She dropped her backpack and took off her shoes before heading over to the kitchen. "What're you making?"

"Mac and cheese!" her dad smiled at her widely while Annabeth resisted the urge to take a sharp intake of breath.

"Great, Dad. That sounds great."

He beamed at her. "It's been a while since the two of us had dinner together."

No shit, because you're always working or we're with Helen. "Yeah. It has."

"I just thought it would be fun to make something you used to love when you were a kid."

He was right. Annabeth loved mac and cheese. The last time she had eaten mac and cheese was over six months ago, if you don't count the vegan box mix she had over winter break. "Sounds great."

"You have any homework to do? How are classes going?"

"Uhh, yeah. I have stuff for US history and then something with math, I think."

He beamed. "Ooh. That history class sounds great. You guys on World War I and II yet?"

Annabeth shook her head. "No, the Reconstruction Era."

He nodded. "Very nice. Let me know when you finally get to WWI! I can show you all my information on the planes and battles!" He looked so honest Annabeth's heart beat a little faster.

"I'll be right back- I have to run to my room."

"Okay, honey."

Annabeth grabbed her backpack and speed walked to her room. Why was he being so odd? They never talked about this much besides 'how was your day?' Never. Never. And he hadn't cooked for her since freshman year.

But that wasn't the most pressing problem. How could she eat mac and cheese? Just to remind herself, Annabeth moved her many, many textbooks off of her desk to reveal the laminated index card she had taped to the top of her desk.

RULES:

300 calories per meal

1 100 calorie snack for between either breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner

At least 30 minutes of cardio exercise every day, with additional strength training (time permitting)

Limit added sugar, soda, white flour, candy, peanut butter, dairy!

Eat lots of vegetables! Vegetables don't count for calories!

Drink at least 64 oz of water every day

Stay Consistent

She stared at her rules for a moment, an odd feeling of shame washed over her. She quickly recovered the rules with her textbooks. No one could ever, ever see the rules.

Ever.

On her way back out, Annabeth took a deep breath and tried to convince herself that eating mac and cheese wouldn't be that bad for one night. Except that it clearly broke at least three rules: 300 calories per meal, limited white flour and dairy, and consistency. But she could get around it- if she had the mac and cheese now, then she would just do a few YouTube workout videos later, and it should be fine. Alright. Okay.

She stepped back out into the kitchen, where her dad was working on the cheese sauce. Annabeth watched a lot of cooking videos, and she could tell that what her dad was making was a béchamel. As he sang along to one of his favorite R.E.M. songs (Daysleeper) Annabeth sat down at the kitchen island and thought about how'd she be staying up a little later than she would like tonight.

The two sat down at the table. Annabeth resisted the urge to stare down at the table and ignore her dad. She had so much stuff to do. Any other night but tonight.

"So, how's school going?"

Annabeth shrugged. "It's fine. Second semester will probably be more difficult, especially with SAT stuff and everything."

Her dad nodded. "You know, I don't really check your grades. But today I looked and I couldn't help but notice that you were first in the class! Why haven't you ever told me?"

Annabeth felt her face going bright red. "Well, I just… I don't know. I don't think it ever really crossed my mind." That was a lie. "Besides- it'll probably change. They keep track of who gets to be valedictorian up until the very last day of school."

"Doesn't sound like no big deal to me. And hey- even if you don't want to make a big deal out of it, I'm proud of you." He took a bite of his mac and cheese, chewing thoughtfully. "That's the kind of thing your mom would like to know."

Annabeth pressed her lips into a thin line. The first mention of her mother in months, and it only concerned her grades. "Yeah, maybe. I'll let her know the next time we talk on the phone."

Her dad nodded, pleased. "You want any seconds?"

Annabeth shook her head reflexively. "Nah, that totally filled me up. You should totally have some more if you want, though."

He leaned back in his chair, stretching out. "I think I'll leave it for tomorrow. That's a great thing to take to school for lunch."

Annabeth nodded enthusiastically. "Great idea." She felt a little sick, probably because of all the dairy. "I have a lot of homework to do."

Her dad waved her off. "Don't worry, I'll get started on the dishes. Gotta keep that 4.0 up-"

"Daaaad."

"Alright, fine, fine. But you can't help me for being proud!" He beamed at her.

Annabeth smiled back, cringing inwardly. Why was he being so weird, all of a sudden? They barely talk most days. Was it just because of her freaking transcript that he decided she was suddenly worth his time and energy?

She retreated to her room, quickly making a checklist of all the things she had to do before she could sleep. YouTube workout, APUSH, calculus. There was probably more she had forgotten.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**


	4. Why Annabeth Doesn't Wake Up Late

**WHY ANNABETH DOESN'T WAKE UP LATE**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: I'm So Tired by the Beatles**

* * *

Annabeth was exhausted the next morning, more so than usual. She couldn't remember what time she had gone to sleep, but it had been later than usual. She stayed in her warm dark, bed, promising herself she would get back up in another few minutes.

"Annabeth? Annabeth? You up?"

The call of Helen's voice made Annabeth nearly catapult herself out of bed. Holy shit- it was 6:05. Her train left in nineteen minutes.

Annabeth flurried around her room, quickly putting together her backpack and getting dressed. There was no time to try on her outfit this morning, barely enough time to put on mascara and any outfit that required more effort than a fleece pullover and plain gray leggings. As Helen and her father sat comfortably in the kitchen, drinking coffee and chatting calmly, Annabeth whipped around their apartment. It felt so much smaller with three people in the kitchen than it did with just one. This was why she always got up at 5:30!

It was only as Annabeth was yanking on her boots when the grumble of her stomach hit her. She checked her watch. Five minute walk to the subway- she didn't have time to eat. Well, she thought, that's not necessarily a bad thing. She finished tying up her boots, said goodbye to her father and her sleepy-eyed step brothers as they woke up, and sprinted out the door, hoping she wouldn't be late to her train.

Annabeth walked quickly enough that she realized she seriously overestimated the time it took to get to the subway station, and also that she definitely should have eaten breakfast. Her stomach was now roaring unpleasantly at her, and she grimaced as she descended the dark stairs leading into the belly of the station.

She slid into the train compartment and took a seat, a little out of breath as she sat down. Maybe she could eat something at the vending machine at school? No. That was all sugar and processed carbs. Maybe she could bum something off Thalia or Piper, but she didn't want to do that. That was their food, not hers. In her rush, she had also forgotten to bring a lunch. Cafeteria? Absolutely not. Whole Foods? No time to get there before first period.

Annabeth settled back into the seat, resisting the urge to close her eyes and fall back asleep as the subway took off and rattled to its next location. She was thinking about the mac and cheese from last night when Percy Jackson walked by the subway car, and seeing her, got on. Annabeth resisted the urge to grimace, just now remembering seeing him and Jason last night.

"Hey Annabeth."

"Hey Percy."

"Funny seeing you last night. You go there often?"

The answer slipped out before she realized it. "Every day I can." Which meant every day they weren't closed, if Percy could read between the lines. Annabeth wanted to slap herself for saying that to him. She felt like it was imperative no one knew her exercise routines.

He raised his eyebrows. "Dang, good for you. What do you like to do?"

She shrugged, trying to seem passive. "Depends. Sometimes I just run on the treadmill, but I really like the cycling classes."

"Gotcha. How's your morning going?"

Annabeth was a little confused. Had Percy always been this into small talk? More specifically, did he always want to small talk with her? "Not great. I woke up super late and I didn't have time to grab breakfast or anything. I probably forgot all my homework."

Percy's eyebrows furrowed. "No breakfast? Are you hungry?"

Annabeth realized her mistake. "No, no I'm fine." But Percy was already reaching into his bag, pulling out a familiar blue shape. Oh, God no.

"Here, it's a blue chocolate chip cookie. Take them. Better than nothing."

Annabeth was not rude. She let Percy hand her the cookie- cookies, apparently. Three blue chocolate chip cookies nestled in a paper towel. She lifted them up to her nose to smell them- incredible, obviously. She resisted the urge to simultaneously salivate or gag. "Uh, thanks so much. Your mom makes great cookies."

"She does. Try one, tell me what you think." Percy gave her a look, a little harder than she was expecting. He was challenging her.

Annabeth broke one of the cookies in half and took a bite. Of course- it was great. She smiled a little and took another bite. "Are you sure you don't want them?"

Percy waved his hand. "I have about a dozen waiting for me back home. All yours."

Annabeth finished the cookie quickly while she talked to Percy, about easy topics like the swim season and school principal. Then she ate the second one, and then the third, all before they had even reached the stop before school. It wasn't until she and Percy stood up and she clutched the empty paper towel in her hand that Annabeth realized what she had done.

Her stomach plummeted as she registered what she had just eaten. Not a bite of a cookie, not a single cookie, but three big blue chocolate chip cookies. She swore she could feel them in her stomach, getting ready to make her fat. She was going to lose all of her progress. As she and Percy walked up the steps and towards their high school, she had one conversation with him, but another with herself. She was planning all the exercise she would do this afternoon and all of the things that she wouldn't eat later.

As she and Percy prepared to part at the school gates, she gave him another smile. "Thanks so much for the cookies."  
"Anytime. See you on the subway tomorrow?"

Annabeth nodded. "Sounds good!" She bit her lip as she turned around, completely consumed with the cookies. If only she had more self control. She could have waited until lunch. She didn't need those cookies. She needed to be better.

For all of her classes, Annabeth was distracted. She was itching to jump out of her seat and go on a run- to do something, anything. She couldn't help it. She felt supremely sick to her stomach.

During lunch, she went out with Piper and Thalia. They went across the street to a vegan place that Annabeth normally liked because they showed the calorie count. She ignored the grumbling of her stomach, thinking about how many calories she had beaten earlier. Six hundred? Eight hundred? She was sure, sure that it was more. She ignored Piper when she asked to hang out after school.

Once Annabeth was done with her spin class, she was ready to drop. Her legs felt weak and she was panting, chugging water like her life depended on it. For some reason class had been so much more difficult today, which was infuriating, because she needed to get rid of the cookies. She had barely surpassed her calorie goal for the ride, so she made her way to the weight room and decided to try out some squats.

It had been a really long time since she had lifted any significant weight, but she piled thirty pounds on the bar and figured- twelve reps? Three rounds? Something like that. She'd push herself if she needed it.

She barely finished her first round as she felt her legs nearly give out. Something wasn't right. Annabeth desperately wanted to keep going but for once she knew it wasn't a good idea. She should go home.

On the walk home, she got a notification from her period tracker app that she should be starting tomorrow. Annabeth nearly smirked. How long had it been since she had gotten her period? It had to have been nine months.

The next day on the subway, Annabeth finally wasn't surprised to have Percy Jackson come sit with her. Instead of sitting in the seat across from her, he sat next to her, which did surprise her. "Hey Percy," she gave him a genuine smile.

He gave her a quick smile. "Hey Annabeth. Uh, I have a question about math…"

"Sure. What's up?"

He reached inside his backpack and grabbed a textbook and a plain blue spiral notebook. "So we just talked about what limits are yesterday and I definitely didn't understand it. Think you could help me out?"

Percy laid his textbook across their laps and flipped through a notebook. "See, these are the homework problems. They're due, uh, in like thirty minutes, so I would love it if you could help me out."

Annabeth resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Sure, Seaweed Brain." She hadn't called him that in years. She saw Percy's eyebrows raise, but he didn't mention it. "Alright, this first one has to do with horizontal asymptotes."

She drew a diagram on the page of a cartesian plane, then drew in a basic function with a horizontal asymptote of 0 as x approaches infinity. She quickly explained what the question was asking, while Percy alternately stared at her face and at the page. Now it was Annabeth's turn to furrow her eyebrows. "Is the diagram OK? Do you need anything else?"

"No, no, it's good," Percy blushed. "Sorry, I'm dyslexic, so it takes a while to focus."

Annabeth's eyes softened. "I remember. I am too."

Percy nodded. "I remember."

They glanced into each other's eyes for a brief second before Annabeth quickly turned back to the page. "Anyways, this question is asking is about vertical asymptotes…"

Annabeth couldn't keep the odd blush on her face as she walked to AP Physics. Percy had smelled good, really good. A little bit of chlorine (obviously) that she found weirdly cute, and a few other scents she couldn't put her finger on. Her face was hot and she could tell she was blushing a little bit, which was odd because she'd never had a crush on Percy.

Well, that was a lie. She definitely did in middle school, especially right before she spent that year in San Francisco. Annabeth had liked Luke all throughout elementary school, but when they stopped talking in sixth grade she had grown much closer to Percy. Then she came back, and the crush on Luke reignited again.

They were the only two boys she had ever liked, and they were so, so different. Luke was put together, top of the class, and insanely smart. Luke, Thalia, and Annabeth were best friends when they were kids- when she used to live far out in Long Island and had space to run around, before they moved closer to the city for Helen's work. Percy, on the other hand, was a bit of a whirlwind. He was definitely more relaxed, and much more well liked than Luke. Leo and Percy weren't super close (only really friends through Jason) but from what he had told her, Annabeth got the idea that Percy hadn't really changed much since middle school. Sure, he was taller and a lot cuter and had really nice arms, but he was still the same Percy.

Jesus, Annabeth sounded insane. She has three conversations with the guy- and now she's acting like a lovesick idiot? She took out her phone and texted Luke.

Annabeth: Hey! You up for lunch today?

He texted back not even a minute later.

Luke: Sounds good!

She let a wide grin spread across her face before walking into the classroom.

"I mean, we'll see what they say, I guess," Luke sighed, talking about his applications.

Annabeth nodded. "Oh, for sure. What do you want to major in again?"

Luke shrugged. "My dad says communications, which is definitely a possibility, but we'll see. Maybe engineering."

"Oh, that's great! I bet you're so excited to see where you get in."

They were walking back to class after lunch, when Annabeth was about to go to APUSH and Luke to AP Lit. "Uh, are you excited for Snow Ball?" Annabeth asked, referring to the late January dance.

Luke shrugged. "I mean, student council members are required to go. I don't know who I want to take as a date yet. What about you?"

Annabeth let out a breathy laugh. "Uh, I don't know. Not really a dance person." He didn't know who he wanted to take yet. That was good!

"Me too. I should probably get going. See you later, Annie," he said, giving her a hug and ruffling her hair.

Annabeth resisted the urge to frown. She hated when he treated her like a kid. "Bye Luke!"

If only he would take her to Snow Ball, she thought, walking away. Lunch had been fun, if not a little awkward. They hadn't seen each other in a while, and Luke was so preoccupied with college applications it was the only thing they ended up talking about. That was fine- Annabeth thought it was interesting, even if it just stressed her out.

Everyone thought she knew exactly where she wanted to go to college- MIT or Stanford, or something of the like, but she had absolutely no idea. She spent most of her time either doing homework for her classes or exercising. She wasn't one of those kids who knew where they wanted to go when they were freshman. All she wanted to do was study architecture. Thinking about college stressed her out so much she just never did it. College was the only thing her mom or dad ever wanted to talk to her about, anyway.

Annabeth walked into APUSH and took her seat next to Piper's empty chair. Piper rushed in seconds before the end of lunch bell, just before their teacher slammed the door shut.

"Guess what!" Piper said, beaming, as they pulled out their notebooks and began writing their warmups.

"What?"

Piper's smile was about to split her face in half. "Okay, so I did what Leo said and I talked to Jason while he was at his locker, just a few minutes ago. And at first all I was going to say was hey, how are you doing, whatever, hahaha, you know! But then as we were talking I was thinking- he's so cute, and this really is a golden opportunity, and I'm terrible at math- so I asked him to tutor me! And he said yes!"

"Oh my god, yay!" Annabeth said, trying to keep her voice down and simultaneously write a thesis statement about if Reconstruction failed due to the part of the Northern or Southern states. "That's so exciting. When are you meeting?"

Piper was nearly bouncing out of her chair. "Tomorrow after school at a coffee shop!"

"I'm so happy for you!"

Piper was grinning widely. "Want to hang out at my house after school?"

It was rare Piper invited Annabeth to her house- extremely. She must've been in a great mood. "Let's do it," Annabeth agreed. She would skip spin class today and do some longer workout later tonight.

"Yay!" Piper grinned widely.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**


	5. No Off Days

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Nobody by Miski**

* * *

What Annabeth had expected to be a quick after school hangout with her best friend ended up turning into several hours spent at Piper's house- a gorgeous brownstone on the Upper East Side. Her dad, Tristan McLean, a famous movie star, was off in Los Angeles on business- the place where Piper had grown up before she convinced her dad to let her spend high school on the East Coast.

When Annabeth had first met Piper in freshman year, Tristan McLean would have been the last person she imagined was her dad. Sure, Piper had his good looks- sharp features, tan skin- but she was also completely her own person, intent on keeping any association with her father as low as possible. At freshman orientation, Piper had walked in with a too-big, faded fleece jacket, ripped jeans, and hiking boots- no makeup, no designer clothes, no fancy haircut. But that didn't stop any guys from not catching on to how pretty she was, or how great of a body she had. Until Piper turned them all down.

Annabeth had been a little jealous, before she had gotten to know Piper. Even then she had wished for her body to look just like her's.

Annabeth knew that only she, Leo, and Thalia even knew the truth about Tristan McLean, a secret that Piper was intent on keeping. She didn't want to be friends with megamillionaires- she wanted to be a regular kid. How Piper had convinced her dad to let her attend public school was beyond Annabeth.

The two of them lounged in Piper's front room while Genevieve, the woman who stayed with her when Tristan was gone, cooked dinner. They quickly abandoned the pretense of doing any homework and giggled about Jason for most of the night. Piper couldn't stop blushing, or stop talking about how excited she was.

Annabeth was too. She liked Jason. Their school didn't have a big football or baseball team- it focused on sports like swimming and tennis, paired with stellar academics. Their swim team was top in the state, which was likely the reason Percy had decided to go there. Percy, Jason, and a few other guys were all top athletes on the team.

"I mean, I don't want to say anything too soon," Piper said, rolling over on her favorite turquoise bean bag chair. Tristan had let his daughter do all the interior design for the brownstone, meaning it was full of interesting art pieces, comfy seating, and rugs. Lots and lots of rugs. "But I feel really good about this. He's just so nice! Do you ever get a feeling, like, like something big is going to happen? Like you're going to date someone? Or fall in love?"

"Uh, sure?"

"I mean, maybe it's just me. But at the beginning of every school year I always think to myself: are you going to date someone this year? You know? And finally at the beginning of junior year, I was like yeah! Maybe I am."

"I hope it works out for you guys!"

Piper gave her a big smile. "I missed you so much. It's been so long since we got to hang out."

Annabeth cast her eyes down at the floor so Piper wouldn't have to see how guilty she looked. "I'm sorry- my schedule is just crazy this semester. I'll definitely try though." She couldn't ignore the other reasons she felt guilty right now: skipping her spin class and eating all those chips with Piper after school.

"Nah, you're good. I totally understand. I just never want to stop hanging out with you."

Annabeth smiled. "Me too."

Annabeth didn't get home until nearly nine PM, right when everyone else in her family was getting ready to go to sleep. Matthew and Bobby had left all their legos in the apartment and Helen was chasing them around while her dad chuckled. She paused at the entrance to the living room, wishing she had stayed at Piper's just a few minutes longer, so she didn't have to intrude on their special family moment.

As she tried to quietly slip away to her room, her dad spun around and saw her. "Hey Annabeth! How was Piper's?"

She cursed silently and turned back around, plastering on a smile. "Hey! It was great. How was dinner?"

Her father grinned. "Great! I think I'm going to try out cooking every night from now on." _Oh, no. Absolutely not. _She couldn't have more meals like the mac and cheese and the food at Piper's tonight (chicken pot pie), which was absolutely delicious, but would only serve to make her fatter than she already was.

"Oh, sounds great Dad."

"And I hope you don't mind, but I told Athena about you being first in the class," her dad said sheepishly, rubbing his neck while his cheeks grew red. "She called to let me know she was coming into the city for a few days, to set up some time to hang out with you, and I just wanted to let her know. She's so proud!"

She could feel Helen freeze when her dad mentioned her mother's name. Helen and Athena had never met, and Helen never complained about her, but Annabeth could tell there was some great unspoken tension between the two of them. If only Helen could understand that the relationship between Athena and her dad was _so _over… she was honestly surprised they were even talking on the phone.

"Oh, that's great Dad," Annabeth said casually. "I'll, uh, text her?"

He nodded. "Anything else going on at school? Any food you want me to try making?'

Annabeth shook her head instantly. "Not really. I actually have a ton of homework to do, so I'm going to go to my room…"

He nodded. "All good. Night, sweetheart."

"Goodnight Annabeth," said Helen. Matthew and Bobby had finally been corralled into their room and she sat at the kitchen island with her dad.

"Night!"

Annabeth had mounds of homework to do, but it could wait. 45 minute barre? 30 minute tabata? She couldn't do anything that would be too loud, of course. She decided on a compromise (30 minute barre class, and then another 10 minutes of abs after) and quickly got into the YouTube video, staying quiet as to not wake Matthew and Bobby in the room next door.

She had barely finished the warm up when she got a notification on her phone. Confused, she paused the video and opened her phone.

**XXX-XXX-XXXX: Hey Annabeth, I'm really sorry but is there any chance that you could help me with some more stuff for math? It's Percy, I got your number from Thalia, btw.**

Annabeth quickly glanced at her video before slowly shutting her computer and typing a reply.

**Annabeth: Sure? What do you need help with?**

**XXX-XXX-XXXX: Is it alright if we FaceTime?**

Annabeth's heart rate spiked. She was sweaty and in all her workout clothes, her room was a mess… but all of a sudden her phone was buzzing with a FaceTime request from the unknown number she now knew belonged to Percy Jackson. She was not ready to be looked at… yet she slid it open anyway.

It took a moment to connect before she was looking at the face of Percy Jackson- albeit a blurry face of Percy Jackson- before the connection warmed up and the picture became clearer.

"Hey!" they both said at the same time, before landing in a quick awkward silence. _Goddamnit, _Annabeth thought.

"So, you need some help?" What a lame thing to say.

"Uh, yeah," Percy said, "Thanks so much."

"Sure! What do you need?"

He flipped the camera around to show her his textbook. "It's limits again."

Annabeth studied the problems. "Alright. Do you remember anything we talked about on the subway?"

She swore she could see Percy blush. "Uh… a little."

She bit back a laugh. "Well, do you remember anything about asymptotes?" They got through the problems surprisingly quickly after that, once she had given him a quick refresher. Percy was actually pretty smart, Annabeth thought, he just didn't always show it.

"How's your mom doing?" she asked him, after they had finished all the problems.

Percy broke out into a grin. "She's good. She's getting married in February to Paul Blofis, the 10th grade English teacher."

Annabeth's jaw dropped. "No way! Mr. Blofis? He's the best!"

Percy nodded. "I know, Paul's great. They met at a parent-teacher conference or something. It's kinda weird, seeing him in the halls now. Embarrassing. I don't know," he blushed, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

"I think it's great!" Annabeth responded, trying to sound encouraging. "As long as your mom and Paul or happy, that's all you should worry about."

Percy laughed. "You're right."

They kept talking for a while after that, mostly reminiscing about the summer camp they used to spend their summers at. It was so refreshing not to just talk about school or college. It was only when she realized it was nearly 11:30 that Annabeth decided she should probably go to sleep.

"Hey, I'm probably going to go to bed…" she said awkwardly, right after Percy was done telling her about the swim team captain elections.

Percy nodded. "Oh yeah, me too. I didn't realize it was so late."

"Same. If you uh, ever need any more math help, just let me know."

"Sure!"

"Bye!" they said at the same time, giving each other another awkward smile before tapping the end call button.

Annabeth couldn't stop the smile on her face. She had missed talking to Percy more than she had realized. He didn't stress her out like Luke did. But with a sudden jolt, she stopped thinking of Percy and Luke and remembered the exercise that she still hadn't done.

_Percy or Luke or anyone ever would never like a fat girl, _she thought, biting her lip so that the tears would stop forming. It didn't work, of course, so she laid down, pressed play on the forgotten YouTube video, and began to follow the instructor. In a plie position, she pressed her mouth tightly together, refusing to let the sobs escape.

_It's alright Annabeth- this is what you need to be doing. This is what's important. You need to get in shape so that you'll actually be attractive! They don't want a shapeless blob. They want nice boobs and a small waist and a big butt and thin legs and nice calves and skinny arms, and by doing this, you're one step closer to getting there. _

_Today wasn't great. You didn't burn enough calories, probably, and you definitely shouldn't have eaten anything at Piper's, but you will be better tomorrow. _

After Annabeth finished her barre class and her abs, she looked down at her rules:

**RULES:**

****300 calories per meal****

****1 100 calorie snack for between either breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner****

****At least 30 minutes of cardio exercise every day, with additional strength training (time permitting)****

****Limit added sugar, soda, white flour, candy, peanut butter, dairy!****

****Eat lots of vegetables! Vegetables don't count for calories!****

****Drink at least 64 oz of water every day****

****Stay Consistent****

It was a good list, but it wasn't quite complete. She added one more to the bottom of the list:

****No off days!****

After brushing her teeth and washing her face, Annabeth felt the familiar knot of hunger growing in her stomach. _Perfect. _Today had been hard, but tomorrow would be better. She'd go to spin class instead of hanging out with Piper. She had to be better, she had to.

Two days later, Annabeth was back in Piper's brownstone, this time talking with her friend all about Piper and Jason's tutoring date- which had really turned into more of a date-date, with Piper's handiwork. They had gotten minimal work done at a coffee shop before Piper asked him to go for a walk, which turned into getting dinner, which turned into ice cream.

Annabeth was pretending to be excited about this new development- which wasn't a lie. She was overjoyed for her friend, and couldn't believe that everything was working out with such a great guy, but mostly she was distracted and thinking about how she had already broken every single promise she had made to herself last night.

On the outside, Annabeth was completely "oh my god that's so great!" but she was freaking out, constantly trying to find an excuse to dip out early. Luckily, she had the perfect thing: "My dad wants me to come home for dinner!" Truthfully, her dad thought she was eating at Piper's. Annabeth was going to the gym.

When she emerged from her hour long climb class, Annabeth was exhausted, and not looking at all forward to the short ride home. She made her customary Trader Joes stop (no free samples, unsurprisingly) before getting home at nearly 9 PM. The boys were in bed and her dad and Helen sat in the living room, listening to jazz.

"Hey honey!" her dad nearly bounced out of his chair. "I made chicken parmesan tonight- you interested? It was awesome. Lots of leftovers. Want me to heat something up for you?"

Annabeth gave him a big smile, her heart racing."I'm okay Dad, but thank you so much. I'm stuffed from Piper's." He couldn't hear her stomach growl, right?

He shrugged. "All good. You should take it for lunch tomorrow."

"For sure! I'm going to go do some homework and go to bed early."

He gave her another huge smile. "Sounds great! See you tomorrow."

Annabeth retreated to her room. She shouldn't have gone to Piper's today- she had broken her promise. At the very least, she wouldn't eat dinner tonight.

She sat down to work on some calculus but was unable to think with her stomach roaring. Annabeth was so exhausted she was nearly about to fall asleep at her desk- so she quicky brushed her teeth and fell into bed.

Just as she was going to sleep, she heard a text come in, but far too tired to check it, she laid her head down on the pillow and closed her eyes.

The first thing Annabeth saw when she got up the next morning and checked her phone was the missed test from last night:

**Percy: Hey, are you down to ft? Math ahaha**

She wanted to slap herself. She was so dumb! All she needed to do was stay up for another thirty seconds and she could've talked to Percy! Why did she have to be so stupid?

_Wait_, Annabeth thought to herself. _Since when am I so into Percy? I like Luke. I mean, he's Luke. Percy just isn't my type. That's right. He's too unpredictable and he's so popular. I've known Luke longer. Right- that's right. I like Luke._

She typed out a hurried response, now convinced that she didn't like Percy at all.

**Annabeth: I'm so so so sorry I was asleep! Can we do it on the subway?**

**Percy: Sure :)**

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading! Sorry if the pace seems kind of slow, I'm hoping that everything will pick up more in the next few chapters. First four chapters were really just to establish Annabeth's world and set up some early plot points, but the ball will start rolling soon. **

**If you would like, please leave a review!**

**\- Emily**


	6. Annabeth and the Terrible, Horrible Day

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Ill With Want by the Avett Brothers**

**_I am sick of wanting and it's evil how it's got me_**

**_And every day is worse than the one before_**

**_The more I have, the more I think I'm almost where I need to be_**

**_If only I could get a little more_**

* * *

The last place Annabeth wanted to be at was dinner with her mother. She could think of a billion other things she would much rather be doing. Going to spin class. Doing homework. She would take one of her dad's home-cooked meals over this bullshit.

Athena, her biological mother, was in New York for a few days on business. She ran a huge architectural firm headquartered in San Francisco, so when she was on the East Coast it was supposed to be a "special" time for the two of them to hang out. Annabeth hated when she came.

She used to be so excited about seeing her mother. Growing up, especially when Bobby and Matthew were born and she realized that her father had created an entirely new family, she lived for these visits. Back then Athena would just take her to a museum or a bookstore or something. They were the highlight of Annabeth's year.

In middle school the arguments with her dad got so bad that she called Athena one day and sobbed over the phone about how much she hated her life in New York. Annabeth couldn't remember a thing that she said to her that day, but it must've been bad, because the next day Athena flew into JFK and told Frederick that according to a technicality in California divorce law, Annabeth was allowed to live with her mother if she wanted.

She finished out seventh grade in the city, like she promised her father, and after a few months at summer camp, she was picked up by her mother's assistant Selene, who drove her to the airport. Annabeth took a flight to San Francisco and tried not to look back. Even then, it had been the worst year of her life.

Athena had a six PM reservation at a gorgeous French bistro in Tribeca. Instead of taking the subway, a sleek black car picked Annabeth up from her apartment and took her there. She didn't recognize the driver, of course.

Annabeth was wearing a simple black sleeveless dress, almost something that a businesswoman would wear to work. It ended just above her knees, and cinched her waist uncomfortably. She hated how it made her body look- it was just a little too tight for her liking- but she knew the restaurant was nice.

She fiddled with her grey owl earrings in the car, hoping that her hair didn't look too ratty. Annabeth was used to the scrutiny of her mother, but she dreaded their meetings. Every. Single. Time.

Finally they pulled up to the restaurant. Annabeth thanked the driver and stepped outside, shivering. She should have brought something other than a cardigan, but no other jacket she owned went with her dress.

The restaurant was nice inside- dim lighting, simple tables with white tablecloths, and waiters dressed in sports jackets and slacks. The upper echelon of New York business people filled the tables. No one drank beer, just wine.

Even though Annabeth arrived a few minutes early, her mother was already sitting down at their table. Even though Athena had about a billion things going on at once, she was never late. Ever. Right now she was typing away on her iPhone while her left hand tapped impatiently on their table. She didn't notice Annabeth until she took her seat across from her at the table, when she turned off her phone and smiled at her daughter.

Athena was not the kind of person to have had a daughter at 22, just after her college graduation. She had met Annabeth's dad when they were both finishing up their final year at Harvard undergrad. Annabeth was born in July, and then a few months later Athena took her baby daughter to get her masters degree in architecture at MIT. Her parents had gotten divorced the year that Frederick had gotten his history PhD at Harvard, and she'd lived with him since. Well, except for eighth grade, the year that Annabeth did her best to forget.

The mother and daughter had the same eyes, but that was where the similarities ended. Athena was tall and skinny, with an angular form and dark black hair that she nearly almost kept tied back in a ponytail. Even when Annabeth was a kid, no one had ever thought that Athena was her mother.

Annabeth sighed as she walked over to the table, reminding herself that it was just for a few hours.

"Annabeth," her mother smiled. "Thanks so much for meeting me."

"Hey mom," Annabeth said, slipping into her seat. Her mother reached across the table to squeeze her hand instead of standing up for a hug. "How are you?"

"Oh you know," Athena said flippantly. "Just here for business. How's school going?"

Annabeth nearly grimaced. They had already arrived on their only topic of conversation: school, which would turn into college, which would turn into her career plans. "It's going pretty well."

Athena raised her eyebrow. "It sounds like it's better than _pretty well. _Your father called to tell me that you're ranked first in your class." _And_, Annabeth added to the end of Athena's sentence, _and it'll stay that way until you graduate, right?_

"Uh, yes. I am."

"How about your other classes? You're taking calculus, right?"

Annabeth nodded. "Yes. The teacher is great, and it's not too difficult yet. I'm looking into taking some architecture classes at some college this summer."

"Oh, that's wonderful. Are you getting ready for senior year?"

And so the conversation continued. It was the same one they had at every dinner, except with slightly updated topics, which is why Annabeth was surprised when Athena asked her about her friends instead of her five-step plan to get into the PhD program of her choice.

"Well, I'm still friends with Thalia, if you remember her. And Piper McLean? I'm not sure if you two met. A kid named Leo Valdez, and uh," she almost blushed, "I've been talking to Percy Jackson, the kid I went to camp with in middle school." Annabeth's heart raced. Why did she say that? Were she and Percy even friends? Did he think they were friends?

"The dark-haired one? I think we met once."

"I think so."

Athena nodded. "That's nice."

Their orders finally arrived. Both of them had gotten salads with dressing on the side. Athena had topped it with grilled chicken. She delicately poured the dressing over her salad before taking a few bites. Annabeth mirrored her, making sure to pour on just a little dressing.

"And how's your father doing?" She didn't mention Helen or Matthew or Bobby.

"He's good. He's on a new kick of cooking dinner every night."

"What does he like to make?"

"Mac and cheese. Chicken parmesan. Stuff like that."

Athena didn't say anything, but she could tell what her mother was thinking: fatty, fatty foods that were terrible for you.

Annabeth wasn't sure what she would prefer: her father's ridiculous meals every night, or Athena's style of eating that she had tried in San Francisco. Her mother's personal diet coach had an entire nutrition plan for her that her chef followed to the letter. For the entirety of eighth grade, Annabeth had eaten quinoa, roast vegetables, and chicken breast. _Well, not much has changed, has it? _She thought.

"And where are you interested in going to college?" Athena asked, changing the subject once more. Once again, Annabeth began to think of the many, many places she would rather be.

When Annabeth first moved to San Francisco, she was so shocked by how different everything was. Athena lived in a gorgeous home in Marin Country and drove a black BMW SUV with soft leather seats. Annabeth went to an all-girls private school where they had uniforms. There was a personal chef named Anthony.

Annabeth tried to get used to the weird parts about living there- how there was no food in the house besides the meal prep that Anthony delivered weekly, that Athena usually didn't get home until at least 8 PM. She was so excited and so happy to be out of New York that she accepted anything that came her way.

It was a rare occasion that Athena had enough time to go out to dinner or spend time with Annabeth, but one time when they finally did, Annabeth asked her to get ice cream. Athena's only response was a raised eyebrow and _Are you sure about that? Ice cream isn't healthy._

The comments were small, but they happened regularly. As Annabeth settled in, she began to realize that the way she and her mom ate wasn't normal. It wasn't some weird San Francisco thing like she had originally thought. No- her mother's style of eating was truly bizarre.

Over that eighth grade year, Annabeth got used to the plan they lived on. She had never looked at her body critically before, but such awareness of what she was eating, and Athena's comments, forced her to see herself in the mirror for the first time.

_Are you sure? You need to eat healthy to fuel that brain of yours._

_I think you're doing great, but the only missing puzzle piece is eating well._

_Why do you come home after school and eat so many snacks?_

There were other reasons Annabeth hated living in San Francisco. She never saw her mother. She didn't get along with the girls at her school, who had all been friends for years and were unlikely to trust any new student. She was incredibly, incredibly lonely, and found that Athena felt like even less of a family than her father, his wife, and their children. But she also hated it because she felt like Athena looked at her through a microscope, always picking out small parts of Annabeth to quietly scrutinize, so Annabeth would internalize her criticism and try and change herself.

Athena's methods had worked. Here Annabeth was, three years later. _Thanks, Mom._

Annabeth came home in a royally bad mood. Thankfully everyone else in the house had gone to sleep, so they didn't have to deal with much of her rage (besides loudly slamming the door and probably waking everyone up).

She would like to say that she got more sleep then she did that night. She stayed up all night watching YouTube health and fitness videos, planning her future cheat days, instead of working on a calculus project she had barely finished. Annabeth made a list in her journal of her ideal cheat day meals- everything from ice cream to pizza and mac and cheese. _If only if only if only._

If she even began to think about Athena, she got so angry she had to force herself to take several deep breaths before she could even begin to think about going to sleep.

By the time her alarm went off, she was so exhausted it was difficult to pry herself out of bed. Surprisingly, her dad was in the kitchen, sipping coffee. He brightened up when he saw her. "Hey honey! How was dinner last night?"

Annabeth's face soured as she started making herself breakfast (whole wheat tortilla with peanut butter and honey). "Oh. Fine."

"Where'd you guys go?"

_Can he not take a hint? _"French place in Tribeca." All of a sudden, she was so, so angry: at her mother for not being a mother, at her father for trying to be a father, even though he was way too late.

"I packed a lunch for you. Lasagna leftovers."

That was it. "I don't want your lunch, Dad! I want to make my own food!"

Her dad's eyebrows raised. "Annabeth? Excuse me?"

The second she said it, she regretted it. "I'm… I'm so sorry. I'm just exhausted," the words all began spilling out of her at once, "and school is really stressful right now. I'm so sorry Dad I didn't mean-"

He stood up and walked over to her. Annabeth gulped. "Annabeth, are you okay? Are you having problems? At school? With your friends?" He paused. "With food?"

Annabeth looked at him like a deer in the headlights. "What- no- how could you think?" Her heartbeat was racing. _He's trying to control me. _"No, I don't." She took a deep breath. "No, I'm so sorry. I have a big project for calculus due today and seeing Mom last night meant that I had to stay up pretty late to finish everything. I'm really sorry. No, I'm doing fine." The lie twisted out of her mouth easier than she ever would have expected.

He pursed his lips. "Alright, honey. I believe you. But please let me know if you want anything, or if you want to talk to someone."

_Fat chance. I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing, and he just doesn't understand. "_Thanks Dad. I'll let you know." She got ready faster than she had thought possible, leaving her breakfast on the counter, and sprinting out before he could accuse her again.

Annabeth was almost surprised when Percy walked onto the subway. She'd been thinking so much about what her dad had said (and how she didn't have a problem with food) that she had forgotten he took the subway with her now.

Percy looked about how Annabeth felt. She didn't usually think of him as scary- but today she realized just how intimidating Percy could be. His sea green eyes were stormy and his shoulders were slightly hunched over. His lips were downturned into a slight frown. He looked like he'd had a bad, bad morning. He sat down next to her with no greeting.

Annabeth tried to plaster a smile on her face. "Morning."

Percy responded with nothing more than a slight grunt before he leaned his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. "D'you mind?"

"No, no," Annabeth said, her heart rate picking up. "All good."

Percy settled in comfortably, leaning on her. He wasn't asleep, though. His eyes kept opening and he kept shifting around to get comfortable. Eventually he picked his head up and stared straight ahead. "My dad called me last night."

Annabeth furrowed her eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yeah. He asked me to come visit him for a weekend. In St. Augustine." His voice was harsh, but the anger wasn't directed at her.

And then Percy's bad mood made sense. From what Annabeth remembered, Percy had next to no contact with his dad, even less than Annabeth with her mom. They used to talk about it all the time when they were younger. Percy used to be so excited to meet his dad, but apparently something had changed. "When?" she asked, her voice soft.

Percy shrugged. "Don't care."

"Do you know what you're going to do?"

That opened the floodgates. "No. He's an asshole. He only cares about me and my mom when he realizes that I'm a swimming champion or whatever, and then he decides I'm worthy of his time." Percy continued, now on a roll. "It just makes me so mad. We've barely talked to me since I was thirteen, and then he sees my name on the news and all of a sudden-" he let out a choked sob before he went quiet and closed his eyes again.

Annabeth reached for his hand. When she was young, really young, her dad had lightly scratched her back to calm her down if she was upset. It was the best feeling in the entire world. She opened Percy's tightly gripped fingers and began to trace over them lightly. His hand relaxed into her touch. "I'm sorry." She didn't really know what to say. "I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry he made you feel that way."

Percy nodded, not saying anything for the rest of the ride, just letting her calmly trace his hand while he took some deep breaths. When he finally opened his eyes, his face was bright red- not from the crying, Annabeth guessed, but the embarrassment- which was stupid, because he had absolutely no reason to be.

"Thanks, Annabeth. I'll, uh, see you tomorrow," he said as they got off the subway. Then he speedwalked away, leaving Annabeth in the dust with his long legs as they walked the few blocks to school.

Annabeth let a small smile across her face. Sure, it was a little unexpected, but she didn't mind. She liked Percy. She liked being around him. She wanted to help.

Later that day, Annabeth's brief good mood from the subway had disappeared with the onslaught of homework she had been hit with in each of her classes. She hadn't been lying about the calculus project- it really had been due today, and though it was finished, she knew she had done a terrible job. She mostly managed to ignore the gnawing in her stomach by drinking lots of water and coffee, but by the time lunch came, she was absolutely ravenous.

Thalia, Piper, and Leo suggested Whole Foods for lunch, so the four of them walked across the street and ate in the upstairs section. It was a little odd, having her three closest friends together. Sure, Piper, Leo, and Annabeth had a great time together, but adding Thalia in definitely changed the vibe. Thalia and Piper got along great, but Annabeth had always been far closer with Thalia than Piper. Then you add in Leo's old crush on Thalia, and it made lunch more than a little awkward.

Luckily, they spent the majority of lunch talking about Jason and Piper, who had since gone out on another study/date date. They hadn't kissed yet, but Piper was just biding her time, and waiting for the perfect moment.

Thalia, to her credit, didn't care at all that Piper was going out with her baby brother. "I'm not my brother's keeper," she said, when Leo teased her about it. "Jason gets to do what he wants. He stays out of my business and I stay out of his."

When it was time to head back in for lunch, Annabeth's bad mood was once again growing. She hated what she ate for lunch because it was hard to calculate the calories. They said goodbye to Thalia while she headed off to her next class, and Leo went to double check a project in woodshop. That left Piper and Annabeth to run to their lockers before they went to APUSH.

Piper ran to the bathroom while Annabeth spun her locker open, reaching in to grab her purple binder.

"Uh, Annabeth?"

She turned around to find Percy Jackson standing there, looking like he was in a better mood than this morning. "Hey. What's up?"

He looked a little awkward, running his hand through his hair. "I wanted to apologize for this morning. Sorry that I kinda dumped that all on you. You didn't have to be so nice."

Annabeth shut her locker and held her binder to her chest. "No, don't worry about it. It was seriously no problem."

Percy nodded, pressing his lips together. "Well, thanks a ton. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sounds good."

He walked off down the hallway to talk to the Stoll brothers.

Piper nearly sprinted up to her. "What was that I just saw, Annie? You talking to Percy Jackson?"

Annabeth resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Nothing. Just Percy."

"Didn't just look like nothing."

All the way to APUSH and throughout the entire class, Piper kept pestering her. "He was looking at you like he liked you. Do you like him? Hmm… are you sure? He's friends with Jason. I could talk to him for you."

Eventually Annabeth had had enough. After they had been dismissed from class and were getting ready to go home, Piper asked her one last time if she liked Percy.

Annabeth slammed her binder shut. "No, Piper, I don't like him, and shush! Stop asking me about it."

Piper was cut off mid-sentence, and she looked hurt. "Oh. Alright, sorry Annabeth."

Instantly Annabeth felt terrible. "Oh my gods, Piper, I'm so sorry. That just slipped out. I'm so sorry, I've had a stressful week, and I've been a little, em, reactionary."

Piper shook her head. "No, don't worry about it. Sorry, I just got excited and I began thinking about what if you and Percy dated along with Jason and I. Sorry. I got way too excited about it."

That made Annabeth feel even worse. Piper, her lovely friend, who truly believed in love, was just having fun. "I'm so sorry."

Piper shrugged. "It's alright. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

For once, Piper didn't ask her to hang out after school.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHORS NOTE: The name of the chapter is a reference to the children's book ****_Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day. _****I did not write this book! I just thought it would be fun to use!**

**Thanks so much for reading! I really love the song I wrote for this chapter, and I included some of the lyrics that I thought especially fit Annabeth's current situation in the story. I'd love to know what you think or if you have any song recommendations! The plot is finally moving along, though this chapter did still include a bunch of backstory. Please leave a review if you enjoyed this chapter or if you have any constructive comments:))**

**-Emily**


	7. Hope is the Thing with Feathers

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Masterpiece by Big Thief**

* * *

Instead of going anywhere for lunch that day, Annabeth, Thalia, and Piper claimed the stairwell they always used to sit in when Annabeth was a freshman. It was near the back entrance of the school, where no one ever came in, so it was relatively clean and quiet.

Their voices echoed through the open hallways, but that wasn't anything to worry about. No one came back here, especially during lunch. Not like they really had anything to talk about that anyone would have wanted to hear.

Thalia was drumming her hand against her thigh impatiently while she helped Piper with her biology homework. Thalia didn't look like it, but she was really, really good at science and math. Annabeth had always been jealous of that- she wasn't bad at them, per se, but she had to work to understand them. Her dyslexia made everything especially difficult.

"This is boring. I don't care about tree rings," Piper said, slamming her book shut. "Ms. Worth can eat it for all I care."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "At least you don't have Mr. Perris."

"Oh come on," said Thalia. "He's not that bad."

"He's crazy!"

"That's the best part!"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "I do not want to go take that APUSH test. I was up late studying, I'm pretty sure I've forgotten what the Gilded Age is."

"Oh gods, don't even get me started," Piper replied. "My dad came in last night so I had no time to study."

Annabeth turned to look at Piper. "I thought that he didn't get in until late?"

Piper blushed. "Yeah, well I was hanging out with Jason."

"Ooh, how was it?"

"So good."

Thalia snorted. "You go ahead Piper. Keep him out of the house more, for all I care."

Piper laughed. "No issue. Thalia, has he ever, you know, asked about me? Or anything?"

Thalia shrugged. "Maybe."

"You can't keep me hanging on like that!"

"Maybe I can."

Piper groaned. "Annabeth, tell her."

"Hmm, tell her what?"

"Tell her to tell me!"

Annabeth pretended to think long and hard about it. "Well, what do I get from it?"

Piper's eyes widened. "Let's get dinner tonight! My treat. Just the three of us. It's been so long. What about Aunty Em's?"

Annabeth's mouth went dry. She had a spin class planned for 5 PM, and the thought of eating a greasy hamburger after made her stomach turn. "I'm not sure."

Thalia turned and glared at her. "Oh, come on Annie."

"What?!"

Thalia stuck a headphone in. "I'm not just speaking for myself when I say that you've been avoiding us recently."

"What? I have not-"

Thalia shrugged. "I'm just calling it like I see it, Annabeth."

Annabeth floundered for a moment, words escaping her. She was so surprised that she had absolutely no idea what to say. "I'm, uh sorry?"

Thalia ignored her.

Piper's eyes were flashing between them like a tennis match. "Um, we should get going to class?"

"Yeah," Annabeth said, gathering up her stuff and making sure not to look at Thalia as she walked out.

She tried not to be angry at first. That was just Thalia, that was just the way Thalia was. She'd always been blunt, ever since they were little.

But as Annabeth sat there in APUSH, barely focusing on the test in front of her, she couldn't stop thinking about Thalia. Did she really feel like that? Did she think Annabeth was trying to avoid them? Because she wasn't. She wasn't.

The longer Annabeth sat there, watching the minutes tick away on the clock, the more confused she got. What had Thalia said- that she wasn't just speaking for herself?

Annabeth glanced at Piper sitting to her left, who was trying to subtly glance at her answers. Did Piper think that too?

At first she wasn't angry- she was just confused. She didn't know why Thalia would ever think that way. Annabeth cared about her friends.

Annabeth cared about her friends. And if Thalia didn't see that, then it was her problem, not Annabeth's.

As she and Piper left APUSH, Annabeth cornered her at her locker. "Do you agree with what Thalia said?" she asked, trying to look calm.

Piper glanced nervously over her shoulder. "Look, Annabeth- Thalia can be a little extreme sometimes."

"Yeah?"

"Maybe just try and talk to her, and figure it all out?" Piper said awkwardly.

Annabeth knew Piper was just trying not to take sides or make anyone angry, but it just made her feel worse. "I-I just don't understand. I don't feel like I avoid you guys."

Piper squeezed her hand. "Look- you have to see it from Thalia's perspective."

"You're right. I'll go see if I can find her," Annabeth said, pulling her phone from her pocket.

**Annabeth: Hey where are you**

**Thalia: West entrance**

Annabeth showed Piper the texts. She nodded encouragingly and Annabeth slipped her phone away, walking to go find Thalia.

The West entrance was somewhere Annabeth definitely never went. The reason all the potheads hung out over there was because it was the only entrance not directly visible from a busy street.

Thankfully, most of the entrance was empty, save for Thalia and a few of her friends- Zoë Nightshade and Bianca di Angelo. Annabeth gave them both a quick nod when she saw them. It wasn't that she didn't like Bianca and Zoë- more like she was intimidated by them. They were both long and lithe like tigers, and always wore cool black and silver clothing that Annabeth could never have pulled off.

Thalia stood up and walked over to her, crossing her arms over her chest. "Are you coming tonight?"

Annabeth's words caught in her throat. "Well- I don't know."

Thalia raised an eyebrow. "I think you do know. I think you aren't coming."

"You have to understand. I'm busy. My dad doesn't like it when I'm not home for dinner-"

Thalia scoffed. "Since when?"

Annabeth went red. "Since he started cooking dinner every night, but you wouldn't know that because you haven't exactly been a good friend recently."

Thalia's eyes narrowed. "And you have?"

Annabeth could feel the tears beginning to form in her eyes. She hated confrontations like this- especially with someone like Thalia. "Well-"

"Well what?"

Annabeth opened her mouth but nothing came out.

Thalia leaned back against the wall. "Well, come back when you can string some words together."

That was it. Angrier than she had been in a long time, Annabeth snapped "It's going to take a lot more than that to get me to be your friend again."

Thalia's eyebrows raised.

Annabeth spun around and sprinted off to get away from Thalia.

Annabeth tried not to cry. The air outside was cold, and she had tried to move fast enough that the tears would freeze before she had to feel them. Which was stupid, because her breath was coming out in short sobs as she walked to the subwa, casting her head down so no one else would see her like this.

She and Thalia never fought about stuff like this. Ever.

Part of her was angry- angrier than she had been in a while. How dare Thalia say that to her, especially when she was almost always with Zoë and Bianca? But at the same time, another small part of Annabeth knew the truth: it was her fault.

She had thought lunchtimes would be enough- apparently not. Her friends had noticed her distance.

_But everything comes with a price, _she thought to herself. _If you want to be skinny, there are some sacrifices you need to make. And not everyone is willing to understand or make those sacrifices. _

Nothing was making her feel any better. Even when she had stopped crying, her eyes felt heavy and her head felt empty. Her fingers were shaking. She walked to the apartment, thankful that Matthew and Bobby had soccer practice and wouldn't be home until late. Annabeth collapsed on her bed and closed her eyes, wishing she could just fall asleep and pretend that the fight had never happened.

Of course, she got no sleep. She didn't go to spin class, either, which meant a small dinner tonight. Annabeth could feel her stomach rumbling but she had no desire to go to the kitchen to get a snack. Even when her dad and Helen got home, she didn't leave her room.

Thalia was her oldest friend. They hadn't maintained the closest relationship over the years, but she still mattered to her.

Annabeth closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep.

"Annabeth? Annabeth? Wake up, honey. It's time for dinner."

It was Helen, gently shaking her. Annabeth groaned and turned around. It was still light outside, so not much time had passed. She looked at her clock- 6:45 PM.

_Gods. _She'd been in her bed, doing nothing, since she got home.

"We'll be waiting for you in the kitchen," Helen said, flicking her light on as she left.

Annabeth rolled out of bed, rubbing her eyes. Jesus, she was tired. All of a sudden, the memories from this afternoon came rushing back- the fight with Thalia, running home, crying on the subway. She frowned, wishing she could crawl back under the covers.

Dinner that night was roast chicken with rice and brussel sprouts. Annabeth was embarrassed to admit that she had more chicken than she should have, but she was absolutely starving, and scarfed down her second helping before she realized what she was doing.

Even her dad noticed. "Don't eat too fast, or you're going to get hiccups!"

Annabeth leaned back in her chair when everyone else was finishing up, unused to such a feeling in her stomach. She volunteered to do dishes because at least it was some degree of physical activity. She could already tell that she wouldn't be doing any exercise tonight.

Annabeth was trying to do APUSH notes, and completely failing, when she got the text. Her phone was overturned and lying on her bed, so she couldn't see who sent it. She took a deep breath and turned back to her notes, trying to focus.

At least, she tried to focus, until the notification buzzed again two minutes later. She gave up, decided she needed a break after doing little to no work, and jumped onto her bed.

**Luke (two minutes ago): Hey! Wanna get lunch tomorrow?**

She would have been lying if she said her heart didn't race. She got to have lunch with Luke tomorrow! Annabeth let a small smile spread across her face. Maybe it would be a good distraction from Thalia. She texted Luke back quickly, saying yes with a smiley face. Her finger hovered over her keyboard. Part of her wanted to say _Do you have a date for the Snow Ball? _Or _Do you know I've been in love with you since I was fourteen? _But she abstained, slowly crawling back to her notes.

_What I should do_, Annabeth thought, _is text Piper. She'd want to know about Thalia. But I don't want to catch her in between that. It isn't fair._

The next day on the subway, Annabeth was glowing. The thought of lunch with Luke today was helping to distract her from the Thalia disaster. _This is exactly what I need, _she thought. _Finally one good thing in my life!_

When Percy got on, he raised his eyebrows at her. "Why are you smiling this early?"

There were two possible reasons. Firstly, Annabeth had woken up an extra half hour early to do a quick barre class to make up for yesterday, so the endorphins might be working their magic on her. Secondly, she had lunch with Luke, and he had asked her! "No reason," she said, still grinning. "What's up with you?"

"Not much," he said, sitting next to her. "I just wanted to- ah- say sorry again for what I dumped on you about my dad." He said it slowly, glancing at the floor and away from her.

Annabeth kept smiling. It was nice of him to think that way, but really, it was fine. He looked cute like that. "Seriously, don't worry about it. It was nice. I missed talking to you."

Percy brightened up and turned to her. "I missed talking to you too, Wise Girl."

Annabeth laughed. She was absolutely giddy. God, why didn't she get to feel like this all the time? "Seaweed Brain."

Percy let a real smile cross over his face while he ran his hands through his hair. Annabeth was tempted to touch his hair, just to see how it felt. _God- why would I do that? That's so creepy. _

Percy turned to her, smirking. "Will you scratch my hand again? That felt good."

Annabeth rolled her eyes.

As Annabeth and Piper went to English together, Piper turned to Annabeth and asked "Are you alright? You're acting kind of weird."

Annabeth's good mood hadn't yet faded. Thalia was absent in physics, unsurprisingly, so she had spent the period finishing up the history notes that were due today and thinking about her lunch with Luke. "Did I tell you that Luke asked me to get lunch?"

"Really now?"

"Really."

"Hm."

"Any other thoughts? Just hm?"

"Well, Annie, you know I'm not exactly his biggest fan," Piper said softly as they set their stuff down in class.

"Well I've liked him for a long time, and I'm excited."

Piper shrugged. "You have every right to be excited. I just think you'd be better off with someone like Percy."

Annabeth was shocked. "What? Percy? Percy Jackson?"

"Who else?"

"The swim team captain."

"No, Percy Jackson, the cleaning lady- of course the swim team captain! Annabeth, you literally ride the subway with him every day."

"I know that Piper. I just don't think we'd make a good couple."

Piper shrugged, turning to face the teacher as class began. "You sure?"

"Uh, very sure."

"Hm."

"Hm."

As Annabeth left English and started walking to meet Luke at the front of school, Piper's comment was still in her head. She'd been distracted for the entirety of English thinking about it, trying to figure out how Piper had reached that conclusion.

Annabeth and Percy? No way. Sure, they had the middle school best friend dynamic, but they were completely different people. Sure, Percy was funny and nice and far more attractive than Annabeth liked to admit- but she liked guys who were student body presidents and champion debaters and beloved by parents, teachers, and administrative staff members everywhere. Luke. She liked Luke.

Just as Annabeth turned the corner she saw Luke standing there, looking every bit as perfect as he was in her head, checking his phone. Today he wore blue jeans with a blue button up. His blonde hair was lightly gelled. He looked up and smiled as he saw her, and Annabeth's heart beat faster.

She hoped she look good. She didn't want to wear anything that was so tight it made her look fat, but she also didn't want to look like a shapeless blob. Annabeth self consciously tugged at her hair, wishing that it would just be straight instead of curly.

"Hey, Annabeth! Ready to go?"

They walked out of the front entrance to a nearby coffee shop. Annabeth tucked her hair behind her ear, giving him a look out of the corner of her eye and hoping she looked alright.

When they finally reached the coffee shop, Annabeth took one look at the menu and decided she wasn't going to get anything. She should save money, and she had already her eaten her lunch in physics. But as Luke ordered, he turned around and asked her, "You want anything? I can pay for it."

She didn't know how to respond. "Um, I'm fine-"

"C'mon, are you sure? It's on me."

She had to get something. After taking a quick glance at the menu, Annabeth said "I'll take a small iced coffee."

Luke nodded and payed with his credit card.

"You really didn't have to pay for me," Annabeth said as they sat down.

Luke sent her a wide smile. "Of course I did. We only have a few more months to hang out. I want to get in as much of you as I can, and I have to make sure you hang out with me for some reason, right?"

Annabeth perked up- _get in as much of you as I can? _That sounded good. "Sure," she laughed. "But you don't need to bribe me to hang out with you, Luke."

He shrugged. "Insurance."

Conversation flowed easily after that. He felt so, so perfect- he was funny and smart, and so on top of his college applications and workload and everything. Annabeth couldn't look away from him. And she might have been reading into it a little too much, but it felt like he was flirting with her.

The casual brushing of their hands as they walked back to school- paying for her food? Teasing her a little bit, but never too much? Annabeth didn't want to think too much into it.

"Thanks so much for coming to lunch with me. I had a ton of fun with you," Luke said, shooting her a winning smile.

Annabeth gave him a shy grin back. "Thanks for inviting me."

"Let's do it again sometime, yeah? I really love talking to you."

Annabeth's heart fluttered. "Yes! I'd love to."

He gave her a little wave as he walked off to his next class.

Annabeth resisted the urge to melt into a puddle on the floor. Luke was perfect. He was so sweet and smart, and he made her feel so good. She didn't want to think too much into it, but was there any chance that he might like her too? He'd been so affectionate today. Maybe something had changed.

One could hope.

Of course she didn't like Percy- he was nice and funny, but he was no Luke. She'd liked Luke for so much longer, and he just fit into her life better. Annabeth couldn't understand why Piper thought they'd be a good couple.

Annabeth's good mood continued until she finally saw Thalia as she left school. Thalia didn't glare at her or anything, just gave her a cursory glance before turning back to Bianca and Zoë. For some reason, that hurt more.

Some small part of Annabeth hoped that she and Thalia could just kiss and make up the next day, but as she walked away she knew there was no chance.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Hmm, interesting developments in this chapter, no? Definitely a lot of mood swings- kind of the point, if that came across at all. What do you think about Luke? What's he up to? And thoughts on Thalia and everything that that means?**

**I have the next chapter all planned out. It's a big one!**

**Though this story is largely about Annabeth's eating disorder, life doesn't stop for someone with an ED. More than anything, it's not just a story about Percy and Annabeth, or high school, or anything else (though it is all of those things). This story is about how an eating disorder affects the life of someone and their relationships with those around them, whoever that may be- parents, siblings, friends, significant others, etc. I hope that is coming across. Annabeth has an eating disorder, but she is not her eating disorder.**

**Does that make sense? I feel like that terrible trope is what I've seen in other stories where a character has an eating disorder. I don't like stories that do that because I feel like it makes the main character a victim who is in desperate need of being saved. People have far more dimensions than that, and life does not stop if you are anorexic and bulimic. They exist together, with some enormous ripple effects.**

**I did not know this AN was going to be that long. Kudos if you read all that! I just want to explain a bit of my thinking behind the story and why I'm writing it the way I am. I hope that you're enjoying it. If you'd like to hear more about why I'm writing this story the way I am, or why certain plot points happen, I'd be happy to respond. Just leave a review.**

**Emily**


	8. Aunty Em's

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Old Friend by Mitski**

* * *

The weekend passed without much event. Annabeth spent her time holed up in her room, catching up on homework and exercise, trying to think about Luke and not think about Thalia. She hadn't really talked much to anyone, not even Piper and Leo, when Monday morning rolled around again.

Luckily, Annabeth had continued talking to Luke. Once he texted her and the other time she texted him. The conversations weren't long— maybe a simple question about homework, or just checking in, but it was nice to talk to him more.

As she walked to the subway, she couldn't help but ask herself if there was any chance Luke liked her back. Annabeth had denied the possibility for so long— of course she wanted it to be real, but she had never trusted that it would. But now that he was buying her food and talking to her a little more, maybe there could be a chance.

Annabeth slid into her seat and turned on her headphones. Hopefully she'd see him today, and try and avoid Thalia.

Percy got on at his stop, gave her a big smile, and made a beeline for the seat next to her. "What's up?"

She smiled back. "I'm pretty good! How are you doing?"

He shrugged. "Morning practice is starting up soon, so you won't be seeing me on the subway as much."

"Well, it's probably going to smell a lot better."

Percy pretended to frown. "You're going to miss me so-o much Annabeth. Who else is going to ask you to do all their math homework fifteen minutes before its due?"

"You, still, because you're just going to pester me with texts until I finally tell you."

Percy shot her a sly grin. _He has such a nice smile_, Annabeth thought. "You love it."

"Maybe I do."

Percy settled into his seat, leaning comfortably against Annabeth and talking about how much he hated having math first period. He looked really good today. His green henley brought out the color of his eyes. Just a thought. Not like Annabeth really cared.

"How's your mom and Paul doing?"

Percy brightened up. "Really, really good. They're rushing around with all the last minute wedding preparations, which is driving both of them crazy. The apartment is a complete disaster, which is kinda nice, because then my mom can't yell at me to clean up my room if everything else looks like it."

Annabeth laughed. "I remember your room! Do you still have SharkBoy and Lava Girl poster?"

Percy pouted. "You remember that?"

"How could I forget?"

"Well, the answer is no," he said, turning a little red.

"You liar. You totally have it."

He shrugged. "Guilty."

The subway pulled up to their stop and Percy and Annabeth got out, still chatting as they made their way to school. When they got to the front steps, Piper was waiting outside in the cold, her teeth chattering.

Annabeth frowned as she walked over to her. "Why are you outside?"

Piper shook her head. "Jason told me to meet him out here."

Percy grinned wickedly. "Really?"

"Really," said Piper. "How are you doing Annabeth? Fun hanging with Percy?"

Annabeth resisted the urge to glare at Piper. She needed to beat it into Piper a little more that she and Percy weren't going to be a couple. Just as she was going to open her mouth to respond, Percy said "We've gotta get going Piper, see you soon!" and grabbed Annabeth's arm, dragging her away.

"Why'd you drag me away?"

"Just watch," Percy said, pulling her inside the front door so they could look through the window. "Jason's going to ask her to Snow Ball."

Annabeth's eyes widened. "Really!"

"Yeah!"

They didn't wait for long, but Jason soon came in and walked straight to Piper. He was holding coffee and a doughnut from Piper's favorite coffee shop, which he handed to her and shyly rubbed his hand on his neck while he asked. Piper's smile stretched across her face as she gave him a hug and wrapped her arms around him.

Annabeth turned to Percy, who was already staring at her from the corner of his eye. "That's so sweet!"

"I know. He's liked her for a while."

Annabeth's jaw dropped. "Piper's going to freak out when she learns that. She's liked him for so long… I can't remember when it started."

"Well," Percy said, looking at her directly in the eyes, "some things are just meant to fall together, right?"

Annabeth looked right back at him. Her heart thudded in her chest.

The moment was broken when Jason and Piper walked in. Piper was smiling so big, looking so beautiful, that Annabeth completely forgot Percy for a moment. Piper waved as she walked by with Jason.

Just as Annabeth was about to turn back to Percy, someone slid an arm around her. "Hey Annabeth!"

"Oh! Hey Luke!" she said.

"Percy," Luke nodded.

Percy gave him a cursory nod back. "I gotta get going to math. Bye Annabeth!" He gave her a tight lipped smile before giving Luke a quick once over and walking off. Even though Luke was a year older, Percy had an inch or two of height on him.

"How are you doing?" Luke asked.

"Good! Little tired. Nothing new. You?"

"Oh, good, good. Student council is just getting ready for the Snow Ball and everything. We have a little under two weeks, so we just have to iron out the last few details. You're coming, right?"

"I mean, probably," Annabeth mused. "I still need a dress." The idea of shopping for a dress— of looking at herself in the mirror and trying anything on— made her want to be physically sick.

Luke nodded. "I got you. I hope you come!"

_I hope you invite me. _"Yeah, I'll let you know."

"Sounds good. Want me to walk you to class?"

"Sure!"

As first period ended, she got a text from Percy:

**Percy: Hey we just had a ton of stuff in math that I don't really understand can we meet up tonight and talk about it?**

**Annabeth: Sure! What time is good?**

**Percy: Is after 7 ok? I have practice all afternoon. Maybe we can just go get dinner?**

That couldn't have been more perfect. She could make it to spin class, run back home, and not have to eat dinner at home. Her dad was making a heavy stew for tonight, something she definitely wanted to avoid.

**Annabeth: Good for me! **

**Percy: Want to go to Aunty Em's?**

The thought of greasy diner food made her queasy, but it was Percy. She could handle it, and she hadn't been to Aunty Em's in years.

**Annabeth: Sounds good**

**Percy: Awesome :) **

What a perfect morning. Annabeth didn't need Thalia at all.

When Annabeth told Piper that she was going to get dinner with Percy tonight for math tutoring, Piper's eyebrows raised, but she didn't say anything. She completely forgot about it when Annabeth mentioned Jason, and they spent the rest of the lunch period talking about that. Leo groaned and moaned through the entire thing, and it turned out that he had known about it before, but had been sworn to secrecy.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

Leo put his hands up to surrender. "Hey Beauty Queen, not my fault. Jason and Percy both got six inches on me, easy, and I don't want to piss them off."

Annabeth scoffed. "Like they'd ever punch you."

"Why," Leo grinned, "because I'm too fast?"

"No, because you're below their pay grade."

Leo pouted.

It was so nice to be with her friends again. It was also a good lunch because Annabeth had saved her lunch throughout the entire morning, trying not to eat in any of her classes even though she was starving. Her food was so much better than she had anticipated: a whole wheat English muffin with mustard and lettuce, carrot sticks, and a handful of almonds. It really did taste better if she had saved it.

The only thing that didn't quite fit into Annabeth's good day was Thalia, but she tried not to think about it. Hopefully they would be able to make up, but Annabeth wasn't going to be the one apologizing first.

As Annabeth checked the gym schedule on her phone when she left her last class of the day, she realized their only spin classes were at 1 PM or 6 PM. _Shit. _She'd have to run straight from class to meet Percy- but she could manage it. She'd just have to go home first and get everything together. She typed out a quick text to her dad— letting him know that she wouldn't be home tonight— and hopped on the subway.

She really was excited to see Percy. She missed talking to him for most of high school, and it was so nice to have the ability to reconnect. But a little part of what Piper had said was still nagging her- would she and Percy ever make a good couple?

For starters, they did get along really well. It was easy to become friends again, even if they hadn't talked for so long. To be honest, Annabeth had been really surprised by Percy. He was popular and pretty well liked— the combination of being both attractive and a star athlete. He had a work ethic and commitment to swimming that she admired. But they were going to do completely different things. Percy would be swimming in the Olympics while Annabeth was getting her masters degree.

Maybe it was stupid to think that far ahead. But she and Percy had known each other for so long, she hoped they wouldn't stop knowing each other after they graduated.

After her spin class ended, Annabeth barely had time to wipe her body down with a wet wipe and get changed before she had to sprint over to Aunty Em's. By the time she arrived, she was five minutes late and still panting heavily, from the workout and the sprint. She definitely hadn't given her muscles enough time to cool down, and she knew she was going to be sore tomorrow. On top of that, she was already starving.

Percy had taken a booth at the back. His math textbook and notebook were spread open, but he wasn't paying attention to them. When she walked in, his eyes snapped up instantly and zeroed in on her. Annabeth couldn't lie and say that her heart didn't skip a little bit. Why was she so nervous? She took a breath.

It had been ages since Annabeth had come to Aunty Em's. It was a classic 50s diner that she used to go to all the time with Piper and Thalia when they were underclassmen. It played old doo wop and barbershop quartets almost exclusively, and the waiters wore rollerskates on Friday nights. It wasn't busy right now, with just a few tables and two waitresses serving them.

Annabeth slid into the booth, beginning to apologize for her lateness. "I'm so sorry I'm late! I just got out of the gym late and sprinted over."

"Don't worry about it. How was the gym?"

Annabeth wished she hadn't mentioned that. She didn't know why, but she hated comparing her eating and exercising habits with someone else. "It was good. I just did a spin class. How was practice?"

Percy shrugged. "Fine. How long have you been taking spin classes?"

Annabeth could feel her face growing red. Damn him. Why'd he keep asking. "I'm not sure. Maybe a year. What math questions do you have?"

"Oh yeah," Percy said, pulling out his textbook. "I just thought we could look over the stuff we talked about today." He was just beginning to show her when the waitress came over and took their drink orders.

Percy ordered a lemonade, and Annabeth just a plain water. They flipped open the menu and scanned the options.

Annabeth's eyes quickly sorted out everything she could and couldn't eat. Nothing from the Burger list, or anything from Appetizers. Main Courses was risky- it really could go either way, and this one looked to be just fatty steak and mashed potatoes and the like. Salads and Soups was much more her territory. She wasn't surprised to see just a simple chef's, Greek, and house salad.

"D'you know what you're going to get?"

Annabeth shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not super hungry." If she told people that she wasn't hungry, then it was easier to just eat a salad or something small for dinner, and have them not question it.

"After a spin class?" Annabeth wanted to narrow her eyes at him. What game was he playing at? But Percy kept right on talking, acting as if his earlier comment had never been said. "I'm always starving after swimming."

The waitress returned. Annabeth got the Greek salad and Percy got a cheeseburger with fries and one of the diner's homemade cinnamon rolls.

"Alright," Annabeth said, "what math stuff do you need to talk about?"

"Right," Percy said, flipping it open.

They finished the math work before the waitress even brought them their food. Percy barely needed to have anything explained to him- he already basically understood it, but it was hard to get him to focus. He kept tapping his fingers on the table and staring at a spot straight over her head instead of focusing on her face. Annabeth knew firsthand how hard it was to study when you have ADHD, so she suggested they take a break.

Percy brightened up instantly. "Awesome."

Annabeth couldn't think of anything to say. "How're wedding preparations going?"

Percy grinned. "Oh, it's good. And that reminds me. My mom asked me if I want to invite any friends, so do you want to come? Jason and Piper will be there too, and a few more guys from the swim team. I'm trying to track down Grover too."

Annabeth couldn't stop the smile from tearing across her face. "Yes! I mean, I would love to."

"Really?"

"Yeah!" Annabeth was a little surprised, but how could she pass on an opportunity like that? It was sweet of Percy to invite her, and she did want to go.

Annabeth was trying to think of another thing to say— an awkward silence was beginning to fall over them— but she was luckily saved by the arrival of their food. Gods, she was starving.

They didn't speak for a few moments, both diving into their food, until Percy's cinnamon roll arrived and he began to dive into it- slowly unwrapping the roll and tearing it into little chunks, making sure each one had cream cheese frosting. Annabeth's mouth watered. A Greek salad could never compare to that.

Annabeth eyed the little piece of bread that had come with her salad. Should she? Or no? It probably wasn't a good idea.

"Do you want some cinnamon roll?" Percy was trying to hand her a portion of it.

"No, no," Annabeth tried to smile, "I'm fine."

Percy raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah."

Percy shrugged and went on eating.

Annabeth nearly choked on her water. Percy was doing an impression of the swim team's Coach Hedge when he was yelling at them to get in the water. He was surprisingly good at doing voices and acting like a overly-macho 5'5'' middle aged man.

"Jackson! Drop and give me twenty!" Percy grumbled in his Hedge voice.

"Stop, stop," Annabeth said breathlessly. "That's too good."

Percy shrugged. "At this point I basically see the man more than my own mother, so I've had a ton of time to practice."

The waitress came back over. "Can I interest you two in some dessert?"

Percy shot her a look. "Wanna split something?"

Annabeth paled. "I don't know-"

"What pies do you have right now?" Percy asked.

"Blueberry, pecan, and cherry."

"You choose Annabeth."

Annabeth's eyes widened. _Oh no, oh gods no. _"Blueberry?"

Percy flashed her a grin. "Right answer."

The waitress spun around and walked back to the counter. Annabeth's heart rate was quickening. She couldn't have dessert, she was full, she was so so so so full.

Just at that moment, her stomach grumbled. Traitor.

"Sorry if you didn't want the pie. I'll pay for it."

"No, no," Annabeth shook her head. "It's fine. I haven't been her in a while, so I was a little surprised. That they had pies." She wanted to slap herself. Could she have literally said anything stupider?

Percy nodded. "Okay."

She barely remembered what they talked about while they waited for the pie to arrive. It was probably something surface level like schoolwork, and Annabeth was much to focused on the impending piece of pie to think about anything else.

Finally, it arrived. It was a gorgeous slice of blueberry pie with a scoop of ice cream on top, melting into the golden crust. Annabeth could smell it, all of it, from a few feet away. The butter and the sugar and the blueberries and the milk from the ice cream and all of it. She didn't want it. She couldn't.

But before Annabeth could stop herself, Percy made her laugh with something dumb, and when he picked up his fork, she picked up hers too. Slowly, slowly, she ate the pie with him, making sure not to take more than her fair share. God, it was good. Why didn't she eat this more often?

After they finished, the check arrived and they immediately began arguing over who was going to pay it.

"I got it. You came here to tutor me, so it's a fair tradeoff."

"Absolutely not," Annabeth scoffed. "Let's just split. It's easy that way."

"No chance," Percy said, slapping some cash down on the table. "There, that's enough with tip. It's fine. You can pay for me some other time."

"Okay, but you have to let me pay you back. You can't dodge it like this time."

"Deal," Percy said. "Let's do this again and you pay?"

"Deal."

Percy insisted on walking her back home, too. Aunty Em's wasn't too far from her apartment— just a ten minute walk— but Annabeth knew it would take Percy longer to get back to his place. This was another fight she lost.

"Seriously, don't worry about it. I'll be fine."

"Yeah, but I want to walk with you."

"You want to walk with me?"

"That's what I said, right?"

"Yeah… it just surprised me, is all."

It was cold outside, but they walked quickly and talked the entire way back to her apartment. "Thanks so much for dinner, Percy. And walking me back, and everything."

"I should be the one thanking you. For helping me with math."

A question formed in Annabeth's brain. "Yeah. About that. That stuff we reviewed today— I feel like you really understood it. Did you need my help?"

Percy flashed her a grin. "Yes and no."

"What does that mean?"

"It means maybe I like hanging out with you."

Annabeth blushed. "I like hanging out with you too."

"Then let's do it again sometime?"

"Yeah. Let's do it."

"Bye Annabeth."

Percy Jackson walked off with a wave, slowly retreating into the dark city streets. Annabeth stared after him for a little bit, wondering about everything that just happened: that it felt like a date, that he made her laugh, that he was cute, that she wanted to see him more, as much as she could.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Can't wait to upload the next one! Sorry if I don't upload super super frequently. My school year is going to be pretty intense, but I'll try to make as much time for this as I can. It's something I really enjoy writing!**

**Emily**


	9. It's A Date

**IT'S A DATE**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Disappointing Diamonds Are the Rarest of Them All by Father John Misty**

**_Disappointing diamonds are the rarest of them all_**  
**_And a love that lasts forever really can't be that special_**  
**_Sure we know our roles, and how it's supposed to go_**  
**_Does everybody have to be the greatest story ever told?_**

* * *

Annabeth found it surprisingly easy to jump out of bed the next morning. For once, she'd gotten most of her homework done and slept well. She was even hungry when she woke up, but it wasn't the grating, awful hunger she had been so used to going to sleep and waking up with.

_Maybe, _she thought as she made breakfast (granola with almond milk and berries), _I'll even try and talk to Thalia today. _

Sitting on the subway, she kept an eye out for Percy. When he didn't show up at his stop, her heart fell a little bit. Annabeth wasn't really sure if she liked him or not, but last night had been really nice. She liked having a friend who wasn't Piper or Leo— people that she loved, for sure, but sometimes she needed a break.

It took Annabeth a moment, but suddenly she remembered Percy mentioning morning practice, and his absence on the subway made sense. Of course! She couldn't lie and say that she wasn't disappointed that he wouldn't be riding with her much anymore. She would miss his quips and math homework and how he was kind of cute when he woke up.

But that's besides the point. Percy wasn't going to ask her to the Snow Ball or anything. As far as Annabeth knew, he was probably going to take one of the girls who hung out with his friend group. Last year he went with Rachel Dare, his ex girlfriend, who transferred to a different school, and Annabeth was sure that Drew Tanaka was going to try and get Percy to ask her.

Like Annabeth could compete with Drew. Drew was an inch or two shorter and had a perfect, perfect body. She dressed well every day and always looked absolutely beautiful. What guy wouldn't want to go with her?

Annabeth remembered the pie last night and her breakfast this morning, which was just slightly more than she should have eaten. If she even wanted to look a little similar to Drew, she needed to stop.

Her good mood ruined, Annabeth walked into Physics, only to find Thalia glaring at her from the back table. Annabeth gulped, any possibility of trying to reconcile with Thalia fleeing from her mind, and sat down at the table closest to the door.

Annabeth spent most of Physics trying to focus on her notes and ignore the burning laser stare Thalia was giving her. When they had to partner up to work on a lab, Annabeth nearly reflexively twisted around to ask Thalia to be her partner, only to find that she had paired up with some kid named Butch.

_Alright, _Annabeth thought. _Just find a partner. I can do this. _She scanned the room to find anyone who didn't have anyone to work with, and her eyes landed on a girl whose name it took her a moment to remember- Hazel. Hazel Levesque. She was a sophomore in a junior/senior class somehow, and was super quiet. Annabeth had only ever heard her speak to answer questions.

"Hey Hazel! Do you wanna be partners!"

Hazel turned around. "Oh! Hey Annabeth. Sure." She had a quiet, melodic voice.

Annabeth tried to give her an encouraging smile. Subconsciously she glanced at how skinny Hazel's legs and arms were. "Sounds good. I can grab all the materials."

"Uh, sounds good."

Annabeth left Physics feeling far better than she had started. Hazel was a great partner: smart, a good worker, and easy to talk to. They had a surprisingly good conversation when they had finished all their work.

Annabeth ambled on to her next class, though she was always excited to go to Calculus. All of a sudden, Luke walked up to her.

"Hey Annabeth!" He gave her a quick hug. "How are you doing?"  
"Hey!" Annabeth said, blushing. "What's up?"

"Not much. I just wanted to ask- wanna get lunch today? I have something to ask you."

"Oh! Sure. Sounds good."

Luke gave her a big smile. "Awesome! See you then."

Annabeth turned around, blushing bright red. What could Luke possibly have to ask her? With her luck it was probably just asking her if she could help putting up extra decorations for the Snow Ball instead of asking her to the dance.

Lunch with Luke passed quickly. They talked about the requisites: college and classes, where Luke wanted to go. When he asked Annabeth where she was interested in attending, she expertly deflected the question. "I mean, I'm still looking. Definitely Ivies."

"Thought so. You're so smart, Beth. I bet you'll get in wherever you want to go."

Annabeth had heard so many people say that line, over and over. She didn't believe in the first time, and she definitely didn't believe it now.

As they walked back to class, still talking about Luke's college applications, Annabeth's mind wandered off for a brief moment, to dinner last night with Percy. It wasn't better than being with Luke, she didn't think. No, no. It was just different. She and Percy had been closer friends than she had ever been with Luke. That's why it felt so good to be with him.

Luke paused just before they walked into school, startling Annabeth. "There's that thing I wanted to ask you," he said, rubbing his neck.

Annabeth focused her eyes on his face instead of his bicep. "Sure. What's up?"

"You know how the Snow Ball is next Friday night? I've been thinking about this for a while but I just wanted to ask if you, uh, wanted to go with me."

Annabeth's heart stopped, then accelerated until the only thing she could hear was the rush of blood pounding in her ears. Her eyes zeroed in on Luke's face— his open blue eyes gazing at her, his lips turned up into a hopeful smile, the single piece of hair falling across his forehead. This was it. This was it. This was all she had been waiting for.

"Annabeth?'

"Oh! Oh my god, yes, I would love to go," Annabeth squeaked, hoping that her voice didn't sound too high. "That would be great. Thank you." _Shut up, Annabeth!_

Luke raised a slight eyebrow. "Well, then it's a date. I'll text you to figure out the details and everything?"

"Yeah that sounds great!" Annabeth's voice was still oddly high, and she could feel how bright red her face must have been.

"Great. I gotta go to class, but I'll see you soon."

Luke gave her a hug and squeezed her hand before he turned around to walk up the stairs. Annabeth leaned against the wall, so giddy that she almost wanted to jump up and down. How could she be expected to go to APUSH like this? She had to tell Piper!

Annabeth slipped into her seat seconds before the bell rang. Piper smiled at her, already writing the warm up that was up on the PowerPoint at the front of the room. It was dead silent, and Annabeth was making a ton of noise getting out her notebook and pencils, but she didn't care.

Piper slipped her a note.

_Hey! I heard about dinner with Percy last night… how was it? - P_

Annabeth read it, turned it over and quickly wrote back.

_Guess what? - A_

_? - P_

_Luke just asked me to the Snow Ball! - A_

_Really? - P_

_Yes! I'm so happy! I'm so so so happy! - A_

_That's great. - P_

Annabeth didn't respond and tucked the note into her pocket, trying to look at Piper, who was now looking intently at her warm up- something she never did. What was wrong with her?

Annabeth was distracted the entire class, torn between giddiness at the thought of going to the Snow Ball and confusion at Piper's reaction. Was Piper really so into the idea of Annabeth dating Percy that she was going to oppose any other thing that Annabeth did? Did she hate Luke that much? The more Annabeth thought about it, the angrier she became. There was no other chance to talk to Piper about it during class, so she waited until everyone had streamed into the hallway and was getting ready to go home.

"So, Luke asked you out, huh?" Piper asked, her tone neutral, as Annabeth spun open her locker.

"Yeah. Today at lunch."

"Oh, that's cool."

"That's all you have to say?"

"Are you okay, Annabeth?"

"I'm fine."

"You're lying, and I know what's bothering you."

"Well then, what is it?"

Piper crossed her arms. "Annabeth, you tell me."

Annabeth mind flipped through a billion different things. Everything that was bothering her? There were so many. How much she liked being around Percy. Her dad and his stupid family dinners. How much she hated being around her mom. How fat she was. How going to spin class terrified her every single day. How the only thing she thought about besides homework was food. How sad she was about losing Thalia. How scared she was of losing Piper. How bad her eating disorder— but Annabeth didn't have an eating disorder. She was just watching her eating carefully, because she wanted to lose weight. Annabeth took a deep breath. She needed to explain this all to Piper.

"I'm really fine. It's nothing. I'm really excited about going out with Luke."

Piper reached for her hand. "Annabeth, I know you are. But I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth."

"Okay?"

"Do you even want to go with Luke?"

Annabeth snapped her hand back from Piper's. For a brief moment, she hadn't been angry, but everything she had been feeling back in APUSH rushed back to her. "Of course I do, Piper. As my friend, you should know that."

"I do, but I just see the way you interact, and whenever you talk about him, it doesn't feel quite right."

"You don't get it! You just hate him! You and Leo and Thalia all think he's arrogant and rude! But you don't get it. You don't know him like I do. You don't even know what I want and it bothers me that you're trying to act like you do!"

"Annabeth, that's not it."

"But it is! Don't act like you not being excited about Luke doesn't come from you just wanting me to date Percy. You're not looking out for me. You're looking out for you."

Piper staggered back. Her mouth was open.

Annabeth could feel the tears beginning to form behind her eyes. "Bye Piper." She slung her backpack over her shoulder and sprinted off before Piper could see her cry.

As Annabeth got off the subway and walked towards the gym, she realized how similar the experience with Piper had been with Thalia. Two ruined relationships. Two of her best friends. Who did she have now? Luke? Percy? If Percy still wanted to be friends with her after that— because Piper would definitely tell Jason, who would definitely tell Percy. Oh God.

But she didn't have to focus on that right now. She could make up with Piper later, and go to her spin class now. After an hour on the bike, maybe her head would be cleared. And she needed to make sure that she lost as much weight as possible for the Snow Ball next week.

Just the thought of the dance made her nervous. Of course she was excited, but the concept of Luke seeing her in a dress was terrifying. First of all, she didn't even have a dress— and the thought of going shopping made her want to be sick. Annabeth hated having to look at herself that way, and especially if Luke was then going to be seeing her… well, it would just be even worse.

Annabeth changed quickly and charged upstairs just moments before the class began. She was going to just get through this class, and then she would think about everything that was bothering her. But not yet. Not yet.

When Annabeth left an hour later, she did feel better. Sure, her legs were shaking so badly she barely wanted to walk and her stomach was roaring at her, but her mind did feel a little better. She was just angry that instead of being able to focus on Luke, she was now worried about everything going on with Piper.

To be fair, Annabeth had never known someone as in-tune with relationships as Piper. For some reason, Piper could point out couples long before they got together, and guess when they were going to break up. She was scarily accurate with it too— like when she guessed that Percy and Rachel Dare were going to break up, and then they had by the next week.

Annabeth had nearly forgotten that Percy and Rachel used to date. To be fair, Rachel no longer went to school with them, so there weren't too many visual reminders of their relationship. It had been through sophomore year, until Rachel left and went to a mystery school. No one, not even her friends, knew where she had gone, and if Percy had any idea, he wasn't saying anything.

Annabeth had liked Rachel at the time, but now the thought of her made her just a little angry. She and Percy had been a great couple— even Piper said so. But now Piper said that Annabeth and Percy would be a good couple…

No. Annabeth couldn't let herself get caught up in this trap. She had to focus on Luke! Finally, after years and years, he had asked her out. Sure, in the moment it had felt great, but just a few hours later Annabeth wasn't as excited.

But that was just because of all the drama with Piper, Annabeth was certain. She was just distracted. Tomorrow she'd wake up and be excited to go out with Luke. He was perfect for her, after all.

Right now she needed to figure out a way to convince her dad that she liked the food he made for dinner, and then hide away in her room when Helen, Matthew, Bobby, and her dad all started acting like a family.

Long after dinner (grilled cheeses! Ack!) Annabeth was holed away in her room, watching television on her computer after losing the battle of trying to understand Act III of _King Lear. _Her phone buzzed.

**Percy: Hey! Wanna study more this weekend?**

**Annabeth: Sure! What day is good?**

**Percy: Sat for lunch?**

**Annabeth: Good w me**

**Percy: How are you doing? :)**

Texting casually? What? Annabeth didn't know what to think. She paused her show and began typing.

**Annabeth: I'm pretty good! Today was kinda up and down, you?**

**Percy: Long sweaty practice but that's nothing new. Why was today up and down?**

Should she tell him? Because she only wanted to be friends with Percy, then yes, she should. Besides, there was no way that Percy liked her. She had never felt that from him, and wouldn't she have noticed?

**Annabeth: Well Luke asked me to the Snow Ball but then Piper and I kinda had a fight. Just a weird day in general, I'm not sure**

The little text bubble popped up from Percy, but he didn't respond for another two minutes.

**Percy: Castellan? Interesting**

**Percy: Make sure he treats you right**

**Percy: And sorry about Piper**

**Annabeth: It's okay! We'll figure it out**

**Percy: I gotta do some homework. Night Annabeth**

**Annabeth: Night!**

That was a little odd for Percy. Normally he was totally fine with staying up late and talking just so they didn't have to do homework. Huh.

Annabeth would figure it out in the morning. She'd figure out this insane mess in the morning. Right now, she just needed to watch some TV and go to sleep and think about what she wanted for breakfast the next morning.

* * *

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** where-do-i-start-0**

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**Thank you so much for reading!**

**Sorry if you all hate this one. I've seen your reviews, and you're not all the biggest fans of Luke. But for the sake of plot, I hope you can accept all that's going on...**

**If you celebrate, Gut Yontif!**

**Until the next chapter,**

**Emily**


	10. Burning Bridges

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** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Say You Miss Me by Wilco**

* * *

On Monday morning, Annabeth's ears perked up when they reached Percy's stop, but she wasn't too surprised to see he hadn't gotten on. She had texted him this weekend but his only response had been several hours later, apologizing for not responding earlier, and she hadn't given him a reply, but she still wanted to see how he was doing.

When her stomach growled, she pulled her thoughts away from Percy and to her revamped diet and exercise regimen now that she was getting ready for the Snow Ball. It included extra strength work, and eating slightly less. Annabeth had stayed up late the night before and her head was still swimming with different caloric amounts and ingredient labels, but she was hoping to look good in her dress on Friday.

Just the thought of a dress for the dance made Annabeth want to break out into hives. She and Helen had made plans to go shopping on Tuesday afternoon after school— meaning Annabeth would have to miss her spin class and exercise later that night. It wasn't ideal, but there weren't too many other options available. The thing that scared Annabeth most was having to shop for a dress: having to look at herself in a changing room mirror and think about how many things needed to be fixed.

The subway rolled away from Percy's stop, and several other thoughts made Annabeth's stomach squirm. She'd have to face Piper today, which was definitely not something to look forward to. And how did she deal with Luke? Before they were just friends, but now that they were going to the dance together, how would he treat her? How was Annabeth supposed to treat him?

Annabeth's plan, to avoid interactions with anyone who was going to confuse her or make her feel bad, was to keep her head down, wear an enormous black hoodie, and eat in the library at lunch. She had homework to do, anyways.

Annabeth almost slipped when she saw Leo in the hallway. He was at his locker and she was tempted to go up and flick him or whisper in his ear or do something else and scare him, but she stopped herself. Leo had always been better friends with Piper, anyways, who definitely would have told him everything that had happened with Annabeth by now. She turned away and ducked into the girl's bathroom instead.

She didn't see Thalia once, which wasn't a surprise, considering Annabeth didn't see her at school much when they had actually been friends. Percy passed through her view a couple of times, looking kind of stressed and harried. His backpack was wide open when he sprinted to class so he wouldn't be late. Piper and Jason kind of seemed like they were dating— talking to each other between classes, that sort of thing.

Annabeth felt like a creep, or at the very least, someone looking through a two-way mirror at the lives of all her friends. Could she even call them her friends anymore? It felt like she was pushing away everyone in her life, even Percy, who still wasn't really responding to her texts. Sure, maybe she had Luke, but the thought of having to talk to him made her stomach do jumping jacks.

The only interaction Annabeth had with Piper was in APUSH. Piper gave her a smile that Annabeth didn't return. While Annabeth tried to pay attention to the lecture, Piper slipped her a note.

_Hey, are you doing ok? Do you want to talk? - P_

Annabeth opened the note quickly and debated whether or not she should respond. After just a moment, though, she quickly wrote back.

_I'm doing ok, but thank you. - A_

The response came back just a moment later.

_Please let me know, I miss you. - P_

This time, Annabeth crumpled up the note and didn't respond.

On Tuesday afternoon while Annabeth and Helen shopped for dresses, Annabeth was still thinking of how (for a second time) Percy hadn't shown up on the subway that morning. She had even checked the website of the boy's swim team and the didn't have morning practice Tuesday or Wednesday, so what was his explanation? Was he avoiding her?  
Annabeth considered texting him to ask where he had been, but she didn't want to seem clingy. They get dinner one time, he walks her home and gives her a hug, and here Annabeth was acting like his mother. But truthfully, she didn't want to admit that she missed him.

"What do you think about this?" Helen held up a short baby blue dress with fluffy skirt and spaghetti straps.

"Um, I don't think it's really my thing," Annabeth responded. She would have looked positively awful in it. For one, it would have looked good on someone with bigger boobs and a smaller waistline.

Helen examined the dress. "Yeah, it's pretty over the top. What colors do you like?"

Annabeth shrugged.

"White, gray? It's the Snow Ball, right?"

Annabeth knew Helen was trying, but she couldn't bring herself to respond to it in any form. Her father had suggested they go on the trip to try and get them to bond and help Helen be a little bit more of a mom to Annabeth— and there was no denying that Athena was in no way any sort of mother figure— but Annabeth had long ago given up on this. Sure, she had been a little excited when her dad had gotten married, but Helen had never been interested in her. She cared more about her kids, Matthew and Bobby. At least, that was how it had always felt to Annabeth.

"What about this one?" Helen held up a sleeveless gray dress with a beaded bodice. "I think this might look nice on you."

Annabeth's heart drummed as she looked at the dress. It certainly wasn't ideal, but maybe it would hide the parts of her body she really didn't want anyone seeing. "Sure."

As they left the store, Helen chattered away while Annabeth clutched the bag containing the new gray dress and shoes. Even though Annabeth had insisted that she didn't need anything else, Helen had also gotten her a pair of white heels. Now she was telling Annabeth excitedly about her high school prom.

Helen wasn't a bad person. She was nice, and Annabeth understood why her dad liked her so much. But at the end of the day, she wasn't Annabeth's mom, and no number of shopping trips or pairs of shoes would ever be able to change that.

"Do you want me to get you out of school early for a hair appointment before the dance? It might be fun. We could go to the salon, and I need a cut anyway…"

Annabeth blushed. "No, it's fine. I'll do my hair at home."

"You sure? I could bust you out of class! It'll be fun."

"No, really. I shouldn't miss anything or else I'll get behind."

"Whatever you say, but the offer still stands," Helen said as they descended into the subway. "So, what's your plan with Luke on Friday?"

"I'm not really sure, but I think we're going to go with his friends."

"What about Piper and Thalia? Are they going to come?"

Annabeth frowned. She still hadn't told Helen or her dad about anything that had happened with them. "Uh, no. Piper has a date and I doubt Thalia's going."

"Well, it might be fun if you all got together. Are you going to dinner beforehand?"

_Jesus. _Helen's incessant chatter was beginning to be a little much for Annabeth. This was why she avoided being around her family as much as possible.

Percy wasn't on the subway the next morning. He didn't have morning practice, so he should've been there, but Annabeth wasn't even surprised. Was he avoiding her? He wasn't even talking to her in the hallways anymore. Did he hate her that much because of what had happened with Piper?

She had been thinking about this all day— and, by 3 PM, had basically convinced herself that he despised her. That's the reason Annabeth was so surprised when she got the text from him right after school ended.

**Percy: I know this is super last minute but do you want to get dinner and study again tonight?**

Annabeth forgot everything she had been feeling about Percy and texted him back immediately. She hadn't seen any of her friends in so long. All she had been doing was going to spin classes and tracking her calories, and she missed Piper, Thalia, Leo, Percy, and everyone else more than she ever would have admitted.

**Annabeth: Sure! Same time and place?**

**Percy: Yeah see you then**

Annabeth pressed her phone to her chest. Maybe it wasn't too late, thank God.

Instead of being late to dinner this time, Annabeth was twenty minutes early. She downed multiple glasses of water and felt her heartbeat steadily rise as the clock in Aunty Em's Diner gradually ticked closer to 7 PM.

Percy was a little late this time, but he didn't look like he was in a rush. At 7:10 he walked in with his Goode High Swim Team sweatshirt hood up and his hands stuffed in the pockets of his black jeans. He scanned the restaurant looking for Annabeth and she swore she saw a scowl on his face before he adopted neutral features and wandered over to her table.

Even though Percy no longer looked ready to kill somebody, he could still be scary. It wasn't how tall or strong he was, even though that was part of it. It was his eyes. They were a pretty sea green, but also intense. You could tell how he felt just by looking at his eyes. In an odd way, they reminded Annabeth of her own gray eyes.

Right now, Percy's eyes were betraying him. Even though his posture was upright and open, his eyes looked dark and angry. _Uh oh, _Annabeth gulped. _He's not mad at me, is he?_

He slid into the booth. "Hey Annabeth."

"Hey. How was practice?"

"Fine." He drummed his fingers on the countertop, looking at a spot just over her head instead of into her eyes. "Long."

"Gotcha," Annabeth said, hoping he would say something else. When he didn't, she cleared her throat. "What math stuff do you need to go over?"

Percy reached for his backpack and shuffled through it. "Just some stuff from class."

"Awesome. Whatever you need is good with me." _Awesome? Really, Annabeth? What are you, ten?_

"Cool," Percy said. Before he could open his textbook, they were interrupted by their waitress. Percy ordered a lemonade and a reuben sandwich. Annabeth got another Greek salad. She had checked the website before she arrived and had already known what she wanted.

Percy flipped open his book and immediately, they got to work. In the back of her mind, an alarm was going off, telling Annabeth that something was definitely wrong. Percy was never like this, never. Not that she had been hanging out with him for a particularly long time, but even if he was in a bad mood, Percy would tell her what was going on. Like that morning on the subway after his dad had called him. He would tell her if he was upset, right?

"Okay, transformations of polynomials. How far did you guys get in class?"

Percy responded in a monotone, rattling it off. He still wouldn't look at her face.

"Alright. What were you confused on?"  
Percy shrugged.

Annabeth was starting to get annoyed, but she held it back. "Alright, maybe we can try some practice problems to see what you remember?"

"Sure."

The rest of dinner went very quickly. When their food arrived, Percy scarfed down his sandwich, barely taking time between bites to respond to her. When Annabeth asked how wedding preparations were going, his answer (instead of being just a few words) was a few sentences, but he still was barely responding.

When the bill arrived, Annabeth snatched it before she could grab it. "Remember, it's my turn to pay?"

She fully expected her to fight him on it, but he didn't. If the sinking feeling in Annabeth's stomach could have gotten any worse, it did right then.

As she slipped on her coat and got ready to leave, she wanted to turn to Percy and yell at him: _why'd you even ask me to come here if you were just going to be an asshole?! _But Annabeth had burned enough bridges in the last few weeks she knew she needed to take this one a little slower.

Percy still offered to walk her home, even though he didn't really say much. His hands were stuffed in his pockets as they walked back, and he was walking so fast that Annabeth had to fast walk to try and keep up.

As they finally reached the base of Annabeth's building, she couldn't take it anymore. She had to know why he had been acting so strange all night. "Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but are you okay?"

Percy raised an eyebrow. "I'm fine. Why?"

Annabeth wanted to shrivel into dust and be blown away in the cold winter wind. "Oh, no reason, you just seemed kinda off tonight."

"Annabeth-"

"Yeah?"

"I have something to ask you."

Annabeth's heart thumped in her chest. "Alright." What was he going to say? Was he going to ask her to the Snow Ball? But… he wouldn't do that. No way. That was a crazy thought, and he knew that she was already going with Luke.

"Are you doing alright?"

Annabeth's eyebrows furrowed. Definitely not what she was expecting. "I'm fine. Why?"

Percy sighed. "Piper asked me to ask you, because apparently you guys aren't talking right now and she wanted you to know that she's worried about you."

All of a sudden, the pieces clicked together in Annabeth's head. Percy hadn't asked her to meet up tonight because he wanted to see her— no, he was probably trying to avoid her as much as possible, for some reason Annabeth had yet to figure out. Percy was only her tonight because Piper had asked him to come and talk to Annabeth. "So that's the only reason you came here tonight?"

Percy looked at her, eyebrows raised at her outburst, and didn't respond.

"Not because you wanted to hang out with me or see me or even do math or whatever, but just because Piper's trying to spy on me?" Annabeth knew she shouldn't be getting so angry, but the blood was rushing in her ears and she couldn't stop. All the insecurities she had about people trying to control her life— her grades, her eating, her exercise— rose to the surface, and for a brief moment she was the little eighth grader in Athena's gorgeous San Francisco kitchen again, staring at an empty fridge while her mother reminded her that she shouldn't eat ice cream. No, Annabeth would never let anyone control her life like that again. And that was what Piper was trying to do.

Percy sighed. "Annabeth, that's not what she's doing. She cares about you."

"But you don't! You're only here because she made you come!" Annabeth could feel the tears pressing against her eyes and threatening to spill out.

"That's not true."

"Don't deny it, I'm not _stupid," _Annabeth snapped. "I know when someone doesn't want to be with me. A few signs are all it takes. And I could tell tonight that you didn't want to be there. I knew-" her last sentence was cut off by a choked sob.

Percy just looked at her with those beautiful, sad eyes and didn't respond. And even though Annabeth didn't want to believe what she had said— and she had wanted Percy to deny it, and tell her he liked her, and then he would hug her and maybe kiss her and _wait where on Earth did that come from? _Annabeth didn't _like _Percy. Did she?

But Percy didn't respond, confirming everything that Annabeth had just said. She opened her mouth but nothing came out but a sharp inhale of breath. She spun around and pressed the key code to get into the building and didn't look back.

On the elevator ride up to her apartment, Annabeth pressed her lips tightly together to stop herself from crying, just so her dad wouldn't see and ask questions. When she opened the apartment, all the lights were off, and there was a note on the counter.

_Hey Annabeth. Hope you had fun tutoring tonight! We all went out for dinner so we won't be home until a little later. Sleep well!_

Annabeth dropped her backpack and cried in the dark, empty kitchen, wishing that someone could have been there. She didn't want to explain it. She just wanted someone to look at her and know that she wasn't OK.

The next morning on the subway, Percy didn't show up. Firstly, he had morning practice, but secondly, Annabeth knew he wouldn't have been there anyways. Last night had not been good. The weight of all her stupid decisions was finally beginning to weigh on her: she had lost Thalia and Piper, her two best friends in the entire world, and then Percy, someone she loved being around— and it was all Annabeth's fault, all her stupid decisions. Even the thought of going to the dance with Luke couldn't cheer her up. Piper's question from a few days ago (_do you even want to go with Luke?__) _crossed her mind.

She had cried herself to sleep last night, and her eyes still felt dry and sad when she woke up. But Annabeth still had woken up, made a healthy breakfast, and was on her way to school. All she could do now was keep her head down in class, go to the library at lunch, and go to spin class in the afternoon.

She saw Percy in the hallway, but he either didn't see her or looked away when he did. Piper gave her another smile, but Annabeth didn't return it. She was so mortified of the way she had treated her it was going to take a long, long time for Annabeth to apologize. She didn't see Thalia, or Leo, thank the gods.

The highlight of the day was incredibly depressing:

**Luke: Hey! So for the dance tomorrow night, is it OK if we go with my friends? I can pick you up around 6 for dinner?**

She didn't want to go to the dance with Luke, or any of his friends. He hung out with a group of popular and well-known seniors that frankly, terrified Annabeth. All of the girls were skinny and beautiful, and Annabeth knew she would be the ugly duckling of the night. But who else could she go with? Piper? Thalia? Percy? And she had been dreaming of this moment for years, even if that dream didn't seem so appealing anymore.

**Annabeth: Sounds great!**

"Oh, you look beautiful!" Helen beamed, putting the final touches on Annabeth's makeup. Even though Annabeth had put her foot down on the salon visit, Helen had taken the afternoon off of work to help Annabeth get ready for the dance. While Helen was getting her masters degree, she had done bridal makeup on the side, and her skills had stuck with her.

Annabeth didn't want anything too over the top, so Helen had gone with simple touches of blush, lip gloss, mascara, and eyeliner. Her curly hair had been left down, with a few braids linking together at the back. With her dress and shoes on, Annabeth couldn't deny that she looked better than she usually felt.

"Thanks so much, Helen."

"Of course! Your first dance with a date is always exciting," Helen said, fussing over Annabeth's hair. "And you can stay out as late as you want, but just keep texting us updates so your father doesn't get too worried."

Annabeth knit her eyebrows. "Are you sure? I thought curfew was 11."

"Oh, that's just what your dad wants you to think. Don't worry about it."

Annabeth checked her phone. Luke would be here in five minutes, so she didn't have too much time. She sat on the couch double and triple-checking her coat and purse to make sure she had everything she needed.

"You look wonderful, honey," her dad said as he made dinner. "Sure you don't want to invite Luke in?"

"No, we should just get going," Annabeth said. The thought of Luke coming up here was terrifying. Meeting her dad? Absolutely not. He was going to text her when she was outside and she would meet him on the bottom floor.

Speaking of which, her phone beeped. After checking her messages, Luke had indeed arrived. Annabeth's heart thumped. "Alright, he's here. Bye!"

"Bye Annabeth!" Her dad and Helen gave her a hug before she speedwalked to the bottom floor, aching to get away from them.

Annabeth would be surprised if she wasn't a sweaty mess by the time the elevator reached the bottom floor. Just the thought of having to hang out with Luke and all his popular friends for the night made her want to run back upstairs. But the elevator dinged and it's doors opened, and there, on the other side of the front doors, was Luke, waiting for her.

It was snowing outside, and fluffy flakes peppered Luke's jacket. When he saw her emerge, he gave her a huge smile, then gave her a hug when she opened the door. Annabeth took a deep breath and tried to tell herself it was all going to be fine.

"Hey Beth. You look beautiful," Luke said, looking at her dress. "Ready for the Snow Ball?"

Annabeth took a deep breath. "Let's go."

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

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**Authors Note: Ahaha, a little bit of a cliffhanger at the end?! This has easily been my favorite chapter to write so far. I feel like the story is finally building up, and I'm really looking forward to working on it. I also apologize if my updates aren't coming as frequently as you might like. I am in school and I'm quite busy and this story is not my no. 1 priority, to be completely honest. But I still love working on it and I have a lot of plans for it in the future, so don't worry!**

**ALSO: Apologies for any spelling or grammar errors!**

**I was very tempted to make the song of this chapter "The Perfect Space" by the Avett Brothers but I've already done so many songs by them I decided I would hold off, and do a Wilco song instead (my other favorite band!). If you like the songs, please let me know! If you have any song suggestions, also let me know!**

**Finally, I want to hear your predictions for what you think happens next. Your reviews really motivate me to keep writing, and I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much!**

**Emily**


	11. Having Fun With You

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** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Bring Direction by Hiss Golden Messenger**

**WARNING: Mentions of underage drinking.**

* * *

As Luke called a cab, Annabeth was sure her heart was going to catapult out of her chest. Oh Lord, she did not want to be here. At all. The moment she and Luke stepped out into the snow, the darkening sky began to reflect her mood. Now she just had to convince herself that she would try and have a halfway decent night.

"This weather sucks," Luke said as they brushed the flakes off themselves in the back of a cab. "I was all looking forward to walking with you."

Annabeth's eyebrows raised. A comment like that a few months ago would have sent her spiraling, but now… "Yeah, me too. It's so cold outside!"

Luke grimaced. "I know. Guess it does fit the whole Snow Ball idea, right?"

And dear gods, they were talking about the _weather. _Besides college, Annabeth realized, she and Luke had nothing to talk about. And Annabeth hated talking about college. She didn't want to bring it up tonight. So looks like they wouldn't talk at all.

Pure silence didn't sound too bad, until Annabeth remembered that they were en route to dinner with Luke's whole friend group. _This _was what scared her. They were all nice people, but every single one was a senior. They were all beautiful and terribly popular. If she was going to survive the night, she needed to be at least a little comfortable with Luke, her date. Her date. Oh no.

"You look really good," he said.

"Oh," Annabeth blushed. "Thanks. My stepmom is really good at makeup and everything."

"Pretty dress. Very wintry."

Annabeth wanted to bang her head against the window. This, again? And she didn't want him to look at her, either. "I like your tie."

Luke shot her a grin, then tugged at the gray tie wrapping around his neck. "Pretty color."

"My favorite."

"Mmm."

Annabeth wanted to grimace. Alright, she'd throw Luke a bone. "Heard from any other schools?"

His face lit up. Dear Lord. "Yes! And you'll never guess…"

Annabeth lost track of all the mming and hmming she did as the cab finally pulled up to the restaurant. It was a topic she found incredibly boring and remarkably stressful, but at the very least, it wasn't awkward anymore. Luke basically charged ahead with the conversation, giving her the minute updates. Thank God he only thought to ask her where she was interested in applying when they pulled up to the restaurant and Annabeth could duck his question. But now there was another battle to fight.

She could see a big table near the front almost completely full with Luke's friends. She didn't know everyone, but she did recognize Charles Beckendorf, Silena Beauregard, Miranda Gardner, and Drew Tanaka. Oh God. Drew.

Drew wasn't the cheerleading or dance team captain, but she was absolutely, undeniably stunning. It was made worse by the fact that she wasn't a complete airhead. In fact, she was just not a very nice person, in Annabeth's opinion.

Thoughts on Drew Tanaka completely changed depending on who you asked. Annabeth and her friends (could she call them that?) had never been huge fans, but Drew was plenty popular in other circles— namely the jocks and general party crowd. Sure, she was fun and pretty, but she could also be downright rude. Annabeth gulped. How absolutely convenient to now remember that Drew had been Luke's date to both the Snow Ball and prom last year. They'd had a weird on-off relationship that had never really materialized, but Annabeth wouldn't be surprised that even if Drew didn't like Luke anymore, she would hate Annabeth for being "involved" with him.

Uh oh.

"There they are!" said Luke, completely oblivious. "I hope it's fine with you that we're going with them.

"Oh, yeah," Annabeth lied. "Totally fine. My friends weren't doing much of anything."

Luke opened the door for her as they made their way into the restaurant. His friends immediately turned around to greet them. Annabeth fought to keep the look of despair off of her face. Well, at least she'd be able to sit with Luke.

Wrong.

Two seats remained, on opposite edges of the table. One was next to Drew, and the other was all the way over by Miranda Gardner and Chris Ramirez. Annabeth tried to glance at Luke and beg him to rearrange the seats, but he scanned the table before giving her an apologetic glance. "Sorry, Annabeth. Is it alright if we don't sit together?  
_Holy fucking shit. _"Totally fine."

Luke slid into the nearest seat next to Miranda Gardner, leaving Annabeth to make the long walk to sit next to Drew, who stared at her as she walked over. Not even a hint of a smile was on her face.

Annabeth took her seat and tried to smile at Silena Beauregard, who was sitting across from her. If she did know one thing, it was that Silena was really, really nice. Like Drew, she was unfairly beautiful, but she was nice.  
"Hey Annabeth!" Silena said. "How are you doing? Your dress is beautiful."

_Nothing compares to you, _Annabeth thought. Silena's wavy brown hair was half-up, half-down, and spilled out over her white dress. She looked like an angel. God, she was so skinny. "Thanks. Yours is nice too!"

SIlena smiled. "Thanks. I had a ton of fun picking it out. Charlie and Drew came with me," she motioned to Beckendorf sitting behind her. Charles Beckendorf was the strong, silent sort of type. He didn't even give Annabeth a nod of recognition. She gulped.

"Oh. That's awesome."

"That was so much fun, Silena." _Drew._

She looked perfect, no surprises there. Her hair was drawn into a messy bun at the base of her neck. Her dress was pink, contrasting against her pale skin. How on earth did she get her arms to be that thin?

"So, you're here with Luke, Annabeth?" That wasn't a question. It was a challenge. Annabeth turned to face Drew. Her eyes were wide and her lips slightly pursed in the picture of perfect innocence.

"Uh, yes. He asked me last week."

Drew smiled. God, why did she get to look that beautiful! "Oh, that's cute. I went with Luke last year. He's a great date." Drew kept staring at Annabeth, but her eyes were hard, and her full lips were now pressed into a thin, straight line. "You know what I mean?"

Part of Annabeth was pissed. Who did Drew think she was? And Annabeth didn't feel angry about Drew's possessiveness over Luke— not at all. For some reason Annabeth really didn't feel like thinking about quite yet, she couldn't quite bring herself to care too much about that. But here Drew was, being more than a little rude. But the other part of Annabeth wanted to melt under Drew's gaze. And that was the part that won out.

"Oh, uh, yeah."

Silena, who was watching the exchange with raised eyebrows, quickly patted Drew's hand. "I love your makeup, Drew. It must've taken ages."

Grateful to have Drew's frying gaze taken away from her, Annabeth took a deep breath. She was fine. She was above this, and Drew was just being _rude_. If she was like that again, she'd have to react differently.

And so was the start of an absolutely terrible dinner. Annabeth could talk to Silena, but she was more wrapped up in Beckendorf. And Drew? Absolutely not.

Annabeth nearly cried out in relief when the waiter finally came to take their orders. She had reviewed the restaurant menu previously and already knew exactly what she wanted when the waiter rolled around. "I'll have the spring salad please."

Then it was Drew's turn. "I'll take the spring salad, with dressing on the side, and no additional bread."

Annabeth's heart fell. _Oh no. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. That's exactly what she should've done. That's probably how Drew got so skinny. Salads without dressing and no carbohydrates.

Annabeth thought about what she could've been doing. She could've been getting ready with Piper, and maybe even Thalia. They would've been blasting music and making fun of all the popular people— the very people Annabeth was sitting with right now. They would've taken the subway and eaten at Piper's apartment. And then she would've danced with Percy, probably. _What?_

Annabeth didn't feel right in the head. Maybe it was all those carbohydrates she had been eating.

Eventually, they got their food, finished, and left. Annabeth hated every moment. There was Luke, on the opposite side of the table, chatting and laughing at every passing moment. Annabeth, on the other hand, was about ready to tear her hair out. Everything Drew had said the entire night had sounded like a backhanded compliment. Once, she asked Annabeth if she had gotten her dress from a thrift store, and then congratulated her on helping save the environment.

It was awful. But it couldn't be worse at the dance, right? Then Luke would have to hang out with her, because _he was her date. _She could just drag him to another side of the gym, if she wanted to. All she had to do was make it happen— starting with taking a cab that was just with Luke, not with Drew.

The group huddled outside the restaurant, still laughing and joking. Annabeth was done trying to convince herself that she wasn't a complete outsider, and hovered next to Luke, her hand in his. A month ago, this would've driven Annabeth's heart up the wall, but now, she didn't feel much of anything. His hands were pretty cold.

Finally, the first cab pulled up. Slowly, various groups piled in, until the last few people waiting were Annabeth, Luke, Silena, Beckendorf, and Drew. Another cab pulled up to the street, waiting.

"Silena, you and Beckendorf can go ahead," Drew said, tossing her a sweet smile.

Annabeth wanted to smash her fist into a wall.

"Are you sure, Drew? You're welcome to squeeze in with us."

"No, go along. I'll stay with the two new lovebirds," Drew said, tossing what should've been a kind glance to Annabeth. Instead, all she saw was a cold glare. "And make sure they behave."

"You're welcome to ride with us, Drew. See you guys soon," Luke said, shutting the door of Silena's cab. It slid off, and the three were left in silence at the curb. Annabeth looked up to avoid looking at Drew. The snow was coming down faster.

"So," Drew said sweetly, "How'd you meet?"

Luke shot Annabeth a smile and tugged her hand closer to him. He was never like this. Why was he acting so weird? "Well, Annabeth and I used to be neighbors. We've known each other a long time. We disconnected for a little bit, but started being friends again once we realized we both went to Goode."

Drew smiled. "So cute. When did you all meet up again?"

Luke answered again, continuing his conversation with Drew. The way these two were going at it, all Annabeth needed to do was lock them in a room with each other. While they talked, Annabeth stopped looking at the sky and started thinking about how Drew had requested no bread with her salad. Why did she get to be so skinny?

Occasionally, a moment hit Annabeth where all she wanted, more than anything in the entire world, was to be skinny— times where it felt like she would've given absolutely anything to a need so real and so true. How could she be happy if she didn't look the way she wanted? How could she be attractive? How could she be lovable?

These moments came at weird times, and Annabeth never really expected them. And this was one of those moments: standing out there, shivering in the cold while they flagged down a cab. All she could think of was being skinny— the moment around her faded away. Luke and Drew's conversation became irrelevant. All Annabeth could think about is how she wouldn't be so miserable, so stressed and so upset all the time, if she was just skinny.

And then the cab arrived, and Luke, with his hand still wrapped around her, pulling her inside. Even though Annabeth half-participated in conversation on the way to the dance, that was really all she could think about.

If only, if only, if only.

If Annabeth had been paying attention, she would've seen how beautiful their school gym looked. A big room that normally smelled terrible, it was now decorated with paper flowers and streamers, with fake pine trees dusted with fake snow placed around the room. The stage was dressed up like a Winter Wonderland. But Annabeth didn't see much of that, as she was too focused thinking about how much she hated how she looked in her dress. If she had been paying attention, she would've noticed Piper and Jason arriving. They looked great together. If she had been paying attention, she would've seen Percy come in nearly an hour late, slouching over and his eyes dimly scanning the room with a little bit of hope. But she didn't see that.

As Annabeth walked in to the dance, after the miserable dinner and miserable cab ride, she figured all that she needed to do was focus on Luke the entire night. If she did that, then maybe she could drive Drew and all her snappish comments away. No such luck.

There weren't very many slow songs, at first, and Luke wasn't much one for dancing. They spent most of the night walking around the room and talking to people— some Annabeth knew, and many she didn't. Luke kept her with him, his arm clutching hers in an oddly tight grip. The other thing Annabeth noticed, which made the pit in her stomach feel worse and worse, is that wherever Drew went, Luke and Annabeth followed.

The only moment Luke left her alone is when a few boys from the lacrosse team Annabeth had never met surrounded him, and he told her he'd find her in a few. When Annabeth spun away from him, grateful for her first moment of solitude, the entire night, she was face to face with Drew.

"Hi Annabeth," Drew said. "Do you have a moment?"

"Uh, sure."

"I know you're aware of Luke and I's history…" Drew trailed off, letting the words fill themselves in.

"Yes."

"I just wanted to let you know that I think you too are such a great match. Luke normally goes for someone who's more outgoing and more ah," she gave Annabeth a smile, "experienced, if you catch my drift. But I'm sure he's having fun with you."

Annabeth's eyes were as wide as dinner plates. Once again, part of her was absolutely livid at Drew's insinuation, even though they were true. Drew was right. Annabeth wasn't popular, and she never went to parties, and had never had sex. It felt like Drew was better in every way.

And even though Annabeth was sure she didn't like Luke— and was finally able to admit it— she still wanted his approval. She still wanted him to think that she was pretty and had a nice body, and everything. But how would she ever be able to compare to Drew?

Annabeth opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't respond. Then the DJ struck up a slow song, and Luke was by her in a flash, reaching out to dance. "Hey, Annabeth. You wanna dance?"

Annabeth wanted to tell him the truth. She did not want to dance. She wanted to go puke her guts out and then sprint home and fall asleep, but she did not. Instead she said goodbye to Drew and went off to dance with Luke.

With every step, Drew's words bounced around her head. _I'm sure he's having fun with you. _But Annabeth wasn't just something to have fun with. Luke thought of her as more than that, right?

Right?  
But as they danced, Annabeth became less and less sure. Her suspicions had been piqued when Luke had insisted on being wherever Drew was all night, but now she had begun to gather some real evidence. The way they talked to one another. The meaningful glances she saw Luke send Drew's way. And now— he was purposefully dancing just a few yards away from her and some random soccer player, and glanced over Annabeth every few seconds, right at Drew.

Instead of getting heavier, the pit in Annabeth's stomach began to tighten. Luke wouldn't… right? He would never do something like that. But the longer the dance went on, and the more Luke looked behind her, the worse Annabeth felt. There was something going on. She could feel it.

She had to get out of here.

The moment the song ended and Luke slipped his hand in hers again, probably intending on finding another group with Drew in it to infiltrate, Annabeth yanked her arm back. "You know, I'm kind of thirsty. I'm going to go grab some water."

"Want me to come with you?"

Annabeth waved him off. "No, you have fun. I'll come back after."

Annabeth had only been partially lying. She was thirsty, but she wasn't planning on coming back for as long as possible. As she saw Luke slide over to Drew and start laughing with her, she was sure he wouldn't mind.

The refreshments table was hidden in an appropriately dark corner of the gym to avoid being seen. A nervous student council freshman had been posted there, probably to make sure nobody took too much food or tried to spike the punch. It was moments like this where Annabeth really wished someone had spiked the freaking punch! She wasn't a stranger to alcohol, despite what Drew had insinuated. She and Piper had stolen their parents liquor and wine before, and Thalia always had a ready supply. In fact, if she had come with Piper, they'd probably be a little tipsy. But it had been a while since Annabeth had been drunk. She was just too busy with exercising.

Thinking of Piper made her glance around the room to find her. It didn't take too long. She and Jason were dancing ridiculously on the edge of the dance floor to some random 80s song. They looked insane, but they were laughing, and it was clear they were having a ton of fun. Even from here, Annabeth knew her best friend looked absolutely beautiful in a short burgundy dress. Seeing them made Annabeth think of Percy, and she felt her heart ache a little bit. Why had she been so stupid? She could've been with them. She should've been with _him_. But where was Percy?

He was here, right? She couldn't remember if she had seen him or not, which was odd, considering that Annabeth felt like she was always looking around to find Percy. But the more she looked around the gym, she felt her heart drop. He probably wasn't here. Why hadn't he come? It wasn't because of her, was it?

God, if only they had spiked the punch.

Annabeth hated this. She hated being here. In this moment, all she could do was gulp down the rest of her drink, slam it on the table and scare the student council freshman, and stalk out of there. She needed some fresh air.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Authors Note: Dance Part 1! Thoughts?**

**All you who were telling me not to make it Lukabeth have nothing to fear. In time. In time.**

**Predictions on what's going to happen next? I have quite a bit planned for the next couple of chapters, and I doubt it's going to be quite what you expect... at least I hope. **

**Do you all feel like this story is realistic? I mean, it obviously won't be completely true to real life for various reasons, but I want to know if you think Annabeth's emotions and thought process make sense. It might be easier to tell when we have a chapter with a little less action and a little more focus on her character and eating disorder. Do her motives make sense?**

**I'm just kinda interested. Please leave a review and tell me what you think- and also listen to the song for this chapter! I saw them in concert a few days ago, and they're great. **

**BONUS: If you're interested, I spent some time on ASOS and came up with a few ideas for what Annabeth's dress would have been! Please PM me if you want to see what I had in mind :)**

**Emily**


	12. Hands Up For Snap Map

**HANDS UP FOR SNAP MAP**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Honey Slider by Houndmouth**

_**Why would you just stand there and watch me leave  
You always watch me leave**_  
_**You swore you'd stick around and have a dance with me**_  
_**You never dance with me**_

* * *

**WARNING: Underage marijuana use.**

* * *

Annabeth knew it was freezing outside, but at this particular moment, it didn't seem to matter too much. If she had needed to, she could've walked all the way back home, with just her coat on over her dress. The snow was falling lightly, but it had coated the streets of the city in a thin layer. The sky above them was not quite black. For once, the city felt quiet. Annabeth took a deep breath.

She wasn't really sure where she was walking, or where she was going. All she knew was that she needed to get out of that gym— with Luke and Drew. Annabeth didn't know it for sure, but she was sure that Luke had just brought her to annoy Drew. It was working, and Annabeth didn't want to get caught in the line of fire any longer.

Would she go home? Not yet. She might try and head back in soon, just to let Luke know what was going on. Even though the night had been terrible, she owed him at least that much. Several restaurants were open, but Annabeth had no money on her. She might as well just walk around the side of the school, as there wasn't really anything else to do, and she wanted to avoid returning to the dance for as long as she could.

It was too late to turn around. When Annabeth passed the corner to go down the alleyway on the south side of the school, she ran straight into them, and they saw her. She couldn't turn around.

There weren't too many of them: the Stoll brothers, a boy from the soccer team she recognized but had never met, and Percy, all slouching against the wall and hitting what looked like a hash pen. Annabeth's suspicions were confirmed when Travis inhaled from a long cylindrical vessel with a red mouthpiece at the top. Annabeth had never smoked weed before, but she'd seen Thalia's hash pen before.

"Hey Annabeth!" Travis Stoll said.

So it was too late to sprint out of there. Percy wasn't looking at her, but she could see the thin line made by his lips. Was he mad at her?

"Hey Travis," Annabeth replied, walking a little closer. Drew's words from earlier echoed in her head. She was going to try and be brave.

"Needed some fresh air?"

"The hormones in there are choking me," Annabeth replied dryly.

Travis raised an eyebrow. "You here with Luke?"

"Unfortunately." That, Annabeth definitely said for Percy's benefit. "What about you?"

"Just my girl Mary Jane," Travis said, before passing the pen to Connor. "Sure you don't want any Perce?"

Percy shifted from where he had been slouched against the wall, and for the first time Annabeth looked straight at him. He definitely didn't look as put-together as Luke, whose outfit had been perfectly pressed and hair gelled until it would take a strong tornado to blow it out of place. Percy's dark hair was messy and he wasn't even wearing a tie, but he looked perfect. Hopefully it was too dark to see her blush— but that wouldn't matter because he probably hated her now. "No. Drug testing."

Connor shrugged. "You see, I realized they only threaten that and never actually do it in seventh grade."

Percy's voice was low, but his tone was joking. "We operate on different pay grades, Connor."

Connor laughed. "Alright, Mr. Olympian."

Percy smirked and leaned back against the wall.

Annabeth watched with wide eyes, hoping that Percy would look at her— just so she could get some tiny idea of how he was feeling, but his eyes stayed trained firmly on the ground.

"You want some, Annabeth?"

Travis was passing the pen to her. Before Annabeth realized what she was doing, she reached out and took the pen from him. With a hint of satisfaction, she noticed Percy looking up and narrowing his eyes at her. All of a sudden, Annabeth wanted nothing more than to be very, very high. It would show Drew, and it would show Percy, who wasn't even looking at her.

"How do you do this?" she asked Travis.

Travis smiled. "Never done it before?"

Annabeth shrugged. "No."

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Annabeth?" Percy.

Without looking at him, she turned to Connor. "Yes. How do you do it?"

Travis demonstrated inhaling by pressing down on the circular button. "It's super easy."

"Alright," Annabeth said. Percy's eyes were now narrowed and staring straight at her, and that made her want to do it more. She affixed her mouth to the top of the pen, pressed down on the button, and inhaled. She tasted just a little of it going in. Once she had inhaled for a few seconds, she released the pen, took it away from her mouth, and took in another deep breath and held it. When she finally exhaled, she was pleased to see a thin stream of smoke.

"You won't feel it for a bit," Travis explained.

Oh, no. Annabeth wanted to feel it now. "Can I hit it again?"

Travis grinned. "Sure."

Percy took a step forward. "Annabeth-"

This time, she shot him a glare. "It's fine, Percy. Thank you Travis."

Annabeth wasn't out there with the boys long, but in that time she hit the pen six times— each inhale deeper than the last. When she was getting ready to leave, her face and legs were tingling pleasantly, and her head felt just a little cloudy. This felt nice. Annabeth was beginning to understand why people liked smoking weed.

"I should head back in," she said to Connor, whose face had grown to be a lot brighter and a bit fuzzy. At this point, she was completely turned away from Percy, who was slouching against the wall and scowling.

"Are you sure? Shouldn't you get going home?"

Annabeth spun on her heel and scowled at him. "No. What are you? My mother?"

Percy raised an eyebrow. "Just looking out for you, because these two clearly aren't."

Travis and Connor both raised their arms in mock surrender. "Hey, she was the one who wanted to."

Percy gave them both a glare, and they shut up. Annabeth was mad, but Percy still managed to look hot when he was angry. "C'mon Annabeth."

She took a step back from him. "No. I left my _date _in there," she said with a little venom, "and he's probably wondering where I am."

Annabeth spun around and began walking away as quick as she could without making a complete fool of herself. She heard Travis and Connor's teasing, and a low sound from Percy that she couldn't quite decipher that easily shut them both up. Just as she was about to turn the corner, however, her heel slipped on a wet patch of snow and Annabeth hit the ground.

"Ow," she muttered. Her head was beginning to ache a little bit, and the world was growing a little bit out of focus. Everything seemed a bit brighter. When she held her hand out in front of her, it didn't quite seem like it was hers.

"You alright?"

That was Percy, standing in front of her and extending out his hand like the picture of a gentleman, especially with the breeze and snow speckling his hair. Annabeth was about to take it when she remembered that she was supposed to be mad, and instead she used the wall to help her stand up, brushing off her hands and giving him a glare. "Yes. I'm fine."

She speedwalked back into the dance, and Percy didn't follow her.

When she walked back into the sweaty gym, Annabeth wasn't angry anymore. She wasn't even sad. The weed had cleared up her head, and suddenly it felt so much easier to make decisions. She looked around the room, spotting Luke and Drew sitting at a table near the back. Huh. Annabeth didn't care. She should've expected it. Luke had never liked her, at least not in the way that she wanted. But Annabeth didn't care. Right now, all she really wanted to do was go to sleep.

Yes! Sleep. A nice walk out in the winter would be nice, and then she could snuggle up back in her bed at home and not think about anything for the rest of the night. Maybe she'd even stop for ice cream somewhere.

That thought was confusing. Could she have ice cream?

Annabeth shrugged the thought off and spun out of the gym, now determined to get herself home to her bed and ice cream, with whatever that meant. Her face felt like someone had stuffed it up with Pop Rocks and they were all going off at the same time. As she left, determined to get home, Annabeth did notice that she had to pee, so she turned around and skipped down the hallway to the girl's bathroom. Whoa. Skipping felt different, almost like her torso was a Jack-In-the-Box that was swaying around with every step of her feet.

She reached the bathroom and walked in, blinking at the brightness of the lights now casting little stars over her eyesight. Annabeth quickly relieved herself and walked back out, heading straight for the sink. She didn't even notice Piper standing there until she spoke to her.

"Annabeth! Hey!"

Annabeth wet her hands and turned slowly to Piper. Suddenly, she was hit with a wave of anxiety. Piper couldn't know she was high. She nervously dried her hands all over her dress, leaving two enormous water stains. "Oh. Hi Piper."

"I love your dress. How are you enjoying the dance? How's Luke?" Piper bit her lip.

Annabeth's head was pounding, and she glanced furtively towards the door inconveniently located behind Piper. "Uh. It's good. Thanks. He's good. Um. Is Jason good?"

Piper raised an eyebrow. "He's good. Have you seen Percy?"

Annabeth's eyes widened. Did Piper know she had gotten high? Wait. No. That was impossible. How'd she know she'd been with Percy? "Um, no, not at all. Haven't seen him once. What about you?"

"I saw him a few times, but not for a little while. I thought he might be with you."

Normally a comment like that would've ticked Annabeth off, but now she just let it roll right off her. "No. Why'd you think that?"

Piper shrugged. "No reason. He's been acting so weird lately. At least that's what Jason told me."

Annabeth briefly wondered if it had been because of her, but she pushed that idea off. "Oh."

"Annabeth, are you okay? You don't look alright."

Emergency noises blared in Annabeth's mind. Alright. It was time to go. "I'm fine-fine. I'm going to go home," Annabeth giggled nervously. What the fuck? She was not a giggler, and Piper knew this. "Bye Piper."

Annabeth sprinted off from her friend and down the school hallway, counting her steps until she could get outside into the dark cover of night.

It was about fifteen minutes later when Annabeth got the text from Percy.

**Percy: Where are you**

**Percy: We're coming to get you**

The texts from Piper came about ten seconds later.

**Piper: Hey where are you? **

**Piper: Talked to Percy and figured out what's going on**

**Piper: Are you ok?**

Annabeth sighed and put her phone away. She was still a little bit angry at Percy and Piper for trying to be her mother. She knew the way back home, anyways, and it wasn't that late. She put her phone in her pocket and didn't pull it out, though the texts kept coming.

It was about two minutes later when she got the first call. Because Annabeth wasn't thinking straight, she picked it up without checking the caller I.D.

"Hello?"

"Annabeth?" That was Percy, and he didn't sound happy. "Where are you?"

This is fun! She could play a trick on them. "I'm at Central Park. Near the Balto statue."

"There's no way you could've walked there, Annabeth."

She had to think of something. "Well…"

"Where are you?"

"At Central Park."

"Tell me where you are."

Percy sounded mad, which hurt Annabeth, but she also wanted to keep lying to him. How good were her acting skills? She tried to let out a sob, which came out more like a sniffle, but it sounded good enough. "I'm not lying. I took the subway. None of you ever believe me or trust in me, Percy." That last part was true. Annabeth didn't need to fake the sadness there.

Percy's voice softened instantly. "I'm sorry Annabeth. Of course we believe you. Stay there, okay? We're going to come pick you up."

Annabeth let out a little grin across her face, her earlier sadness forgotten. "Okay."

Okay, maybe Annabeth took a tiny detour, but she wasn't that lost. Not really. She still knew where she was… kind of. And the snow was so pretty here!

Annabeth never used Snapchat, but she pulled it open right now to post a picture of the street on her story. She put the location filter on it, posted it on her story, and kept walking.

**Piper: Annabeth, we saw your snapchat! We're coming.**

Now she just had to walk a little faster.

Of course they caught up with her.

It was Piper, Percy, and Jason in a silver Prius. Even though Annabeth had wanted to walk faster, her legs didn't feel like it, so she had taken a few breaks. Plus, she was cold. She was really, really cold, and it was still snowing, which definitely didn't help.

She was on a street corner, deciding if she wanted to go straight, right, or left when they caught up with her. Percy was driving and slid over to her side of the street so fast he nearly hit the curb before he slammed on the brakes, shifted the car into park, and leaped out.

Uh oh. Annabeth gulped when she saw him walking toward her. On the phone, angry Percy had been kind of funny, but up close angry Percy was not funny. He was seething. He took her hand and led her towards the car in a way that let her know she had absolutely no choice in the matter.

Once Annabeth got into the backseat, she was mauled by Piper's bearhug. "Don't you ever do that to me again," Piper whispered in her ear.

"Okay," Annabeth whispered back. "How long were you looking for me?"

"Maybe forty-five minutes," said Jason from the passenger side. His eyes flicked nervously from Piper back to Annabeth.

"You really scared me, Annabeth. If I hadn't found Percy and figured out what happened I don't know what could've happened."

"I was fine!"

"Annabeth, you've never smoked weed before. You're not this kind of person. When Percy told me I didn't believe him."

"So? I know how to walk home."

"That's not the point, Annabeth. Come on. Put your head in my lap."

Annabeth obliged, putting her head in Piper's lap and letting her brush her hands through her hair. "Okay."

After a few silent moments, Annabeth said "Can we go get something to eat?" She sat up and looked expectantly at Percy, whose grip on the steering wheel was remarkably tight.

He didn't look over his shoulder or even respond, but he slammed on the gas. Annabeth put her head back down on Piper's lap, paying attention to the fingers running through her hair and the soft music Jason had playing on the speakers.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Author's Note: Wow! For some reason I was really excited to get this chapter out, and I got it written all today, despite yesterday's update. Hope this keeps you all happy!**

**A quick note about Annabeth in this chapter: I know some people might say this chapter is a bit OOC. In fact, I agree. I don't think that this is something that Annabeth would do— not that she wouldn't smoke weed, but I don't think she'd do it in quite this particular way. The point about her being OOC here is that she's OOC in the first part of the entire book. The entire point is that Annabeth's eating disorder has impacted her so much that she's no longer able to function as she should. It comes out in different ways, like ignoring her friends to go to spin class, or making some dumb decisions the first time she smokes weed.**

**Don't do what Annabeth does here. Lmao.**

**Thoughts on the chapter? What do you guys think of Percy right now? I've always been into the protective side of Percy and I'm trying to make that come out a little here. Maybe we'll see a little more? ;)**

**Please leave reviews and PM me on your thoughts on the story! I'd love to hear what you have to say about everything.**

**Emily**


	13. Blueberry Pancakes

**BLUEBERRY PANCAKES**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Walls by the Lumineers**

_**And all around your island there's a barricade**_

_**That keeps out the danger, that holds in the pain**_

_**Sometimes you're happy, sometimes you cry**_

_**Half of me is ocean, half of me is sky**_

* * *

Percy had driven them to Aunty Em's because it was the closest place to Annabeth's house. He was a surprisingly careful driver in the snow, which was something that Annabeth managed to pay attention to even though she felt very tired with her head in Piper's lap. Piper's fingers were running through her hair, and it felt just like something her father used to do when she was very small. She would've passed out in the back of Percy's car right then, because the weed made everything feel pleasantly smoky and sleepy, but she was also very, very hungry.

The minute that Percy found a parking spot Annabeth leaped out of the car, suddenly energized now that they were close to food. She could see the bright lights of the diner from here, like they were reaching out to her and telling her to come in, with promises of pancakes and hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls and a respite from the freezing cold of the street.

Cinnamon rolls! Just the thought made Annabeth pick up her pace while Piper grumbled behind her. Even though Annabeth was still in her dress and heels, absolutely nothing would have slowed her down in her fight to get to Aunty Em's.

When she walked inside the bright lights of the diner shocked her, and she found herself staring straight up at them. They were spinning, and when she blinked they made weird colors.

"Hey hun. You need a table?"

That one right over her head was especially interesting. Annabeth tried to make her eyes open as wide as possible to look at it.

"You alright?"

Someone grabbed Annabeth's hand. She pulled herself away from the lights and to Piper, who was smiling at the waitress and squeezing Annabeth's hand. "Sorry, our friend is a little distracted."

The waitress gave them a smile. "No problem. Y'all just get back from a dance?"

Piper nodded.

"How many?"

"Just four," Piper said as Percy and Jason opened the door, letting a soft ding ring throughout the entire store.

Mortified, Annabeth was now looking at the ground and hoping the waitress didn't think she was high. She wasn't that obvious, right? It wasn't her fault if the lights just seemed really pretty! With her hand still comfortably in Piper's, she let herself be led to a booth near the window. Percy and Jason slipped in across from them. Percy looked everywhere but at Annabeth, his fingers constantly tapping the table while he looked around the diner: at the waitress, the menus, even the green linoleum floor, but anywhere but Annabeth.

The waitress brought them menus and Annabeth quickly flipped hers open, looking at all the options like she had never heard of them before. Quickly, she put together an order in her head: two blueberry pancakes with maple syrup. Maybe she could get a cinnamon roll after if she was really hungry…

But then Annabeth remembered. She couldn't eat any of that. The thought of not getting her pancakes made her so sad that she looked at Piper and said, "I'm worried if I get pancakes it'll be too much to eat."

Annabeth had never said anything like that out loud before. It left her feeling raw, and scared, and strangely, a little relieved. But Piper just smiled. "It's okay, Annabeth. You get what you want. Ever heard of the munchies?"  
"Eat what you want, Annabeth." Percy said it in a low voice, and Annabeth's eyes instantly snapped to him from where she was sitting. His eyes caught hers for a brief moment— that heartbreaking sea green— but he looked away just as quickly, and it was like he had never said anything at all.

"Uh, okay," Annabeth said, putting her menu away before she could freak out over it again. But she had already decided. She remembered the last few times she had been here, she had ordered a Greek salad. Despite what Percy and Piper had said, she was going to do it again, because she knew she wasn't really hungry (it was just the munchies, right?) and the only thing she needed was something light in calories. If she was going to get anything at all.

Annabeth's heart pounded relentlessly in the time it took for the waitress to circle back around and take their orders. Percy got a cinnamon roll and Piper and Jason split a piece of pie. When it was Annabeth's turn to order, she could barely get the words out. "I'll have the Greek salad."

The waitress nodded and went to write down her order, but Percy interjected. "I thought you were getting pancakes."

He looked straight at her. She saw the look in his eyes: he was offering her a challenge. Annabeth's mouth went dry. "Uh, that's right," she told the waitress awkwardly. "I guess I do want the pancakes. With blueberries and real maple syrup." Percy leaned back triumphantly in his seat, once again letting his eyes flit all around the restaurant. But Annabeth's heart was pounding, and the only thing she could hear was Athena in her ear, telling her that she was eating too much and that she was going to get fat. _Oh gods._

But she wanted pancakes. She wanted them so badly. She couldn't remember the last time that she had let herself eat something like that, but she hated the thought that they were going to put the weight that she absolutely didn't need— because she already had too much of it.

It was a little awkward. Normally Annabeth would have looked forward to something like this: she loved Piper and she wanted to get to know Jason, and obviously she enjoyed being around Percy. But with the icy silence that she had formed with the green eyed boy across the table (for a multitude of reasons Annabeth still wasn't sure that she really understood) dinner was very odd, and Piper and Jason were caught in the middle of what felt a little bit like a cold war.

But Annabeth was so focused on the impending doom of her order that she barely paid attention to the conversation, which mostly passed between either Annabeth, Piper, and Jason, or Percy, Piper, and Jason. If there was one good thing that had happened, it was that Annabeth now completely understood why Piper liked Jason.

He looked kind of like a Roman statue, with classic good looks and bright blue eyes, but he was a little too perfect looking. He was clearly intelligent and hardworking, but none of those were the reasons that Piper liked him. He had a certain steadiness about him that Piper had always been lacking elsewhere. With a movie star dad who could never really be around, Piper had always craved someone who could always be there for her. Looking at her best friend, Annabeth noticed the look that Piper gave him when he was looking away or talking to Percy. Jason was definitely not Annabeth's type, but she could see why he would be perfect for Piper.

Just being with Piper had made Annabeth realized how much she missed everyone. She'd been so, so awful to her friends. The fight with Thalia had been a complete nightmare, and it was Annabeth's fault. Thalia was right. She hadn't been around at all in the last few months. She couldn't remember the last time she had talked to Leo. And Percy— even if he was sitting right on the other side of the table, she had never felt farther from him. The thought of him being angry with her absolutely terrified Annabeth. She couldn't lose him; just the thought of it made her feel sick.

But she didn't quite know how to keep him either. She didn't want to force him into something she didn't want to do. So she sat back and didn't try and talk to him because he wasn't talking to her.

Annabeth could feel the high slowly fading away, and with it came back all the anxiety she had about the pancakes. She knew she was starving, but she never ate this late. She'd already eaten dinner, back at that disastrous restaurant with Drew and Luke and everyone else. She'd gotten the dressing on her salad and eaten the bread that came with it. She shouldn't be doing this now.

But Annabeth was powerless to stop it. The waitress was long gone with her order, and Annabeth knew it was too late to change it. Besides, Percy had been so oddly adamant about the pancakes that Annabeth knew she had no choice. The thought made her squirm, but maybe she'd just workout extra tomorrow and it would be fine.

Finally, the waitress circled around with a big platter of food. "Cinnamon roll?" She handed that to Percy, and the pie to Piper and Jason, before setting the pancakes in front of Annabeth. "Ring if ya need me," she said, flashing them a smile before walking away.

Annabeth's stomach felt like it was getting ready to leap out of her chest. Her plate laid tantalizingly in front of her: two large blueberry pancakes with a big pat of butter on top. And obviously a large container of real maple syrup. God, it really had been so, so long since she'd had food like this. And even though it was way too late at night to be eating, and she really shouldn't be eating at all, Annabeth wanted to.

She tried to ignore how she clearly had the most food at the table, or how slow everyone else was eating. Annabeth ate quickly because the pancakes tasted great, but also because if she ate too slow, then she would have second thoughts about what she was doing. And she didn't, because it felt so, so good to just eat, for once.

She knew she was eating quickly when Piper gave her a playful look. "Looks like you liked those pancakes."

It sent a pang to Annabeth's stomach, which felt oddly full. "Haha, yeah," she said, trying to smile. Her plate was completely empty, with only a few traces of maple syrup. Annabeth wiped them up with her fork so she could savor the last bit its sweetness. She licked her lips to get any final residue of flavor, but it was gone. They were done. The pancakes were gone. She had eaten the entire thing.

While the conversation continued about her— something about Percy making fun of Coach Hedge and other things Annabeth would have normally liked to listen to and even join in talking about— Annabeth stared down at her plate, waffling between the belief that she deserved some pancakes after being 'good', or debating if it had been a terrible lapse of judgement. No matter what, she knew she'd be doing extra exercise the next day.

"Annabeth, what'd you think of the dance?"

Annabeth's head shot up towards Piper, who had asked the question. Piper had a nice smile on her face but Annabeth could read her eyes. Piper was telling her that she had to participate in the conversation. "Uh, it was alright," she said awkwardly. It would be a bad idea to mention Luke. "Kind of boring, in my opinion."

Piper grinned. "You had some fun near the end there. What finally made you want to smoke?"

Annabeth glanced quickly towards Percy. The truth? She just wanted to bother Percy and see if he even cared. "Uh, I just wanted to try it. I wasn't having fun at the dance so I thought I should make it a little more interesting."

"Fair, but if you ever make me search around New York City for forty-five minutes for you again, maybe I won't be so nice," Piper joked, laughter dancing in her eyes.

Annabeth found it in her to smile back. "What did you think about the Balto statue?"

Piper rolled her eyes, but Percy was the one to respond first. "You almost got us, with that one actually." But he wasn't smiling.

Annabeth looked at him and when their eyes caught one another she saw the anger simmering under the surface. Her mouth went dry. "I, uh, thought it might be fun. I know. It's a terrible excuse, and it was stupid. I'm sorry."

Percy nodded, but didn't respond. _Oh shit, _Annabeth thought. _He really hates me now._

Piper laughed casually. "It's okay Annabeth. I'm just happy you're safe. Do you guys wanna get headed out soon?" Piper's words pulled Annabeth's gaze from Percy, for which she was grateful. The longer that she looked at him, the worse she felt.

It had been stupid. Her friends were right. And if Percy had been angry at her enough before, for the shit she pulled at the dance, then he was probably furious now. Now Annabeth couldn't wait to get home and go to sleep as soon as possible.

Once again, Percy drove calmly and carefully through the Brooklyn streets. The snow had calmed down now to just a few flurries spiraling through the air, but nothing had really been ploughed and the streets were getting icy.

Once they reached her apartment, Percy pulled in front and turned off the car, drumming his fingertips on the steering wheel but refusing to turn around.

"Want me to come up with you?" Piper asked. "Is that alright, Percy? I don't need to if you want to get home."

"Fine with me."

Annabeth smiled at her friend. "You definitely don't need to."

"I will— I haven't seen you in ages."

They left Percy and Jason at the curb, promising to get Piper back quickly. Annabeth buzzed her keycard and they entered the dark lobby, only lit by the light of the elevator. Annabeth couldn't deny that she was a little nervous to be alone with Piper. She hadn't been a very good friend recently, and Piper had every right to be angry.

But Piper had always been blessed with a unique gift to see through people. Annabeth knew this— out of all the people she was friends with, Piper was easily the most introspective and emotionally in-tune with others. She knew exactly how to help others and treat people when they didn't feel great. Annabeth knew she was lucky to have a friend like that. Piper just managed to put everyone she was with at ease.

While in the elevator, Piper asked her about the topic Annabeth had been trying to avoid around Percy. "So how was your date with Luke, really?"

Annabeth sighed. "You were right. I don't like him. I haven't liked him, at least not for a while."

Piper's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Really. I hated the dance. It was clear he only brought me to annoy Drew. And it was so, so awkward. I felt like a trophy wife. I didn't realize it, but I think though Luke and I come across pretty similar, we're such different people." It was so nice to talk to Piper like this. Annabeth hadn't really been truthful with her for so long. "I don't really know why I liked him for so long."

Piper shrugged. "I mean, it's fine if you did. You were friends from childhood, and that's bound to be an important factor."

"Yeah, but he doesn't really know who I've become. Not like Percy." The elevator dinged as it reached Annabeth's floor. The two got off the lift and headed towards her apartment.

"Percy, huh?" Piper asked.

"He's easier to be around. He kind of gets me more." This was dangerous territory, and Annabeth could feel that Piper was trying to figure out if Annabeth liked Percy. But she wasn't ready to think about that or admit anything about it— not to herself, and definitely not to Piper.

"Percy's a good guy, Annabeth. Sorry if he came off a little strong tonight."

"I felt like he was so furious with me."

Piper shrugged. "Maybe it seemed like that, but Percy would never really get mad at you. He was just worried."

"Really? He seemed so angry. He would barely look at me."

"Look at it from his perspective. You got high, brushed him off, and then rushed back into the dance, only to wander around the streets of New York after and nearly get lost. He won't admit it, Annabeth, but he was insanely worried about you. If anything happened to you, he would have blamed himself."

Annabeth cocked her head. "But that's stupid. I was the one who left."

"Maybe, but that's not the way Percy looks at it. Maybe he is angry with you, but I'm willing to bet he's angrier at himself."

Annabeth couldn't talk about this anymore. If Percy felt like that about her… no. She couldn't consider that. It was far, far too confusing, and she didn't need anything like that in her life right now. "Uh, okay."

Piper, with her ever-present intuition, dropped the conversation as they entered Annabeth's apartment. It was dark but all the blinds were up, letting the light of a nightime city spill into the room. Helen had left her a note on the counter, hoping that she had fun at the dance.

"Ooh, did you guys get new furniture? It's been a while since I was here," Piper said, looking about the room with interest.

Annabeth frowned. "Yeah, we did." It had been so, so long since Piper had come over, and that was her fault. "Piper, I'm really, really sorry about everything that happened in the last few weeks."

Piper offered her a kind smile. "It's okay, Beth."

Annabeth shook her head. "No, it isn't. I haven't really told you about everything that's been going on, and that's my fault."

"I could kind of tell. I knew you were stressed about something, but I didn't want to push you on it."

"That's right," Annabeth said, finally feeling like she was being honest with Piper. "I can't really explain it, but I want to talk to you about it."

Piper squeezed her hand. "Of course. Whenever you're ready."

"You should probably get back to the car, but do you want to get coffee tomorrow and we can talk? I can tell you everything."

Piper smiled. "I would love that. I missed you, Annabeth."

"I missed you so much."

Piper gave her a long hug that Annabeth practically melted into, before she released her and went to slip her shoes back on. "I'll see you tomorrow, then. 3 PM?"

"Sounds good," Annabeth smiled.

Going to sleep should have been easy that night. Annabeth was exhausted after all, but her mind constantly danced between three different things: firstly, the pancakes. She shouldn't have eaten them. She knew that, and she'd pay for it tomorrow.

Secondly, all that was going on with Percy. What Piper had told her in the apartment confused her even more, and she had absolutely no idea what it meant for her and Percy's friendship— if they were even friends anymore.

Thirdly, what she was going to tell Piper tomorrow. She could just say what Annabeth thought she should say: that Athena and her father were stressing her out about school and college. Or she could say the thing that terrified her, because even if Annabeth wouldn't admit it, she knew it was probably true: she thought about food all the time, every single day. And she had absolutely no idea how to stop it.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Alright, I truly do apologize that this update took so long. If the date November 1st means anything to any of you, than you'll know exactly why this one took a little bit longer to get out than the others.**

**The song I chose for this chapter (a cover of the Tom Petty song "Walls" by the Lumineers) is one of my favorite songs ever. It doesn't necessarily fit the chapter as a plot point, but it works so well with the vibe I was trying to create. The song discusses walls falling down and that's the theme I'm trying to explore with Annabeth right now (and Percy, if you got that at all). **

**Finally, I feel like this book has completed its first 'phase', if you will. We're moving on to a different part of the plot.**

**Maybe it's not quite enough Percabeth yet, but these things truly do take time. Annabeth's character isn't there yet.**

**I hope I'm not giving too much away but I like explaining my methodology behind the writing each of the chapters, and I hope that you all like reading them! I love, love hearing your feedback. A review I got from booknotbookie literally made my day. It was so unbelievably sweet and it made me feel better knowing that someone got the important pieces of the book that I'm trying to develop. Any and all reviews make me really happy, and if you have any constructive criticism I'd also love to hear that.**

**I hope y'all are doing well. Happy almost Halloween!**

**\- Emily**


	14. Building Bridges

**BUILDING BRIDGES**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Lookout Low by Twin Peaks**

_**Nothing given matches what I owe you**_  
_**So rare a joy to be held in your eye**_  
_**And if on some sudden night I lost you**_  
**_I'll always be a light of yours in mine_**

* * *

When Annabeth woke up the next morning she spent a very long time staring at her ceiling, watching its color slowly fade from the dark gray of the early morning into yellow as the sun's rays slid into her room. She took a deep breath, thinking through the events of the past day: the dance. Luke. _Drew. _The Stoll brothers and the hash pen. And Piper and Percy. _Percy_.

Her heart drummed just at the thought of him, but it was probably just nerves. He was probably still angry at her for the shit she had pulled last night, running off and not telling anyone else where she was. No… Annabeth couldn't like Percy. Even if he made her laugh, if it felt like he had known her longer and better than anyone else, even if she cared so much about his opinion that it made her freak out. No, Annabeth couldn't like Percy. She'd gone on a date with Luke last night, for gods' sake!

Annabeth let out a deep sigh as the thought of Luke crossed her mind. He had texted her at some point after the dance, but she hadn't bothered to look at her phone or reply last night. But she wasn't too worried about what had happened to him, if anything that Drew had said to her last night was any indication.

It surprised Annabeth. She should've been more hurt that Luke had invited her to make Drew jealous. Annoyed and a little angry at being used like that? Definitely. But if the same thing had happened a year ago, maybe even a month ago, Annabeth would have been absolutely heartbroken. If she could say one thing she had learned last night, it was that she did not like Luke at all anymore. Maybe she had liked the boy she had grown up with, but Luke wasn't like that anymore. Now he was the kind of person who liked Drew Tanaka, out of all people.

But Annabeth had greater problems on her mind right now, namely the pancakes from last night. She hated touching her body most of the time, but she held her stomach right now if only to feel how heavy and full the pancakes had made her, if only so she could feel the inevitable ramifications of what she had done last night. Their added weight was something that would live with her forever, unless…

Annabeth didn't need to check the gym schedule, but she did it anyway. She knew there was an hour long HIIT class with Ares this morning at 9 AM, and she also knew that she would be there. Checking the clock, Annabeth got up and began dressing, already thinking about everything that she wasn't going to eat for breakfast.

With each stroke of the bike pedal, Annabeth thought about burning off all that she had eaten last night. But the ride felt unusually difficult today, even though it was the exact same workout she was used to. Her stomach and legs roared at her to stop, but Annabeth did her best trying to keep up with Ares' pace. But it didn't work. Her body couldn't handle the high levels of resistance and fast leg speed, and she barely made it through the second half of the workout.

Annabeth was still angry with herself as she walked home, but she now also had to think about the inevitable questioning her father and Helen were soon to give her about the dance. They had wanted to this morning but she had left so quickly for her spin class they didn't have the chance.

_And _there was more. She had done so many stupid, stupid things, and today she had to work on patching each of them up. For one, Annabeth still had to figure out what to say to Piper at coffee later, and figure out if Percy would ever talk to her again. And she needed to apologize to Thalia and Leo for being a terrible friend.

But as Annabeth took the stairs double time, she had to set off all those problems and deal with the inevitable Helen assault that would happen as soon as she walked in. And it was worse than she had imagined.

They were having family breakfast. Her dad, Helen, Annabeth, Matthew, and Bobby, all gathered around their little dining room table. Her dad was humming as he made scrambled eggs and flipped pancakes. Annabeth's stomach growled and constricted simultaneously, and for a moment she could've sworn that she was about to vomit, even if the only thing that would've come up was bile.

Helen gave her a huge smile from where she was setting the table. "Annabeth! Wanna get cleaned up and sit down for breakfast?"

Annabeth's voice was barely a croak. "Sure."

Helen gave her a grin. "Awesome. I can't wait to hear about the dance!"

Annabeth nodded and stumbled to her bathroom before cranking up the hot water and stepping into the shower. She could have lasted through their interrogation if it hadn't been like quite this, but now that there was actual food and a real meal in the works… Annabeth took a deep breath and focused on yanking her unruly hair out of its ponytail.

That was something else she had always disliked— her hair. She liked the blonde color, but all she wanted was it to be a little wavy like Piper's, instead of so curly and hard to care for. When Annabeth got out of the shower, with her wet hair clinging to her back, and her dark gray eyes sharp against her skin— pale from the New York winter— she felt like an alien. If only she had been tan.

But Annabeth couldn't delay the inevitable, so she got dressed in loose athletic pants and a blue sweater and went to sit down. They had all been serving themselves, something that Annabeth thanked the gods for. Now she wouldn't have to worry about her father forcing her to eat a pancake.

Annabeth took a huge serving of fruit and a helping of eggs before pouring herself a steaming cup of coffee. Her dad raised his eyebrow. "Sure you don't want a pancake? They're your favorite!"

Annabeth gulped down the 'yes' that wanted to rise out of her. "Uh, I'm OK. I had a snack on my way home from the gym so I'm not super hungry."

Her dad didn't respond with anything more than a quick raise of his eyebrows, but he didn't mention it as Annabeth sat down to eat. Helen chattered away, talking about how beautiful the sun look against the buildings. Annabeth looked out glumly across the street at the old brick buildings surrounding them. She had been so excited when they had moved here because of how beautiful the architecture was, but she didn't like it nearly as much anymore.

Helen was still talking, this time laughing at Matthew as he tried to wipe off maple syrup from where it had dribbled onto his chin. Even her dad was smiling. _A beautiful family scene, _Annabeth thought, _and me on the outside of it._

"So Annabeth," Helen cast her gaze over, "Tell me about the dance last night."

Annabeth wanted to grimace, but she held it back and steeled her features into a calm, vaguely neutral expression. "It was pretty fun."

"Tell me about it! How was Luke?"

Helen wouldn't let up until Annabeth told her at least something. "Well, dinner was OK. I'm not really friends with Luke's friends, but it was still fine. Then we went to the dance and Luke and I danced for a little bit. Then Luke invited me to an afterparty, but I didn't want to go so I got something to eat with Piper, her date Jason, and Percy Jackson. The one I used to go to camp with. Then they dropped me back here." Not a complete lie, but not the whole truth. Annabeth didn't want to know how her dad would have reacted if she casually mentioned hanging out with the Stoll brothers and their hash pen over his morning coffee.

"Oh, Percy Jackson? I remember him," her dad said thoughtfully. "Dark hair?"

Of course, that's the only thing her father picked up on from her entire story. "Yeah. We were friends in middle school."

"Oh, that's nice. Is he still swimming?"

"Yeah."

Helen leaned in closer. "Isn't he really good?"

Annabeth nodded. "Yeah. He's getting recruited by all the top swimming schools. Berkeley, UT Austin, that sort of thing."

"Are you still interested in Berkeley, Annabeth?"

Annabeth's mouth went dry. "I don't know."

"I thought you liked Stanford now," Helen mused, ruffling her eyebrows. "Do they have a good architecture program?"

Alright, Annabeth couldn't have this conversation anymore. Not when it stressed her out so badly she wanted to lock herself up in her room and not come out until her next spin class. Time to change the subject, and quick. "I'm also actually tutoring Percy. In math."

The second Annabeth said it, she regretted it. She wasn't sure why she was hiding things from Helen and her father… but she was, and there were things that she didn't feel they needed to know— Percy being one of them.

"Oh," Helen raised an eyebrow. "How's that going?"

"Good." It would be better if Percy wasn't angry at her.

"That's nice. He was always a sweet kid," her dad mused. "I always thought he had a crush on you."

"_Dad_!"

"What?" He threw his hands up in mock surrender. "I just like to guess. I always liked him more than Luke, anyway."

"_Frederick," _Helen hissed.

He looked incredulously at his wife. "What? I'm being honest."

Annabeth bit her lip to stop from laughing. "It's okay Dad. I don't like Luke too much anyway."

Helen raised her eyebrows in interest. "Really?"

Annabeth shrugged. "We're different people. Percy is easier to be friends with," she said, emphasizing the friends part.

Helen leaned back and took a sip of her coffee, eyes flashing. "Alright. Whatever you say."

Breakfast ended quickly enough, and Annabeth was then forced to think about Piper, Percy, and pancakes. _Three P's, _Annabeth thought. _P for Problems._

Piper texted her and they decided to meet up at Blue Hill, a small coffee shop near Goode. When Annabeth got off the subway and walked over, she could already see Piper in the window waving at her. Annabeth tried to smile back, but she was torn between excitement at seeing her friend again and not wanting to lie to her.

Annabeth got an iced tea while Piper was already drinking a hot chocolate and pecking away at a poppy seed muffin. She waved her over to two comfy armchairs with a table between them, and hopped up to hug her before she sat down.

Annabeth gave her a real smile before sitting down and sipping slowly at her drink. Best to drink it slowly so it would last as long as possible. It wasn't long before Piper had started to chatter away about Jason, but Annabeth knew her friend was just trying to make her feel comfortable before she started asking her questions.

"Jason is great," Piper's eyes lit up. "He's really nice, and respectful. He won't do anything unless I tell him it's alright," Piper's eyes flashed with the hidden meaning, "and even then he's really sweet about it. If only he wasn't swimming all the time."

Annabeth grinned. "It's so nice to see you with him instead of one of those dicks like Dylan."

Piper rolled her eyes. "Don't even get me started. I can't believe I actually went on a date with Dylan."

"It was freshman year. Don't be too hard on yourself."

Piper grimaced. "Are you kidding me? Annabeth, you yourself told me it was a bad idea when it happened, and I didn't believe you. Served me right."

Annabeth shrugged. "I _am _always right about these things, aren't I?"

Piper playfully hit her. "Don't you dare go getting a big head."

They were left with a comfortable silence, but Piper shifted in her seat and leaned in. "Annabeth—"

Annabeth cut her off before she could finish the sentence. "I know. I'll tell you everything," she said, taking a deep breath, preparing herself for the cold, hard lie she was about to tell her best friend. "First of all, I'm really sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry."

"But I am. Thalia was right. I haven't treated you guys very well. I didn't want to agree with what Thalia was saying, so I cut her off. And I haven't seen Leo in weeks. And I wasn't very nice to you either."

Piper leaned back. "We aren't angry about that."

"Thalia is."

Piper sighed. "Maybe, but I know she misses you."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Annabeth smiled, relief flooding through her. "Okay. Well, basically what's been happening is—"

Annabeth paused, looking at Piper, who was nodding at her earnestly through sips of her drink. Was she really about to do this? Annabeth could feel the truth hovering at the tip of her tongue.

_All I think about is food and exercise and being skinny. And I don't know if it's too much or what's going on at all or if it's too much, but I know that I'm scared._

"My mom has been putting a lot of pressure on me about school and college." As she said this, Annabeth's stomach rumbled. "She's been coming into the city more for business and I always see her and she just constantly reminds me to get my grades up and everything like that."

Piper nodded, and a rush of guilt hit Annabeth. "I'm so sorry, Beth. How's she putting pressure on you?"

Annabeth knew that Piper would have sat there for hours with her, teasing out each and every part of the fake story about her mother. And while it was technically true, it wasn't the real reason. That much Annabeth could admit. So while she answered Piper's questions for a little bit, she changed the subject when she could.

"Is Percy angry at me?"

Piper looked down. _Uh oh, _Annabeth thought. "Well, I wouldn't say angry." Piper bit her lip and stared right over Annabeth's head. "I mean, I don't really know what's going on in his head besides the stormy expression that's on his face all the time, and Jason won't tell me anything, but I'm pretty in tune with emotions— you know that— and I didn't get the vibe from Percy that he was really angry. More worried. I think he just came across that way."

Piper stopped, looking a little uncomfortable, but Annabeth was hungry to know more. "He was worried about me?"

"Annabeth, when I found him after I saw you in the bathroom and I told him where you went, I've never seen anyone freak out like that. His face, like, turned to stone and he grabbed me and Jason to come help find you. Percy's always kind of scary, Jason teases him that he has resting bitch face— but that's not the point. Sorry. What I'm trying to say is that he probably came across mad, and maybe he was a little angry, but I think that Percy was just really, really worried."

Annabeth furrowed her eyebrows. "But why?"

Piper cast her a look. "Annabeth…"

"What?"

"You were off alone. High for the first time ever late at night in New York. Percy felt responsible for letting that happen."

"He shouldn't. He's not responsible for me."

"I know that Annabeth, and Percy does too, but I don't think he really feels that way," Piper responded, gripping her hot chocolate. "It's just really unlike you, Annabeth. You're not the kind of person to do stuff like that, and I think it scared him."

Annabeth could remember last night. The only reason she'd gotten high in the first place was because Percy didn't want her to. She wanted to be that person, at least for a little bit— the one who got high at the school dance and walked through New York alone because they could. Because maybe that was the kind of person Percy liked to hang out with— someone spontaneous and funny and skinny. But Piper was right. Annabeth wasn't that person. "You're right. That's not who I am," Annabeth said quietly.

Piper was looking at her intently. "Do you know why you did it?"

Annabeth's mouth opened. _I'm not who I normally am, Piper. This thing that's going on inside me is changing me. _"I wanted to piss off Percy."

Piper smiled. "It worked."

Annabeth spent Sunday doing next to nothing besides homework and a quick online exercise video. If she thought too much about Percy and everything that Piper had said yesterday Annabeth would freak out, so instead she focused on the little things like doing her homework and having a cordial conversation with her father.

The next day at school, Annabeth was horrified at the thought of having to see Percy again. Despite what Piper had said, deep down Annabeth felt like he was angry at her for ruining his Snow Ball, so she planned on avoiding him as much as possible. The other person she really didn't want to see was Luke, since she had forgotten to respond to his text and didn't want to have any conversation with him at all.

But she did need to find two people, namely Thalia and Leo. She owed both of them an apology.

Leo was easy. All Annabeth had to do was ask if he wanted to do homework after school, and he nodded. Even though Annabeth felt awful, Leo wasn't the kind of person to hold a grudge. Thalia, however, would be more difficult.

Eventually during lunch Annabeth found her hanging out with Bianca and Phoebe on the back side of school. Bianca and Phoebe gave her cool glances, but Thalia ignored her completely as Annabeth walked up. Annabeth could have sworn her knees were shaking but she swallowed her fear and walked up to Thalia. "Can I talk to you?"

Thalia gave her a quick once-over. "Sure."

Annabeth gave a quick glance to Bianca and Phoebe, but it was clear they weren't planning on leaving. Alright, fine. "I'm sorry." Best to just get it out there, right?  
Thalia raised an eyebrow. "You are." It wasn't a question.

Annabeth nodded. "I'm really, truly sorry. For everything. You're right. I was a bad friend and I wasn't telling you guys everything that was going on. I didn't want to admit it when you told me."

"Alright."

Annabeth's heart dropped. She had been stupid to hope for anything better. Thalia wouldn't forgive or forget. She nodded and turned around, shrugging her shoulders down.

"I'm sorry too."

Annabeth spun around, her eyes wide. No way. "What?"

Thalia grinned. "I'm sorry, Chase."

"You never say sorry."

"I missed you. I'll make an exception.:

Something warm began to form in Annabeth's chest. She couldn't stop the smile from stretching across her face. "Does this mean I'll see you in physics again?"

Thalia frowned. "I forgot I go to that class."

"Well, I better see you there tomorrow morning."

Thalia flashed her a small smile. "Bright and early."

It was all Annabeth could do not to run over to her friend and hug her, but she restrained herself. She gave Thalia a nod. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye Chase."

Annabeth couldn't stop the wide grin stretching across her face as she walked back through the building. She had done it. She had gotten Thalia of all people to forgive her. She'd had to swallow her pride to do it, but maybe that meant… that all this could be fixed. That all she had done wasn't so much of a disaster after all.

Annabeth felt this way for about five seconds before she opened the door, only to see Percy and Rachel Dare coming around the corner, laughing together. Rachel Dare. His ex-girlfriend. His ex-girlfriend who he'd once had a very serious relationship with, now back at their school after she had disappeared for eight months. Dear gods.

Any success Annabeth had just felt leached out of her as she watched them walk towards her down the long hallway. Rachel hadn't noticed her yet, but when Percy did… Annabeth could have sworn his hands tightened into fists and his mouth tightened into a straight line. Percy could hide absolutely nothing when it came to his face, usually. He was just a dead giveaway. And right now he looked absolutely furious— at Annabeth.

All the things that Piper had told her had been a lie. No, Percy just hated Annabeth for ruining his Snow Ball and sending him on a wild goose chase throughout New York City. And now he was back with Rachel, his beautiful ex-girlfriend who everyone loved, and they were probably going to get back together and get married. Or at least that's what Annabeth thought.

Annabeth was about to turn back around, but at that moment Rachel saw her. "Hey Annabeth!" Rachel said brightly, changing the course of her path so Percy had no choice but to follow her, his eyes flashing at Annabeth.

Annabeth put on a neutral expression. "Oh, hey Rachel."

"How are you?"

Annabeth smiled. "I'm fine, Rachel. What are you doing back?"

Rachel waved a hand. "Oh, I'm not coming back. My father pulled me out of Goode and sent me to this awful finishing school called Clarion… but that's not the point. I had a long weekend and I wanted to come back and see how everyone was doing! I asked Percy to show me around." She gave Percy a smile that he didn't return, as he was now staring straight at a spot several feet to Annabeth's left.

"Oh, that's nice," Annabeth said. She couldn't stop the wave of relief that had come over her when Rachel had said she wasn't coming back to Goode, but it barely mattered if Percy hated her. Rachel or no Rachel wouldn't change his feelings about her. Percy probably wasn't looking at her because he was so disgusted.

Just as Rachel was going to say something else, an enormous crowd of freshmen poured through the front door, laughing amongst themselves. Annabeth let herself get swept up, calling out an apology and goodbye to Rachel as she walked down the hallway, pressing her hand over her heart and taking a deep breath. Dear gods.

Annabeth and Leo sat in Whole Foods after school, laughing while Leo tried to make different things out of his plate and utensils. Their homework long cast aside, they had been hanging out for over an hour. Leo had waved on Annabeth's apology the moment she'd tried to tell him, saying that he didn't like to focus on that and Annabeth had been forgiven the moment she had paid for his pizza. Annabeth, of course, had only gotten a black coffee and an apple, which she had long ago nibbled down to its core.

Even though Annabeth felt like Leo had always been closer with Piper, she always enjoyed herself with Leo.

"Don't lie to me Chase. I heard from some very special sources what you spent your Snow Ball doing, and it definitely wasn't cuddling with Castellan under the mistletoe."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you're happy to know that I wasn't spending all my time cuddling up to Luke."

"I don't care who you cuddle with, Bethie," Leo grinned. "I just happen to hate Castellan. And Piper told me that you and Percy have been having some more interesting interactions."

Damn Piper. Now that she wasn't going to pester Annabeth about dating Percy, she'd gotten someone else to do it for her. "And what exactly did Piper tell you?"

"Piper told me some things. But I think you'll be more interested in knowing what I heard from Percy."

Annabeth sent Leo a look. "What?"

Leo shrugged. "The boys on the swim team talk. It's a locker room thing."

What Annabeth would give to hear one of those conversations... "Percy talks about me?"

Leo grinned. "Did I say that?"

"Leo, you better tell me or I swear to the gods—"

"Maybe I'll tell you if you buy me another piece of pizza."

The thought of having to look at Leo eating pizza again made Annabeth's stomach twist with hunger. "You liar. Quit blackmailing me."

Leo shrugged. "Worth a try."

"Will you please, please tell me?"

"If you answer one question."

"Shoot."

"Okay," Leo said thoughtfully. "Who's the sexiest on the boys swim team?"

And this was the kind of moment where Annabeth wanted to throttle Leo. "That's so easy. Leo Valdez, obviously. Now tell me what Percy says about me."

Leo grinned. "Not so fast. I know I happen to be extremely attractive, but you just told me the wrong answer and we both know it."

"Leo Valdez saying someone is hotter than him? Impossible."

Leo shrugged. "Let's just say I've set aside my superior physical qualities for a brief moment in the interest of a friend."

"What do you want me to say, Leo?"

"I just want to know if you like Jackson or not."

Annabeth recoiled. "What kind of a question is that?"

Leo's face was no longer joking. "Do you?"

Annabeth tried to smile. "How could I like Percy if you're the sexiest boy on the Goode High men's swim team?"

Leo studied her for a moment longer, but he dropped the serious act quickly enough. "Good point, Chase."

Leo walked her to her subway station, where Annabeth gave him a hug. "Thanks Leo. I really am sorry."

"Don't be."

"But I am. I feel like I dropped off the face of the earth without an explanation."

Leo gave her a small smile. Even though he was all jokes on the surface, Annabeth knew what lay underneath. "It's alright Chase. I'm a big boy. I can take it."

Annabeth squeezed his hand. "Bye Leo."

"Bye Bethie."

She wanted to yell at him for that ridiculous nickname, but she didn't, watching him as he turned and walked down the street, disappearing into the masses of people.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you so much for reading! This is the longest chapter yet, coming in somewhere over 4,000 words. I hope you all are enjoying the development of the story! Thoughts on what Annabeth told Piper? And what's going on with Percy?**

**I also finally finished out planning the story, and I'm really excited for where it's going to end up. There's definitely a lot more that's about to happen and I hope that you all keep reading to find out:)**

**Please leave a review or favorite if you enjoyed reading! I would really appreciate it!**

**Emily**


	15. What Happens at Noodles

**WHAT HAPPENS AT NOODLES**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Fireworks by First Aid Kit**

**_Why do I do this to myself every time?_**  
**_I know the way it ends before it's even begun_**  
**_I am the only one at the finish line_**

* * *

The next day after APUSH let out, Piper scooped off her stuff and rushed over to her locker, which was conveniently right across the hall from Jason's last period AP Biology class. Annabeth rolled her eyes but followed her anyway.

Piper and Jason weren't officially dating yet, but even Annabeth could tell that they were about to get together. The developing relationship was laughably obvious. They had hung out nearly all Monday night, and had kissed. Piper had told all this to her breathlessly on the phone seconds after Jason had dropped her off at her house, and Annabeth had smiled and gushed about it along with her. Jason was good for Piper— she needed someone reliable and put-together and nice.

Piper tapped her foot impatiently as she ruffled through the locker again, glancing over her shoulder every second or so, waiting for the door to open. She checked her phone and scrunched up her nose, muttering "It's three PM. Class should be over."

Annabeth laughed. "Calm down. It became three like, five seconds ago."

Piper huffed and began to straighten out the binder she had knocked over. Just as she leaned down to pick it up, the door slammed open and the AP Bio students began to file out. Piper spun around so she was facing her locker, urging Annabeth towards her. "Pretend like we're just here, you're talking to me, like this is normal—"

Annabeth smirked. "Alright. What'd you think of this APUSH chapter notes?"

"Terrible, as per usual," she said, bouncing on the balls of her feet "What are you up to—"

"Piper?"

Piper slammed the locker shut and spun around slowly, plastering a smile on her face as she saw Jason. "Hey Jason. Hey Percy."

_Shit, _Annabeth thought. Percy was in AP Bio?

In the days since the Snow Ball interaction, they hadn't really spoken. Piper's words hadn't really done much to make Annabeth feel any better, and Percy hadn't been on the subway, so there hadn't really been many opportunities to speak. And Annabeth hated swallowing her pride and apologizing to people. Doing it for Thalia and Leo had been hard, but necessary. And deep down, Annabeth knew Percy deserved an apology, but she didn't want to give it. Not yet.

But she missed him. She missed his weird texts and math questions and cute bedhead when it was early on the subway, and how he always wore Henleys or graphic t-shirts. And his mom's cookies. But the thought of eating them made her stomach want to turn— kind of like how the thought of apologizing made her feel.

And there Percy was, hovering a little behind Jason with his hand wrapped around an AP Bio binder. His eyes skimmed Annabeth and Piper for a brief moment before he nodded. "Hey."

"How was Bio?" Piper asked in a casual tone, betraying none of her earlier anxiety.

Jason shrugged. "It was fine."

"It was great," Percy said.

Piper raised an eyebrow. "You like Bio, Percy?"

He blushed a little. "Yeah." Annabeth sighed— who gave him the right to look like that?

"He _loves _it," Jason said, "Especially the marine bio stuff."

"That's Annabeth with architecture," Piper said, casting Annabeth an excited and not-so-subtle eyebrow raise. "She won't shut up about it."

Their attention now all cast on her, Annabeth wanted to shrivel up into nothing. She did love architecture. At least she used to. Now she'd been so busy with exercising she hadn't really thought about it in a while. "Uh, yeah."

Percy didn't say anything. _Gods, _this was the most awkward conversation of all time. But luckily, Piper knew exactly how to end it. She picked up her backpack and cast Jason a smile, like he was the only person in the room. From the way Jason's eyes lit up, he felt it too. "I gotta get going. Walk me to the subway?"

Jason grinned. "Sure. Percy, I'll see you at practice?"

"Sure," Percy said, looking ready to bolt as Piper and Jason waved goodbye and walked off, their hands nervously twitching towards each other. But he didn't leave, and all that separated him and Annabeth was a few feet of space.

Annabeth stared at him for just a second. And as his gaze flit over her briefly, she opened her mouth, ready to apologize, to give him some sort of explanation for who she had been on Friday night. She didn't really know what she wanted to say, but it needed to be something, anything, to fill what had caved in between them. She wasn't sure what she needed to tell him, but it didn't matter, because Percy beat her to it.

"I gotta run and talk to a teacher. See you around." He didn't cast her a smile, and his face betrayed nothing besides some form of disinterest.

Annabeth's mouth shut, the apology dying on her lips. She was about to respond when he spun around and speed-walked down the hallway, turning the corner in seconds with his long legs. Annabeth's mouth dropped open, the breath suddenly leaving her lungs. Then she pressed her lips into a thin line, hoping to suppress the sob that irrationally wanted to burst from her mouth, and turned off to walk in the opposite direction.

Annabeth had an unusually terrible afternoon. She had taken the subway home and was too exhausted to try and go to spin class, so she'd spent the afternoon doing a workout video in her tiny room, being quiet so she wouldn't bother the neighbors. Helen had poked her head into her room to mention that she and Frederick were going out to a friend's party, so Annabeth was responsible for Matthew and Bobby. There was money on the counter to order in pizza or eat out if they wanted to.

Annabeth wanted to cry again. She didn't dislike the boys… they just had extremely limited interactions, and the thought of having to take charge of them for an entire night was not her idea of a good time.

Then her dad walked in. "Hey Annabeth. How was school?"

He looked awkward in her room, like he didn't really belong there. As she looked at him framed against the soft gray walls of her room, Annabeth could see why people always said they looked similar. Annabeth had Athena's bone structure and eyes, but her lips and hair were her fathers, except that his once-blonde hair was now graying at the edges and beginning to recede from his hairline.

"It was fine. Not too much happened. Piper's been going out with someone."

"Oh! I haven't seen Piper in a while."

"Yeah. I'll bring her around sometime."

He smiled. "Have fun with the boys. Thanks for taking care of them."

"Sure, Dad."

Matthew and Bobby wanted to go to Noodles, and there was no arguing with them. Annabeth stomached the thought of eating pasta and they all put on their winter coats to walk to the nearest one a few blocks away.

Annabeth spent a while staring at the menu, so long that Matthew began complaining. "Fine," she muttered. "Two large mac n' cheeses, and I'll take the Caesar salad."

The boys were both in seventh grade. They played soccer and video games all the time and were generally not Annabeth's favorite people to be around. They felt the same way about her, unless they were annoying her, which they were now.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Annie?"

"No," Annabeth muttered. "Stop pouring salt all over the table."

"You seem like you're in a bad mood. Are you in a bad mood, Annie?"

"I'm in a fine mood, Matthew."

He shrugged. "What about that kid who took you to the dance last week?"

"Luke?"

"Yeah."

"He's a friend."

"Really? Didn't seem like a friend."

"He's just a friend."

Bobby's eyebrows raised. "I remember you said something about a kid named Percy."

A flush rose to Annabeth's cheeks. "I'm not dating Percy."

"Not what I asked. You _like _him, don't you?"

"No—"

"Annabeth?"

Annabeth looked away from the annoying half-brothers to a woman with long brown hair, wrapped in a dark red coat. Her eyes widened. "Sally?"

Sally Jackson smiled down at her. "Hey! I thought it was you from across the room. How've you been?"

Annabeth smiled back at her. Sally Jackson was the kind of person who you couldn't not smile back at. "I'm doing OK. How are you? Percy told me about the wedding." Oh Gods. Percy had invited her to their wedding— ages and ages ago. But he probably didn't want her there anymore.

Sally laughed. "It's stressful, but it's worth it. Are you still going to come, Annabeth?"

Annabeth's stomach soured. Maybe before, but now? After everything? "I, don't know. I'm not really sure what's going on with my schedule that weekend."

Sally studied her and Annabeth swore it felt like she was staring straight through her. Like she knew there was something Annabeth wasn't telling her, or knew something that Annabeth didn't. "Well, we'd love to have you there. I think Percy would too."

"Oh. Yeah. I'll let you know." Annabeth felt like squirming off under the table. Just her luck. She runs into Sally Jackson at Noodles. "Oh, Sally, these are my half-brothers Matthew and Bobby."

Sally greeted them, asking them the requisite questions about which grade they were in before Bobby piped in with a question of his own. "Are you Percy's mom?"

Sally laughed. "Yes I am. Has Annabeth told you about Percy?"

"Not much," responded Matthew.

"But enough," said Bobby, casting his twin a quick look. Annabeth wanted to stuff both their faces with a sock before Sally turned back to her.

"Annabeth, what are you up to this weekend?"

An odd question, but Annabeth just responded "Not much. Why?"

Sally had an odd twinkle in her eye. "Percy has a swim meet about an hour outside of the city and he mentioned he wanted to invite some friends. Do you want to go?"

Annabeth wanted to die. Of course she wanted to go! "I don't know. I wouldn't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't be intruding!"

"Um, but does Percy want me there?"

Sally smiled. "He was going to invite you but haven't gotten around to it. He's forgetful like that. Besides, you said yourself that you aren't doing much this weekend."

Annabeth had been boxed into a corner. But before she could say no, she felt herself saying "Uh, okay."

"Great," Sally smirked a little bit. Annabeth could see some of Percy's troublemaker look in her eye. "I'll see you then."

"Thanks for inviting me, Sally."

"Of course," she said, squeezing Annabeth's hand. "And Annabeth?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry about Percy."

Annabeth knew Sally was trying to reassure her, but Annabeth knew what was really going on. There was no way Percy wanted her there. Sally hadn't seen the look Percy had given her in the hallway. "Thanks Sally," Annabeth said, trying to smile at her.

"I'll see you soon, Annabeth!" She walked off with a wave.

There was a brief pause. "Are you sure Percy isn't your boyfriend?" asked Bobby.

Annabeth rubbed her temples. "Very, very, very sure Matthew."

"I'm not Matthew! That's Matthew!"

The next day at school, Annabeth kept trying to hide from Percy. She didn't want to see the obvious distaste on his face when he saw her and accused her of conning his wonderful mother into inviting her to his swim meet. Sally had insisted, and some small part of Annabeth did want to go, but she didn't really think that Percy wanted her there. Maybe they had been friends, but after the way he had acted all last week, Annabeth wasn't so sure.

She waited an extra long time to pack up her stuff from English before going to lunch so she wouldn't have to cross paths with Percy at the front of the school. Annabeth hadn't really paid that much attention to his schedule… she had just happened to notice where he was during lunch some days. Just as Annabeth left the classroom, she saw Luke hovering next to the door.

Annabeth's eyebrows raised. She still hadn't texted him back, or talked to him at all since the dance disaster. But he saw her and popped over, a bright smile on his face. "Hey Annabeth! Do you wanna get lunch?"

Annabeth gave Luke a quick once-over: his button up shirt and khakis, leather loafers and pristine black backpack. Not a single lock of blonde hair was out of place on his head. His eyes were bright and blue. He used to drive her absolutely insane.

"I'm OK, thanks. I'm getting lunch with Piper," Annabeth said, tossing a smile over her shoulder as she walked down the hallway.

"I don't know Beth. I think you should come to the meet," Piper said, tapping her nails on the linoleum table of the restaurant. A different diner, but a little like Aunty Em's and closer to Piper's house. They had decided to meet up that night for dinner to 'work on APUSH', but their work had long been cast aside. "I think you're over-exaggerating about what Percy thinks of you."

"Piper, did you see how he looked at me when we were all talking yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"After you guys left he said bye so fast! He hates me, Piper. He doesn't want me there. His mom was just being nice."

"Annabeth, what's your class rank?"

Annabeth furrowed her eyebrows. "First."

"Right. You're too smart to be freaking out over something like this," Piper leaned back and took a sip of her Coke. Annabeth mirrored her with a sip of diet. She knew that Piper was right— she shouldn't be stressing out about this, but she _hated _when people talked about her rank. It was an odd thing for people to fixate on about her, and it felt like the only thing they knew about her. "Percy may have been a little made, but don't read too much into it," Piper reassured.

"He was mad?! I hate that."

"Girl, slow down. I _just_ said maybe."

"But it's a possibility."

"Everything is a possibility. It's a possibility he's been in love with you since seventh grade," Piper's eyes sparkled, "or that he thinks you're an ugly troll and is mooching off you for free tutoring."

"Oh god, okay, I get it. I'm being crazy."

"Right!" Piper grinned, looking rather pleased with herself. "Come to the meet. It's going to be fun. Besides, I'll be there to cheer on Jason. Make a sign for Percy."

"A sign?"

"Yeah! Like, uh, swim fast!"

"How about I make you a sign? I think you're going to need some help with Jason's if that's all you have," Annabeth giggled.

"Sounds great," Piper said. "So you are coming."

"I guess."

"Hmm, good enough. Want me to drive you?"

"Really? That would be great."

"Yeah," Piper shrugged. "They all have to be there at like, seven, to warm up and I don't know about you but I won't be showing up for several more hours. Jason said the races don't start until a bit later, anyway."

"Okay. Sunday?"

"Sunday. Too late to back out now, Beth."

Annabeth groaned. "He hates me, Piper. I swear to God."

Sunday rolled around like a ticking time bomb in Annabeth's stomach. She still hadn't talked at all with Percy besides seeing him in the hallway once or twice, so she didn't even really know if he knew that she'd be there at the meet on Sunday. She should've texted him or something, Annabeth kept thinking, but she didn't. She was just too scared.

Finally, on Sunday morning at 8 AM Piper pulled outside her apartment complex.

**Piper: Wake up sleepyhead**

**Piper: I'm here beeb**

Annabeth had been up since six AM because she wanted to exercise and also couldn't stop thinking about how nervous she was to have to face Percy, but Piper didn't need to know that.

**Annabeth: Ok coming!**

Annabeth grabbed her bag and stuffed it with a few essentials: a water bottle and a protein bar to eat later, then walked into the kitchen to slip on her shoes.

Her dad was in the kitchen, drinking coffee and reading _The New York Times. _"Headed out, honey? Know what time you'll be back?"

Annabeth shrugged. "No. I'm getting a ride with Piper so it's basically whenever she wants to."

He took a sip of his coffee. "Really quick before you go— your mom called. She's coming back to town in a couple weeks and wants to see you."

The thought of seeing her mother made Annabeth's stomach turn, but she just tried to smile. "Okay. That's fine." She grabbed her stuff and sprinted out of the apartment before she had to talk to her father for any longer.

Piper's old Honda Pilot was waiting outside. When Annabeth walked out she grinned and flashed the lights.

When Annabeth first learned about Piper's dad, she thought that Piper would have driven a Porsche or even a BMW, but that meant she didn't know Piper too well yet. Piper hadn't even wanted a car in the first place since she lived in the city, but he had insisted, so Piper got a boxy red SUV that she lovingly referred to as Albert.

The inside always smelled like sunscreen, but Annabeth loved the car. Piper didn't use it all the time, but there were good memories here, especially from the summer when Piper and Annabeth had just learned to drive.

Piper was lounging in the driver's seat and music was already blasting out of the speakers. "Took you long enough," she teased.

Annabeth rolled her eyes and slid in. "I'm surprised you showed up on time."

"What can I say? I'm excited to see Jason in a Speedo."

"Of course you are."  
"Hey— it's a very legitimate reason."

"I'm not denying you that."

Piper laughed. "Will you Maps this place for me?"

"Sure," Annabeth said, taking Piper's phone from her. "Where is this place, anyway?"

"New Jersey," Piper said, wrinkling her nose. "Do you have the signs?"

"Of course." Much to Piper's chagrin, Annabeth _had_ made the signs— spending more time on them than she would have liked to admit.

They pulled up to the aquatic complex about an hour later, after a car ride mostly spent talking about Piper and Jason. If Piper knew how Annabeth was feeling, which she had almost certainly picked up on, she didn't mention it. And Annabeth was grateful. In her head, over and over, she just needed to tell herself that Percy probably wouldn't care and he'd be swimming the entire time, so it would be fine.

Well— Annabeth was ready to get a crash-course in swim meets. She had expected to have a little time with Piper to roam around and find the pool, but the second they got out of the car and started walking towards the pool building, a tall blonde boy who looked suspiciously like Jason started speedwalking over, with someone who looked like Percy in tow. _Shit. _

"Hey!" Jason gave Piper a hug and shot Annabeth a nod. "Thanks for coming up here, guys."

"Of course," Piper gushed. Jason was wearing some sort of elongated parka that Annabeth had seen on swimmers before, and beneath it, nothing but a speedo. Annabeth could have sworn she saw Piper's eyes flash as she took in Jason's abs and toned body.

"Hey Annabeth," said Percy, sidling up next to her.

Annabeth's mouth went dry. He offered her a cordial sort of nod of the head, his eyes dancing over her briefly before they focused on a spot on the ground. Percy was in similar attire to Jason and Annabeth had to force herself not to look at his very, very toned abs, and instead focus on things like the ground and sky. She wanted to draw her arms around herself and squeeze so that she could just disappear. A week of silence and anger, and now this? He walks up to her like nothing happened? "Hey Percy. How are you?"  
"I'm fine. Thanks for coming."

"Yeah," Annabeth tucked an unruly curl behind her ear. "I saw your mom. In Noodles."

"She told me about it."

"Oh. Cool."

None of the ease of before, now that _something _had set in. Annabeth knew it wasn't just the dance disaster of the week before. No, there was a little something more going on that Percy wasn't telling her about, and his face wasn't really betraying anything. "How was warmups?"

He shrugged. "Same as usual. My first race starts up pretty soon. Wanna come watch?"

Involuntarily, Annabeth's heart thudded in her chest. "I'd like that."

They trailed behind Jason and Piper, who were walking ahead holding hands and talking animatedly. "So, how do meets work?"

Percy laughed, and Annabeth's stomach twisted a little. She cast him a quick glance and found that he looked very, very nice when he laughed. Combined with his outfit… "That's a complex question."

"I'm a complex girl."

"That, I believe," Percy said, opening the door for her. "Basically, you're signed up for different races— the 50 meter freestyle, 200 butterfly, like that—"

Annabeth gasped as she suddenly remembered something she had forgotten inside the car. "I'm so sorry Percy, but I need to run back and grab something I forgot in the car. Piper? Can I have your keys?"

Piper spun around. "Sure, why?"

"I forgot something," Annabeth said, trying to hint through her eyebrows and blinks that the signs she'd spent so long on were still in the car. "I won't miss your first race, will I?" she asked Percy.

"Probably not," he said. "Want me to go with you? It's kind of a maze to get there and you might get lost."

Annabeth shook her head. "I'll figure it out. Sorry! I'll try and get back as quickly as I can. I don't want to miss it."

Percy smiled at her. "Don't worry about it."

Annabeth smiled back. "I'll be fast. Will you take my bag?"

"Sure. I'll set it with my mom's stuff."

And just turning to run back to the car, Annabeth could feel herself being forgiven. Maybe it wasn't complete forgiveness, and maybe Percy didn't even realize what he was doing. But it felt better. She hated how awkward it was around them because she knew just how easy it could be. And all Annabeth felt like doing right now was getting that ease back.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks so much for reading! Plot is starting to head in a new direction. Any guesses for what Annabeth wrote on Percy's sign?**

**I also want to send out an ENORMOUS THANK-YOU for the thoughtful and kind reviews that you all have been leaving me. It feels so wonderful to read reviews and know that people appreciate the story and think about it as critically as I do. This isn't an easy story to write because it does deal with some hard topics! I try and think carefully about how I portray eating disorders because I want to make it feel as realistic as possible. **

**As the story continues I'm hoping to dive into further facets of eating disorders, but until then, I hope you all are able to see the ways in which an eating disorder has affected Annabeth and other characters in the story. **

**Thank you so, so much. It means so much to me that you have taken time out of your day to read this.**

**Emily**


	16. Swim Fast, Seaweed Brain

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Nobody by Mitski**

_**I've been big and small and**_  
_**Big and small and**_  
_**Big and small again**_  
_**And still nobody wants me**_  
**_Still nobody wants me_**

* * *

Annabeth sprinted to the lot, cursing herself for forgetting the sign. Just when things were going well with Percy, she had to sprint back, and she might even miss his race. _No, _she thought to herself, _I'm absolutely not going to miss it. I just have to be quick._

She reached Piper's car and unlocked it. _Maybe I'll burn a few extra calories. _She snatched the signs quickly and tucked them under her arm, doubling back around to make it back to the aquatic center.

When Annabeth entered through the door she had come in with Percy just a moment before, it all looked the same. The hallway split off into two long corridors, both long and lit with sporadic fluorescent lights. Annabeth bit her lip, unable to remember which direction they had gone. In a spur of the moment decision, she went to her right and sprinted down the hallway, hoping to see where they had gone.

It took far longer to find the pool than she would have liked. That first turn spilled over into another long hallway, with offices on one side and lockers on the other. Annabeth sprinted back and tried to go the other direction, and by the time she was finally able to find the pool, she was sure that she had missed his race.

Annabeth swung open the door to the pool, feeling out of place in her jeans and sweatshirt compared to so many swimmers with caps and Speedos on. But her eyes narrowed in on the starting blocks, barely paying attention to the masses of people in her way and the waving overhead lights. She would have seen him from a mile away.

There Percy was, slipping his goggles on and shaking out his shoulders out, preparing to step on the block. Her breath caught in her throat. Annabeth had seen Percy's body before. She remembered it from camp when they were kids, the long afternoons spent at the lake, Percy diving around and swimming in it incessantly, challenging her to races that he always let her win. Even now, she could still picture Percy splashing Grover while he sat on the pier, then ducking underwater and seeing how long he could hold his breath before Annabeth swam in just to make sure he wouldn't pass out.

The Percy of those camp summers was gone, and a new Percy stood in his place. Annabeth had always _known _that Percy had been in shape— it had never really been a secret. But now it was cast out in front of her: the lithe stretch of his arms and legs, sculpted torso, and tan skin. He looked… like the sculptures of Greek athletes she had seen in her history books. He looked unreal.

It lasted a moment— her look at him. Just long enough for the countdown buzzer to begin, springing Annabeth into action. She pushed forward until she was as close to the pool edge as she could get. Percy was in the center lane, still staring straight ahead at the water and shaking out his arms. Before she knew what she was saying, she yelled "Percy!"

His head snapped over. Annabeth regretted it instantly. She was distracting him, just before an important race. He needed to be in his headspace, and she'd taken him away, probably damning the result of the race.

But she wasn't prepared for the huge smile that spread across his face when he took her in. She waved her sign at him, cheeks reddening. He bit his lip as he read over the sign she held in her hands and smiled even wider.

Annabeth nodded back at him, a slow, steady smile spreading across her face. She had puzzled over what to put on the sign for ages. Something stupid like _swim fast? _Or _make bubbles? _But late last night, the answer had slipped out of her as easily as water flowing down a river. She'd decorated mostly using blue, but had also been lucky to find a sea-green color that just about matched Percy's eyes. It was all written in big bubbles letters with bubble and wave decorations, and even a little octopus waving hello.

_Seaweed Brain. _Of course. There was nothing else she could have possibly written on it.

Percy's head snapped to attention as an announcement came out of the loudspeaker. "Men's 200 meter freestyle. Heat 1…"

The voice and calls of the referee faded away as Annabeth focused on Percy climbing up on the block, bending down to grip its edge and prepare himself for the race. She was used to the Percy who was constantly moving, always tapping a finger on the table or playing with something in his hands. She'd never seen him like this: so focused, so perfectly still.

If only he would be like that when she tutored him in math, she smiled to herself. Her heart warmed a little at the thought.

But her eyes circled back around to Percy, as he stared at the water before him, muscles tensed and ready to propel themselves off the block. Distantly, she could hear the starting clock beep, and her breath caught as the swimmers flung themselves into the water.

If Annabeth had been paying attention to the rest of the people swimming, she might have thought this race was crazy, even chaotic. The other boys were slamming their arms down on the water, kicking their legs so they could beat the water back like they held a grudge. But not Percy.

He became a single, solid mass, whose sole purpose was to move himself through the water. He belonged there. Annabeth could tell. He looked so graceful, and she didn't know how he managed it. Percy slid through the water like it was creating a pathway for him to go through. She watched him kickflip as he reached the wall and make his way back, a half body ahead of any other swimmer, before he spun around again to start the next section of the race.

Annabeth's eyes trained on him the entire time. As one of the boys to his right began to slightly speed up, her breath caught and her fist clenched. She wanted to yell, but there was no chance he would've heard her, so her screams died in her throat as she watched him, completely captivated and unable to focus on anything else.

It was in the last 25 meters of the race that drove it home to Annabeth. Percy had been just slightly ahead of the boy to his right for several paces now, but as they neared the finish line Percy propelled himself ahead, to touch the wall and—

Annabeth could hear herself yelling out and jumping up and down, watching as Percy ripped off his swim cap and goggles and spun in the water to find her, to look straight at her, grinning like his life depended on it, the water running down his face and his eyes bright and playful, with none of the anger she had been so used to seeing. Suddenly, an announcement poured over the loudspeaker.

"_We want to congratulate Percy Jackson and Adrian Kouros for both beating the state record in the men's 200 meter freestyle. Kouros beat the current record by .19 seconds, but Jackson ended up winning the race and clearing the record by .58 seconds. Congratulations, boys!"_

If Percy had been smiling before, that was nothing compared to what he did now. Annabeth thought she heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Percy's Coach Hedge impressions yelling somewhere a few feet away, but she blocked that out to focus on the boy who was now pulling himself out of the pool, then walking over— walking over to her.

If there had been noise before, it suddenly felt silent. Percy was striding over to her and every bad thing Annabeth had ever done to him— every snappish comment or ungrateful action— suddenly crowded her head. She didn't deserve this. Not him. Not with who she was, not how she looked, not how she acted. Not Percy.

He stopped suddenly a foot away from her, ignoring the people waiting to congratulate him. From the way he had been walking, he looked like he had been about to crash straight into her, but he had stopped, cocking his head and giving her a look. "You made it back."

And despite Annabeth knowing that she didn't deserve Percy Jackson, not with everything he was— so kind and patient and funny with her, when she was awful— she didn't care. "Of course I did."

And that was it. Percy broke out into a smile and gave her a hug. A real hug, even though he was still dripping water and getting it all over Annabeth's clothes, but she didn't really care because there was Percy, and he was right in front of her, and there was nowhere else she would have wanted to have been in that moment.

He whispered in her ear, "I knew you'd make it back."

She didn't know what to say. "Congrats, state champ."

He gave her a low laugh that sent shivers down her spine, then pulled away. Annabeth let out a quick breath, blush scarring her cheeks. Now that he had pulled away, the situation cast itself before her: Percy's near-nudity, the throngs of people surrounding him, Coach Hedge, who now looked like he wanted to throw his clipboard into the pool with joy. Annabeth stepped back and let out an exhale. _Jesus Christ._ What on Earth had just happened?

Percy was now distracted, talking to his coach and some swimmer from another team. While he was occupied, Annabeth walked off, debating between finding Piper and clearing her head with all that had just happened. She didn't see Percy glance behind her to see her gone, his eyes wide as he searched for her blonde head in the crowd, just catching a glimpse of her hair as she disappeared.

Annabeth found Piper, Sally, and Paul eventually at the top corner of the bleachers. They had a great view of the pool from where they were and were high up enough that they managed to avoid the nasally shouts of all the swimmer moms. Still a little shaken over what had happened, Annabeth tried to give them her most convincing smile as she took a spot next to Piper.

"Hey Annabeth!" Sally gave her a smile. "Paul and I are going to go down and congratulate Percy, but we'll see you here in a bit."

"Hi Mr. Blofis," Annabeth said. "Sorry. Paul."

Annabeth's favorite English teacher gave her a smile. "How are you doing, Annabeth? Really nice to see you."

"I'm good! I got to watch Percy's race from down there and it was really awesome," Annabeth blushed. Quite the understatement.

"Ooh, I'm jealous," said Sally. "We'll be right back, girls. Don't run off!"

"Bye Mrs. Jackson," Piper said, smiling up at her. The couple walked off and Annabeth sunk into her seat. "So," Piper said, a knowing smile on her face. "How's it going?"

Annabeth shrugged. "It's good."

"Hm."

"Hm what?"

"Just hm."

"Piper."

"I'm just wondering if there's something you aren't telling me."

"Like what?"

"Like, I have a great view up here and even though I was definitely just paying attention to Jason as he swam in the warm up lane when I was watching the 200 meter freestyle I happened to notice Percy got out of his lane right after he won— beat the record, by the way, you probably heard— and got up and walked over to you and gave you a very _friendly _hug by the looks of it. But that's none of my business," Piper said, training her eyes back to the pool and a specific blonde swimmer just now getting out of the pool.

"And I assume you want me to tell you about it, no?"

"Oh, it's okay. I already saw everything I need to know," Piper grinned wickedly. "Did he like the sign?"

"I think so? He didn't mention it."

"Trust me. He likes the sign."

"Okay," Annabeth said. A warm feeling settled into her stomach. "You really think so?"

"Obviously. The smile on his face could like up an MF Christmas tree. Look at him now," Piper said, pointing towards Percy on the edge of the pool deck. He was standing with Sally, Paul, and Coach Hedge, who was wearing a neon yellow polo shirt and clutching a clipboard to his chest like his life depended on it. Percy was grinning widely as he scanned the room, and even just seeing him made Annabeth's stomach twist.

She took a deep breath. _No. _She couldn't. No.

_But why? Why not?_

Annabeth scanned the room around her, a new feeling settling into her chest as she looked at all the bodies around her. Swimsuits left nothing to the imagination, and these girls were beautiful. They were thin and lithe and strong at the same time. Annabeth thought of her spin classes and bit her lip. She could never compare to that. Percy spent time with them constantly. If that wasn't his standard of what a girl should look like, he was crazy.

Annabeth wanted to fold into herself, suddenly thankful she was wearing a sweatshirt. When Percy had hugged her, had he felt how fat she was? Had he felt the extra parts of her body padding her arms and waist and hips? How had he even managed to hug her?

Annabeth bit her lip, this time to blink back tears as she cast another look around the room. She didn't know what she felt for Percy right now. Exploring it terrified her. Being around him terrified her, but she wanted to be with him— all the time. Constantly. But he could never want her? Why would he— with all these beautiful girls around him, with options like Rachel and Drew?

So she would have to settle for being friends with him. The word felt bitter in her mouth.

Percy eventually made his way back up to the bleachers and shrugged on the same parka from earlier, with Jason in tow. Piper grinned at both of them. "Hey," she smiled. "Congrats on the record."

"Thanks," Percy responded, his eyes glancing at Annabeth. "S'nothing." The tips of Percy's ears reddened, as Annabeth forced herself to look away from his bare torso, though the rest of his body was thankfully partially hidden by the huge parka. "What'd Coach Hedge have to say?" she asked.

Percy shrugged, sitting down next to her. Annabeth resisted the urge to scoot away, so he wouldn't have to sit next to her. "Same old. There's a UT scout here."

Jason's eyes widened. "No way. Are you serious?"

"Yeah. He was talking to me down there."

"That's great, bro!"

Percy grinned, the tips of his ears reddening. "Yeah."

From the little that Annabeth knew, UT Austin had one of the best men's swimming programs in the entire country. "That's great, Percy!"

He shrugged. Jason rolled his eyes, then turned to Piper. "Wanna go get something to eat?"

Annabeth wanted to chain her friend to her seat, just so she wouldn't be alone with Percy. But Piper just shot her a teasing look and stood up, slipping her hand into Jason's. "Sure!"

For a moment, it was awkward. Annabeth couldn't look at him without thinking of the hug. Percy must have felt the same way, because he stared forward with his lips slightly open like he was debating what to say.  
Just a few seconds after Piper and Jason had gone off, Annabeth knew she had to break the tension. "You ever miss camp?"

Percy's face broke into a grin. "Are you kidding me? All the time."

"No way. You didn't."

Annabeth laughed. "I'm not kidding."

"Your first kiss was _Lee Fletcher?_"

"I thought you knew! At the camp dance, on the last night."

Percy scoffed. "I knew you were dates, or whatever, but not that!"

She smirked. "Yeah. It was behind the Big House, and we did it really fast because right then Chiron came around looking for any wayward campers."

"I can't believe I didn't know! I thought you would've told me. We were like, best friends back then," Percy pouted.

"I can't remember why I didn't tell you! I think I thought you'd be mad," Annabeth furrowed her eyebrows. "And it was like, the last day before camp was over. And I left for San Francisco right after."

"Oh. San Francisco."

"Yeah," Annabeth muttered. "That was a weird year."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

Annabeth shrugged. "I don't always know. I thought it was going to be more fun than it was. I had an idealized version of my mom in my head that got challenged pretty quickly. I hated where I went to school. Stuff like that." Not a lie. Just not the full truth— but enough so that Percy wouldn't ask again, enough so that he wouldn't ask her anything else about what happened to her that year.

Percy was quiet for a minute. "You know, if you ever want to go back to camp, I'm going to be a counselor there this summer. You should look into it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's great. I couldn't do it for these last few years because of swimming, but I managed to work something out— basically, I _have _to train and go to meets, it's this whole thing— but they're letting me go."

"You'd be such a good counselor!"

"You would too," Percy said, turning to face Annabeth. His eyes caught her and she couldn't look away. He looked like he was about to say something more, but— "Look into it. Tell me what you think."

Something was lodged in Annabeth's throat. "I will."

Percy glanced up at the clock. "Oh shit."

"What?"

"My race is starting," he said, standing up and shaking off his parka while simultaneously trying to jam his swim cap on. Annabeth tried not to laugh at him, his hair sticking out under the cap and poking out around his ears. "I gotta blast."

"Which one?"

"Two fly!" Percy said, sprinting off towards the starting block.

"Okay," Annabeth muttered. "I don't know what two fly is."

Piper was walking up the stairs towards her. "Hey," she said, taking a seat. "How was talking to Percy?"

"Fine," Annabeth said, trying to find Percy in the crowd. She'd lost him after he'd reached the steps. ""Where's Jason?"

"He's racing. He and Percy are in the same heat."

"Ooh."

Piper laughed. "Wanna bet?"

"What are they, racehorses?"

"If Percy wins you ask him out."

"What? No."

Piper cast her a quick glance. "Will you just do it anyways?"

"Piper!"

Piper grinned and cast her glance back towards the pool. "Just trying to have some fun."

Annabeth could finally pick Percy out of the crowd— he was back in the center lane readjusting his swim cap. Jason was two lanes over, and next to Percy was the same kid he had raced with before, Adrian Something. The timer went off and the swimmers boarded the blocks, leaning forward and gripping the edges with white knuckles. The announcer counted them down.

"Three… Two… One!"

They flew gracefully into the water, and Annabeth's breath caught as her eyes stayed trained firmly on the boy in the center lane.

When they finally left the aquatic center several hours later, it was completely dark. Annabeth was hanging behind a little with Sally, talking to her about the wedding, as she passed through the door Percy held open for her.

Sally tossed her son the keys. "Percy, Paul and I can drive back in the Mini. Wanna drive Annabeth back in the Prius?"

"Oh," Annabeth said, "No, it's okay. I was going to go with Piper." But even as the words left Annabeth's mouth, she realized that Piper just wanted to hang out with Jason. She cast her friend an awkward look.

"Oh, Percy can drive," Sally said cheerfully. "He's not completely incapable."

"_Mooooom_."

Sally laughed. "Is that okay, Annabeth?"

Annabeth was lucky it was dark, because her face was bright red. "Uh, sure?"

Percy looked at Piper and Jason. "Wanna go somewhere to eat and then head back?"

"Sounds good," Jason replied.

"We'll get going then," said Mr. Blofis/Paul. Annabeth wasn't sure if she'd be able to stop calling him Mr. Blofis. He was still her English teacher in her head.

"Bye Mr. Blofis, bye Sally!" Annabeth said, smiling as she tried to conceal how absolutely terrified she was to drive back with Percy. Alone. "Thanks so much for inviting me."

"Bye Annabeth," Sally said with a mischievous glint in her eye, the one that Annabeth had always noticed in Percy. She took Paul's hand in her own and walked across the lot.

Percy tossed the keys up and caught them, bouncing on his feet. "I'll go grab the Prius. It's parked kind of far away, so you don't have to come."

"I don't mind walking. I can come."

"No, it's fine," Percy said, dropping his backpack and taking off. Annabeth grimaced. Alright. That was odd.

Piper and Jason were still there. "I can wait with you, Annabeth," Piper said, smiling at her.

"No, it's fine. You can go with Jason. It's your car, anyway."

"You sure?"

Annabeth tried to give her a reassuring smile. "Yeah."

"Awesome. We'll be right back."

They took off across the lot. Annabeth let out a breath. She wasn't sure if she was excited or terrified at the prospect of driving back with Percy. The rest of the meet had been fun— he'd swam really well, from the little swimming knowledge that Annabeth had. They'd hung out and it had still been a little awkward, with the residue of their earlier argument (if that's what it had been) still slipping off. But it had gotten better over time, so Annabeth was happy she had come.

But now? She had been looking forward to driving back with Piper, to just get a small break. Even if she hadn't been swimming, the meet had been kind of taxing. Annabeth hated seeing all the bodies around her, and she'd sat around them for hours. But at least they were out of the aquatic center now, and able to breathe air that wasn't inundated with chlorine.

She let out a breath and her exhale turned into fog. Annabeth silently prayed Percy would hurry up and come back with a warm car. The door behind her slammed open and Annabeth glanced behind her.

It was that boy, Adrian, the one who had been swimming neck and neck with Percy all day. He was with no one, and only wearing his parka over a pair of basketball shorts and no shirt. Annabeth only spared a quick glance at his well-muscled chest before staring back at the lot before her.

He started walking forward, and surprised her when he stopped, standing right next to her. He was holding a pair of car keys and tossing them casually between his hands. But he didn't walk towards the lot, just standing there with Annabeth. Her heart thundered in her chest. What was he doing? Annabeth looked straight ahead and prayed Percy was a fast walker.

After a minute, Adrian let out a low whistle. "I can't believe how dark it gets now."

Annabeth's heart sped up. "Yeah." What on Earth was he doing?

"You enjoy the meet?"

"Just there for a friend."

"Huh. I've never seen you at these before."

Annabeth tried to make her voice sound stronger than she felt. "It was my first."

"Who'd you come for?"

Just then, a pair of headlights turned a corner and sped towards them. As they got closer, Annabeth could see it was a silver Prius, and inside it, Percy. She almost gasped in relief. "He's right there," she said, pointing at the car.

Percy parked haphazardly next to the curb and popped out. "Hey Kouros."

"Jackson," Adrian said, his lip curling. He didn't look nearly as attractive when he did that. "You brought her?" he said, jerking his head at Annabeth.

Percy's voice was stony, and his eyes were a hard glare pointed directly at Adrian. Even when he had been angry at Annabeth, he had never looked quite that… scary. "That's Annabeth. Speaking of which— you ready to go?"

Annabeth leaped into action, from where she had been frozen. She grabbed Percy's backpack and tossed them in the backseat of the Prius before sliding into the passenger seat and shutting the door. Just as she did, she heard Adrian call "Bye Annabeth," before he slunk off towards the lot.

Percy slipped into the driver's seat and gunned it out of the lot. "Fucking dick," he said. "Sorry about that."

"It's fine. He wasn't bothering me."

"You sure?"

Annabeth paused. "No. He was."

"Thought so."

"I didn't want to talk to him."

Pause. "I hate that guy."

Annabeth tried to laugh, but it came out like a cough. "I could tell." Percy didn't respond as he continued driving. "What about Jason and Piper?"

"Oh," Percy said, his grip on the steering wheel relaxing. "Call them, maybe. Let's just meet at McDonalds, maybe?"

Annabeth wrinkled her nose. "Can't we do better than McDonalds?" Annabeth had already reviewed their menus before, and she knew there were very, very few healthy options. At best she'd be eating a kid's applesauce and that would probably confuse Percy and Piper in a way that she didn't really need.

Percy scoffed, looking almost offended. "What? Better than McDonalds?"

"Oh come on!" Annabeth bickered lightly. Percy was one of the only people who brought out this part of her— the light, casual humor. "What about Chipotle?" Much easier to control for eating. She'd be able to get a bowl and slip by without much suspicion.

Percy considered it. "Fine. But I'm getting you to McDonalds one of these days."

Annabeth scoffed while she texted Piper where to meet. "In your dreams, Jackson."

"I can make it happen," he said. He was going pretty high over the speed limit but Annabeth didn't mention it.

"What's the deal with that kid?"

"Who?"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Adrian."

"You mean Kouros?"

"Whatever. That one who was there."

"Talking to you."

"Yeah. That one. What's his deal?"

Percy shrugged. "He's irrelevant." Annabeth fell silent, waiting for him to keep talking. If she knew Percy, she knew he'd start talking eventually. "He and I are neck and neck constantly. Have been since freshman year. He's bitter because he's been swimming since he was a kid and I just showed up one day and was as good as him," Percy said it, but he was blushing. "He's always an asshole."

"He seems like it," Annabeth muttered. "I didn't like talking to him."

"Good."

They pulled into the Chipotle parking lot at a disturbingly high speed. It was silent when they parked, until Annabeth said "I thought you swam really, really well today. Thanks for letting me come." And she meant it. She meant every word. Even if it had terrified her, she had loved being there.

Percy smiled— a real genuine smile, like everything that had happened with Adrian was now fading away. "Thanks. I'm really, really happy you were there."

They sat there for a minute. Annabeth smiled back.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you so much for reading! I have a feeling all of you who have been asking for Percabeth will like this chapter. Who's excited for the drive home?**

**Happy almost Thanksgiving!**

**Emily**


	17. Impertinence and Irrationality

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Misunderstood by Wilco**

**_There's something there that you can't find_****_  
_****_You look honest when you're telling a lie_****_  
_****_You hurt her but you don't know why_****_  
_****_You love her but you don't know why_**

* * *

The inside of Chipotle was crowded, and Annabeth spied Piper and Jason halfway up the long line of customers waiting to order, hand in hand and waving back at them. She and Percy slid into the end of the line and Annabeth instantly began calculating her meal in her head. A bowl, most likely. Brown rice or beans? Just one, obviously, she wouldn't get both. Should she bother with guacamole? Was it worth the extra cost and calories?

But her endless rambling thoughts were cut off by Percy. "You still down to come to my mom's wedding?"

He cast her a small, sheepish grin. His hair was wet and he smelled intensely of chlorine, but Annabeth couldn't help but want to stand a little closer to him. "I'd love to, if that's alright with you."

"Of course it's okay."

"I mean, just in case it isn't…"

"Chase, we're good."

"We're good?"

"We're good." Percy cast her another one of those smiles, his chin tucked and his eyes glittering. "Thanks for coming today."

"Of course."

"What'd you think of your first meet?"

"Well, it smells horrible—"

"Fair point."

"And it goes on for _hours_—"

"Also true."

"And you happen to be there, which I wouldn't call ideal—"

"You hit a man where it hurts. I invited you just because I thought you wanted to see me in a Speedo."

Annabeth raised her eyebrows. "I mean, the other boys in Speedos are no issue. Probably makes coming to a meet worth it. You, however? Not so much." Complete and utter lies, spewing from Annabeth's mouth.

"You wound me, Wise Girl. There I was, swimming away, breaking state records, thinking you were checking me out the entire time. I was wrong!"

"You seem surprised, Seaweed Brain. Might want to get used to being wrong."

"Well, I've always been right before."

"Sure about that?"

"So _very_ sure."

Annabeth hadn't been paying attention but they'd shuffled enough in line so they were now ready to order. She'd been so distracted with Percy she had barely glanced at the menu. What on earth had she been planning to order? So very suddenly, her throat clenched as she took a step forward, conscious of Percy's eyes on her back and the impatient nod of the worker.

"Hey," Annabeth tried to buy for time. "How are you doing?"

"Fine, thanks. What can I get you?"

It would be rude to stare at the menu any longer. Annabeth fixated on one thing and her order came pouring out. "I'll have a burrito. Steak, please."

"White or wheat tortilla?"

"White, please."

The employee pulled out an enormous white flour tortilla and quizzed Annabeth on the rest of her burrito's contents. She answered on autopilot, hardly believing what she was saying, like her mouth wasn't hers. White rice, black beans, fajita veggies, tomatillo salsa, sour cream, guacamole, cheese. She drew the line at queso and paid in disbelief, holding her tray in her hand and hardly believing she had just ordered a steak burrito.

Something roared in Annabeth's stomach, something without words that still made her so, so hungry, groaning with its desire to be satisfied. And Annabeth was the one who could feel its need: the same feeling that lurked under her at all times, the feeling that ruled her entire life, every decision she made each day. The need for fullness. The need for food.

Annabeth knew they sat down with Jason and Piper. She knew Percy had a burrito too. She knew they talked a little bit, but not a lot— they were all so hungry.

But Annabeth's hunger was not the same hunger as Percy and Jason's. It was not hunger from physical exertion. It was the kind of hunger that had been created by many months of restraint, the hunger that was absolutely unstoppable once it was allowed to surface. And Annabeth could only allow herself to submit to it, and all that it brought with it. She did not allow herself to think of its consequences.

She ate all of her burrito and then finished off Piper's sofritas bowl. She was done before both Percy and Jason. Annabeth dropped her fork into the empty plate and shoved it away from her, her eyes cast down to the table. Piper and Jason were talking, but Percy kept eating, looking at her occasionally with narrowed eyes.

Moments later, Percy stood up. "I'm going to go grab a cookie. Any of you guys want one?"

Piper and Jason decided to split one. "Such a couple," Percy said, shaking his head. Piper stuck out her tongue. "Annabeth, you want one?"

"No, no, I'm good."

He nodded and turned away. Piper and Jason carried on with some light conversation, but Annabeth wasn't listening. She had been brought back from the space she'd been while she was eating, and the consequences were setting in.

Annabeth felt close to tears, but she held them back. _See? This is why it's easier not to eat like this._

She had eaten a burrito. She had broken so, so many of her rules. They flashed through her head:

**RULES:**

**300 calories per meal**

**One 100 calorie snack for between either breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner**

**At least 30 minutes of cardio exercise every day, with additional strength training (time permitting)**

**Limit added sugar, soda, white flour, candy, peanut butter, dairy!**

**Eat lots of vegetables! Vegetables don't count for calories!**

**Drink at least 64 oz of water every day**

****Stay Consistent****

**No off days!**

The rules made it easier to follow. Having some sort of guideline made everything simpler. But they also made Annabeth feel so, so much worse. How could she hold herself to those standards? Her mouth went dry.

_Water. _She needed water. Water would help her digest the ridiculous quantity of food she had just allowed herself to eat.

Without saying anything to Piper and Jason, she went over to the soda fountain and filled up a glass. She stood there and chugged it all down, hoping that the water would somehow manage to flush everything out of her.

Annabeth had thought about forcing herself to throw up before, but she couldn't, even if there were moments where it felt like she could. Forcing herself to throw up would have given her a label she didn't want. Even now, it was hard to think the word in her head.

_Bulimia._

That word came with other words, the words that Annabeth didn't want to think about. The labels she didn't want to think about, because there was a chance they would apply. Because there was a chance that what she was doing was something other than being healthy.

No. She wouldn't think about it. Not now.

Annabeth filled up the cup with water again and walked back to the table, where her friends were eating their cookies. Her stomach twisted and her mouth watered. Even now, she wasn't satisfied. And she hated that part about herself: the part that couldn't restrain what she wanted, that could barely say no to food. She took another sip of her water.

Water would have to be enough.

They left just moments later. They all had homework to do and it was already growing later, so they all said their goodbyes outside Chipotle. Annabeth and Percy walked back to the Prius.

"Good dinner, huh?"

Annabeth barely brought herself to respond to his forced comment. She was still stuck in her head, unused to the heavy feeling of her stomach. "Better than McDonalds."

"I could go for some McDonalds, speaking of that."

"You're still hungry?" How could that be possible?

Percy shrugged. "Swim meets are exhausting. But I wanna get back. I still got math homework to do. Speaking of which, can we meet up again to talk about that?"

Annabeth stopped the sigh of relief from leaving her lips. She didn't know how she would've reacted if he had taken her to McDonalds. She didn't know if she could have resisted. "Uh, sure. How's that class going?"

Percy grimaced.

"That bad, huh?"

"She hates me. Dodds absolutely hates me. I have no idea why… I'm not even that late!"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Don't take it personally. Dodds hates everyone."  
"Nah, it's different. She really, really hates me."

Annabeth couldn't deny that there was something about Percy that probably really managed to tick Ms. Dodds off. She wasn't known for being the nicest teacher at the school, and Percy had the tendency to come off as… "Well, maybe it's because you're so impertinent."

"Impertinent," Percy repeated back. "A Wise Girl kind of word."

Annabeth blushed. "Don't start with that."

"I should've nicknamed you Dictionary."

"Oh God," Annabeth put her head in her hands as Percy started the car and began driving back. "That's what I got called in elementary school."

"God, I hated elementary school."

"No, elementary school hated you."

"I got in trouble all—the—time."  
"Who's fault was that, though?"

"Yours!"

"Well," Percy said with a smug grin, "I am rather _impertinent."_

Annabeth laughed, her hand drifting away from her stomach to rest on the center console, dangerously close to Percy's arm. "Seems like I'm rubbing off on you."

Percy scoffed.

Moments later they were soaring down the highway, which was empty enough for a late Sunday night. Conversation flowed easily between them, before they settled into a comfortable silence while Annabeth fiddled with the radio.

"Wanna hear something?" Percy asked, his eyes taken off the road for just a moment to glance at her.

"Shoot."

"Did you know that I used to have a crush on you back at camp?"

Annabeth's jaw dropped. She hadn't been expecting him to say that. Her heart fluttered for a moment— could he still? "You did?"

Percy now refused to look at her. His voice was low. "Uh, yeah," he muttered. "I mean, just for like, a summer. The same one where you kissed Lee Fletcher."

Annabeth suddenly found herself wishing that she hadn't told him about that. "Not to sound like a complete jerk, but I really had no idea."

"Besides, it was just for that one summer before you went to San Francisco. Just a silly camp thing."

His words hit Annabeth, and she hoped he didn't notice the change in her tone when she responded. "Oh. Cool."

"I was just thinking about that, all afternoon."

"I really had no idea."

"I didn't tell anyone but Grover. I thought it would fade away eventually, and I was also a dumb middle schooler, so obviously I wasn't going to do anything about it."

Annabeth hated the awkward silence that now stretched between them. "Were you pissed when I went out with Lee?"

Percy laughed. Thank god. "I was mad, yeah."

Annabeth bit her lip. She couldn't comprehend what she had just heard. Percy was passing it off, but he _had _liked her at one point. Could he still?  
She didn't know how that made her feel. The only thing she could detect was some degree of fear. Did she even want Percy to like her?

It would be easier if she didn't. This relationship between them was still tenuous, still so fragile after all the odd arguments they'd been through. It would be easier if they would just stay friends.  
And that was what Annabeth wanted, right?

She knew that she was over Luke. That much was obvious. Just thinking about him made her skin crawl. But that had just happened, barely a week before. Was it really smart to jump into liking Percy again?

And he didn't even like her— that much was obvious. He had even made fun of the little crush he had on her. Guys didn't tell you about crushes they used to have on you if they still liked you.

_Right?_

Annabeth didn't know. She needed to talk to Piper. But at least she knew that she couldn't like Percy— she didn't need the confusion that it would bring. But it still hurt, knowing that he had liked her, but he didn't anymore. What had changed?

They continued driving back, somehow regaining the tone from before. Their topics were varied, and they moved from school to camp and swimming, to books and music. But Annabeth couldn't stop the unease from drifting through her. She just didn't know how to feel.

He pulled the Prius outside of her apartment building and shifted into park, then turned to her. Annabeth was, once again, reminded of how cute he was. Goddamn. Thank god it was dark, so he wouldn't see her blush.

"Thanks for coming, seriously," he said, his voice low. "I'm happy you were there."

Annabeth was almost breathless. "I'm really happy I came too."

He grinned. "And you'll be my date at the wedding? It's in two weeks."

_His DATE!?_

Annabeth couldn't deny the joy ripping through her. Despite all that she had just thought to herself, the conclusion she had tried to reach _(she couldn't like Percy, she couldn't like Percy), _it made her so, so happy to hear that he wanted her to be his date.

"Or not date, or whatever," Percy laughed. "Sorry, didn't mean for it to come out quite like that."

Annabeth's entire body froze.

Or not. Cool.

He looked at her, expecting her to joke around, but she couldn't. Instead of looking or speaking she began gathering all her things at lighting speed, wanting nothing more than to be out of the car with the boy who didn't like her. Her bag? Check. Water bottle? Check. The sign?

Annabeth forced herself to look at him. She couldn't deny that it hurt. He looked a little confused, his eyebrows furrowed. "You good?" he asked.

She ignored that. "Do you want the sign?" she nearly bit out.

"Oh, sure! It's a really great sign. Thanks for making it."

Annabeth knew she was being irrationally angry, but she couldn't help it. "Keep it."

Percy was just now starting to notice that something was really, really off. "Uh, thanks. Are you alright?"

Annabeth ignored that too, reaching to open the door. But something stopped her. She couldn't, not just yet. She had one more thing to ask. "Are you inviting anyone else to the wedding?"

Percy thought about it. "Well, Jason is taking Piper. I think Grover will be there too, and a few more people from school and other things. Oh, and Rachel."

Jealousy roared in Annabeth. She sent him a very, very cold look. She knew she shouldn't say it, but she did. "Is _she _your date?"

Percy still didn't get it. "Uh, no?"

Annabeth just blinked at him. "Bye Percy. Thanks for the ride. I'll see you at school."

She didn't give him a chance to respond, but she saw the confused look on his face and his slightly open mouth. She opened her car door, got out, and slammed it just as quickly, stalking towards the entrance to the building.

Annabeth didn't turn back, but she knew that Percy waited for her to get inside before she drove off. She blinked back tears.

It had been stupid to think that Percy ever would have liked her. It was stupid that she cared so much.

But Annabeth had to admit it to herself: she cared. She cared so much about the old crush he had told her about, the non-date invitation to the wedding.

Annabeth was a logical person. She knew that she didn't just feel things without reasons. She wouldn't care the way she did about all that Percy had said if she had just liked him as a friend.

She couldn't say it out loud, but it left a bitter taste in her mouth anyways. She liked him.

She liked him.

_Fuck._

"How was the meet, honey?"

"Good."

"Did Percy swim well?"

"Yeah."

"Was it fun with Piper?"

"Yeah."

"Are you alright?"

"I have homework to do, dad."

"Alright, then. Make sure you get some sleep tonight, honey."

"Sure, dad."

Overnight, all of Annabeth's feelings— however cast out and crazy they were— had developed into something that felt quite a bit like anger. She barely spoke to father or Helen before leaving for school. She barely noticed the bitter winter cold biting her cheeks. She was too busy focusing on the pure nerve of Percy Jackson to confuse her like that.

Annabeth had come to one conclusion: she had begun to feel these annoying ways about Percy because she had been spending time with him. So all she had to do now was not spend time with him.

That proved to be difficult, because her peaceful subway ride was quickly interrupted when Percy got on at her stop and made a beeline for the empty seat right next to her.

Annabeth couldn't exactly stop him from sitting there, so she gave him a quick nod before turning up the music in her headphones. Percy, however, was not content for a quiet subway ride. "Hey."

"Hey."

He hesitated before responding. Annabeth could tell he was confused, unsure of how to deal with her. "Uh, you seemed kind of upset last night. Are you alright?"

Annabeth took one earbud out, turning to him and fixing him with a smile. "Oh, I'm fine."

She stuck the bud back in, leaned back in her seat, and closed her eyes. Annabeth heard Percy mutter something, but she didn't care what he said.

Or at least, she pretended not to care what he said.

"Annabeth Chase, what game are you playing?" Piper slid into her seat next to her for APUSH, whispering furiously while they began copying down their warmup.

Annabeth pretended not to hear her.

"Don't give me that. Why did I have Percy Jackson pestering me all throughout what was supposed to be a peaceful lunch date between me and Jason, asking me if you were mad at him?"

"If Percy wants to know why I'm mad at him he should talk to me himself."

"So you are mad at him!"

"I never said that."

"Yes, you did!"

"_Girls," _their teacher snapped from the front of the room, gesturing to the whiteboard.

Piper rolled her eyes and lowered her tone, facing forward as she spoke from the corner of her mouth. "What happened? Was it all fine on the ride home last night?"

Annabeth glanced back at Piper. "What was he asking?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me what happened."  
"Fine."

Annabeth dropped her pencil, angling slightly towards Piper. "Alright, so we were driving back—"

"Anything you would like to share with the class, Annabeth?" their teacher called from the front.

"Uh, no. Sorry."

"Would you share your warmup, with us, then?"

Annabeth plastered a smile to her face. "Gladly."

It was a Piper's house after school when Annabeth explained everything, even the parts about her "crush" on Percy, which gave Piper a little self-satisfied smirk.

"Wipe that look off your face," Annabeth muttered. "You were right."

"Right about what, exactly, Annie?"

"Don't make me say it."

Piper shrugged. "I'll say it. I was right about you and Percy. Now we just have to get you together—"

"Were you not listening to a word I said? He doesn't like me, Piper. He's not taking me as a date to his mom's wedding. He made that very clear."

"It came across that way, didn't it?"

"Uh-huh. Now you have to tell me what Percy was asking."

Piper shrugged. "It wasn't much. But I see why you're annoyed with him. And poor boy, he has no idea why."

Annabeth's stomach twisted. "Why does he even care? I just tutor him sometimes."

"I don't know exactly how Percy feels about you, but you've known him for years, Beth. That's bound to carry some more weight than just a math tutor."

"I don't think so."

"Have a little faith, won't you?"

"What was he asking you?"

"Well, I was planning on going out with Jason, but then Percy tagged along and kept quizzing me to see if there was anything wrong with you. I didn't get much out of him beyond him saying that you were acting weird on the subway and thinking that you were mad at him."

"Huh."

"I mean, are you? Mad at him?"

"I… don't know. I was this morning. Do you think I have the right to be mad?"

"I mean, it's a little irrational."

"Piper!"

"I'm just telling the truth."

"What are you going to say to Percy?"

"I think I'm the one who should be asking you that. What are you going to do now?"

Annabeth paused, checking her phone. She needed to get home to exercise— something that was especially important today after the burrito from last night. "I don't know."

"Are you going to tell him you like him?"

"No."

"Are you going to tell him why you're angry?"

"No."

"What are you going to do if he talks to you again?"

"No idea."

Piper sighed. "I'm not going to get too involved in this one. You figure it out. No matter what, that boy likes you. I don't know how much or what kind of 'like', but he does."

"He stopped having a crush on me years ago."

Piper's eyes sparkled. "Well, did he say that?"

"No… but he implied it!"

"I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions."

"Piper. I need your help with this one!"

Piper grinned wickedly.

As she descended into the subway station, Annabeth couldn't help but mull over what Piper had said. Was she really being irrational? Did Percy deserve her anger? He certainly didn't understand why.

Her logical side was tired of this. She should just apologize to Percy about being strange and move on. He would forget it even happened and they would continue on like before. But the other part of Annabeth wanted to drag it out. Irrational or not, she was upset Percy didn't want to take her as a date. And she wanted to be upset for at least a little while longer. Even though it was stupid.

Annabeth smiled to herself. It was nice, being irrational.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey! I truly do apologize for how long it took to get this chapter out. I had a bunch of stuff going on with school taking up the vast majority of my time, but I'm happy that I got this out:))**

**This chapter had a lot more dialogue than usual, which I liked. I'm also really enjoying the development of Annabeth, Percy, and Piper's characters. Any favorite character moments from this?**

**Once again, I love to see reviews!**

**Emily**


	18. Lawfully Wedded: Part One

**LAWFULLY WEDDED: PART ONE**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Needles and Pins by the Ramones**

_**I saw her today, I saw her face**_  
_**It was the face I loved, and I knew**_  
_**I had to run away**_  
_**And get down on my knees and pray, that they go away**_  
_**Still it begins**_  
_**Needles and pins**_  
_**Because of all my pride**_  
**_The tears I gotta hide_**

* * *

_**Two Weeks Later**_

"I mean, we've barely been talking the last few weeks," Annabeth said as she put on some mascara, staring critically at her face in the bathroom mirror. "Except for the tutoring session."  
"Oh, wasn't that a disaster?" Piper called from where she was sitting on Annabeth's bed, deciding between two dresses that both looked fabulous on her.

"Not really. It was just… awkward."

Annabeth could hardly remember it without cringing. They had gone to Aunty Em's, Percy had tried to buy her food, she had refused. He had asked to split a piece of pie, she had said no. It had been all the math work with none of their usual banter, which had made it essentially hellish. Annabeth could tell that Percy still didn't know why she was so angry, and that he desperately wanted to ask, but he never did. So she had just continued to review synthetic division of polynomials until the check had come.

"Huh," Piper mused. "I thought it was all going to calm down between you two after the meet. You just got along so well!"

"I did too."

"At least you're coming to the wedding."

"Wouldn't miss it," Annabeth muttered as she glanced at her closet. "Do I even have anything to wear?"

"Wear that dress from the Snow Ball! It was so pretty."

Annabeth frowned, remembering her first time getting high and the wild goose chase she had sent Percy, Piper, and Jason on. "There are some interesting memories in that dress."

"Who cares? It's pretty."

Annabeth's dad poked his head in to the room after knocking. "Hey girls, I got Sally and Paul's present wrapped. Are you all ready to leave?"

"Just one minute, thanks Dad," Annabeth responded, waving him off.

"Thanks for driving us, Dr. Chase," Piper chimed in.

"Of course girls! It's not every day you get invited to a wedding," he said, smiling as he closed the door. Annabeth cast her dad a tight smile, willing him to leave the room faster.

"You gotta get changed, Annie," Piper called from her bed.

Annabeth cast one more look at the grey dress hanging in her closet. The Snow Ball felt like years ago, even if it had just been a few weeks. She had been in such a different place. The thought of having a crush on Luke surprised her now— since then, all it had been was Percy. It had probably been Percy even before the Snow Ball, if Annabeth was willing to admit it to herself.

Which came with it own problems. Including the fact that it seemed like Percy was taking Rachel Dare as his date to his mother's wedding. _Alright_, Annabeth didn't exactly know that for sure, but that was just the feeling she had gotten. And she kind of wanted to be a little mad about it.

"Annabeth, you better get that dress on. We have to go."

Annabeth bit her lip and snatched the dress from its hanger. "Will you turn around?"

She would have preferred that Piper left the room so she could have changed alone, but if she didn't see Annabeth's body, that was good enough. Piper turned around, still scrolling through her phone and commenting occasionally on the things that she saw on Instagram as Annabeth pulled the dress on.

When she zipped up the back, Annabeth took a moment to consider how the dress felt on her. It didn't seem like she had gained any weight since she had last worn it, but still— she could never be too sure. She resisted the urge to step on the scale to weigh herself, knowing she couldn't do it with Piper here.

Annabeth settled for a deep breath before she plastered a smile on her face and turned to Piper. "Ready to go to a wedding?"

* * *

"Leo, _what _are you doing?" Annabeth hissed across the aisle as she saw Leo pull a mess of rubber bands and paper clips out of his pants pockets. "What is that?"

"Don't worry about it, Bethie. Keep your hair on," Leo smiled back. "Just something to keep me entertained."

Annabeth smiled at Leo's antics as she leaned back in her seat, glancing up at the venue. It was a smaller, elegant home that Sally had tastefully decorated in shades of navy and turquoise. A simple altar had been set up at the front of the room, with several rows of white chairs laid before them.

Annabeth poked her head over her shoulder, hoping to catch a glance of Percy before the wedding began. She knew that he was one of Paul's groomsmen, explaining why she hadn't seen him earlier, and she couldn't stop the nervous bubble from forming in her stomach when she thought of him.

"Hey Annabeth! Can I sit here?"

Annabeth knew that voice. _Goddamnit… of all people! _But she turned to face Rachel Dare, standing up to let her slide into the seat next to Annabeth. However, she didn't grace her with a smile. "Of course."

Rachel shrugged. She looked perfect, as usual. Her dress was yellow and flowy, looking both very artsy and very Rachel at the exact same time. Her hair was swept into a low bun, and her makeup was tastefully applied. "How are you doing Annabeth?"

"Fine, yourself?"

"I'm fine, you know. School is crazy. I'm excited for the wedding, though."

Annabeth shrugged. "Same." If she was being rude, she didn't care.

There was suddenly a hush, as Paul entered in a plain black tuxedo, followed by a guy who looked like his brother. Annabeth's heart thudded in her chest as she noticed Percy's absence. Shouldn't he be up there with them? Paul hovered nervously at the altar, quietly talking to the officiating judge, his eyes trailed on the entrance for Sally. Talk among the audience members had hushed, which Annabeth was grateful for. She didn't think she could take talking to Rachel Dare for much longer— who she was certain was Percy's date, even if he hadn't said so. Even Leo had put away his rubber bands to wait for Sally.

And then the orchestra began playing the "Bridal Chorus" as Sally entered. She made her way to the podium in a simple white dress with a long white veil. And Percy was leading her up the aisle.

Annabeth's heart thudded in her chest as Percy walked up the aisle with his mother, a small smile on his face. She hadn't seen him looking like this since Snow Ball. _Dear God. _Not one of their best memories together. But he looked handsome in his suit and turquoise tie. Even from here, Annabeth knew that it would match his eyes. But as his eyes scanned the audience once they reached the altar, she made a point to look everywhere but him, even if she was sure his eyes lingered on her for a little longer. _Remember— he's here with Rachel. _Annabeth resisted the urge to glare at the girl next to her as the ceremony began.

* * *

After a beautiful ceremony that even Annabeth teared up at, the guests made their way to the reception. There was a live band playing at the front and assorted appetizers and finger food littered throughout the hall. Sally and Paul had gone off to take photos with the wedding party, so Percy was nowhere to be seen. Annabeth's heart plummeted at the thought of seeing him again.

During the ceremony, she might've had a small change of heart. She hadn't really been fair to Percy, had she? Even if he was going with Rachel, he didn't know that he had made her so upset. He didn't even know that she liked him— and he wouldn't, if Annabeth had anything to say about it. She would stop being mad at Percy. Or try to. But she wouldn't stop being mad at Rachel. The girl just rubbed her the wrong way. She was so artsy, and perfect. She was skinny, too, the kind of girl who was somehow both slim and curvy at the same time. And she came from a wealthy family and went to Clarion Ladies Academy. Percy could do a lot worse.

_Like Annabeth._

These were her thoughts as she moved towards the table that Piper had claimed for all the teenagers near the back of the room. As she neared, she couldn't help noticing someone familiar who had claimed a seat.

"Grover? Is that you?"

Grover Underwood turned around, holding hands with a pretty redhead Annabeth had never seen before. "Annabeth Chase!"

"Oh my God Grover, I can't believe it! I haven't seen you in years!" Annabeth grinned, giving Grover a hug. "And who's this here?"

"Hey Annabeth!" said the redhead, standing up and shaking her hand. "I'm Juniper, Grover's girlfriend."

Annabeth grinned and gave Grover two thumbs up. "Well, it is very nice to meet you Juniper. What'd you all think of the wedding?"

"It was really nice, but we came in late," Juniper smiled. "We were at a protest on campus this morning and couldn't find the time to get away until a little later."

"Oh, right. Remind me where you go?"

"Bard, just up in Dutchess County," Grover grinned. "You'll have to come up and see us sometime, Annie."

"I'd love to!"

"Are you going to be a counselor this summer?"

Annabeth shook her head. "I, ah, don't really know." Annabeth had been planning on it, but after everything with Percy, it might be too hard. She didn't want to spend an entire summer with him if there was no chance that he liked her.

Grover smiled kindly. "Well, you should consider it. I did it when I was going into my senior year and it was seriously one of the best decisions I ever made. It's how I met Juniper."

Juniper nodded. "I'm happy to talk to you more about it, if you're interested."

Annabeth was going to politely deflect Juniper's offer, but they were distracted by a series of cheers coming from the guests gathered closer to the entrance. Sally and Paul had just entered, hand in hand, smiling and laughing as the wedding party trailed after them.

Annabeth smiled at the couple, but her eyes were mostly looking for Percy. And she found him right next to the entrance, smiling and laughing with Rachel.

Annabeth pressed her lips into a thin line and turned away before she hit something. There was no way she was going to be a counselor— not if it meant dealing with all of that. Thankfully, she was distracted by the band striking up a fast-paced song and Piper grabbing her hand to get her to dance. Annabeth let herself be led to the dance floor, hoping she could get rid of the memories of what felt like it would be an awful, awful night.

* * *

Several songs later, Annabeth and Piper had retired back to the table, both of them having exhausted themselves on the dance floor. They slipped their shoes off under their table, trading quick remarks between themselves about the wedding.

"And Jason just looks soooo good. Have I mentioned that?"

"Just once or twice or a thousand times."

"Well, it's true. I want the entire world to know I have a hot boyfriend."

Annabeth laughed, but she was busy scanning the dancefloor for Percy and Rachel, who had been dancing together not long before. Annabeth had just continued dancing with Piper, hoping to ignore Percy. Luckily, Rachel was nowhere to be seen, but Percy was talking to Paul's parents closer to the dessert tables. Her lips turned down, staring at him. "Piper?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to be self-centered and keep talking about myself—"

"Just say what you need to. It's okay."

Annabeth tried to keep the tears back. "Why doesn't Percy like me?"

Piper quickly grasped that something really _was _wrong. "Oh honey, come here." She pulled Annabeth closer and ran a soothing hand through her hair. "Why do you say that?"

"I just think he likes Rachel," Annabeth said, spitting out her name. "Look at her. She's so… perfect." Annabeth's anger probably was not helped by the persistent grumbling of her stomach, after she had deemed most of the food too unhealthy. She'd been nibbling off the vegetable platter all night, which hadn't been quite enough sustenance for dinner or for the added dancing. "I just don't get it. Why not me?"

Piper continued running her hand through her hair. "Don't jump to conclusions, Beth. I don't know how Percy feels about you, and I'm not going to make his mind up for him. But you can't find worth in him, Annabeth. The only place you can find it is in yourself."

"I just want someone to think I'm pretty." It was a whisper out of Annabeth's mouth. It was the most honest she had been with Piper in a very long time.

"Annabeth, the only person who can make yourself feel pretty is you," Piper said back. "I had to learn that too. I'm not beautiful because Jason thinks I am. I'm beautiful because I think I am."

Annabeth nodded. "You're right. Sorry about that. I feel better now."

Piper looked at her suspiciously, easily seeing through Annabeth's words. "You sure about that?"

"Yeah, of course. Actually I think I'm going to run to the bathroom," Annabeth said, her voice wavering. "I bet Jason wants to dance with you."

And with that, she was off.

* * *

It wasn't like Annabeth was crying. But she stared at herself in the mirror, in the body that felt too big and too awkward to be beautiful, in the face that was too awkward to ever be pretty. With a harsh laugh, she was reminded of the Snow Ball. How could she go back out there and see Percy laughing with Rachel, falling in love with her all over again?

Annabeth slammed her hands down on the sink. She hadn't really cried, so her eyes weren't that red, but anybody who cast a long glance her way could at least see her red cheeks. She furiously wet a paper towel, trying to make herself look more normal and still keep most of the makeup on.

Then the door opened, and Annabeth glanced over to see who had come in, only to roll her eyes and look back at the mirror. Rachel Dare. Of course.

"Hey Annabeth. How are you liking the wedding?" Rachel asked politely, stepping up to the mirror to touch up her lipstick.

"Fine."

"I really like that they have a live band instead of a DJ."

"Sure."

"What do you think?"

Annabeth shrugged.

Rachel didn't say anything for a few moments, but as Annabeth was preparing to leave, she turned around. "Annabeth, wait."

Annabeth hovered, her hand wrapped around the door handle. "Yes?"

"What's your problem?" Rachel Dare asked, suddenly looking not at all nice and perky like Annabeth normally expected of her. "Are you mad at me, or something?"

"Why would I be mad at you, Rachel?"

"Cut the crap, Chase." Annabeth narrowed her eyebrows at this new, confrontational Rachel Dare. Maybe she didn't know her as well as she thought she did. "Look, I'm not quite sure what's going on, but you've been short with me all day and I know I didn't do anything to you. So what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?"

"Yes."

"Nothing's wrong."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. What is it? Did I do something? Are you mad I'm back? Is it about Percy?"

_Bingo._

Annabeth tried to keep her face neutral, but something must've given it away.

"Aha!" Rachel muttered. "I knew it. It is Percy. Do you like him, or something?"

"What? No!"

"I thought you were a better liar than that."

Annabeth was done arguing. She was done fighting and being angry. It was basically all she had done for the past few months, after all. "Fine, Rachel. I like Percy. Is that what you want to hear?"

Rachel nodded. "I'm not surprised. Not after the way you look at him, after all. It's pretty obvious— to everyone except Percy, obviously."

"What? _Really_?" Annabeth cringed.

But Rachel kept talking. "You know Annabeth, I really did love him. I don't know if he loved me back, and people make fun of me for saying I was in love with someone sophomore year, but it's true. I was. There's no one like Percy."

"Why are you telling me this, Rachel?" Annabeth asked, squirming under the girl's gaze. Now that her Percy secret had been revealed to yet another person, there was nothing more she would have liked to do that call her dad and get out of there immediately.

But Rachel kept powering on. "You know, it doesn't exactly make me happy, but Percy does deserve it. We'll never be together again, even if I ask him out."

"You— you've asked him out?" Annabeth's voice was barely a whisper. "When?"

Rachel cast her a surprised look. "Oh, just now. I asked him to dance. He said no, that he was looking for someone else. You know who I think that was?"

Annabeth felt something warm begin to form in her chest. Could it be?

Rachel continued. "Percy is a great guy, Annabeth. He deserves someone like you. I suppose I don't like it, and I never really will, but," she shrugged, "he deserves someone who he can be there for. Percy just never really got me. He's a natural protector, you know. That's all he wants to do. I just… didn't need that. I was too free-spirited, or something, I guess, and besides, it's kind of hard to have a girlfriend who goes to Clarion Ladies Academy."  
"I can take care of myself," Annabeth muttered, but her head was still spinning around. She couldn't believe all the things that Rachel was telling her. Annabeth wanted to think she was lying, but she was pretty sure that Rachel was telling the truth. And if Annabeth was connecting two and two correctly, that would mean that everything was about to change.  
"I know you can," Rachel smiled.

"Why are you telling me this, Rachel?"

"Because it's time for me to move on from Percy. I still talk to him all the time, you know. I see him whenever I come back into the city, just because he's so nice to be around. He helps remind me of who I want to be, rather than what my parents do. But I haven't been fair to him. I've kept him hung up when he should be moving on with the person he's always really wanted to be with."

Annabeth couldn't form any words.

"He's always had a crush on you, you know," Rachel said wistfully. "I knew."

Annabeth had heard enough. She opened the door. "Bye Rachel."

But Rachel chased her out into the hallway. "Where are you going?"

Annabeth kept stalking down the hallway towards the front entrance. "I'm calling my dad and I'm going home."

"Why on Earth are you doing that?"

"Because you just dropped a bunch of bombshells on me, Rachel, and I want to go sort them out!"

Rachel grabbed her hand, stopping Annabeth from pushing the front door open. "No, Annabeth! Get _back _here!"

"Why?!"

"Because you like Percy and Percy likes you. It's simple."

"No, no it isn't." Annabeth said, her voice barely a whisper.

"Why isn't it simple?"

Annabeth was about to explain everything to Rachel: how badly she had treated Percy, how messy their relationship had always been, how much she liked him, how much he scared her. How terrified she was of being with someone else, of having to be attractive for someone else when she felt so hideous all the time. How all she wanted was to be pretty, and how she wanted Percy to think she was pretty, but— how could he? How could he ever find it in himself to find her attractive? But before she could say all that, with tears to come with it, someone butted in.

"Annabeth, is that you?"

_Percy._

He looked even better in person. You could make out his frame in the suit, and his hair was appropriately messy, though it was clear that someone (probably Sally) had tried to tame it earlier. His face was a mess of concern. "Are you good? What's going on? Rachel?"

Rachel released Annabeth's arm, casting her a quick look with clear instructions. "Oh, nothing. I was just leaving and Annabeth was walking me out."

Annabeth tried to glare at Rachel but the redhead paid her no attention while she smiled at Percy and asked him to tell Sally and Paul thank you for such a truly _gorgeous ceremony. _But before she could stop it, Rachel was hugging her goodbye and she was left with Percy near the entrance.

He had absolutely no idea what to say— his mouth was opening and closing like a fish. It was kind of cute. Annabeth left a sad, soft smile stretch across her face. "That was weird."

But Percy's mask of confusion slipped off of his face and was replaced by something that Annabeth knew well— anger. "You don't talk to me for two weeks, and that's what you say?"

Annabeth could feel the retort rising in her, but she pushed it down. She was just tired of arguing and being angry. "I know. I'm sorry."

Even Percy looked surprised. "You are?"  
Annabeth nodded. "I was pretty irrational these past few weeks, and I took it all out on you. And I am sorry about that. I really am." She didn't know how to look at him, so she settled for the ceiling above his head and the carpet beneath their feet. Had Rachel been lying? Because if she wasn't…

"Are you alright? Seriously, you look upset. And don't lie to me this time."

Annabeth let out a nervous laugh. "I'm not. I'm not alright. I'm sorry I've been lying to you."

Percy's face softened. "Wanna go talk about it?" He stretched out a hand.

Annabeth looked at his hand, knowing exactly what it meant and what it would lead to. The hand meant recognition of things she didn't want out in the open, the conversations she didn't want to have and the feelings she didn't want to acknowledge. All the things she never wanted to make sense of.

She had a choice. She could go home and call her dad and leave Percy here, and let him go. She could slowly stop talking to him, let him retreat into the abyss of high school. She wouldn't be a counselor. It would be hard, but she could let him go, and ultimately prevent the pain she didn't want to deal with.

Or she could take his hand and go wherever he wanted, and answer his questions and ask him questions in return. She could think about what Rachel Dare had told her. She could explore the warmth in her chest whenever he looked at her, how he always made her laugh, how she loved his grin and his eyes and his voice on early morning subway rides.

Annabeth knew it would be easier to go. That was all she had to do. She could turn around and say she was tired and Percy would let her.  
But she couldn't do that.

Even if she was in for a world of hurt, she wanted it.

"Annabeth? Do you wanna go?"

She looked at Percy again. He was so perfect it scared her.

"Yeah, I do," she said quietly.

She took his hand.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: The emotional conversation with Rachel sort of just... happened. I definitely wasn't expecting it to go in that direction but— hey, it did, and when you're writing sometimes the story just makes demands of you and you have to follow. At least, that's what happened here, and lucky for me it still makes sense for the plot!**

**There are some big plans for this story and I can't wait to carry them out. I was just reading over the plan I have all typed up and I was reminded of how excited I am for the growth of Annabeth's character. Get excited— or don't get excited. It's definitely not all sunshine and rainbows from here on out, haha! **

**Because eating disorders ****_take time to get over. _****And no matter what Percy or the leagues of fanfiction writers think, change has to come from within a person, not from an external source. Percy will not be "fixing" Annabeth in this story. That's a major trope I want to avoid. Will he be part of it? Certainly. He's definitely an aspect, and this isn't a Percabeth story for nothing. **

**But I'm getting ahead of myself. See you next update ;)**

**\- Emily**


	19. Lawfully Wedded: Part Two

**LAWFULLY WEDDED: PART TWO**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**SONG OF THE CHAPTER: TILL THERE WAS YOU BY THE BEATLES**

_**There were bells on a hill**_  
_**But I never heard them ringing**_  
_**No, I never heard them at all**_  
_**Till there was you**_

* * *

"Where are we going?"

Percy was leading Annabeth up the backstairs, away from the noise and lights of the reception. His hand was a little sweaty, but Annabeth would have needed to be ripped away from him to let go. She wasn't cold, but goosebumps peppered her skin, and she was sure that her face was bright red. _Thank God it's so dark._

"I, ah, don't really know," Percy said as they reached the landing. The second floor of the house was restricted to visitors, and Percy slipped under a rope with a _Keep Out _sign on it.

"Are we supposed to go back here?" Annabeth whispered as they padded across the floor, their steps muffled by the thick velvet carpet.

"Ah, probably not," Percy muttered, opening the first door on the right and poking his head in. "Perfect, come on in."

They were standing in what must have been a bedroom. No furniture remained, but there was still a large window seat overlooking the Hudson River. Worries about trespassing fled from Annabeth's mind as she took in the reflection of the dark night sky on the water, the shadows from the trees, the distant lights of New York City in the background. "Oh, wow," she whispered.

"I know," Percy said, standing a few feet back. "Hey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Annabeth turned around to face him, her dress swirling around her. Annabeth had always been taller for a girl, but Percy really _was _tall.

His hands were shoved in his pockets, his head slightly cocked to the side while his eyes scanned her frame. "Nowhere. I'll be right back. Just stay here?"

"Percy—"

"I won't take long."

He left, closing the door behind him. Annabeth turned back towards the window, forcing herself to take three deep breaths. Her mind was still in overdrive from her conversation with Rachel, and she was now asking herself dozens of questions, over and over. But the one that rose to the forefront was _Could it be?_

Could he? Could Percy?

Annabeth could barely let herself say it. She sat next to the window cross-legged, and leaned forward so that her nose touched the window. Her breath fogged up the glass, and she drew aimless lines and circles through it as she waited nervously for Percy to come back.

Finally, the door clicked open and closed again. Annabeth didn't need to glance over her shoulder to see Percy come in, but she did. A small grin crossed his face and two pieces of cake lay in his hands.

Annabeth's heart jumped at the sight of the food, but she thanked Percy anyway and took a bite. "It's a really nice wedding."

"You think?" Percy said, sitting next to her and staring out the window.

"I've only been to one other wedding. My dad and Helen's," Annabeth said, the memory thick in her throat. "It sucked. So this one is better."  
Percy let out a low laugh, and Annabeth swore it made her shiver. "That's good."

Annabeth shrugged, the tension now thick between them. What could she say? How exactly do you say _sorry?_

_By saying sorry, stupid._

She opened her mouth, but Percy beat her to it. "What's been up with you these last few weeks?"

Annabeth's eyebrows furrowed. "Like since when?" But she knew when.

"You know. The swim meet. I thought we were good after everything and then we really weren't," Percy said awkwardly, rubbing his neck. "And I don't really pick up on signals that well because really I'm just not paying attention, but I could tell you were pretty mad."

That made Annabeth laugh. "How astute, Seaweed Brain."

"You're living up to the Dictionary nickname."

What Annabeth said next was an instant reaction, something she would have said to Piper or Leo or any of her other friends. "You love it, though."

Percy was quiet. Annabeth cursed herself for saying something that _revealing, _but before she could get the words out Percy smiled. "Yeah, I do," he said, grinning into the darkness.

Annabeth's heart seized in her chest and the warm feeling came back, and she turned to face Percy, setting her cake between them. Percy did too, until they were both cross-legged, looking at one another, with the window behind them and the light from the moon streaking in and crossing their faces. And then Annabeth blurted out "Just like _Sixteen Candles."_

"Sixteen what?"

Annabeth must have looked like a tomato. "Ah, god. It's a movie. Oh lord, don't worry about it, forget I said anything."

But Percy got that little smirk on his face. "No, I wanna know about it. You said it was called _Sixteen Candles?"_

Annabeth buried her face in her hands so she didn't have to see Percy's face. "Forget about it."

"No," Percy said. "I'm looking it up." It took him a while to page through different pictures on Google. "What is this? Who are those people? I've never seen this movie—"

"Ugh," Annabeth sighed, snatching Percy's phone. "Let me do it." She was typing in "_Sixteen Candles kiss" _when she saw Percy's triumphant smile. "What?!"

"Oh, nothing."

Annabeth glared at him, having found the picture of Jake Ryan and Sam Baker leaning towards one another in the iconic ending scene over the birthday cake. "It's this John Hughes 80s movie— it's actually really messed up, by the way, it's pretty racist and there's a whole bunch of stuff— but I used to watch it when I was younger, and this is the final scene. Where Sam and her crush Jake finally, ah," Annabeth cleared her throat, "you know. Kiss."

Annabeth's words hung heavy in the air between them, until Percy pumped his fist, effectively getting rid of any tension. "I knew I could get you to explain it to me."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "So that's why you keep me around?"

"And a few other reasons." Annabeth didn't know what to say, but luckily Percy kept talking. "So these two characters, they like each other, right?"

"Uh, yes."

"Oh, interesting."

"Why is it so interesting?"

"No reason."

And then they were left in silence. Annabeth found herself looking at Percy's lips. _This was absolutely NOT how this was supposed to go… should not have brought up stupid _Sixteen Candles!

"You didn't answer my question," Percy finally said.

Annabeth sighed in relief at the change of topic. "Why I've been acting weird since the meet?"

"Yeah, that."

She was quiet for a moment, unsure of quite what to say. "Well, do you remember inviting me to the wedding?"

"Yeah."

"And then I asked who else you were inviting, and you said Rachel."

"What's wrong with that?"

Annabeth wanted to slap Percy (just a little bit). Did she really have to spell it out? "Uh, nothing. Just that I kind of overreacted when you said that."

Percy still looked confused. "Why did you overreact?"

He really wasn't making this easy. "Well, you kind of insinuated that you were taking Rachel as your date."

"I did? I don't remember that."

"Well— I don't know, kind of. I mean, yeah you did. At least how I saw it. But that's not the point. I overreacted, remember?"

"Yes."

"So in my mind, when you said I wasn't going to be your date, I thought by taking Rachel she was going to be your date."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Make sense?"

"Uhh… kind of."

Annabeth closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. This boy was literally going to make her scream it from the rooftops. "I guess I got so mad because I kinda wanted to be your date. Not Rachel."

There. That was it.

Annabeth didn't feel free or unburdened by finally saying it. There was no moment of relief. Rather, it tightened her like a spring, so wound up that anything would set her off. She opened her eyes but didn't dare to look at Percy. Annabeth had never felt like this before. She hated it.

She had said it. She'd put it out in the open, to someone who wasn't herself or Piper. She'd actually _done _it. And now she couldn't do anything but wait for his response.

What would he say? Would he say he wished Annabeth had been his date? Would he run after Rachel? Would he never speak to her again?

"Um, okay."

Well… Annabeth hadn't quite been expecting that response. "Yeah." Annabeth's face was bright red. _That _was what he said? He had to be kidding. There was no way Percy had just said _um, okay _in response! She wanted to be angry, and she was, for a moment. But the anger was a distraction from the real feeling now seeping through her: something deeper than sadness, more bone-chilling than anger. Realization now sat deep in Annabeth's stomach and stole her breath. She shut her eyes tight, hoping to shut the tears back, wishing Percy would take a hint and leave.

But he didn't. "What do you mean?"

_He didn't realize._ After all those hints.

Annabeth looked away from him, hoping that the room was dark enough he wouldn't see the early tears in the corner of her eye. She tried to keep her voice even, but the first time she opened her mouth, the words wouldn't come out.

Could she say it? Could she tell him? Maybe not explicitly, but she would settle for something that was close enough to the truth. Her voice shook a little, but she tried to keep it as steady as possible, her face still turned to the side so he couldn't see. "Could I be any more obvious?"

And the silence was enough.

He knew.

The feeling was still curling inside Annabeth, hissing and leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. She couldn't be here. She couldn't. His silence said everything. There was nothing more to say. Annabeth had tried, and it hadn't worked. And that was it.

She was done crying. She needed to stand up and get out of there and go home, just like she should have done ages ago. Truly, she never should have come to the wedding in the first place. She shouldn't have gone to the swim meet or been Percy's math tutor. She shouldn't have ridden the subway with him, or tried one of his mom's cookies.

Because it had always been Percy.

Since eighth grade, it had been Percy.

Maybe for Annabeth, it had always been Percy, but, and Annabeth knew it, with the deafening, pounding silence now filling the room, that for Percy it hadn't always been Annabeth.

She needed to say something. She had to go. And it was hard to move her limbs, to stand up from the table, to shove aside the uneaten piece of cake towards the window. To say goodbye to the moon, the view over the Hudson River. It was hard to take her first step, but it was harder not to look at him, because Annabeth knew that seeing him would be it for her.

So instead of standing up and getting out she settled for looking out the window. A first step. Her voice didn't sound like her own, but she spoke anyways, because someone needed to. "It's okay. You don't need to reciprocate. Sorry I dropped this on you, because I know it's probably not what you expected or wanted to hear," and she let out a quick, bitter laugh. "But thank you for tonight." Annabeth disentangled herself from the floor and stood up, hoping the shake in her voice didn't extend to her body.

One step.

Another.

And another.

She was almost to the door before—

"Annabeth, wait."

And with the sound of his voice and his feet padding cautiously across the carpet, Annabeth bit her lip and waited, though the tears were now running down her cheeks and her body was preparing for the sobs soon to come.

It would have been easier to go. She was so close to going. She had every reason to go. So why wasn't she?

"Annabeth, please don't go."

She was crying now, and Percy could hear it in her voice. "Why? Why not?"

Percy's hand hovered an inch above her wrist, and Annabeth kept her eyes trained firmly on it, refusing to turn her head and stare at the person the hand belonged to. "Because," he said slowly, his hand growing closer and closer.

Annabeth shut her eyes. "Why?"

"Do you like me?"

There it was. "Do you have to say it out loud like that?" She was surprised she said something that long.

"Like how?"

"Like _that. _Like it matters."

He let out that low, low laugh that sent shivers across Annabeth's shoulders. "It does matter."

Annabeth's heart pounded, and she let go of the door handle as Percy's hand looped around her wrist. "It what?"

"You like me?"

"You're not answering my question."

"I asked first."

"You _did not._"

"Did too."

Annabeth finally looked at him, just so she could see the stupid, cute grin that was now crossing across his face. And her heart broke all over again, to see the way he looked, just in that moment.

"Please don't go."

He pulled her a little closer, but not much. Just so she was in arms distance. But Annabeth's heart was pounding as she stared up at him, now ignoring the tears as they began to fade away.

"So you like me?" he said, again.

"Embarrassing, I know."

"You. Like me."

"Say it again, won't you?"

Percy smiled as he looked down at her, and then he tugged her an inch closer. Alarms were firing in Annabeth's head but she didn't pull away as she tried to wipe the last few tears off her cheeks.

"What are you doing, Percy?"

"I don't know."

The smile fell off Annabeth's face instantly, and she stepped back. "What?"

He took a breath and looked away. He wasn't smiling either. Any hope that Annabeth had collected in the past moment disappeared.

Seconds passed, but it could have been hours. Annabeth took another step back. "Say something, Percy. You don't have to like me, but don't lead me on. It—" she took a deep breath, feeling the tears collect again, "it hurts."

He didn't say anything.

"Please," Annabeth begged. That was it. It was her final words to him. His silence was nothing more than a rejection. She turned around again.

"Don't go."

"Don't keep me here if you're just going to stand there and tease me."

"Please, Annabeth."

She stayed. How could she not? "What do you want now? And don't you dare say that you don't know. Or let me go."

He took a step closer, not speaking, as Annabeth moved farther back until she was pressed against the wall. And then Percy was there, right in front of here, inches away. The pounding heart returned as quickly as it had left.

"Percy—"

"If you like me, you won't mind if I do this, right?"

And then he moved a little closer, until his lips were just a breath away. Annabeth's eyes scanned his face, her heart beating out of her throat, her lips parted— to say something, anything— until Percy closed the distance between them and kissed her.

And it was all _there._

Annabeth sank into his arms as he pressed her closer to him, his warm arms enveloping her as he kissed her cautiously, his lips soft and slow against hers. And she was there, unsure of what to do, of what reaction to give him. All she could feel was the thunderous beating of her heart and the blood rushing through her skull, and then Annabeth leaned back into the kiss, began to slowly move herself against Percy and pull him a little into her body. She pressed her lips against his back.

She couldn't think.

So she didn't. Instead, she focused on the gentle pressure of his arms around her, the hesitancy with which they moved into each other. His lips were so, so soft. And he held her close, the same way she held him, like he was terrified she would disappear at any moment.

Annabeth had heard the stories about Percy. She knew he was a good kisser, but she had never anticipated anything quite like _this. _Their movements slowly became more sure as they got used to the fire kindled deep inside them, the moment spiraling both of them into one another. Annabeth was disinclined to admit that there had been sparks when the two of them had begun talking again, back on the subway in January. But there had been sparks then, and they were making themselves known now.

Annabeth was not built to go through this many mood swings in such a short span of time, but she would have gone through that entire conversation again if she had gotten to kiss Percy like this. But, and Annabeth realized this the longer she stood there, wrapped in his arms, this moment could not go on forever.

So she had to pull away. Percy let out an annoyed groan and tried to dip back it, but she pressed a finger to his lips. "Do you?"

"Just let me—"

"No. Do you like me?"

Percy paused. For just a minute, the fear throbbed through Annabeth again. It had all been a lie—

"Since I was thirteen."

And then Annabeth was kissing him, grabbing him closer until there was no such thing as any distance, both of their mouths insistent and wanting. She'd never felt so open, so vulnerable, with anyone else before. And it all made sense. All of it. Just like she'd said before: it was Percy. It had always been Percy,

And apparently, she'd always been the one for him too.

She sank deeper and deeper into his arms, refusing to pull away.

* * *

_But had she always been _the one _for him?_

It was just moments later. The two had moved to the window seat, the cake (Annabeth's uneaten) cast to the floor as they leaned against the wall and stared at the night sky. They hadn't spoken much, but Percy's finger lazily traced up and down her arm as his breath formed condensation on the glass. They weren't speaking, but the silence was comfortable. Occasionally Percy would dip down and kiss her, but Annabeth had been left to her own thoughts for a while.  
Briefly, she dwelled on the fact that she was already overthinking a relationship that had literally just began. Percy had said he'd liked her since he was thirteen maybe fifteen minutes before, and she was already picking it apart. Because it couldn't be possible.

What about Rachel?

They had dated for a long time. Annabeth, admittedly, hadn't paid too much attention to their relationship while it was happening, but it was certainly at the front of her mind now. How could he have liked her if he had been with Rachel?

Just then, Percy tugged at her torso. Annabeth's stomach flipped uncomfortably. Could he feel the extra fat lining her body? Would he care? But she was distracted when he pulled her closer until they were facing one another.

"Hey," he whispered.

She should have said something funny back. She should have kissed him, but she couldn't. The questions burned at her, but nothing came out.

Percy stared at her. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Really?"

"I have a question."

"What question?"

"I can't tell you."

"Annabeth."

"Percy."

"_Annabeth."_

"_Seaweed Brain." _Annabeth leaned in to kiss him, which distracted him for a little while, but eventually he pulled back and gave her a look.

"What's your question?"

'Nothing, it doesn't matter."

"_Annabeth_."

Annabeth huffed. But she did want to ask… "What about Rachel?"

Percy furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

"Rachel. Your ex-girlfriend."

"I know who Rachel is."

"But you said you've liked me since you were thirteen."

"Yeah."

"You dated Rachel. Freshman and sophomore year."

Percy nodded. "Oh, I did."

"_Percy_!"

"What's the problem?"

Annabeth closed her eyes, turning her face away. "I feel insane."

"Oh, that's because you are."

"Hey!"

"What?" Percy said with a dumb grin on his face as he leaned in to kiss her. "Are you jealous?"  
Annabeth blushed. "No."

"You liar."

"I just want to know how you could have liked me while you dated Rachel."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Percy scratched his head. "Doesn't make too much sense, does it?" And then he leaned back in to kiss her, but Annabeth pushed him away.

"Percy, I'm serious."

He groaned. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

"Do I have to repeat myself?" He tried to kiss her again, but Annabeth dodged him effectively. Unfortunately, Percy wasn't deterred, and he began pressing kisses to her collarbone, her jaw, her cheek, her ear, anywhere else that he could easily reach. Annabeth laughed as he did so, ducking her head and twisting her body so that he couldn't reach— but he always managed to find her. "Percy, Percy— _quit that!_" But he wouldn't, until he started tickling her.

Annabeth shot away from him, instantly conscious of his hands around her body. He couldn't. He couldn't.

He wouldn't like what he saw.

But she took a deep breath and turned back to a confused Percy. "Are you okay?" he asked, his brows furrowed.

Annabeth smiled. "I'm fine. But I do want an answer to my question, and then I'll kiss you."  
"Fine."

"Really?"

"Okay."

"What about Rachel?"

"It's not a very complex answer, Annabeth."

"That's fine."

"Do I really have to explain it?"

"Yes, you do."

"_Fine. _Well, I dated Rachel. And I liked her. I really did. But you were _always _there."

Something warm was unfurling in Annabeth's chest. She settled back in to Percy's arms, facing away from him, thankful that he couldn't see the smile spreading across her face. "What do you mean?"

"It's really quite simple."

"Well, simplify it for me."

"Oh, fine. Like I said. I was with Rachel, but you were always there. Like this _thing _I couldn't get rid of. And I was with Rachel and that was good and all, but I was never really with her. Not the way she wanted, I think."

"Oh," Annabeth said. "Okay."

But Percy wasn't done. "I never really got over you, not after camp. You went to San Francisco and I missed you so, so bad. But I couldn't do anything about it and then I began swimming and was focused on that, and you came back you weren't really the same. So I began to move on but I never forgot you, not really. You were always, always there, the biggest what-if. Like what if you hadn't moved to San Francisco? What if I had tried harder to be with you? What then? And then we started talking this year and I guess it just… picked up at full speed again. Rachel was still talking to me, or trying to. But it's been you. Kinda just you for a little while, but only really you for a few months now."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

The warm thing was now in Annabeth's entire body. She turned back around and didn't say a word, just kissing him once again, slowly but surely.

Rachel had been right, Annabeth supposed.

But this time, Percy was the one to pull away. "I told you about Rachel. Now you have to tell me what's going on with you."

Annabeth tried to brush it off. "What do you mean?"

Percy rolled his eyes. "Don't do that. I told you, now what's been up with you these past few weeks? You've been weird."

Annabeth could've asked him to define weird, but she didn't. Who knows what he would have said? She was scared of the response, scared that it might have been something she knew was true, but that she wasn't ready to admit. So she laughed, instead. "You know my mom?"

"The scary one."

"The scary one, right. She just puts a lot of pressure on me about college and school. It's… tough, being her daughter. She demands perfection, so sometimes that pressure bleeds into other areas of my life," Annabeth said, trying to smile at him. "But I talked to her about it and it's better. She gets what she's doing and is trying to stop."

The warmth had disappeared in Annabeth's chest with her lie. Her heart beat as she waited to see what Percy would say, as he stared at her critically. Could he pick up the beat of her heart, or see the nervous flit of her eyes? Would he ask a different, more specific question? Would he know that Annabeth hadn't told him the truth? Would he know that she hadn't been telling the truth for a very long time?

"Are you sure that's it?" he asked.

Some of the tension left Annabeth's body as she nodded. "Yeah, that's everything."

"Okay. And there's absolutely nothing else?"  
She didn't respond and kissed him instead. But it didn't last long, as Annabeth's phone buzzed. A few texts were on her screen.

**Dad: I'm five min away!**

**Piper: So you and Percy, huh?**

**Piper: I won't say it**

**Piper: Nvm**

**Piper: Told you so**

Percy laughed as Annabeth groaned, shoving her phone away from her. "Oh dear god," she muttered under her breath.

"Piper knows?"

"She's been teasing me about it for months."

Percy stood up, offering her a hand. Annabeth pulled herself up with him, straightening out her dress. Now that they were no longer clutched to one another the tension was once again forming, and Annabeth found herself wondering what all this meant. _What came next?_

They walked down the stairs to reach the rest of the wedding party. Most of the guests still remained inside, but they were beginning to slowly filter out. The second Piper saw them she sent Annabeth a wink and whispered eagerly in Jason's ear, but she didn't come close. Annabeth was grateful— she could already feel the interrogation she was about to receive.

She and Percy hovered in the front room. Whenever she looked at him, all thoughts flew from her mind. Why did he get to look like that? Who let him be that good of a kisser? It was like she suddenly didn't know how to act.

Percy sent her a small, awkward grin. "I had a good time with you."

"I did too." Annabeth just had to remember: this was Percy, just Percy. The boy she had been friends with at camp. The one who rode the subway in the morning and ate blue chocolate chip cookies. Annabeth gave a quick glance to the party room. She felt, oddly, a little like taking a risk. "Wanna go outside for a little bit? Until my dad comes."

Percy popped up, already striding towards the front door that he held open for her. Annabeth ignored Piper's whistle as she followed him out into the snow.

The two of them walked a little past the front entrance, just past the drive up to the house. They could see the window to the room they had just been in from where they stood. Annabeth didn't even realize it, but somehow her hand was nestled inside Percy's.

"You know what this reminds me of?" she finally said.

"What?"

"Hanging out behind the school during the Snow Ball.". Annabeth held her breath as she waited for Percy's reaction. That hadn't exactly been one of their finest moments together.

Luckily, he laughed. "I was so mad that night."

"At me?"

"Yes, well no. Not really. Not at you, really."

"Oh."  
"I was just mad."  
"About the weed? When I smoked?"

"Oh, that? God no. Who am I to tell you not to smoke? I mean, I've done it before. I mean it wasn't your smartest move but all I had to do was make sure you didn't do something _stupid,,_ and then you did do something dumb, so that did make me mad. But mostly I was mad about Castellan." He took a breath and squeezed her hand. "Because you were there with him and not me."

Annabeth kissed him once more. When they pulled away, she tugged his forehead down to hers. She was never this forward, ever. "If it makes you feel better, that was the worst date ever."

"Really?"

"It sucked. So bad. I didn't know it then, but I wanted to be there with you."

Percy let out a long, low exhale. "Really?"

"Yes."

He kissed her again. Annabeth was beginning to get used to the sensation— but not really. It still jacked her heartrate up every time. It still felt so new, being with him, but like they already acknowledged, it had been a long time coming.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "For listening to me being crazy."

He laughed. "Thank you too. With other people I get choked up. It's like the words can't come out. But not with you."

Just those words alone made Annabeth take a sharp inhale, tears pricking the backs of her eyes. How could someone matter to her this much? How could it be possible?

She was so, so lucky.

A single tear fell down her cheek but she brushed it away, smiling up at Percy. He grinned back, the snow falling down around them, their bodies subconsciously swaying to the beat of the music softly making its way out of the house. They looked like a couple, looking out at the river and dressed in the light of the moon, identical, small smiles on their faces.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, I suppose this is what we've all been waiting for.**

**I hope I did it justice. This took a while because I wanted to get this chapter's characterization right. I had to carefully consider just how Annabeth and Percy would react to everything going on. I know Percy can be characterized as pretty awkward, but I also wanted to emphasize just how perceptive and emotionally intelligent he can be. He does strike me as the only character (besides Piper) in the entirety of PJO/HOO that can really understand anything that Annabeth is ever feeling, even if he doesn't think that he can.**

**I also really, really, really love writing Percy/Annabeth banter. They strike me as the type to be constantly teasing one another, and I may have gotten a bit carried away with that, but I love the sort of constant, witty back-and-forth that I've read in other stories (the Jily fanfiction ****_Commentarius _****does come to mind, if any of you are familiar). Obviously, they are nowhere NEAR the same characters but there's so much to be taken from reading other writing.**

**I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter just as much as I enjoyed writing it. An extremely important thing to note is that this story is nowhere, nowhere near done. This is absolutely not the conclusion.**

**Until the next update,  
Emily**

**P.S. This is the longest chapter so far!**


	20. Playing By the Rules

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**SONG OF THE CHAPTER: RUNNING OUT OF TIME BY TYLER THE CREATOR**

_**To make you love me**_  
_**I wade in your water**_  
_**The waves wash over me**_  
_**I drift to the deep end, don't save, don't save, don't save**_  
**_It's a low tide, I'll be fine, I found peace in drowning_**

* * *

**CHAPTER DISCLAIMER: This chapter is especially intense with anorexia and compulsive exercise themes. **

**There are also slight sexual references.**

* * *

The Monday after the wedding, Annabeth hadn't slept very well. That was her defining thought as she lay in early-morning dark, listening to the sounds of her father and Helen in the kitchen. They were laughing and talking quietly against the buzz of the espresso machine. It almost made Annabeth's heart ache. So she pushed the thought of her "family" away and thought about Percy instead.

Annabeth turned over in bed, wishing that she could will all the thoughts away and focus on the feeling of his lips on hers, his arms gently wrapped around her body. But that brought its own issues, primarily: Annabeth was terrified of his touch.

Not because it didn't feel good. In many ways, it probably felt too good. The night of the wedding, Annabeth could have stayed there forever. In that moment, she could have given herself over to Percy, almost completely.

But she couldn't do that. It was not a possibility for her.

Percy couldn't always tell when Annabeth wore clothing, but he would be able to tell what her body really looked like soon. He would see the things that she hated about herself, all that she pinched and tugged and pulled at, in the dark and in the light. She wouldn't be able to hide it anymore. Finally, her true self would be revealed to another person.  
_And he wouldn't like what he saw._

That was what Annabeth was thinking about as the sun slowly filtered through Brooklyn, its light spreading into her room and stretching across her, making Annabth's form and face visible.

* * *

She had to do something about it.

Annabeth couldn't let Percy go. She'd tried to be good these last few months— eating the right foods and not too much of them, exercising consistently— but that hadn't been enough. She had to be enough for Percy. Now, it was time for Annabeth to do more. She lay in bed and formulated her plan, something like hope fluttering in her chest.

Diets and ideas fluttered through her head. Whole30? Intermittent fasting? Paleo? There were far too many to choose from, but Annabeth had to make a choice, and quick. So she thought back to her rules sitting on the desk.

* * *

Moments later, Helen knocked on Annabeth's door. "You up, Annabeth? You're going to miss the subway!"

Annabeth shot away from her desk, cursing herself for getting so distracted. "I'm fine Helen, thanks," she muttered, quickly covering the rules and hoping that Helen hadn't seen anything. No one could ever, ever see the rules.

Checking the clock, she noticed that her train left in twenty minutes. There was still time for a breakfast according to her new standards and an outfit presentable enough for Percy.

As she flitted about her closet, throwing different articles of clothing aside, Annabeth considered the other interactions she'd had with Percy this weekend. She'd been absolutely giddy as her father drove her home after the wedding, which had continued for most of Sunday. She and Percy had been idly talking over text, but nothing more, for the rest of the weekend.

But as Piper began peppering her with questions about what had happened between the two of them, the happiness had dissipated and Annabeth had been left with fear and a sick, twisted feeling that made her stomach writhe.

She distracted herself by trying to find something to wear. Annabeth had never cared much for her clothes before, but now it felt like it was of the utmost importance. Eventually, she pulled out a pair of high-waisted jeans and tugged her belt tight, hoping to cinch her waist as much as possible. She topped it with a baggy sweater that wouldn't show too much form.

Annabeth stared critically in the mirror. It was… acceptable.

* * *

**Monday, 6:30 AM. Breakfast. One apple (100 calories, ish) and two tablespoons peanut butter (200 calories, hopefully no more).**

Annabeth made a mental note of her meal as she packed her schoolbag. It fit according to her new specifications that she would add to her rules sheet the moment she got home. She was already considering her lunch before her dad cleared his throat.

"Annabeth, I didn't ask you yesterday, but…"

"What?" Annabeth muttered, sparing him a glance as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Is there something going on with you and Percy?" Frederick asked, trying to act casual as he sent a nervous glance to his wife. And just with Annabeth's luck, Matthew and Bobby walked in just as the question came out of her father's mouth.

"Ooh, Percy?" Matthew grinned. "Annabeth's _boyfriend?_"

"Is he the one from the noodle place?" Bobby chimed in.  
Normally Annabeth was a good liar, so she tried to harness those skills. "We're just friends." Her father and Helen sent each other knowing looks, and Annabeth narrowed her eyebrows, unwilling to let that slide. "What?!"

"Nice try, honey," her father grinned. "When that boy said goodbye to you at the wedding, even I could tell it from a mile away. Plus, Piper kept whispering about it on the ride back, and she isn't very quiet."

Annabeth groaned, "No, she isn't."

"I think it's cute," Helen smiled. "Percy is a nice boy, isn't he?"

"Uh, sure," Annabeth said as she gathered her things at lightning speed. There was no time to pack a lunch, anyway, and she'd rather end this conversation than have something to eat. Besides, it wasn't so bad that she was skipping. It fit well into her plan. "I gotta get going, and I'll see you all tonight."

Matthew and Bobby laughed and teased Annabeth while she sent them a glare. Just as she was about to leave, her father had one last thing to say.

"Oh, Annabeth. Before you go, your mother let me know that she's coming into town in two weeks. She's excited to see you."

The thought barely registered in Annabeth's mind, now more focused on seeing Percy at school. "Oh, okay."

Would he like what she was wearing? Would he care? Would he hate how she looked?

Or would he like her for who she was? Even if it was just a little bit?

* * *

_At least, _Annabeth thought to herself as she settled into her seat on the subway, _Percy won't be on this subway ride._

She was proven wrong, instantly, as they reached Percy's stop and he boarded, sending her a cheeky grin as she sat down next to her. "Hey."

Alarm bells sounded in Annabeth's head. She was expecting a little bit more time to collect herself before she was forced to interact with Percy. Not nearly this soon! But he was here now, and it didn't seem like there was much to be done about it. "Hey. I thought you had practice?"

Percy shrugged. "I do."

"Aren't you going?"

"Yeah."

"You're going to be late, aren't you?"

"Just a little bit. It's worth it, though."

Annabeth's heart twisted at his words. Even though a smile spread across her face, and it felt nice to hear him say it, it only served to make her more stressed. "Well, I'm honored."

Percy sent her that beautiful smile again, and Annabeth's heart melted a little more. Maybe it would be fine. Maybe it would be fine.

* * *

**Monday, 11:30 AM. Lunch. Nothing.**

Annabeth's stomach was growling furiously as she and Piper stood in line at Whole Foods. Piper was talking about Jason, but Annabeth could feel the interrogation coming about Percy, and she wasn't looking forward to it.

"You sure you don't want anything?" Piper asked as they stepped up to the cashier. "I'll pay for it."

"I'm fine."  
"No, really."

Annabeth really _was _starving. Unusually so. She cursed herself for being weak and grabbed a protein bar from the counter, setting it down next to Piper's pizza.

* * *

**Monday. 11:33 AM. Lunch. Whole Foods Protein Bar. (200 cals, maybe?)**

"So," Piper sent her a sly grin as she took a bite of cheese pizza. "What's going on with you and Jackson?"

"Well, that's quite a question, Piper."  
"Isn't it?"

"Not a simple answer, either."

"Just tell me, Beth."

Annabeth sighed. The protein bar had helped fill her up but her stomach was still grumbling. Maybe talking to Piper would help distract her. "Well, it all started after I went to the bathroom after I talked to you…" and she quickly recounted the story about her and Percy, leaving out some of the more personal parts.

By the time she was finished talking, Piper's mouth was open in a shit-eating grin. "Well, well, well. Annabeth Chase and Percy Jackson _groping at his mother's wedding?"_

"Piper!" Annabeth hissed. "There was _no groping!"_

"There was no what?"

Annabeth could have died. Right then, right there.

Because Percy, with Jason right behind him, was now looking down at the two of them with a grin to match Piper's. "Oh dear God," Annabeth muttered, hiding behind her arms as Piper cackled.

"Sit down Jackson, I want to hear your side of the story. Oh, and hey Jason."

"That's all I get, a hey Jason?" he grumbled.

"Well, you're cuter than Percy is, if that helps," Piper grinned back.

"Hey!" muttered Percy.

"Oh, don't worry. Annabeth is here to tell you that you're cute now," Piper shot back.

The attention was now back on her. Percy turned towards Annabeth with a _very _cute smile that she almost wanted to slap off his face. "What was that I heard about groping?"

"Literally," Annabeth shot back, "it was nothing."

"Not how I heard it," said Piper.

"Piper," said Annabeth through gritted teeth, "_shut it."_

They all laughed.

* * *

Piper and Jason left to "let the lovebirds do their grope-thing," (a comment Annabeth pinched Piper very hard for), leaving Percy and Annabeth alone in the Whole Foods.

"So," Percy asked. "Are you free to hang out next Monday? I'd ask to do it earlier but I'm really busy this week with practice and everything. Coach is making me stay late."

Annabeth's heart rate tripled. "Uh, probably. Why do you have to stay late?"

"Because I was late this morning."

"I still don't understand why you did that to yourself."

"I wanted to see you," he said simply.

"Okay, but whatever trouble you get in for doing it, I'm not liable, okay?" Annabeth sent him a little smirk.

"Coach doesn't know that."

"You'd dare throw me under the bus?"

Percy shrugged as he ate a chip, and Annabeth's eyes lingered on the chip bag. "Yeah, why not?"

"Percy, you shouldn't be going late to practice."

"You sound like my mom, Annabeth."

Annabeth scoffed. "I'm just looking out for your best interests."

"I know, and I like it," Percy grinned back. Annabeth couldn't _take _how it felt when he said stuff like that.

Percy stood up, offering her a hand. "I'm going to get something else to eat," he said, casually holding her hand as they walked back into the store. "You want anything else?"

"Oh, I'm fine," said Annabeth. At this point, her response was basically automatic.

He shot her a look. A long look. "You sure?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Okay. Not even a banana?"

"I'm okay, but thanks."

* * *

The moment Annabeth got home, she rushed up to her room to update the rules.

**RULES:**

**300 calories per meal**

**1 100 calorie snack for between either breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner**

**At least 30 minutes of cardio exercise every day, with additional strength training (time permitting)**

**Limit added sugar, soda, white flour, candy, peanut butter, dairy!**

**Eat lots of vegetables! Vegetables don't count for calories!**

**Drink at least 64 oz of water every day**

**Stay Consistent**

**No off days!**

They provided a decent framework, but Annabeth knew that she could do better. She set down more specifications for the types of food that she was able to eat, along with restrictions on the times of day when she could eat. She had seen on the Internet several articles recommending intermittent fasting, and although she couldn't fully try it out, she could do her best to simulate it.

But most importantly, she wrote down a final, important rule:

**If you don't absolutely need to eat, don't.**

_Remember, this is all for the goal. This is all for Percy. _Normally, this thought would have motivated Annabeth, but now, it made her stomach feel a little sick. But she shoved her rules away and began to get ready for spin class.

* * *

**Tuesday, 5:45 AM. Breakfast. One whole wheat tortilla (120 calories), 1 apple (100 calories, 1 small handful nuts (hopefully 150 calories).**

Thankfully, as Annabeth rode the subway to school the next day, Percy didn't join her. She had been teased mercilessly by her younger brothers throughout the entirety of dinner the night before, and Helen had begun asking when Percy would join them for dinner.

Even if that was a disaster, hopefully Annabeth's new eating plan would work. She found herself wishing for a gap between her thighs, for her double chin to disappear, for the convex of her stomach to sink inwards.

But, as she reminded herself on the ride, good things come with time.

* * *

**Wednesday, 11:45 AM. Lunch. Salad from home (no dressing, calories negligent), protein bar (200 calories), half of Percy's cookie (?!)**

Annabeth was stressed about the cookie, but she found herself distracted as she and Percy spoke. He had invited her to lunch, and now the two of them sat in a coffee shop a little farther from Goode, just to avoid the peering eyes of their classmates. Annabeth wouldn't have said that they were dating, but it was definitely something… more.

If she just let herself focus on him when they were together, it was wonderful. There was no one she would have wanted to be around. But if she began to think of her eating, or her body, being around Percy felt like the most consuming thing in the entire world. But now, she tried to lose herself in his insane story about trying to cook for himself the first night after Sally and Paul left for their honeymoon.

"It's just mac and cheese," she laughed.

"Not just mac and cheese," Percy grumbled.

"I mean to really get technical, it's boxed mac and cheese," Annabeth shot back as Percy pouted.

"It's harder than it looks!"

"Do you want me to come over and show you how to do it?" Annabeth sent him a grin, her heart thudding.

Her risk paid off. He sent her an identical grin back. "Tonight at seven?"

"Deal."

* * *

**Wednesday. 7:30 PM. Dinner. Annie's mac and cheese from Percy's (400 ish calories? Maybe?)**

Annabeth's father had been fine with her going over to Percy's. Of course, she didn't mention that neither Sally or Paul would be present, as he probably would have minded. But it felt good to do something the slightest bit rebellious, and hanging out with Percy had been fun. So far.

They had danced around the kitchen, listened to dumb music and singing while Annabeth taught Percy the correct method for making boxed mac and cheese, of all things. She really didn't know how Percy had messed it up the first time, especially because Annabeth had been making herself Annie's boxed mac and cheese since sixth grade. Until San Francisco.

She would have preferred to eat something else, but she had seen the careful looks that Percy had been giving her as she ate. Annabeth now needed to prove to him that she was… normal. That her eating was fine, and so was she.

But why did it feel like she needed to convince herself?

She brushed the thought off as Percy finished his last serving of mac and cheese. Before he could pull her to him or kiss her or do something else that would truly make Annabeth lose her wits, she cleared the table and made her way to the kitchen to start doing the dishes. Percy followed, and soon he stood next to her.

It was hard to think with him this close. Annabeth's careful, calm thoughts fled her brain as she breathed in the scent of him. Chlorine, obviously, but some cologne to mask it. (_Nice, Percy.) _Or was that Old Spice deodorant?

They finished putting the dishes away. It was silent, but not awkward, until Percy caught Annabeth's arm as she turned to face him. Looking into Percy's eyes, Annabeth saw something… different. The same look that she had seen on the night of the wedding.

He kissed her lightly on the lips and then backed off. "Wanna go watch a movie?" His voice was low.

Annabeth nodded, but she was not focused on Percy's touch or his lips. She was thinking about how her body wasn't ready to be seen by Percy. Her throat tightened as she considered what he would think, but she let Percy lead her over to the couch anyway. She debated over the movie with him (_Harry Potter _vs _The Conjuring), _but her mind was somewhere else, and she almost felt like she was shaking under the stress.

Finally, Percy slipped in the DVD for the fourth _Harry Potter _film and leaned back against the couch. Annabeth slipped into his arms and tried to pay attention to the movie, but it was the last thing on her mind.

It didn't take long.

First, Percy shifted until Annabeth was pressed up against him, and her head lay on his shoulder. She could feel the cool weight of his breath on her face, but she tried to stare firmly ahead.

Percy's arm wrapped around her, and he leaned his head down to her cheek. "Is this okay?" he asked, his voice low.

And Annabeth tried to lose herself in the moment again. She thought about how it had felt at the wedding, how nice it was to be with him, just in that moment. She ignored all thoughts of her body and her eating and just tried to focus on who he was. She took a shaky breath.

And yes. It was okay.

"Yes," she said.

And then he kissed her. And Annabeth kissed him back, sinking into his body as he let her. She had missed this, already, even though it hadn't been long. He really was addicting. He always knew where to go, the right pace, and Annabeth was just there with him.

And it was all fine. It really was. Until his hands rested on her hips.

It was such a simple action, but it sent Annabeth reeling back. With the barest touch of Percy's fingers on a part of her that she deemed unworthy, she shot up and away from him.

"Annabeth?" Percy asked. "Are you alright? Did I do something wrong?"

Annabeth tried to steady her breathing. She wanted Percy. She did. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry."

"We can stop. I don't want to pressure you."  
"No, you aren't. Seriously."

"I'm really, really sorry Annabeth. Nothing has to happen, and I don't expect that or anything. Seriously, I don't."

Annabeth blinked back the tears at the corner of her eye and turned to face him. "Thanks. I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"If you're not ready, that's completely fine. Don't worry about it." Percy tried to smile at her, but Annabeth could tell that it was just a nervous grimace. His eyes flitted quickly over her, and then to his hands, like he had somehow injured her.

It almost broke Annabeth's heart. None of it was Percy's fault. It was her's.

She tried to settle back in and watch the movie, but Annabeth quickly found herself unable to focus. She still laid with her head on Percy's chest, but her mind wandered from the movie. Percy was distracted too— Annabeth could tell with just the nervous fidget of his hands.

Annabeth went home halfway through the movie, with a quick peck to Percy's cheek. He watched her go, even tracing her path as she left his apartment building, holding his hands to his chest like he had burnt her.

* * *

**Saturday. 7:45 AM. Breakfast. ¾ cup Greek Yogurt (120 cals) with honey (60 cals) and fruit (negligent), protein bar after cycling class (200 cals).**

Annabeth was unusually tired as she walked over to coffee to meet Piper. She'd felt motivated this morning and had gone to a 6 AM cycling class at the rec center, but she was now exhausted. The class hadn't been any more difficult than normal, but Annabeth's body had been unable to keep up.

But Annabeth refused to think more about it as she stepped inside Blue Hill and zeroed in on Piper, who was already curled up in an overstuffed armchair near the front, munching on a croissant. She waved her over and Annabeth took a seat, scanning the menu even though she had already decided not to order anything.

"Hey girl, how are you?" Piper gave Annabeth a bright smile.

Annabeth bit her lip. How was she, really? "Um, I've been okay. Percy and I had a kinda weird date Wednesday night."

"Really? What happened?"

But Annabeth couldn't tell Piper the truth about her freaking out at Percy's touch. She could put a name to the feeling that crept over her: shame. She should have been excited that he was interested in her, but instead, she was just terrified of what he would see. But she shouldn't feel that way. People like Piper and Rachel didn't feel that way— they didn't have bodies like Annabeth. "It, ah, it was just awkward. I don't know. One of those things that you can't really put into words."

Piper nodded emphatically. "No, I get what you mean. It felt like that with Jason and I at the beginning, but I think it's one of those things where when you become better friends it's not nearly as awkward."

"Yeah, I hope that's what happens."

"Have you talked since?"

"Yes, not a ton. He's been pretty busy, but we're going out again Monday afternoon. He finally doesn't have practice."

"Ooh, what are you doing?"

"I think we're going to Chelsea Market and the High Line."

Piper's eyes lit up. "Oh, that's going to be really fun! And hopefully it'll be a little less awkward. You guys just need to hang out more."

Annabeth nodded along, but she knew that was nowhere near the answer to her problem. Her stomach grumbled in agreement.

* * *

**Monday. 11:30 AM. Lunch. One whole wheat tortilla with mustard and lettuce (130 cals). Salad (negligent). Handful of Piper's nuts and Leo's crackers.**

Annabeth tapped her foot nervously against her desk as she glanced at the clock. It was English, her second to last class of the day, and she wasn't sure if she wanted it to end or not.

Because her date with Percy was coming up.

Annabeth couldn't wait to see him. Whatever she felt for Percy, she knew it was real, but Annabeth knew there was something else there: her body just wasn't good enough yet. The realization sunk into her as she stared forward, barely listening to a word out of the teacher's mouth.

Finally, the bell rang, and Annabeth shot out of her seat like a rocket to go to APUSH. But before she went, she heard someone call her name from behind her.

"Annabeth?"

Annabeth spun around and quirked an eyebrow. It was Hazel Levesque, the beautiful girl with dark skin and golden eyes. Annabeth's arms traced over her slim wrists before trailing back to her face. "Hey Hazel. What's up?"

"Are you okay? You look pretty pale."

Annabeth stretched a smile over her lips. "Oh, I'm fine. Just stressed, but thanks for checking in."

Hazel smiled back. "Of course."

* * *

History class was yet another waiting game, not at all helped by Piper constantly sending Annabeth winks and dumb notes when the teacher wasn't looking. It was fairly difficult to learn about the Great Depression when Piper kept whispering in her ear to 'get some of that Jackson ass.'

"I'm just saying," Piper said after the bell rang and Annabeth was spinning her locker combo, "you have the opportunity to—"

"Hey Annabeth, you ready to go?" Percy.

Eternally grateful that Piper was never allowed to finish what would certainly have been a ridiculously dirty sentence, Annabeth slammed her locker shut and sent Percy a grin. "Yes, let's go!"

He smiled back as she slipped her hand in his and they walked down the hallway. Annabeth took a deep breath. She liked Percy. This would be fine, and she wasn't going to let herself ruin it.

* * *

Annabeth couldn't remember the last time she'd has this much fun with another person. She and Percy had scrapped the original plan to go to the High Line and instead found themselves bouncing around the subway, popping up in different places around Manhattan. He made her laugh, he was cute, he was nice. And it seemed that he liked her too.

"Have you thought more about being a camp counselor this summer?" Percy asked as they walked hand in hand down a quiet Morningside Heights street near the Columbia campus.

Annabeth paused. "I don't really know, to be honest." She'd been so dead set on not doing it when she and Percy had been arguing, but things had now changed.

"Well, you should do it. I'll be there."

"The only reason to do it, obviously."

"_Obviously. _Plus, you'll get to see me shirtless."

"Already saw you shirtless at that swim meet. Don't need to do it again."  
"You _wound _me," Percy groaned.

"I'm just spreading the truth!"

"And you're lying!"

Annabeth scoffed. "No, I'm not."

"No, you are! I caught you looking. It's okay. It's a pretty common response."

"You're imagining things," Anabeth tried to say, but she knew he was right.

Instead of responding, Percy suddenly came to a stop. "Annabeth. Ice cream."

Annabeth stepped back to see what he meant. Across the street was a small ice cream store, brightly lit and clearly open.

"Come on, Annabeth," Percy pleaded. "Let's go!"

Annabeth's throat went a little dry, but she stopped herself. No. She was on this date with Percy, and she was having fun, and she would eat ice cream.

All of a sudden, her body didn't feel like it mattered too much anymore, and she tugged Percy across the street.

* * *

They were on their way back to Annabeth's apartment, ice cream in hand, when she got a text from her dad.

**Dad: Hey Beth! Sorry I forgot to tell you and I know you're out with Percy, but we're out with the boys at dinner way out at Helen's client in Long Island. Won't be back until late**

Annabeth's heart beat nervously, but she turned to Percy without a moment of hesitation. "Want to come over to my place for a little bit?"

"Sure," Percy grinned. "Why?"

"My parents aren't home."  
"Huh."

"Interesting, I know," Annabeth flashed him a grin, leaning into his shoulder. "Can I have a bite of your ice cream?"

Percy had been disappointed when there was no blue ice cream flavor, so he had gone with vanilla and blue sprinkles, even though Annabeth had teased him ruthlessly with his choice. "No. You said vanilla was boring."

"And it is. But that doesn't mean it tastes bad," Annabeth said, trying to get a bite as Percy waved it away from her. Damn him and his long arms. "Besides, I finished mine, and you're eating really slow." Annabeth's ice cream had been really, really good. For once, she hadn't felt guilty or thought too hard about the calories.

"No," Percy said. "It's mine, and it's delicious."

"Okay," Annabeth said, glancing around the train car. It was entirely empty for a random person faced away from them. She took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to Percy's jaw.

His breath hitched, and his arm slowly lowered. Annabeth did it again, watching the ice cream cone out of the corner of her eye.

Finally, it was within range. Just as Percy had begun to snake his arm around her back, she snatched the ice cream cone from him and began to eat it triumphantly while Percy tried to take it back.

"No, this is mine. I got it fair and square."

"You-little-cheater!"

* * *

It was lighthearted all the way back to the apartment, until Annabeth opened the door and flicked on the lights. Percy's eyes skimmed the room quickly, as Annabeth shut the door behind them and gave Percy a hug from behind.

"I had a really good time tonight," she said, trying to stand up tall enough so she could set her head on his shoulder.

Percy spun her around so that they were facing one another, and he pressed a quick peck to her lips. "I did too."

Annabeth smiled. "I think I like you. A lot."

"I think I like you a lot too."

Annabeth leaned back in to kiss him. She would never, ever get used to how he felt. She smiled into his lips as he tugged her tighter, moving so that Percy was now pressed up against the wall.

After a minute, he broke off and stared at her. Annabeth furrowed her eyebrows. "Are you alright?"

Percy didn't respond for a moment before he shook his head out and exhaled. "Annabeth, have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"

All the air left Annabeth's lungs. "What?"

Percy smiled. "You're so, so beautiful."

In that moment, Annabeth felt like Percy didn't care: not about her body, or her clothes, or how she wanted to be smaller. In that moment, there was just her and Percy, and he thought she was beautiful.

She kissed him again, setting her phone and keys down on the counter and taking Percy by the hand. "Wanna see my bedroom?"

"Oh. Oh. Okay."

She laughed. "Here it is."

It was messier than Annabeth would have liked, but Percy still grinned. "It looks just like you." He sat down on her bed and stretched back to look at the ceiling.

All of a sudden, Annabeth's eye caught a pair of exercise weights she had carelessly left out. She moved them quickly under her bed, intending to join Percy, until her phone started to ring from where she had left it in the kitchen.

Percy sat up. "Is that your dad?"

Annabeth sighed. "Probably. I should answer."

"I'll do some exploring, or something."

"Make yourself at home!"

Annabeth heard a little rustling as Percy got up from her bed, but she paid it no mind as she walked towards the kitchen. Sure enough, it was her dad.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Oh, hey Beth. Just wanted to let you know that there's a bad accident on the drive home, so it looks like we're going to take a bit longer than we thought."

Annabeth tried not to let her happiness show as she responded. "Oh, that's terrible!"

"I know. Are you back from your date?"

"Uh, yeah. It was really fun."

"That's nice, sweetie. Alright, we'll see you soon!"

"Bye!"

Annabeth hung up gleefully, spinning around and running to tell Percy the good news. "You'll never guess what happened—"

But something was wrong.  
Percy was facing away from her, standing in front of her desk. He didn't turn around when she came in, and he was standing very, very still, all the muscles in his back tensed like he was about to fight something.

Annabeth took a tentative step forward. "Percy?"

He slowly turned around. The rules that she normally left hidden on her desk were in Percy's hands. It suddenly became very hard for Annabeth to breathe.

If Percy had been still before, now he was shaking, with anger, or possibly something worse. "Annabeth, what _the fuck _are these?"

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for reading. This chapter is very, very intense. I don't know if this is quite what you were expecting to read, but I was very motivated to get this out after releasing the 2nd part of the wedding a few days ago.**

**I would love to hear any thoughts you have on this chapter in the comments below. I also want to make EXTREMELY CLEAR that I DO NOT condone Annabeth's actions. Annabeth needs help. No matter what the voice inside her head says, her behavior is not healthy and I am trying to express that.**

**No matter what, anorexia is unhealthy. So is bulimia. So is orthorexia or compulsive exercise or binge eating disorder. They are not to be romanticized, in any way, shape, or form.**

**I hope that is clear. My goal with this story is to give an intimate portrayal of how an eating disorder can impact practically every other aspect of a person's life because they are so obsessive.**

**Once again, I would love to hear thoughts as reviews or as PMs. Thank you for reading, and I apologize for such an intense chapter.**

**Emily**


	21. The Storm

**THE STORM**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**SONG OF THE CHAPTER: I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR by U2**

**_You broke the bonds and you loosened chains_**  
**_carried the cross of my shame, of my shame_**  
**_You know I believe it_**

**_But I still haven't found what I'm looking for_**  
**_But I still haven't found what I'm looking for_**

* * *

**FROM THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER**

_Percy was facing away from her, standing in front of her desk. He didn't turn around when she came in, and he was standing very, very still, all the muscles in his back tensed like he was about to fight something._

_Annabeth took a tentative step forward. "Percy?"_

_He slowly turned around. The rules that she normally left hidden on her desk were in Percy's hands. It suddenly became very hard for Annabeth to breathe._

_If Percy had been still before, now he was shaking, with anger, or possibly something worse. "Annabeth, what the fuck are these?"_

* * *

The midpoint between spring and winter was Annabeth's favorite season.

She saw it everywhere: the cool condensation her breath made in the early morning that disappeared later in the day, the scattered tree leaves across Goode's sidewalk, the shorts and t-shirts that slowly replaced pants and sweaters. From her vantage point now, standing inside the Metropolitan Museum of Art and looking out through its enormous windows of the room with the Temple of Dendur into Central Park, it seemed especially beautiful. New Yorkers were taking advantage of a bright, early March day. Her family was out there in the park somewhere, and they though Annabeth had a school assignment on Cycladic marble figures from ancient Greece. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" her father had asked, like his degree in U.S. history would be of any help.

"Yes." Being alone had been the only thing she wanted for forty-eight hours. Annabeth spun around, leaving the enormous room and heading deeper into the Met.

* * *

"Do you have a favorite piece here?"

Annabeth had been sitting, staring at Jackson Pollock's "Autumn Rhythm: Number 30" for so long she had forgotten she was looking at a painting. When the voice brought her back into reality, she was shocked to find Rachel sitting next to her.

Rachel looked much happier than she had at the wedding. She was wearing an orange bandana that clashed fabulously with her red hair and loose overalls with paint stains. Annabeth was so startled that Rachel had to repeat her question. "Uh," Annabeth's voice broke, and she coughed. It felt like she hadn't spoken in ages. "No, not really. I don't come here very often."

"I'm here all the time." Rachel smiled slowly.

"I believe it."  
Rachel laughed. "Do you have time? Let me show you something."

Unwilling to protest, Annabeth let Rachel take her by the hand and drag her across the Met. Rachel talked non stop as they made their way over, talking about her Art History class at school. Then she dragged Annabeth into a certain wing, towards a specific painting, and Annabeth's heart seized.

Rachel sighed. "It's Degas. 'The Dance Class.' I see it whenever I'm here. I just wish I could paint like that. Maybe someday…"

She kept talking about _sinuous line forms _and _composition _and _perspective, _but Annabeth didn't pay any attention. She was staring at the dancer's bodies in their beautiful outfits, wishing that someone would look at her and think that she, too, could be just as beautiful.

Maybe there _was_ someone out there.

"How did it go with Percy?"

"Um. It was good, for a little bit." Annabeth's eyebrows furrowed. How could she possibly explain anything to Rachel? "Then, ah, he came over to my house. And we kind of argued. About something." That was the biggest understatement of Annabeth's entire life.

Rachel looked confused. "About what?"

"Um, about our," Annabeth raced for a word, "compatibility."

"Why don't you tell me about it? Come on, let's go to the cafe. I'll get you a coffee."

Annabeth could think of nothing she would dislike more, but Rachel was overtly insistent and dragged her along. How could she explain what happened with Percy? Annabeth could barely understand it now. But, needing a decent lie for Rachel, Annabeth began to remember.

_Just what had happened?_

* * *

_It was the moment, right when she saw Percy holding the rules, that Annabeth knew._

_As the realization shook her body— words she could barely allow herself to think, much less say aloud— she took a step back and her hand flew over her mouth. There was no need to breathe._

_But as she looked at Percy standing there, the rules clutched in his hands, Annabeth knew it wasn't time to think about it yet. So she pushed away the thoughts of food and rules and everything deep within her, deep enough that they would curve her stomach and her thighs inward. It wasn't time. Annabeth hoped, sickly, that maybe it would never be time._

_So she focused on Percy instead. Their eyes were wild like animals as they stared at each other, Percy waiting, wanting some sort of explanation. Seconds passed, and then Annabeth knew she had to speak._

_She opened her mouth, but nothing came out besides a slow, shaky breath. Percy's eyes flashed as he took a step forward and began to close the distance Annabeth was creating._

"_Annabeth, what are these?" _

_She didn't respond._

"_Annabeth. Can you explain this?"_

_Her mouth refused to speak._

"_I'm not angry, Annabeth."_

"_Then why do you look so angry?" Even Annabeth was surprised by her comment. "Stop it."_

"_I'm trying not to be angry. I'm sorry."_

_Annabeth was silent, waiting for Percy to continue. And he did._

"_300 calories per meal? No off days?! This isn't yours, is it?" Percy was pale. "But you aren't. You can't be. It's not possible." Then he paced around the room, his hands shook in every direction as words tumbled incoherently out of his mouth, and Annabeth still couldn't speak. One eye was on Percy, the other on the rules clutched tightly in his palm. It was like she was looking into a very strange dream, unable to say or change anything, content to watch Percy's words stumble like waterfalls out of his mouth._

"_I didn't want to see it, Annabeth. I thought there was a chance but I always brushed it off..." The words flowed out of Percy like water, his body wild with his movements. He accidentally walked straight into the side of her bed and it banged against the wall. Percy took a deep breath and straightened himself. "I mean, I suspected."_

_Something about those words brought Annabeth back. "You what?"  
_"_I had a feeling, Annabeth! It was just little things. Like how you never wanted to eat anything and little comments or looks you made. And then I find this, these rules sitting on your desk! What are these? What are you doing?" Percy was riling himself up as he spoke. But Annabeth was doing the same. _

_She stood her ground, crossing her arms over her chest. "What are you saying, Percy?"_

_He looked at her like she was stupid. "That you have an eating disorder."_

* * *

"So," Rachel said, seated in a plain white chair across from Annabeth. "What happened with Percy?"

Annabeth shifted uncomfortably and took a sip of her coffee, in a disposable white cup. She could already feel the caffeine running straight to her already-ADHD brain. "It's kind of hard to explain."

Rachel offered her a kind smile. "I don't want to pressure you if you aren't comfortable. But I usually find that talking about something helps me understand it."

_Not this, _Annabeth thought to herself. But Rachel had bought her coffee and she looked so nice and expectant that Annabeth couldn't not tell her anything. Besides, Annabeth had always been good at lying.

So, so good at lying.

* * *

_That was what sent Annabeth over the edge. But as the weight of Percy's words crashed into her, something deeper roared in her, telling her to say something back that would make him feel just as small. "I don't have an eating disorder!"_

"_Yes, Annabeth, you do!"_

"_What are you talking about? You don't know anything!"_

_Percy looked really, truly shocked, his mouth wide open. "Annabeth, look what I'm holding in my hands! This is insane! This is what crazy people do!"_

_Tears had begun to prick the back of Annabeth's eyes but she kept going, refusing to give Percy any ground. "How do you know it's not just normal? And give me those!" she tried to snatch the rules from Percy's hand but he stumbled back from her, keeping them far above her head. "I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy! I'm not!" She slumped down on her bed. She could already feel the sobs stretching up from her lungs._

"_Annabeth. Oh no, oh no. You're not crazy." His voice was so soft. She could hear him walk closer to her. Annabeth took a deep breath and wound up her body. As his hand slowly came to rest on Annabeth's shoulder, she jumped up and flung herself across the room from Percy like he had burnt her. "What the hell!? What did I do to you?!" He yelled, getting a little louder._

"_Don't touch me!" Annabeth screamed, the tears dry on her cheeks. "You looked through my stuff!"_

"_I was just looking at your desk! You said I could!"_

"_That's private!"_

"_So it's yours. You admit it."_

"_I don't admit anything!"_

"_What the fuck, Annabeth! What am I supposed to think? You act weird about food always. Constantly! You can't get away from it. And I notice it, Piper notices it—"_

_The mention of Piper had Annabeth grappling for some sense of calm within her. "You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."_

_Annabeth would never forget the look Percy gave her then._

* * *

Annabeth took one last sip of her coffee before the lie began to slip out, easily as flowing water. "I don't know. The date was kind of awkward." Another lie. The beginning of the date had been fantastic. "And it was kind of one of those moments where you realize that you want different things from your futures." Annabeth felt sick saying this. Partially because it wasn't true, partially because it would hurt Percy, partially because it hurt her to say it. "My parents have been pressuring me for years to go to an Ivy League. It's practically the only thing I talk about with my mom."

"Is that Helen?" Rachel asked hesitantly.

"Oh, no," Annabeth laughed. "Helen is my stepmom. Athena is my real mom. She's from San Francisco. Works in business, crazy like that." At least that was true. "But basically, I'm under a lot of pressure to work hard and go to college. And Percy doesn't quite have the same priorities."

The sick feeling from earlier now magnified in Annabeth's stomach.

Rachel furrowed her eyebrows. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Yeah."

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard."

Maybe Annabeth should've been offended, but she knew it was true. "Yeah. Yeah. You're right."

* * *

_Percy's mouth dropped open. "Annabeth, you're the one who doesn't know what they're talking about. How can you not recognize that you have a problem?"_

"_It's not a problem! I'm just trying to be healthy!"_

"_Yes, it is a problem."_

_Annabeth sent a glare she reserved for very, very few people straight and Percy, and he slightly recoiled. "Stop it."_

"_Stop what, Annabeth?"_

"_You're talking about things you don't understand."_

"_Annabeth, you don't understand."_

"_You have absolutely no idea what I do and don't understand."_

"_I know enough to know what you're doing is wrong."_

_Something heavy began to slide through Annabeth. It didn't take her long to name the feeling: shame. Percy had looked at something private, so private it was a secret that Annabeth didn't even realize she was keeping from herself. And maybe another time she would have admitted that, but right now she was too wounded, too embarrassed, to allow him to get away. "You don't know me Percy, so stop acting like you do."_

_Percy took a step back. "What are you saying, Annabeth?"_

"_I'm saying that you come in here, acting like you know who I am after one date and one kiss, and I'm not okay with that. Because you don't know who I am, and if you did, you would trust that I know what I'm doing."  
Percy was aghast. "Annabeth, you don't know what you're saying."_

"_Yes, I do. You don't understand anything about me Percy, and I bet you don't even want to." Annabeth could feel the tears beginning to pool in her eyes. "If you really cared about me you would give me those rules and walk out of here right now."_

"_Annabeth, will you please just listen to me?"_

"_No!" Annabeth turned away from Percy and faced the wall, her hands tight._

"_Why not?"_

"_Because you don't get it!"_

"_I might." _

_Annabeth could hear the glimmer of hope in his voice, and it only angered her. She would win this fight. She had to._

_Percy kept going. "I might be able to if you would talk to me about it. If you admit that you had a problem."_

"_No, Percy." Annabeth was trying to take deep breaths and calm herself down, but with every word Percy made her feel angrier._

"_You can get help. I don't know what to do, but your dad might. And your mom. What about them?"_

_Annabeth let out a harsh laugh. "Absolutely not."_

"_Why not?"_

"_You of all people should understand what it's like to have parents who couldn't give a shit about you."_

* * *

"I mean, think about it Annabeth. You're a junior in high school— who really cares about what happens in the future?" Annabeth tried to interrupt Rachel, but she powered through. "I know, I know, your crazy parents care. But I'm trying to say that's dumb. Just let me finish. And that's only one reason, alright? Not wanting to be with someone because they don't want to go to a top college is just so elitist and fucked up, frankly."  
"I know. I agree."

Rachel looked like she had been expecting more pushback. "So why can't you be with Percy?"

"It's more complicated than that."

"De-complicate it for me."

"I said something that I shouldn't have."  
"Ah."

"Yeah. I know."

"Can you tell me what it was?"

Annabeth remembered exactly what she had said, but to say it again… "No. But it was about his family."

Rachel nodded. "Oh. I understand. That's a very touchy subject."

"Yeah. Yeah, it is."

"Did you apologize?"

"I tried."

"How'd it go."

"Um."

"Not fantastic?"

"That's a good way to put it."

* * *

_Percy went silent._

_The shame from before now felt exponentially heavier. "Percy, I'm sorry. That was the wrong thing to say." Annabeth turned around to see Percy now extremely still, his hands balled up into fists. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it."_

"_Save it, Annabeth."_

"_Percy. Please."_

"_No. And for the record, you know nothing about me, either."_

_Even though it was the exact same thing she had told him earlier, that hurt Annabeth more than anything else Percy could have said. But she couldn't cry. "I think you should get out. Now."_

_Percy barely looked at her as he left the room and headed towards the front door. But Annabeth followed him._

_The anger and the rage had left her, and now she felt so, so empty. She found herself wanting to reach out and apologize, for something, anything, that could possibly begin to clean up the mess they had— she had— gotten them into. But there was only one thing she could even begin to say, before her throat constricted. "Percy. Wait."_

_He spun around. He looked like a wild animal caught in a car's headlights. "What, Annabeth? Ready to admit that you have a problem? Ready to admit that you run from anyone trying to help you?"_

_Annabeth hadn't anticipated that. But a small kernel of that rage reappeared within her, and she needed to use it to its fullest potential. "You know nothing about me, Percy Jackson, and I'm sorry that you want to."_

_Percy didn't look at her or say anything as he grabbed his coat from the closet, quick enough that its hanger fell onto the floor with a clatter. Annabeth ignored it as he opened and then slammed the door to her apartment, and she was left, the only light coming from her room, marking her silhouette against the door he had just left from. And finally, every feeling she had refused to experience during the fight hit her at full force. Annabeth burst into tears._

* * *

"Have you talked since?"

"No. Not since he stormed out of my apartment."

"Oof," Rachel let out a low sigh. "I'm so sorry Annabeth."

"You shouldn't be sorry. You should be on Percy's side. He was just trying to help and I was so, so mean." Annabeth's voice sounded dry and robotic. It surprised her that she was even saying this— to Rachel, of all people.

"Have you talked to anyone else about it? Like Piper or Thalia?"

"They wouldn't understand." Piper and Thalia had heard about the blowup through Jason, though none of them had any idea what it was about. It wasn't for lack of trying, however. They relentlessly needled her for information every lunch period, which had just driven Annabeth to Leo, who at least made her laugh and never asked questions about Percy.

"I'm happy you told me, Annabeth," Rachel offered her a kind smile.

"Thanks for listening."

"Can I go show you another painting?"

"Okay."

They stood up and began to trail throughout the Met, Rachel still offering commentary on most things they passed. Annabeth was grateful for the change in subject. She didn't know where Rachel was leading her, so she stopped paying attention and tried to listen to what she was saying, even if she didn't understand any of it. Truly, Annabeth just enjoyed having something to focus on.

"It's Georgia O'Keeffe," Rachel sighed. "Wow. 'The Storm.' 1922. One of my favorites. My favorite artist, too."

It was a dramatic canvas with sharp contrasting colors. _A storm over water. _Annabeth had heard the name _Georgia O'Keeffe _before, but not once had she needed to attach meaning to it. "Oh. What, who was she?" She hated feeling this… uneducated.

But Rachel was kind. "Oh, American artist. She did a lot of work in Santa Fe. New Mexico, you know. I visited her museum last year. She's remarkable, Annabeth."

Annabeth stopped listening, and Rachel picked that up quickly enough. "Annabeth, do you know why I took you to see this painting?"

"No."

Rachel smiled. "Okay. I don't either, to be honest," she laughed. "But it relaxes me. It really does. There's some saying from somewhere— that an artist takes a lump of clay or a blank page or a canvas or whatever, and says: I can't control any of this mess around me, but I can make this thing perfect. I think that's why I love art. I love seeing everyone's control, their idea of perfection. Does that make sense? I think we're all just searching for something to control, which is an issue in its own way. Art is just one example. And even if it comes from a need to control something, well, it does sometimes create something beautiful. Sorry. I'll quit rambling. I'm not making much sense, am I?"

"No, no, don't worry." But with Rachel's words, Annabeth was forced to ask herself: what was she trying to control?

Before she could answer herself, Annabeth's phone buzzed in her pocket. When she checked it, it was Helen saying they were waiting at the front steps of the museum. "I gotta go, Rachel."

"Oh. Well, thanks for coming around with me today. I hope I helped you talk it out."

"You did. Thanks." And just for a moment, Annabeth looked at the girl she had wanted to hate, just for being close to Percy, for being pretty, for being creative and interesting and outgoing, and everything that Annabeth had wanted to be. And Annabeth wished she had been able to see past her narrow, inflated sense of ego to realize that Rachel was a good person. And a good friend, who had been nothing but kind to Annabeth when she had been awful back. Her mouth went dry. "Thank you. Seriously. For everything."

Rachel smiled, like she knew what _everything _meant. And instead of saying _you're welcome _or _of course, _she said "I know."

Annabeth could feel the tears prick her eyes. _Fuck. Stop it, stop it. Get back in there. _She took a deep, controlled breath and felt them recede. "Bye. I'll, uh, talk to you soon."

"Bye Annabeth."

Annabeth shot across the gallery, willing her feet to take her farther and farther away from the girl who forced her to think. She didn't know where she was going, if she was going to Percy, or even just to her family on the front steps, or if she was walking towards Piper or Thalia, or towards an Ivy League university or community college, or otherwise. But she had been floundering these past few days, unsure of what she was and what she wanted. It felt good to be going somewhere, even if she didn't know where she would end up.

It was sunny outside. Annabeth took a deep breath and she walked out and down the front steps of the museum. Her stomach grumbled.

"Hey, Annabeth! Wanna go grab some lunch?" Her father sent her a smile.

Annabeth felt her stomach curve inwards. "Um, okay." As her brothers began to scream for Chipotle and Helen tried to argue for the trendy salad spot, Annabeth tried to smile.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello everyone! I hope that you all are healthy and safe, and that this chapter can offer a little bit of a distraction in a scary, unsure time. My thoughts to you and your families.**

**You can see my art history love bleeding through this chapter. I was going to link all the paintings I talk about here in the author's note but is kinda weird with links, so if you're interested please PM me. I tried to talk about some art/artists that's more well known, mostly because I'm not exactly an art historian myself. I do like it a lot, though! Autumn Rhythm by Jackson Pollock is one of my favorite pieces.**

**Additionally, I wanted this chapter to focus almost entirely on the fight and the beginning of the fallout between Percy and Annabeth. Don't worry— Percy will be back! And so will Piper, Thalia, Jason, and everyone else! I just wanted to focus this chapter on Rachel because I really love her character. Interestingly enough, writing this story has made me appreciate Rachel more and more. I wanted to offer a different perspective on the Rachel/Annabeth rivalry because I hate the idea that they just fight over Percy and I want to make Rachel more interesting.**

**Enough with that tangent. I hope you all enjoy the chapter.**

**Emily :)**


	22. Three Times the Confessional

**THREE TIMES THE CONFESSIONAL**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**Song of the Chapter: Andromeda by Weyes Blood**

_**Stop calling, it's time to let me be**_

_**If you think you can save me**_

_**I'd dare you to try**_

**_There are a lot of wounds that a woman accumulates (…) That's really hard to bring into a relationship—that is a total relationship killer. It's a lot to ask somebody, of a man especially, to be like, can you please draw me out of my hardened shell and make me soft again? _**

**_\- _****Natalie Mering, AKA Weyes Blood, in an interview for for Believer Magazine, talking about the song "Andromeda"**

* * *

"Do you think she fought with— ah— him?" Leo was whispering to Piper behind his palms, sending discrete looks at Annabeth from across the Whole Foods table.

_Snort. _Piper, on the other hand, was not trying to be stealthy. "No shit, Sherlock."

"It needed to be said!"

"You already said that. Like, ten times today."

Annabeth sent Piper and Leo a reproachful glare from across the table. "I can hear you, you know."

"Funny you can hear when we're talking about you, but you can't hear when we're talking about Percy." Leo grinned but Annabeth sensed a real interest underneath his lighthearted words. She gave him a look and turned back to her computer, desperately trying to finish up her English essay before the lunch period ended.

Sensing that Annabeth wasn't going to respond, Piper quickly changed the subject. "What're you doing, Annabeth?"

"English essay," Annabeth groaned. "_King Lear."_

"Isn't that due today? In like, an hour?"

"Yes, and be quiet so I can finish it."

Leo and Piper sent each other another look, and Annabeth finally slammed her computer shut. "What is it?"

"Bethie—"

"Leo."  
"I got this, Leo," Piper cut in. "Well, we're just a little worried. You've been acting kinda weird and it's super obvious that something happened between you and Percy," she said gently. "We just wanna know what's going on. Plus, you're obviously stressed, because you always get your assignments done way before their due."

"So insightful," Annabeth said as she opened her laptop back up. "I appreciate the concern guys, I really do. Sorry if I've made you worry." Annabeth paused, trying to think of an appropriate lie— something quicker and simpler than what she told Rachel, that would slide all the missing puzzle pieces from the last several days into place. "Some stuff came up on our date, and we both decided that we aren't really in a place where we can be with someone right now." Annabeth nearly cringed. Could she have seemed any more robotic?

Piper, luckily, forever emotionally in-tune with Annabeth, knew that it was time to move on. "Sorry about that. I get if you don't wanna talk about it, but Leo and I are here, alright?" She gave Leo a quick look, clearly poking him to agree with her.

But Leo wasn't going to give in that easily. He gave Annabeth a once over with unusually serious eyes before he went back to trying to steal Piper's pizza. Annabeth couldn't prevent the sigh of relief when her friends finally gave up. Just a single mention of Percy caused her stomach to twist uncontrollably. But hopefully they had just bought her lie… just like how she had been lying for months on end before.

* * *

_Maybe, _Annabeth thought as she slid into her desk in APUSH, _I should have considered a career as an actress. _She certainly did a decent job hiding the powerful emotions that swept through her every time she saw Percy in the hallway. If he was talking to Jason or opening his locker or (god forbid) talking to some other pretty girl, Annabeth was swept with such a feeling of guilt she had to turn away from him as quickly as possible.

After her conversation with Rachel, Annabeth had known what she needed to do: apologize to Percy. She didn't know what she was going to do about the rules. She had gotten rid of them and shoved any other evidence of her "habits" (as she now referred to them) far underneath her bed. But beyond the things she wasn't ready to think about, she knew that she needed to lose the pride and say sorry, at least as a first step. She had walked back into Goode on the Monday after visiting the Met with a well-written out plan, terrified but ready to say sorry. It was the first step to redemption, even if Annabeth wasn't ready to think about what redemption looked like yet.

But the moment she saw him in the hallway, all of that fell apart.

With just one look at him against a wall, that dark look on his face and headphones stuffed in his ears, Annabeth was back in her room, and Percy was clutching the rules high above her head, accusing her of things she could barely say aloud. Annabeth's stomach and lungs seized up, and she let out a shaky breath.

_No. No. No. _She sprinted into the nearest bathroom and didn't leave until the passing period ended and she was several minutes late to Physics. Thalia, luckily, didn't ask questions because she didn't even show up to class, so Annabeth spent the entire period shakily writing down notes and blinking back the tears peppering her eyes.

He made her freeze. Part of it was the complete disregard he now seemed to hold for her. Anger or hate would've been preferable to this new distance created between them. She hadn't seen him once on the subway, and he now walked straight through the hallways, refusing to look at Annabeth. Precious time in Annabeth's head that should've been devoted to calorie counts and meal plans was taken up by thoughts of Percy and her failed apologies.

Barely paying attention to her teacher, Annabeth held her hand up in front of her face, only to see it slightly shaking. She hadn't eaten enough at lunch and she knew it. If only Percy could see it… she could hear him in her head at every meal time, chastising her for her choices and portions. Annabeth wanted to chase away her guilt at what she had said, but dealing with food? She didn't know if she was ready.

Annabeth had never been emotional, and she felt almost more surprised than sad at the single tear rolling down her face as Percy flit into her head.

On Thursday, Annabeth and Piper had plans to hang out after school. While Annabeth waited for Piper to say goodbye to Jason, she sat on a bench at the front of school and watched the wind whip trash down the street in front of Goode High. Headphones in her ears, she wasn't paying much attention to anything until Piper and Jason walked over.

Annabeth pulled her headphones out, pausing the song on her phone. "Ready to get going?"

"Yes… in a minute. Annabeth, Jason's mom is out of town tomorrow and he's having some people over at his place. You'll come, right?"

Annabeth was a little surprised, because Jason Grace had never been the type to throw parties. "Sure. Who all will be there?"

Piper cast a quick glance towards Jason. "Uh, some of Jason's friends. Leo, Thalia, that sort of thing."

Annabeth didn't need the awkward look from Piper to understand that Percy would definitely be invited. Despite the twinge in her stomach, she smiled anyway, looking into Piper's eyes, clearly begging her to be there tomorrow night. "I'll be there."

* * *

"Annabeth, your mother is coming into town this weekend, and she made dinner reservations for the two of you tomorrow night," her father said as he pulled the roast chicken and brussels sprouts from the oven. "Seven PM."

Annabeth looked up from her book. "Oh." The thought of seeing her mother twisted her stomach slightly, and Percy's words once again echoed in her head. "Piper's boyfriend is having a party and I was planning on going."

Her dad raised his eyebrows at her. "I don't think she can reschedule, honey."

"I know."

"So I'll tell her you'll be there."

"Whatever," Annabeth said, standing up and walking to her room. She heard her dad sigh, and Helen's soothing words, and Annabeth slammed her door.

* * *

When she walked into the Italian restaurant Athena had selected, Annabeth wasn't surprised to see her mother sitting at a window table for two, in a classic work dress and heels. She was looking at her phone, but Annabeth noticed all of the waiters in white button ups gave the table a wide berth.

Subconsciously tucking a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear, Annabeth wished she had put slightly more effort into her outfit. Her typical black dress had a stain on the collar, so Annabeth had kept her high waisted jeans on and changed her Goode High sweatshirt for a gray sweater. She was the only person in denim in the entire restaurant.

"Hey, Mom," Annabeth walked quickly over to Athena's table.

Athena looked up from her phone a second after sending a text. "Hey, honey." She cast a quick glance over Annabeth's outfit and Annabeth watched Athena's eyebrows raise for a split second. "Thanks for coming tonight. I know your father said you had a party you wanted to go to."

The bitterness that had been lingering in Annabeth's mouth threatened to lash out at her mother, but she held it back as she took her seat. "It's not a big deal. I don't get to see you very often, so…"

Athena smiled at Annabeth, but showed no teeth. "How's school?"

_And it just circles back around to this again._

* * *

The waiter finally interrupted them during Athena's long winded explanation of a conference she had just attended in Zurich. Disinterested as Annabeth wanted to be, she couldn't deny she was a little jealous of her mother's high-powered, albeit lonely, corporate life.

"So on the third day— oh, do you know what you want to eat honey?"

Annabeth had not yet looked at the menu. Percy was once again whispering in her head, daring her to order the meals she knew she would find: spaghetti and meatballs, carbonara, chicken parmesan. "Um, just one second."

"Sure. I'll have the Seasonal Salad with the dressing on the side," Athena said, without smiling at the waiter, and nodding imperceptibly towards Annabeth to hurry up and get her order in, so the dinner could be over sooner for both of them.

But Annabeth's head was already caught up calculating the caloric values and nutritional quality of each item scattering the two page menu, while her voice and Percy's voice waged a war in her head.

_Get the spaghetti. Who cares?_

_I care, because it's probably well over a thousand calories and mostly butter._

_You never eat spaghetti and meatballs._

_I just told you why!_

"Annabeth? What do you want, sweetheart?"

Annabeth wished Athena would shut up with the pet names. She only used them to bridge the gap of their shattered relationship. Hurriedly scanning the menu, Annabeth picked the first thing that wasn't a salad. "I'll take the margherita pizza, thank you."

Athena once again raised her eyebrows while she sipped at her water, but Annabeth didn't care. For once, the voice of Percy in her head was finally pleased, even though Annabeth was already swimming in regret. But for once, a pleased feeling swept her body. Had she just ordered something she actually wanted, instead of what she thought she should eat?

Her brief feeling of satisfaction left her with a single glance at her mother: Athena's thin, perfect wrist delicately holding her glass of red wine, her lithe legs neatly tucked beneath her chair, her graceful neck inclined towards the window. Even then, the Percy in her head muttered for her to shut up. Annabeth took a deep breath and tried to smile.

"Do you still talk to Luke, Annabeth?"

"Luke Castellan? Oh. Not much," Annabeth muttered. "We went to a dance together but nothing really happened."

As expected, her mother cared little for this fact. "Does he know where he's going to college?"

"I don't know. We don't really talk." It came out more aggressive than Annabeth intended, but she didn't really care. It was so easy to be annoyed by everything about her mother: her perfect hair, outfit, and diet, the way she always chose the right restaurant and only talked about herself or Annabeth's college plans.

Once again, her mother raised her eyebrows. "Something happen at the dance?"

The memory of the Snow Ball felt so far away to Annabeth, but whenever she thought about it, it was not of Luke but of seeing Percy behind the school. He had been so angry at her that night— but likely nowhere near as angry as he was now. "Not really. We just aren't right for each other. Plus," she shrugged, "He's going to college, so he's leaving soon anyway."

Athena nodded. "Any more thoughts on college for you, Annabeth?"

"Uh. No, not really."

"You know, I think you might really like Stanford."

_I know you think that. You tell me every time I see you. "_Really? Why?'

"Well, it's close to me. You could come home whenever you want. Plus, I have connections at their Architectural Design program, and I'm sure they'd be happy to help you out."

"Oh."

Athena frowned. "Why are you so passive about this Annabeth? I thought you would be more excited. Stanford is your dream school."

Annabeth refused to let any of her angry words escape her, so she clenched her hands and tried to neutralize her face. "I don't know. I haven't been thinking about college too much. I've been pretty focused on stuff… here."

Athena pursed her lips. "I want to talk to you about that, Annabeth. Every time I see you, you seem quite distracted. I know we both agree that it's important to stay focused on your studies and your college plans, and I want to open up an option for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't mentioned this to your father, because I think it would be best if he heard it from you. Annabeth, I think you should consider moving back to California for your senior year of high school."

Her mouth wide open, Annabeth could hear the blood pumping in her head. Was her mother honestly _this _delusional? How could she possibly think Annabeth wanted to return to San Francisco and relive the worst year of her entire life? "I… what?" she said stupidly.

Athena seemed to take Annabeth's confusion as excitement, and suddenly started speaking very quickly. "Well, you would move in with me, obviously. And go to the same school that you did in eighth grade. It's a little hard to get in so late, but I know they would make an exception for my name. Annabeth, you'd have access to top college counselors, essay writers, test prep! Any class you want, top internships, opportunities for international study! You name it, you would get it. Plus, you wouldn't have to deal with everything that's going on in New York, with your father and Helen and her boys."

Annabeth's shock had suddenly been replaced by anger. How could her mother possibly think that she wanted to return to San Francisco? Return to that awful school and those awful girls, and the private driver, and the diet plans? How could she? Her life in New York certainly wasn't ideal, but at least she had a measure of freedom compared to the military watch of her mother she'd feel in San Francisco.

But as Annabeth started to think through it, a pit formed deep in her stomach. Without trying, she had started to replicate her mother's life anyway. She didn't need her mother's diet plans because she ate that way anyways. She pushed away all her close friends and family. Her life was based on a materialistic goal, to lose the weight, or get straight As, or snag the promotion, rather than to love and be loved by those around her. Annabeth drew in a shaky breath.

She would never, ever return to San Francisco. She wouldn't let her mother change who she was. This person, obsessed with weight and calories and ingredients, wasn't who she was.

But just as Annabeth opened her mouth to respond, to tell her mother just exactly why she would never return to San Francisco, the waiter arrived with their food. "Here is the salad and margherita pizza, will you ladies be needing anything else thus far?"

"No, thank you," Athena said smoothly, and watched the waiter go before she picked up the dressing she had requested on the side. With a quick glance at the oil glistening on the surface of Annabeth's pizza, Athena carefully poured a small drizzle of dressing onto her salad. "You must be careful at restaurants like this, Annabeth. You never really know what they put in their food, especially fatty things like dressing." She let out at a small laugh. "So, what do you think about coming to San Francisco?"

But at the word _fatty, _Annabeth's entire demeanor changed. The cool clarity she had felt about not returning to San Francisco had turned into a sharp, concentrated anger. "No."

Athena looked at Annabeth with surprise. "Excuse me?"

"No. I'm not going to San Francisco."

Athena set down her fork and straightened up in her seat. "Annabeth—"

"_No. _For once in my life, let me talk!" Annabeth's voice cracked, but she refused to let Athena see any semblance of her weakness. "I'm not going back there. I'm not going back to where you made me like— like _this! _Obsessed with calories and ingredients and my weight! I can't look at anything without wondering how _fat it will make me in my head!" _Annabeth let out a sharp gasp of air. She knew her voice was steadily rising and that she was drawing attention from surrounding tables, but she couldn't care less. All that mattered was the look of shock on her mother's face and the feeling in Annabeth's body when she realized she was finally telling the truth.

"I'm not going there! I'm not going back to your diet and your personal trainer and your private driver. That isn't who I want to be. That isn't who I should be. And you did this to me! _YOU DID THIS!" _Annabeth knew she was shouting, but she didn't care. "How could you do this to me?"

Before Athena could see her cry, Annabeth took a slice of pizza, grabbed her jacket, and ran out of the restaurant.

She knew she was crying but barely felt it against the cool night air. She knew she was attracting looks from the New Yorkers on the street but Annabeth charged right past them, never looking back at the door of the restaurant swinging shut or the single tear on Athena's cheek, or the fifty dollar bill she slammed on the table before running out after her daughter. But Annabeth had already disappeared into the nearest subway station, and Athena was left searching in a crowded, dark night.

* * *

Annabeth had always been good with directions, but even she was surprised that she managed to make it to Jason's apartment. She had drawn a few curious looks on the subway ride over, but there were always more interesting things than crying teenage girls to look at in New York City and she had been left alone.

The Grace siblings lived close to Central Park in a gorgeous high-rise apartment, funded entirely by their wealthy, distant father. Annabeth had only visited once before as a freshman, but she had been struck by the declining state of Beryl Grace, former TV starlet, even then. If the offhanded comments of Thalia were anything to go off of, she had only gotten worse. Annabeth knew both Thalia and Jason lived for the weekends that their mother was out of town, but she was still surprised that Jason Grace, ever Mr. Perfect, had agreed to host a party. But Annabeth didn't care. She didn't want to go home and see her father, and she certainly didn't want to go back to the restaurant. She had been ignoring the calls her parents had been sending to her phone. Luckily, she had somewhere to be.

The subway stop was a few blocks away from Thalia's building, and when Annabeth emerged from the underground system she found New York in a near-downpour. Annabeth barely cared as she marched through the streets towards their home. When she turned the corner she called Piper to buzz her in.

"Annabeth?" Piper's voice was loud, and Annabeth could hear voices and music through the call. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm outside. Can you get someone to buzz me in?"

"I thought you were at dinner with your mom!"

"I was. Something happened."

"I'll be right down."

Piper ended the call immediately and Annabeth sagged against the side of the window. She wasn't sure if coming here had been a good idea at all, but it was certainly preferable to seeing her mother. Even if Percy was probably inside.

_Fuck. Percy. _The little voice of Percy had been quiet inside her head ever since she had left the restaurant, but Annabeth felt its cool "I told you so." But before she could dwell too much on her former fling, Piper stepped outside.

"Oh my God, Annabeth, let's get you inside. You're drenched. Did you come here through the sewers or something?"

Annabeth let out a breathy laugh. "Something like that."

"What happened?"  
Annabeth shook her head. "I'll tell you later. Kinda just wanna distract myself right now."

Piper looked suspicious but didn't say anything as she led Annabeth up to Jason's floor.

* * *

Annabeth was very grateful for Thalia, who never asked questions. She had taken one look at Annabeth dripping water in her apartment and immediately grabbed her some clothes to change into. Normally, Annabeth would have felt uncomfortable in just a tank top and denim shorts, but Piper insisted she wear her knit cardigan to warm up. With her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail, Annabeth tried to calm herself down as she sat on the counter in Thalia's kitchen and sipped on a spiked seltzer.

It was a fair mix of kids from Goode— swimmers from Jason's team, some of Thalia's friends, and lots of other people Annabeth knew. Luckily, none of Luke or his friends, but Annabeth knew that Percy was in the living room sipping a beer and laughing with the Stoll brothers. She had glimpsed him from her spot in the kitchen, but she doubted he knew of her arrival. The Percy-in-her-head had gone silent with the proximity of the real thing, but Annabeth was grateful it had shut up for at least a moment.

Piper stared at her critically from across the kitchen, and Annabeth offered her a small smile. "You good, Annabeth?" Damn her emotionally in-tune friends.

"I'm fine." Annabeth was ready to twist some lie, just like she always did, but something held her back. She felt like being honest tonight. "My mom wanted me to move to San Francisco. I said no. We argued and I walked out."

Piper's mouth dropped open. "What?! Why? Didn't you hate it?"

"I hated it. I hated every second of it."

"Why did she want you to go?"

"She thinks I'm not focused enough on my studies."

Piper scoffed. "Annabeth, you work the hardest out of anyone in our grade. Is she delusional?"

"Probably. Can we talk about it tomorrow, Piper? I kinda don't want to think about it right now," Annabeth said. She slipped off the counter and grabbed a second seltzer, having long before finished her first one.

"Of course. I hope you have fun, Annie."

Annabeth smiled a little at the nickname. "Is Leo here?"

"Yeah, he's in the living room. You should go say hi, he was hoping you'd come."

The living room, where Percy was. Fat chance. "Maybe in a little bit."

Annabeth could tell from the glint in Piper's eyes that she knew exactly why Annabeth was avoiding the living room, but luckily her friend didn't mention it. "I'm going to go find Jason. I'll tell Leo that you're here."

Annabeth took a long drink of seltzer and turned towards the window. It had long ago faded to black outside, but a small kernel of hope formed in Annabeth's chest when she thought of the shorter nights and longer days that came each summer. It reminded her of camp and the nights she, Percy, and Grover used to have each year. She stared absentmindedly out the window as she sipped on her seltzer.

"Annabeth?"

No.

Annabeth turned around slowly towards the voice, hoping she was wrong about its source. But she would have recognized it anywhere. Percy Jackson stood across from her, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans. Having been apart, Annabeth could not possibly have forgotten how tall he was, or the darkness of his hair, or how his skin always seemed tan, even in the winter. But seeing him felt like a breath of much-needed air, and Annabeth let out a shaky exhale.

He took a step towards her. "Can we talk?"

The fight or flight response checked in and Annabeth's chest seized. "I have to go to the bathroom." The single moment of relief the sight of Percy had given her disappeared as the anxiety once again swept in. She had already had one confrontation tonight. She wasn't ready for Percy to say "I told you so" in person, and not just in her head.

But Percy blocked the door with his annoyingly broad shoulders. "I really think we should talk."

The tears once again kindled in Annabeth's eyes. She tried to wipe them away, but Percy noticed, and basically jumped aside to let her pass. "Oh god, Annabeth, are you okay?"

Annabeth almost smiled when she remembered how terrible Percy was with crying girls, but she didn't say anything and instead fled into Thalia's room, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

* * *

Annabeth had been sitting in Thalia's bathroom for the better part of an hour when the knocking began. She was honestly surprised that Percy had let her go for this long.

"Annabeth? I know you're in there. Do you wanna come out so we can talk?"

"Annabeth, please. I know you're upset about something. I can listen. I'm sorry. I'm really bad with crying girls." She smiled at that one.

"Come on, Annabeth."

"Seriously. I'm not leaving."

"Please?"

Annabeth didn't know what possessed her to do it, but she opened the door.

Percy, hand raised mid-knock, looked surprised and he lowered his hand hurriedly before running a hand through his hair. "Oh. Hi."

Annabeth knew she looked terrible, her eyes red and her face blotchy, but she couldn't help but laugh at his awkward greeting. "Hi Percy."

He peered behind her into the bathroom. "You've been in there for a while."

Annabeth nodded, scared if she said anything a sob would come out.

"Wanna sit on the balcony?" Percy asked, gesturing outside to Thalia's personal deck. It was yet another gift from the father she hated.

Annabeth couldn't hold it in anymore. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Do I need a reason to be nice to you?'  
"When I said the things I said to you, yes, you do."

A small, sad smile spread across Percy's face. "Don't worry about it. Let's go outside."

Annabeth was still suspicious, but she followed him anyway. The balcony had an overhang, so it had stayed dry while the rain fell just a few feet away from them. Percy sat in one of the armchairs and gestured for Annabeth to join him in the other. The fresh air felt good upon her flushed skin, but it was cold, and she rubbed her legs, now covered with goosebumps.

Percy noticed instantly. "Cold?"

"Yeah, but—"

"I'll grab you a blanket."

Annabeth frowned, but Percy had already disappeared back into Thalia's room. She stared out at the twinkling lights of New York City until he reappeared with a plush gray blanket. "I only found one. Is it OK if we share?"

"Sure," Annabeth tried to act as if sharing a blanket with Percy didn't spike her heart rate. She pushed her chair closer to his and tucked her legs beneath her as they sat down, comfortably laying the blanket over both of them. She could feel his body heat from just a half foot away.

Neither of them spoke for a few moments as they watched the rain slowly dim to a drizzle. As the music changed inside to an upbeat song with a heavy bass, Percy finally spoke. "I'm so sorry, Annabeth."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for."  
"Yes, I do. Are you kidding me? Of course I do."

"Percy—"

"No, Annabeth. Just let me speak for a minute."

Annabeth was strongly reminded of how she had acted a few hours ago with her mother, but she bit her lip and let it go.

"I fucked up. I'm so sorry," Percy said, wringing his hands together worriedly. "I don't really know where to start, honestly. After we argued, I was so, so mad. And I let that get in the way of what was actually important."

"What's so important?"

"You need help, Annabeth. And I knew what your problem was, and instead of being there for you and trying to figure it out, I left. And I should have swallowed my pride and gotten over it, but I just didn't. This entire week I've been trying to talk to you but I never could, and then I saw you tonight and you just looked so upset…" Percy trailed off and looked at her sheepishly, and all of his sure words trailed off. He was just an awkward teenage boy. A cute and well-meaning and awkward teenage boy.

Annabeth felt the tears prick at her eyes again, but she took a deep breath and held them back. "Thank you, but I should really be the one apologizing. I said some awful, awful things, because I was angry and I didn't know what I was doing, and I was hurt. And I wanted to hurt you how you had hurt me."

"But I abandoned you when you needed help."

"I don't think we should be playing the blame game."

"But don't you see?" Percy said, sitting up straight in his chair and looking at her with a fiery intensity. "Annabeth, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knows what's going on with you, even if you won't admit it. If something happened to you because of this _thing_, and I hadn't done anything about it, it would be my fault."  
"You're reading into it too much."

"Annabeth, just listen to me. Please. I'm sorry. I'm here."

He wasn't going to budge anytime soon. Annabeth closed her eyes, and even though her pride roared at her not to, she took a deep breath and said "I know you are. Thank you."

Percy was quiet. "I'm not leaving."

Annabeth's breath caught in her throat. "Percy."

"Annabeth, I'm not. I don't care what you think you need. I have to be here for you right now."

"You aren't the only one who knows."

"I— what?!"

"I told my mom. Tonight at dinner. We got in a pretty bad fight, actually. I kinda implied that she was the one who got the problem started." Annabeth liked how they danced around it, calling it her problem and nothing else. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

"How did she start it? You don't have to tell me, obviously," Percy said quickly.

"No, it's fine. You remember my year in San Francisco? I hated it for more than one reason," Annabeth absentmindedly shifted so her legs now stretched out over Percy's lap. "My mom… she's pretty health-minded in a way that was pretty poisonous for an eighth grade girl."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Thank you for telling me. You didn't have to."

Annabeth couldn't say anything back, but she felt the tears rolling slowly down her cheeks. Percy could too, apparently. "Do you wanna, uh, go back in?" he asked.

Annabeth nodded. She lifted her legs off of his lap and stood up, while Percy wrapped the blanket around her. Standing, they were closer than Annabeth realized.

Percy gazed down at her and wiped one of the tears away from her cheek. "There," he whispered.

Annabeth pressed her lips together before smiling up at him. She had not felt this grateful in a while. Suddenly, she was filled with the overwhelming urge… "Can I kiss you?"

"What?" Percy's eyes were wide. "Are you sure?"

Annabeth took it as a yes and stood up on her tiptoes, pressing her lips softly to Percy's while she wrapped her arms around his chest. The blanket fell to the floor as he melted back into her, wrists securely around her waist and his lips moving gently against hers, like he thought she might break.

It was fine at first. But suddenly, as Percy's arms held her a little tighter, Annabeth couldn't do it anymore. One minute, it felt good, and it was just like being back at Paul and Sally's wedding, and the next Annabeth was standing in front of her mirror, on the scale, wondering how on earth Percy could find her attractive. She stumbled back.

Percy looked shocked. "Annabeth? Are you okay?"

She took a deep breath. She couldn't look at him. She couldn't say it. But she had to. "Percy. I can't do this."  
His voice was so, so quiet. "What do you mean?"

"I can't be with you."

"Why not?"

Annabeth was crying again now, and she sunk down to the floor, wrapping the blanket around her again. Percy stooped down and tried to reach for her, but she shook her head. "I don't know if I can say it."

"You have to tell me." Percy was desperate now, crouched down on the floor. His hands were trembling at his sides.

"Percy, whenever I'm with you, all I think about is how I look," Annabeth was crying now, her head held in her hands. "I like you. I like you so much it scares me. I love how you laugh and how tired you are in the morning. I love your obsession with blue things and how much you love swimming and how much you love your mom. I love that you make me laugh and how happy I am when I'm around you."

"Then what's the problem? I don't understand."

"There's nothing wrong with you. There's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with the way I look at myself Percy, and I've gotten you involved in it," Annabet's voice was strong, but her body was shaking. "Whenever we kiss, I can't stop thinking about how I look. I can't stop thinking about how unattractive you think I am, and I just don't understand why you want to be with someone who looks like me when you have so many other options. It doesn't make any sense. I can't be with you when I think like that. And I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

She couldn't speak. Annabeth shook into the blanket as she watched Percy, frozen in front of her, his lips in a tight, white line. He stood slowly.

"Please," Annabeth said. "Say something."

Percy shook his head. "I need… to go."

Annabeth's heart sunk to the pit of her stomach. Everything she had said was true, but she couldn't have expected it to be like this. Nothing could have prepared her for the hollow look in Percy's eyes. She tried to stand up, to reach for him, but he had already turned around, rushed back out of the room and back into the party, and Annabeth sunk back into the gray blanket and sobbed.

* * *

"Annabeth?"

Annabeth looked up from her hands to see the door slightly ajar. "Piper?"

"Percy told me I should come out here. He just left. He looked pretty upset. Did something happen?" Her voice was so quiet, a sharp contrast to the voices of the party behind her.

"Piper, I haven't been honest with you. For a really long time," Annabeth said quietly.

"I know."

Annabeth felt a sob start to burst out of her chest at her friend's simple words, but she held it back. "You did?"

"I was just waiting for you to come to me, Annabeth. Did I wait too long?"

"No," Annabeth shook her head. "No, you didn't. I need to tell you something that I've never told anyone before." She took a deep breath. She had never, ever said it out loud. But somehow, the losses of her mother and Percy raw, her eyes cried out, Annabeth knew that it was finally time.

"Piper, I think I have an eating disorder."

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I have a ton to say in this author's note, so I'm just going to do it in a list:**

**1\. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE listen to the song for this chapter. Not only do I think it fits the chapter very, very well, but it's also just extremely beautiful and I bet you'll enjoy it. Secondly, if you have time, read the Genius Lyrics page for the song! That's where I found the quote from the artist that I put at the beginning of the chapter. It's also kinda cool because the song is all about Greek mythology and the story of Andromeda, so check it out!**

**2\. If you are going through or recovering from an eating disorder during quarantine, my heart reaches out for you. Please, please try and shut out the jokes you may see on social media about people gaining weight and eating all the time. I understand how difficult that may be for some of you to see others trivialize something that is so difficult to deal with. Remember, your journey is about progress, and not perfection. You'll have good days and bad days, but recovery is so worth it. Reach out to the Eating Disorder Hotline (number at the beginning and end of every chapter) if you need help. I'm not a trained professional in any sense of the word, but my PMs are always open.**

**3\. I know the wait for this chapter was ridiculous, and I apologize for that. Truly, quarantine has been very up and down for me, as I'm sure that many of you can relate to, and it's hard to be productive. Strangely, it's easier for me to write when I have other responsibilities. But when I say that I truly loved writing this chapter, I mean it. I've been thinking about this chapter for a long time and I'm happy with how it came out. I hope you can say the same.**

**4\. I know many of you are probably disappointed to not see more happy Percabeth in this chapter. However, this is always how I have seen the story going. Percy doesn't get to fix Annabeth in this story. That's something she ****_has _****to do herself. He's a part of it, but as this story is very Annabeth-centric, I think it would be a disservice to her character to let herself be taken over by Percy.**

**5\. That being said, Percy and Percabeth are not over. Don't worry. Remember, both stories and relationships are marathons, not sprints.**

**I think I covered everything. Much love to all of you, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. This is by far the longest chapter (and author's note) I've ever written, oops. Once again, my PMs are always open, and I would love to see more reviews with your thoughts.**

**\- Emily**

**(P.S. I cried a little when Annabeth was telling Percy why she couldn't be with him.)**


	23. Something to Believe

**SOMETHING TO BELIEVE**

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

**Where Do I Start**

* * *

**SONG OF THE CHAPTER: SUNDAY MORNING BY THE VELVET UNDERGROUND**

**_Sunday morning and I'm falling_**  
**_I've got a feeling I don't want to know_**  
**_Early dawning, Sunday morning_**  
**_It's all the streets you crossed not so long ago_**

* * *

_From the previous chapter:_

"_Piper, I haven't been honest with you. For a really long time," Annabeth said quietly._

"_I know."_

_Annabeth felt a sob start to burst out of her chest at her friend's simple words, but she held it back. "You did?"_

"_I was just waiting for you to come to me, Annabeth. Did I wait too long?"_

"_No," Annabeth shook her head. "No, you didn't. I need to tell you something that I've never told anyone before." She took a deep breath. She had never, ever said it out loud. But somehow, the losses of her mother and Percy raw, her eyes cried out, Annabeth knew that it was finally time._

"_Piper, I think I have an eating disorder."_

* * *

Piper knelt down to Annabeth, wrapping herself in Percy's abandoned blanket. She didn't say anything for a moment, and Annabeth let her gaze wander to the door Percy had just walked out of. Still unsure of how to proceed, she let herself linger on at least one feeling: she wasn't ready for a relationship. Not yet, at least.

"Tell me more." Piper's voice was quiet, and her hand reached out to wrap around Annabeth's.

"It started in eighth grade. You know. In San Francisco. With my mom."

Piper paused, waiting for Annabeth to say more. "It's okay. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No. No, I need to," Annabeth was surprised by the strength she found in her voice. "I need to because if I don't I'm going to… I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do."

Piper squeezed her hand again. "Just start at the beginning."

The story at first bubbled slowly out of Annabeth, but she was suddenly describing things that suddenly made so much sense: why she hated shopping for clothes, her anger at her father for cooking dinner, her reactions to Percy's touch. As she spoke to Piper, the story created itself, stitched the pieces together that had once been lost and unknown. It didn't take long for the tears in Annabeth's eye to dry, and then, she was talking about Percy— how much she liked him, his accusation, the hellish week of her life spent tiptoeing around an apology. The only part she left out, for some reason she couldn't quite comprehend, was the list of rules Percy had found. It felt wrong, almost too private, to admit that aloud. Finally, she finished with "And you're the first person I've ever told."

Piper didn't do anything. For a moment, Annabeth thought she would just sit there and not say anything, but then her warm hand came to rest on Annabeth's knee. "Do you know what it says about you that you could just tell me all of that?"

"No. I don't. Piper, why are you crying?" Even in the darkness Annabeth could see the tears running down Piper's cheeks.

"Annabeth, you're so brave. You're so, so brave."

Annabeth shook her head. "No, no. I'm not. Piper, look at me, look what I've done to myself—"

"Shut up, just shut up, for a minute Annabeth," Piper laughed a little. "Just let me say one nice thing about you. The fact that you can admit that about yourself, and actually tell it to another person, is incredible. You're brave. You don't have to say it, but I want you to remember that I said it."

"Oh," Annabeth said quietly. "Okay."

"And thank you for telling me," Piper said softly. "I love you. I want to help you."

"I love you too. And thanks," Annabeth said quietly. "You don't, like, have to do anything. I just needed someone to talk to. Really talk to, voluntarily."

"Please let me know, Annie. But for now, I can just be a shoulder to cry on, or something." Piper bit her lip. "I feel awful. I should have tried to help you more."

"Don't say that."

"I knew something was wrong. I just didn't want to push you."

"I'm grateful for that, really. If you had tried, I wouldn't have responded."

"I guess," Piper sighed. "But there were signs. Things I should have caught onto earlier."

"Not really. I hid everything that I could."

"Well, Percy noticed."

Annabeth thought of the rules, and a smidge of guilt shadowed her. Why couldn't she tell Piper? "Yeah, I guess. I don't know how he guessed."

"Probably because he watches you like a hawk."

A familiar warmth rose up in Annabeth's chest, but it immediately dimmed at the thought of the conversation she had just had with him.

Piper caught on instantly. "He was just here, right?"

"Yeah." Annabeth let out a shaky breath. "We kissed. I told him I couldn't be with him."

"Oh, Annabeth."

"I know," Annabeth cried again into the blanket. "And then he left. I shouldn't have kissed him."

"I don't think so."

Surprised to hear Piper say that, Annabeth gave her an intrigued look. "Why?"

"Simple, Annie. Alright, maybe it wasn't the _best_ thing for you in the moment— but it sounds like it made you realize you couldn't be with him. And God, Annabeth, that's so important. You know yourself well enough to recognize that getting over this— this is more important than being with a boy, even if you like him."

"I hope I didn't scare him off for good or anything."

Piper rolled her eyes. "That boy is so loyal— it's going to take so much more than that to shake him off. But I'm a little mad at him."

"Why?"

"Because he left when he said he wouldn't, Annabeth."

"But I basically broke it off with him!"

"But isn't he your friend and not your boyfriend first? I mean, it's a bit of a grey area. But I still think your wellbeing is more important than Percy's hormones."

Annabeth laughed. "Yeah, I guess."

"Ten bucks says he already texted you an apology."

"Oh fuck," Annabeth muttered. "I haven't checked my phone since I left the restaurant. My parents must be pissed."

"Oh no!" Piper hissed. "Check it, check it now. Tell them that you're sleeping over at my place."  
"Can I? Really?"

"Of course. You really thought you wouldn't be, after the night you just had?"

Annabeth wanted to cry again. "I love you a lot."

"I know. I love you too."

Feeling a little braver, Annabeth turned on her phone. Four missed calls from her father, seven from her mother, and about a billion texts from both of them. "Shit," she muttered.

"What's the damage?" Piper asked.

"It's pretty bad. But I think they're worried, not mad." Annabeth opened the phone app, and typed in her father's number. "Dad?"

"Annabeth. Where are you? Why haven't you called me back? Your mother called me hours ago. Why'd you leave the restaurant? Athena—" he called, speaking to someone next to him. "It's her. You don't need to call the police."

"Fuck," Annabeth whispered to Piper. "He's with my mom. I don't think they've seen each other in over a decade."  
"Annabeth? Are you still there?"

"Yes, Dad."

"Oh, thank God." He was talking so quickly Annabeth could barely parse his words apart. "Where are you? You have to come home now. We have to talk about tonight."

"I'm at Thalia's house, and I'm sleeping over at Piper's. I'm not coming home."

He paused. "Annabeth, this is non-negotiable."

"Dad, I'm really, really sorry, but dinner was a disaster and something just happened with Percy. And I know you're going to just chalk this up to stupid teenage hormones or whatever, but please, please _trust _me on this one. I can't go home right now." She took a breath. Now, if she wanted a chance, she had to be honest. "I don't want to be around Mom right now."

"Annabeth…" her dad sounded unsure, but Annabeth could feel him getting ready to agree. He had always tried, but he wasn't much of a disciplinarian. Her mother was definitely the bad cop of the two of them. "Let me talk to Athena and Helen. One second."

Annabeth turned to Piper. "Oh my God, my stepmom is there too."  
"They've never met, right?"

"Not once."

Annabeth's dad came back on. "Alright. Annabeth, your mom isn't happy about this. She has to leave for work early and won't be able to see you unless you come home now."

"I don't want to see her Dad. Don't tell her that. I just… not yet."

He must have heard the note of desperation in her tone, because his voice softened. "Okay. I'll… figure it out. Go to Piper's. But text me immediately when you get there. And you better get there soon! Oh, and turn on your location so I can see where you are."

Annabeth smiled a little. "Okay, Dad. Thanks."

"Sure. But I'm serious. This is a one-time thing, okay? Alright. Alright," he said, now speaking to himself more than anything. "Athena… alright. Okay. Okay. Oh, bye! I love you, sweetheart."

"Love you too, Dad." Annabeth hung up and turned to Piper.

"All good?" Piper asked.

"In the clear," Annabeth muttered, scrolling through her phone. Suddenly, another call came in.

_Percy._

Annabeth's mouth went dry. "Piper…" she muttered.

"You owe me ten bucks! Ha!" She laughed.

"Not helpful! Should I answer?"

Piper's face turned serious. "I don't know. Do you want to talk to him?"

Annabeth knew, on instinct alone, the answer to Piper's question. She tapped "accept" and lifted the phone up to her ear. "Percy?"

"Annabeth?" He was somewhere loud, maybe on the street. "I'm sorry."

"Oh."

"For leaving."

"Okay."

"I just had to say that," he muttered. Annabeth had the sudden vision of Percy sitting in the back of a subway car, his long legs taking up the seats on either side of them, a hand running through his hair and his feet tapping nervously on the floor. "Sorry for fucking up again. I'm still… figuring it out."

"It's okay. You're allowed to fuck up. I did it too."

"Do you want me to drive you home? I just got off the subway, and I can get the Prius over there pretty quickly."

Annabeth took so long to respond that Percy had to ask her the question again. But she cast a quick look at Piper, and going off of instinct again, she had her answer. "Not tonight."

His voice was instantly quieter, sadder. "Oh."

"Sorry. It's nothing against you. I'm hanging out with Piper tonight. Going to sleep over there."

"Is Piper there?"

"Yeah, she's right next to me."

"I told her to go see you. Thought you might need someone."

"I did. Thank you."

They were quiet again, but neither hung up until Annabeth heard a sharp exhale from Percy's side of the phone. "Percy?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you crying?"

He let out a very small laugh. "Just a little."

Annabeth pressed her lips tightly together before taking a very deep breath. "God, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. Seriously. I mean it."

"Percy…"

"Annabeth, I want to help you but I don't know how."

Annabeth felt the love for her friends that had been shoved aside by her obsession with calories and scales and exercise regimens suddenly flare up within her. There were people, at least two (one on the phone, one right next to her), and probably more, across the city and the world, who really cared for her. Who wanted to help her. She smiled, surprised that one person could cry this much in one night. "The want is enough. I'll let you know, Percy. But right now I'm just figuring it all out."

"Can I still sit with you on the subway?"

"Of course."  
"Will you keep tutoring me in math?"

"Obviously. Even if you don't need it at all and it was just a ploy to hang out with me."

"Caught on, didn't you?"

"You're pretty smart for someone whose brain is full of seaweed."

"That's my Wise Girl."

The warmth rose up in Annabeth's stomach again, but this time, it remained there. "I think it's time for me to go, Percy. But thank you."  
"Of course. Anything. Text me when you get to Piper's, okay?"

"I will. Bye, Percy." Annabeth hung up quickly. If she hadn't done it then, she didn't know if she ever would have been able to. She just had to remember why— there were things, far too many things, that she needed to sort out before she could imagine anything more with him. Eventually.

Just not tonight.

"Ready to get going?" Piper asked. "Let's call an Uber."

"Sure," Annabeth responded.

The girls stood up and moved through the party, which felt oddly colorless now that Percy was no longer there. After a quick goodbye with Thalia, Annabeth let Piper lead her out into the cool New York night.

* * *

**Annabeth: Hey, just got to Piper's.**

**Percy: Okay, thanks for texting me. Sleep well.**

**Annabeth: You too.**

* * *

"What time do you have to be home?" Piper asked while she sipped coffee, sitting next to Annabeth at her breakfast bar.

Annabeth, who also had a full mug of coffee in her hand, nodded. "Eight or nine, probably. My dad reminded me this morning to get home as soon as possible."

Annabeth had always been a natural early riser, but an uneasy sleep had meant she woke up at 4:30 AM, and she'd done nothing but lie on the couch. Luckily, Piper had been up by six, and the pair had spent the morning watching the spring light filter in and illuminate the kitchen.

"Do you want something to eat?" asked Piper tentatively.

Annabeth bit her lip. "I think that's a good idea."

She pretended not to see the relief on Piper's face when she stood up and opened the fridge. Plus, Annabeth was hungry. She was starving, and had been since she had woken up. It felt so odd to admit that word… _hungry. _Could she let it be a good thing?

Yes. Yes she could.

Annabeth cleared her throat and glanced back at Piper, who was holding a carton of eggs and a bag of flour, looking very confused. "Eggs or pancakes?" she asked.  
Annabeth laughed. "Can you cook either of those things?"

Piper scowled. "No. But I can try!"

"How about cereal instead?"

Piper relented. "Fine."

* * *

Annabeth didn't want to go home. This was her only thought on the subway ride home, after she beat down Piper, who wanted her to take an Uber. She didn't want to see the look on her father's face when he realized what she had done to herself. Athena must have told him by now, and he was probably just waiting to question her.

Annabeth buried her head in her hands and tried her best to take deep, calming breaths. She had managed to repress these emotions back at Piper's, but she couldn't deny the shame that was now running through her. How could she ever face her parents again? How could she ever speak civilly to her mother again? Was it possible to go back?

_Yes, _that small, comforting voice said in her head.

Annabeth tried to listen to it, but the closer she got to the apartment, the less she wanted to return. It was only a text from her father saying that he saw she was near home that kept her moving.

Her heart thudding, she exited the subway station and made her way to her apartment. Every day after school she had made this same journey, likely thinking about her next spin class of what she would or wouldn't eat for dinner. What had changed since then? That was just a few weeks ago. Was she still that same girl? Had her confession to Piper meant anything?

And then Annabeth was entering the building, stepping into the elevator, pressing the button for her floor, walking down the hallway to her apartment, and finally opening the door and walking inside.

At first she thought it was empty. There was only a single light on above the dining room table, and there was no sound of Matthew and Bobby running around. Annabeth stepped hesitantly inside, wary of letting her guard down. But of course, her father was there, reading the newspaper in his favorite armchair.

"Annabeth," he said.

Annabeth had never thought of her father as scary. He still wasn't, but his neutral face and straight posture suddenly possessed a cool calm, the likes of which she had never before seen. So she proceeded carefully. "Hey dad."

"What do you say we take a walk?" It was a question, but Annabeth knew he left not room for argument.

"Sounds good." There was nothing Annabeth wanted to do less.

* * *

It was one of the mornings where spring reminded you it wasn't quite there yet. Despite the bright morning sun and blue sky, the air was biting and cold. Annabeth and her father stuck close to buildings to avoid the brunt of wind trailing through the Brooklyn streets, hands stuck deep into their pockets.

Annabeth waited for her father to break the silence. They were nearly three blocks away from the apartment when he finally spoke.

"Athena told me a little about last night."

Annabeth's voice sounded, to her, like that of a small child. "What did she tell you?"

"About your outburst. That you accused her of…" his voice dropped off for a moment. "Making you like this."

"Oh."

"Care to explain what she meant?"  
Annabeth didn't respond.

"Annabeth, you have to tell me, or I can't help you."

Annabeth hadn't heard the note of desperation in his tone for a very long time. "I don't know what you want me to say, Dad." She wasn't surprised at the slight aggression in her voice.

"Annabeth…" he trailed off awkwardly. "I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to say it. Really, I don't even know what's going on. All that Athena told me was that it had something to do with the year in San Francisco. I don't know anything else, so I'd appreciate it if you helped explain it to me."

Annabeth's shoulders sagged in relief. Athena didn't tell him anything— he wasn't here to accuse her. She chose her next words carefully. "I hated San Francisco. I won't go into it, but Athena was pretty controlling. About a lot of things. Food, especially."

"Oh. And has that continued? With you?"

Annabeth had to remind herself: this was her father, the man who had raised her, loved her, trusted her. Despite their problems, he still wanted to help her. Even though it hurt, she had to admit it to him. Finally. "Yeah."

Her father nodded. "Okay. Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Not with you, Dad." Annabeth bit back, unsure if that had hurt him or not. "Sorry. Nothing against you at all. I just don't feel completely comfortable. I'd rather talk to someone else." She couldn't say anything more.

"That's fine. Don't worry. But can we find help?"

"Of course. I think I'd like that."

Frederick Chase nodded at his oldest daughter, looking relieved to finally have something to do again. "I don't know much about it honey, but maybe a therapy session or something? How does it work?"

Annabeth shrugged. "I don't know. Can we just figure it out at home?"

"That's fine."

The awkwardness had once again settled between them. Annabeth knew it had been right to tell her father— but she couldn't help feeling that it had set up just another wall they'd have to breach eventually.

* * *

The walk back home was filled with vague, inconsequential smalltalk, and Annabeth was relieved to return to her room. Her father immediately went to his laptop to look up therapy and recovery programs, promising to keep her updated on what he found. Annabeth knew that it would be the extent of their conversation around her "problem," likely for a very long time.

She found one text from Percy when she returned to her room.

**Percy: If you're mad at me about last night that's OK. But I wanted to let you know that I'm proud to be your friend and it's fine if that's all you want. Anything that happens will be on your terms.**

Annabeth read and reread the message, unsure of what to say back, or even if she would respond at all. Mostly, she was surprised at Percy. Just a few months ago, she would have described him as lovable and silly, but definitely not mature. He could be obtuse and unobservant, and he often didn't notice things until they slapped him in the face. But rules or no rules, he had paid attention to her. He had stuck by her, paid attention to the shifts in her mood, and made her laugh when others hadn't. Percy Jackson was immature sometimes. But he was loyal and he would do anything for those that he loved.

Annabeth didn't know where she fit into Percy's life, or he into her's. But if she and Percy were meant to be, Annabeth would see it through.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

**Where Do I Start**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I cannot even express how grateful I am for all of your comments on the last chapter. One reviewer (plutopapers, thank you!) mentioned that they were excited to see what Piper had to say, and originally I hadn't been planning on including the scene where Annabeth explained everything to Piper. Because of that review I decided to, and it's probably one of my favorite scenes of the entire story so far.**

**Alternate song for this chapter is "Something to Believe" by Weyes Blood (the name of the chapter, actually!). Same artist from last chapter! It fits super well but I wanted to try out some different artists and I'm a big Velvet Underground fan.**

**God these author's notes are getting long, but I really can't help myself. There are always little things I want to mention! One of those things is that Piper and Annabeth constantly say "I love you" to each other. I say that with my friends all the time, and it feels like a little part of myself going into the story. I'm also very happy with the scene between Annabeth and Frederick in this chapter, because it feels like it represents the relationship that we see in the books— a sort of uncertain distance.**

**Finally, my thoughts are (once again) with the world in a very, very sad time. Consume the media that makes you happy, but balance it with current events and an attempt to understand your place in the world. I'm working through that process myself, and it's not perfect, but I do think it's worth it.**

**Signing off once again with an obscenely long author's note. A few reminders: my PMs are always open, your reviews make me smile so much, and much, much love.**

**\- Emily :)**


	24. Learning to Walk Backwards

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**SONGS OF THE CHAPTER: PROM QUEEN by BEACH BUNNY, TELESCOPE by CAGE THE ELEPHANT,  
and I WANNA GET BETTER by BLEACHERS**

_Maybe I should try harder_  
_You should lower your beauty standards_  
_I'm no quick-curl barbie_  
_I was never cut out for Prom Queen_  
_If I'm pretty, will you like me?_

_\- _PROM QUEEN by BEACH BUNNY

_I don't think you understand!  
There's nowhere left to turn  
Walls keep breaking  
Time is like a leaf in the wind  
Either it's time well spent  
Or time I've wasted  
Don't waste it_

\- TELESCOPE by CAGE THE ELEPHANT

_I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face_  
_I wanna get better, better, better, better,_  
_I wanna get better_  
_I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change_  
_I wanna get better, better, better, better,_  
_I wanna get better_

_\- _I WANNA GET BETTER by BLEACHERS

* * *

"What classes do you have today?"

Even staring down at the table, Annabeth could feel her father's eyes jumping from her face to the food on her plate and back again. Even at 5:30 AM, dressed in pajama pants and a ratty old t-shirt with a cup of steaming coffee in his hand, her dad managed to look uptight.

"Calculus, physics, English, and AP US History," Annabeth muttered, taking another bite of her toaster waffles. She had spread peanut butter over them and added bananas at her father's suggestion. Though she was more than halfway through her portion, he had yet to touch his. She took the next bite the moment she swallowed the previous one, hoping to get away from the table as quickly as possible. Plus, the quicker she ate, the less she thought about it.

Family breakfast had been a suggestion her dad had found on the internet, and he now insisted on carrying it out every single day. Both waking up earlier than Helen, Matthew, and Bobby, Frederick and Annabeth sat together for at least ten or fifteen minutes each morning and ate breakfast together. Or, Frederick sat and watched Annabeth eat breakfast while he tried to think of things to talk about.

Annabeth supposed family breakfast had at least one positive effect, in her dad's eyes at least: Annabeth finished her meal. The nutritionist had recommended three hearty meals, along with several snacks throughout the day, and her father had thrown himself into it with a fervor Annabeth had never seen before. Their cabinets had been completely restocked with peanut butter, granola and protein bars. Now, every night at dinner featured some sort of meat, rice, and green salad, with an extra-large serving for Annnabeth.

With a sudden fervor, Annabeth wished for nothing more than to be out of her father's home. Little of it remained her own: the living room, she was forced to be with the family who didn't need her, who had created a space that she would never share. In the kitchen, she was forced to eat the meals she didn't want, overseen by a father who only showed interest in her when she needed to be fixed. And even her own room felt forever changed, no longer the safe haven it had been in months previous.

Annabeth supposed it started when Percy found the rules, before he said aloud the words Annabeth would never have admitted to herself. Annabeth knew her father was wary every time she was in there alone, even if it was at night. He would knock on the door to catch her exercising at strange times, saying goodnight and goodmorning whenever he could. A week before he had even searched through her stuff.

As her father spoke idly about a class he was teaching, Annabeth finished the last bite of her waffles. "I'm going to get ready," she said, standing up and putting her dishes in the sink.

She didn't need to look at her father to know a worried look was on his face. "Are you sure? You ate pretty fast."

"And I finished," Annabeth said. Besides the brief conversations they'd had about her treatment, she and her father had yet to breach the topic of her eating again. This was the most she'd allowed herself to say about it.

"Well, yes, but the point is that we talk to each other for a little bit. Come and sit down."

"Sorry, I have something to finish at school and I'm taking an earlier train." Annabeth tried to smile as a faint sense of guilt washed over her, but she needed to get out and burn off some of the nervous energy accumulated within her.

Another thing her therapist had insisted upon: Annabeth was to stop exercising. Apparently compulsive exercise was in itself another form of an eating disorder, and Annabeth had been banned from online YouTube videos, going to spin classes, or even yoga. Her only time to get out and move was her walk to and from her apartment to the subway. She savored the moment each day and tried to prevent herself from calculating the calories lost while walking each day in her head, and her father trying to keep her from it? It pissed her off.

"Alright." Frederick leaned back in his chair. "I'll see you tonight."

"Bye Dad."

* * *

Annabeth hadn't lied. She did take the earlier train, and had been for over two weeks now. But it wasn't because she had to be at school.

It was because Percy Jackson still took the train after.

The shame Annabeth had felt before he found the rules— minor embarrassment over something she'd said, or trying to figure out how to apologize after an argument— was nothing compared to what coursed through her at the sight of him now. The freedom she'd felt after telling Piper and her father was now gone, and if looking at them was difficult, looking at Percy was near impossible.

The thought that this boy knew so many intimate secrets about her, and had found them out accidentally, horrified Annabeth. Somehow, with him, the guilt was magnified to a point where Annabeth couldn't imagine ever speaking to him again.

How could he know that about her? How could he ever understand? How would he, with his perfect, fat-free, muscular frame, and pretty girls hanging onto his every word, ever understand what it felt like to be insecure? How could he know what it was like to hate every inch of yourself?

To Percy Jackson, the curtain shielding Annabeth Chase from the rest of the world had been ripped off. Annabeth understood that Percy was a good person, but part of her worried that he would see what she felt so insecure about, and think that it was true. Because any boy who had touched her and kissed her the way Percy had had thought about her body.

If Percy had ever thought Annabeth was fat… if he'd ever thought she wasn't pretty… if he'd ever wished she wore different clothes or looked better in them or had a bigger butt… to Annabeth, it suddenly made sense why she'd broken it off with him at Jason and Thalia's apartment. She couldn't take the pressure of being with someone who was one of three people on the planet to know her most intimate secret.

_But, _that small, insistent voice in her head said, _maybe you could be with him one day._

Before, the eating disorder had existed solely within Annabeth. But now that other people knew, it had become real and tangible, and that unknowable idea of "recovery" felt more distant than it ever had.

* * *

Annabeth had never realized how great the library was before. At lunch, there were just a few studious freshmen and an assistant teacher lingering at the front door. It was the perfect place for her to try and eat the lunch she'd packed, try and do some homework, and avoid her friends.

Lifting her lunchbox out of her bag, Annabeth couldn't help but cringe at its weight. But before she could open it, someone hissed from around the corner.

"What are you doing in here?"

Annabeth jumped up in surprise, quickly turning around to see Piper's head poking through the history section. "You scared me!"

"Why are you back here?" Piper wrinkled her nose. "It smells terrible."

"It's a library. You need to be quiet," Annabeth narrowed her eyes playfully and motioned for Piper to join her at the table.

"Leo asked me where you were today. So did Percy." Piper stared at Annabeth, who could tell she was trying to gauge some sort of reaction.

Annabeth tried to prevent the reaction from her body at the sound of Percy's name, but her heart leaped a little bit. He had asked? But even then, the thought of being perceived by him, ahead of every other person, left a sour taste in her mouth. "Oh," she said, trying to pass it off casually.

Piper shrugged and settled into a seat. "I kinda see why you like it back here, though. It's so quiet, and swim team boys are so _loud_."

Somehow, Annabeth knew that Piper understood exactly what she was going through, and was far too tactful to mention it. They hadn't talked about Annabeth's problem for a while now, and Annabeth had no desire to. But Piper's quiet acceptance of where Annabeth went during lunch was enough. Annabeth reached out and squeezed her hand, and Piper squeezed back.

Moments later, Piper put in earphones and leaned down to take a nap. Only when Annabeth saw her eyes close did she pull out her lunch and look inside for the first time that day.

* * *

She didn't eat everything in it, but she'd eaten most of it. And that was a start. On her way to APUSH with Piper, Annabeth wondered if she was ready to feel proud of herself for that yet.

* * *

"So, how has your week been?"

Annabeth's therapist Joanna sat cross-legged on the couch in front of her. The walls in Joanna's room were covered with interesting tapestries and posters from indie bands Annabeth had never heard of. Though she'd never been to a therapist besides this one, Annabeth supposed Joanna would have been considered a bit unorthodox. She drank tea out of a bright yellow travel mug that always seemed full, encouraged Annabeth to kick off her shoes and lean back, and always played calming music in the background.

Annabeth shifted uncomfortably on the plush purple couch. Despite Joanna's coaxing, she remained sitting stick straight with her hands folded in her lap and her legs crossed.

* * *

_If my legs aren't crossed they look big._

In their very first session, that was one of the only things Annabeth had said to Joanna when she'd encouraged her to get comfortable. Instead of getting angry or trying to diagnose Annabeth, Joanna had simply nodded. _Why do you think that?_

Annabeth had been confused. Wasn't it obvious? Didn't Joanna have eyes? Couldn't she see the grotesque bulge of her legs against the couch fabric? But then she thought about it for a moment, and narrowed her eyes. _You're trying to get me to say something._

Joanna shook her head. _No. I'm not. I just want to know your answer. Why do you think that?_

Annabeth didn't have an answer then. She didn't have an answer now.

* * *

In response to Joanna's question about her week, Annabeth finally said "It's been okay."

"Have you thought any more about applying to be a counselor at that summer camp?"

Annabeth shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why? You seemed excited last week."

"I was. I just remembered something about it," Annabeth trailed off. Of course, the thing she'd remembered was Percy, who would definitely be there this summer.

"What did you remember?"

Annabeth shifted uncomfortably. "I think it's best if I stay in the city so I can find a job and make money or something."

"But what about camp? I understand the need to stay here, but why don't you want to go there?"

"I wouldn't know anyone."

"I thought you were friends with that one boy."

Last session, Annabeth had briefly mentioned Percy, and the perceptive person Joanna was, she picked up on him instantly. "We aren't really friends anymore."

"Anything in particular happen?"

"No. We just grew apart."

"Wouldn't going to camp be a chance to get to know him again?"

"I guess."

Joanna shrugged. "It's just something to think about. Keep the application open, though. Wanna talk about something else?"

Annabeth nodded.

Joanna reached over to her disorganized desk, grabbing a blue and orange flyer from on top of her laptop. "I was looking into some resources in the Brooklyn area, and I found something that you might be interested in. How does a group therapy session sound?"

* * *

Annabeth stared up at the brick building before her. It was just one of the many public libraries in the Brooklyn area. Annabeth had visited places like this thousands of times. But never had it felt so difficult to walk inside one before.

Joanna had thought it would be a good idea to attend an eating support group with other teenagers, and if Joanna thought it was a good idea, so did her dad. The instant Annabeth had mentioned it, his eyes had brightened and he had insisted on her going. He even tried to clear his schedule so he could drop her off and pick her up, which Annabeth had thankfully prevented.

Annabeth was early, of course. She had sprinted from her last class of the day and been one of the very first people to leave Goode as the bell rang. But it was now 3:40, and the group wasn't set to begin for twenty minutes, and all Annabeth had time to do was think about her own anxiety about attending the meeting.

She hadn't wanted to go. Annabeth had gotten very close to arguing about it with Joanna, actually, insisting that she wasn't ready to talk about it with other teenagers. But Joanna swiftly changed the subject, talking about Annabeth's eating plan and her relationship with her mother. Then finally, she asked "What else do you want to do to get better?"

The idea of _getting better, _Annabeth realized, was something she wanted.

Before Percy found the rules, Annabeth had been unable to describe her problem. She just wanted to be healthy. She just watched what she ate. But when he said the words _eating disorder _for the first time, Annabeth suddenly understood what she had done to herself, even if she didn't want to.

She didn't want to be the person who had an eating disorder. She couldn't let it cripple her life and her future. She couldn't let it prevent her from making friends, falling in love, and going to college. Suddenly in the therapist's office, Annabeth realized she wanted to get better.

And the tightness in her chest eased.

Looking up at the library, Annabeth had to blink back tears. Even though it was hard, even if she wasn't necessarily ready, she had to do this. It was time to get better.

She laughed a little then, at how dramatic she could be. But even then, Annabeth knew that this dramatic realization had been worth it. She opened the door to the library and stepped inside, making her way towards the private room reserved for the group.

Inside, there was just an older woman and Annabeth. Several chairs had been set up in a circle. Cursing herself for arriving early, Annabeth wondered if it was too late to leave, but then the woman turned and smiled at her. "Come on in! Are you new?"

Annabeth took a nervous step in the room. "Yeah. This is my first meeting."

The woman beamed. "Welcome! I'm Mary-Beth. Everyone else should be here in a moment. Set your backpack down and take a seat."

* * *

To say that Annabeth felt shocked was a serious understatement.

Now, sitting in a nearly-full circle of chairs with other teenagers, she knew two other people in the circle.

To Annabeth's right was Hazel Levesque. The gorgeous younger girl in her physics class, whose tiny wrists Annabeth had always been jealous of, something she now felt mortified by. Hazel had offered her a smile and a sweet greeting when she came in, looking happy to see her there. It was almost like they went to the same book club instead of the same eating support group.

Mary-Beth had given Hazel a big hug when she came in and they chatted idly. Had Hazel been coming here for a while? But then Hazel sat down as other teenagers came in, and Annabeth had been grateful that she knew no one else. Mary-Beth waited for just a minute or two after 4 PM to get started, having everyone go around the circle and introduce themselves.

Just as Annabeth was midway through her introduction, Adrian Kouros walked in.

More than anything, Annabeth was surprised she'd remembered his name. Percy's swim meet felt like it had been ages ago, but for some reason the gorgeous swimmer with dark hair and eyes had managed to stick in Annabeth's mind. She remembered the strange conversation they'd had in the parking lot and how angry Percy had seemed. It felt like an entire world away.

She could tell Adrian recognized her by the slight raise of his eyebrows as she introduced himself. He'd hovered on the edge of the circle, unsure as to whether or not he should take a seat. With any other boy it would've seemed awkward, but not with Adrian. Somehow, he made Annabeth feel like she should've been standing instead of sitting, like everyone in the circle was in the set up instead of Adrian himself.

Once Annabeth was done speaking, Mary-Beth leaped up and gestured for Adrian to take a seat. "Welcome! Is this your first time attending?"

He nodded.

"What's your name?"

"Adrian." His eyes scanned the circle once again, lingering on Annabeth for a single second before landing on the floor. There was another reason, Annabeth realized, why Adrian looked so out of place. In the entire circle of nine people, Adrian was the only boy.

Mary-Beth didn't look at all discouraged by Adrian's lackluster response. "Wonderful. Alright, let's continue going around and then we'll move on."

Annabeth didn't participate much. Those who had attended longer, like Hazel, were more comfortable talking about their recovery, as they all called it. Despite Mary-Beth appearing overly-excited at first, Annabeth was impressed with her, even as she refused to answer any of Mary-Beth's questions in a way that would get her to say something too personal.

Though Annabeth listened to the stories of the other people in the group, she spent most of the time trying to figure out what Adrian was doing there. If Annabeth didn't speak much, Adrian was almost entirely silent. He would only answer if addressed directly, often with one or two word responses and refusing to elaborate. She saw him constantly checking the time on his phone and impatiently tapping his foot against the floor.

An hour later, Mary-Beth gave the group another massive smile. "Well, once again, thank you all so much for coming. It was so nice to see some new faces," she waved at Annabeth and Adrian, "and I hope you both return for our next session. Get home safely, and I'll be here to answer any questions."

Adrian nearly leaped up to get out of there, and was the first out the door. Barely realizing what she was doing, Annabeth shot upwards and sprinted after him.

"Wait!"

Adrian was walking fast, but he still turned around. "What?"

Catching up to him, Annabeth suddenly realized she didn't know what to say. Honestly, she didn't even know why she'd chased after him. "I know you."

He snorted.

"No. I do. I saw you at the swim meet. And you recognized me too."

He shrugged. "You were there with Jackson."

Annabeth's heart twisted at the mention of Percy. "Yeah. I… was."

She didn't realize how much she'd emphasized the _was _until Adrian's eyebrows raised. "Are you guys not together anymore?"

"We weren't ever dating."

"Didn't seem like it. God, he got _so _annoyed when he saw me talking to you." Adrian smirked. "So, you're single?"

Ah, now Annabeth remembered why Percy hated this guy so much. For all intents and purposes, Adrian Kouros could be an asshole. Nearly regretting her decision to come talk to him, she took a step backwards. "Stop. Why were you at the group?"

The smirk fell instantly off Adrian's face. "Why were you?"

"I didn't…" Annabeth couldn't finish the sentence. She didn't know what she was going to say. Maybe something like _I didn't realize boys had eating disorders. _But just thinking that made her feel incredibly ignorant, and she kept her mouth shut.

Adrian raised an eyebrow. "You good?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Annabeth bit her lip nervously. "I'll see you at the next one, I guess."  
"I'm not going back."

"Why not?" Even though Annabeth didn't participate, she was happy she'd gone. It was nice to hear from other teenagers, even if she'd known some of them.

Adrian's gaze turned hard. "I don't have the problems they do. My parents are making me go."

"Oh."

He checked his watch. "I'm late for swim practice. Bye." And then he sped off.

Staring after Adrian Kouros' retreating form, Annabeth had a sudden thought: when Percy had first found out, was that how it had felt to talk to her? Annabeth didn't know Adrian Kouros. She didn't know the problems he had with food, or if they were any at all. But something told her that like Annabeth for a very long time, he desperately wanted to stop the words _eating disorder _from being applied to him.

* * *

Annabeth dreaded going into physics the next day. She hadn't realized it at the meeting, but the thought of seeing Hazel terrified her. Here was another person who knew what was going on with Annabeth, even though she barely understood it herself. But all Hazel did was offer her a small smile when she came in and took her seat.

Annabeth knew it was stupid to stress about Hazel telling other people. She was a good person, after all, and had absolutely no reason to spread that around. But that didn't stop Annabeth from calling Hazel's name out as the class ended and asking her for a minute to talk.

Hazel smiled at her, like she knew it was coming. "Yeah, of course. How are you doing?"

Staring at the younger girl, Annabeth realized something that felt very obvious. Hazel wasn't going to mention it unless Annabeth did. Feeling stupid for the thousandth time that week, Annabeth let out a breathy laugh. "Um, sorry. I was just going to ask you not to tell anyone about seeing me yesterday but I realized that was dumb."

Instead of getting angry or something similar, Hazel just smiled. "No, it's okay. I know what you mean."

"I'm sorry."  
"Seriously, don't be. At the beginning, I would've been horrified about another person from Goode finding out. But I know you won't tell. And I won't tell anyone, promise."

Relief coursing through her, Annabeth nodded. "Thanks."

"I don't know if you're interested at all in this, but I'm always happy to get coffee with you and talk about it. I know that's a lot of pressure, but I think I would've liked someone to do that with me when I first started recovery."

Surprising herself, Annabeth nodded. "I'd like that. Maybe not right now, but soon."  
"Soon," Hazel nodded. "I can give you my number, if you'd like."

"That'd be great," Annabeth said, opening her contacts and adding Hazel's name, before passing over her phone.

When Hazel gave it back, she said "Oh, you got an Instagram notification when I was typing in my number. Just so you know."

"Thanks," Annabeth said. She rarely checked Instagram and hadn't posted in months, so opening the app felt unusual. But she was even more surprised when she saw that Adrian Kouros had requested to follow her.

* * *

In the library, Annabeth was working through carrot sticks and hummus and mulling over Adrian's follow request. She'd let him follow her and requested his account back, which had over two thousand followers. The only pictures were him swimming shirtless, which explained the many comments and likes he got from other teenage girls.

"Annabeth?"

Annabeth nearly dropped the carrot stick.

_Percy_.

She swung her lunchbox shut and shoved it under the table, even though he definitely would have seen it by now. He quickly came into her field of vision, his sea-green eyes drinking her in, though his gaze stayed firmly on her face and didn't wander elsewhere.

Looking at him from afar just wasn't the same. Percy Jackson was meant to be admired up close. Having been apart from him for so long, Annabeth was once again struck with his disturbing similarity to classical Greek sculpture for a teenage boy. Her heartbeat racing, Annabeth's mind began bouncing in a million different directions. She wasn't ready for this conversation.

"Hey," she choked out. He had caught her mid-chew, and Annabeth began to hack as the carrot began to go down her windpipe instead of her esophagus.

"Oh, shit. Sorry for scaring you," Percy said quickly, and suddenly he was back to being the boy that Annabeth saw on the subway in the mornings. "Do you need me to do the Heimlich or something? Because I definitely don't know how to do that."

Coughing down the carrot, and hopefully her embarrassment along with it, Annabeth shook her head. "No, I'm good. I'm honored that you'd try and save me, though. Just went down the wrong tube."

Percy grinned. "Are you kidding me? You're my Wise Girl."

And just like that, they'd slipped into who they were before Percy finding the rules. Part of her anxiety and shame dissipating, Annabeth wanted to be surprised by how easy it had been to joke around with him, but she wasn't. It was her and Percy. Being with him had always been easy. Until it hadn't.

As if they both realized it at the same instant, Percy suddenly straightened up and wiped the smirk off his face. "I hope you don't mind. I asked Piper where you were because I need to tell you something, not because I'm going to, uh, try anything."

Annabeth nodded, almost disappointed. But that recognition of what they'd been? That hurt. "Yeah. Of course."

"So, the deadline to apply to be a counselor is coming up. I talked to Chiron and they'd love to have you there. There are available positions for the girls and I thought you'd like it," Percy said, very quickly. "I don't want to annoy you, I just thought you were interested and I wanted to make sure you knew before it was too late."

Annabeth nodded, hating how businesslike their conversation suddenly felt. "Oh. Yeah, thanks for telling me."

"Do you know if you're going to do it?"

Annabeth bit her lip and looked away from Percy for a moment. She hadn't wanted to. But for some reason, going to that group, talking to Joanna, and out of all things, seeing Adrian, had made her want to get out of the city. "Yeah. I think I am."

Percy's face lit up. "Really?"

Annabeth smiled back at him: a real smile, the first one she'd managed in weeks. "Yeah."

"Oh. Okay, cool. I'll, uh, see you then," Percy said, beginning to walk backwards. "I'll leave you alone."

"You're about to—"

_BANG._

By walking backwards and not looking where he was going, Percy had slammed into a bookcase and fallen onto the floor. Annabeth tried not to laugh, but it was impossible, especially when she saw him on the floor, looking a little confused as to how he'd ended up down there. "Ow!" he muttered. "Shit, that _hurt!"_

"Shhhh!" A librarian came around a corner and glared at Percy. "Language!"

"Oh. Yes, of course, sorry," Percy said, looking a little bashful but sending Annabeth a reproachful look as the librarian went off. "You didn't tell me! You let me walk into the shelf!"

Annabeth shook her head. "You're the one who tried to walk backwards to impress me."

Percy shook his head. "Oh, you think I did it to impress you? That's _funny."_

"Shhh!" The same librarian came back. "Be quiet, or leave!"

"Sorry," Annabeth and Percy muttered. Once again, having slipped so easily into joking with one another, the moment had been broken.

"I'll see you at camp," Percy said. "I'm really happy you're going."

Annabeth nodded. "Me too. Bye Percy."

"Bye Annabeth."

She watched him retreat, thankfully walking normally this time. Annabeth couldn't deny the small kernel of hope bubbling within her chest as she saw him walk away.

* * *

**If you need help, please contact the following:**

**National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237**

**(Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm, Friday 9am-5pm. All EST time)**

** where-do-i-start-0**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Hello! Once again, a lot to say in this author's note.

1\. Sorry for the long wait on this chapter. I really was not planning on it taking that long. An explanation: this was one of the harder things I've ever had to write. I won't go into it, but I think that the idea of "recovery" is an on-going process and I don't think anyone is ever really finished with that. Additionally, this is where my experience sort of diverges from Annabeth's, so doing research and thinking through the plot has taken up more time than writing the chapter.

2\. I kind of went crazy with all the songs I chose. I just couldn't decide and they all hit with different aspects of the chapter... Prom Queen by Beach Bunny is a great song but it can definitely be triggering so listen at your own risk. I love the song Telescope and recommend it for anyone. And finally, I Wanna Get Better really resonates with the end of the chapter.

Alright, that's all the time I have. Thanks for reading, leave a review or PM me if you wanna talk.

Much love,

Emily


End file.
